As if God Had Ever Made an Atlantic Wide Enough…
As we go through times of suffering and sorrow, we inevitably come into contact with those who would seek to comfort us. Some offer true help and true hope while others, unfortunately, do not. In this short but sweet quote, Theodore Cuyler reflects on what we need most in our times of affliction.
There are some of us who have known what it is to drink bitter draughts of affliction, and to have the four corners of our house smitten by a terrible sorrow. At such times, how hollow and worthless were many of the stereotyped prescriptions for comfort!
“Time must do its work,” was one of them. As if time could bring back the dead, or cruelly eradicate the beloved image from the memory!
“Travel,” is another of these quack recommendations for a wounded spirit. Just as if God had ever made an Atlantic wide enough to carry us out of the reach of heart-breaking misery!
Wretched comforters are they all. The suffering heart heeds not the voice of such charmers, charm they never so wisely.
Never, never have I been able to gain one ray of genuine consolation until I lifted my eyes unto the hills from whence cometh the Almighty help. As soon as I have begun to taste of God’s exceeding great and precious promises my strength has begun to revive. As soon as His everlasting arm got hold around me the burden grew lighter,—yea, it carried me and the load likewise. God opened to me paths of usefulness which were in the line of His service, and also of blessings to my fellow-men. And so help flowed down to me from the hills like the streams that make music from the precipices to one who climbs the Wenzern Alp.
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The Gospel and the Pain of Fatherlessness
Sometimes one person’s story can stand in for that of millions. Sometimes one person can explain a situation that affects not only themselves but also countless others. Those of us who were blessed to grow up with fathers who were present, active, and engaged may struggle to understand the particular sorrows and challenges that come to those whose fathers were detached, uninvolved, or perhaps entirely absent. Blair Linne’s Finding My Father: How the Gospel Heals the Pain of Fatherlessness tells her own story but, in its own way, tells the story of so many other people as well.
She begins in this way: “The section on my birth certificate reserved for my father’s name is blank. The inside of the narrow, barren horizontal box has neither been struck through nor erased. It simply lies willfully untouched. So my birth certificate, like many others, tells by omission the story of a mother and father who were never married. This piece of paper was seldom referred to. It almost didn’t exist at all, because I almost did not.”
Her mother was young when she had her first child and was young still when she became pregnant with her second. She determined she would pursue an abortion, but was dissuaded by a pastor and soon gave birth to Blair. And while Blair was much loved by her mother, she remained distant from her father—or the man she believed was her father. But that story is her’s and is best told in her own words.
The reason I read her book is that I know a number of people who have grown up without fathers and I am eager to know how to better love, serve, and support them. I know that to do that, I will need to better understand the particular struggles that are theirs. And I’m glad to say that Finding My Father has proven helpful.
Linne describes why, despite the insistence of our culture, a mother cannot be a father. “For understandable reasons, our culture tells us every day that women like her can [replace a dad]. This world pushes for a merging of parental roles. The media portrays men as inept, while women are warriors—especially Black women … Some women hint or shout out that they don’t need a man or a father. I know from experience that these things are usually said to cover the hurt: I will say I don’t need you before you show you don’t need me. But despite all that, the truth is that men are important and dads are needed. Mothers have a different calling than men. My mother was never created to take my dad’s place, any more than he could have taken hers.”
She explains why fatherlessness is so often a predictor of certain struggles and patterns of sin: “When I was younger, I thought that having my dad in our home would solve all of my problems. I thought that the presence of a father would fix everything that the absence of a father had broken. And I was right to sense that. Studies show that poverty, teen pregnancy, obesity, drug and alcohol use, criminal activity, infant mortality, and behavioral problems are all linked to fatherlessness. And this doesn’t even begin to get to the spiritual implications.”
She tells how she has come to understand fatherhood as heavenly before it is earthly, as a description of God before a description of any man. She explains how the church is able to step into the void left by absent fathers and provide some of what they have not or will not. “In church, fellow believers become our spiritual brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. Although we may not have had a dad, we can pray that God will send us a family in our church that will be willing to care for us and provide us with a father-figure who will be the masculine influence we need for our development. After all, in Christ, we actually have more in common with a father-figure who is a believer than we do with a biological father who is not. There are some things our fathers would have taught us had they been there. Since they were not, we’ve been left to figure these things out by ourselves. This is not God’s plan, since he has not left us alone. We have a church family to help us walk through life.”
