There’s little doubt that the modern world creates some unique challenges when it comes to navigating the space between singleness and marriage. There are a host of factors that exist across Western culture and a separate bundle of issues that exist within Christian culture. Put together they can create significant difficulties in successfully pairing up and transitioning from singleness to marriage.

This challenge is the topic of Paul Grimmond’s new book Water For My Camels. Though the title is clever (at least if you can catch the biblical reference) the subtitle is far more descriptive: Navigating the space between singleness and marriage when the Bible doesn’t talk about dating. And, indeed, while the Bible clearly commends marriage and expects it for the majority of people, it offers little guidance on getting there. While it describes a number of ways in which people moved from singleness to marriage in the past, these are only ever descriptive and never prescriptive. So what