In one chapter she hands the pen to her husband Shai who explains how he has been able to become the dad he himself never had. “Back when Blair and I first started talking, we were both struck by how similar our family backgrounds were. We were both adult converts who were raised in urban areas by single mothers. We both had fathers who were in and out of our lives. We both had a lot of brokenness and instability in our families. One of the things that excited us about coming together was the prospect of a fresh start. I’m a firm believer in the idea that just one godly married couple can have a lasting impact on many generations that follow them. As we looked in our family trees, we didn’t see that couple. We believed that the Lord was giving us an opportunity to be that couple.” And by God’s grace they are, indeed, becoming that very couple.
Finding My Father is a book that deals biblically and compassionately with a sorrow that is familiar to so many. It is no cold textbook on the matter, but rather a warm and compelling account of one daughter’s desire to know her dad and be known by him, to love and be loved. I expect that many who know that sorrow will blessed and encouraged by it; I expect that many who do not know that sorrow will be better equipped to serve those who do.Buy from Amazon
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Weekend A La Carte (February 4)
My gratitude goes to Boyce College for sponsoring the blog this week to tell you (and the young folk in your home) about their upcoming D3 Winter Conference.
Westminster Books has launched a new season of their interview series and they interviewed me on Seasons of Sorrow.
There are, indeed, some new Kindle deals today.
(Yesterday on the blog: Into the Light)
Do Affections Provide Assurance?
Erik Raymond: “Where do you look for assurance of salvation? Or, to put it another way, what causes you to question your assurance?”
Surviving the Winter of Suffering
Lara writes transparently here: “During a blizzard of suffering, I drew the blinds down in my heart. I pulled inward so I could survive. I eked out a small corner for myself and gave the bare minimum to the world. I didn’t know any other way forward. I met the needs of my family, I checked off the homekeeping list, and then I crawled back into the darkness.”
What was God doing before creation? (Video)
Michael Reeves answers here, though if you’ve read Delighting in the Trinity you already know the answer.
Be of Good Cheer, Your Seasons Are In God’s Hands
“More than ever before, I’m recognizing how the external, visible things we present to the world have their own hidden life cycles. When we see the perfectly executed cheer routine, the long-awaited novel hit the shelves, or the new business launched, that’s harvest day. It’s that moment we’ve dreamed of and longed for, but it’s only a fraction of the process. It took months of planting, watering, and tending to make harvest day possible.”
Productive Christians: Worth Imitating
“Last week in Romania a 2000 year old, fully intact, Roman road was discovered. It was well-built and intact. Many Roman era roads are still used today. This road was built in 106AD. For generations, Roman road engineering was passed down from one builder to another. Imitation provided longevity in the passing down of this skill.”
Why should I Forgive?
Guy Richard is beginning a series on forgiveness. The first entry is already helpful.
Flashback: The Only Tears In Heaven
What greater promise do we have than this, that in a moment God will comfort all sorrow, that his tender hand will wipe away not just some tears, but every tear?Our rejection of God left our world in chaos. Because God alone possesses infinite glory and goodness, our lives only work with him at the center. —J.D. Greear
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Weekend A La Carte (May 21)
May you know the Lord’s blessings as you serve and worship him this weekend.
There are a few new Kindle deals to look at today.
(Yesterday on the blog: Should We Abandon “Evangelical?”)
Consuming ideologies
“J.K. Rowling, one of the most successful authors of all time, posted an interesting Twitter thread on April 20. I’ll call it the Parable of the Greengrocer.” Janie B. Cheaney explains.
Essentially significant
All Christians have to consider what is a valid or invalid baptism. I appreciate Stephen Kneale’s thoughts on the matter here (from a Baptist perspective).
How Do I Not Provoke My Children?
John Piper considers some of the ways that parents may provoke their children (as per the warning in Colossians 3:21).
The Puzzle of India: Post-Christian Without Ever Being Christian
This is a really interesting look at some of the challenges and blessings of ministry in modern-day India.
The Storms That Flood the Fruit
Brittany reflects on gardens and sanctification. “Sometimes the fruit seems to come easily, naturally even, to the woman or man saved by Christ. But then there are times that require persistence and perseverance. We learn to strive for the good fruit that truly only God can bring. And we learn to trust his timing, to trust him in the storms he allows, and to wait patiently for the fruit he alone can grow in us.”
Why Must We Die?
If we believe in Jesus as our Savior, why do we have to die? It’s a good question…
Flashback: Run To Win! The Lifelong Pursuits of a Godly Man
Just as self-control is the key to victory in athletics, it is the key to victory in the Christian life.I think distractions in prayer are often because we have let ourselves wander too far from the things that matter most. And so we slip into an easily interrupted, easily distracted frame of mind. —Amy Carmichael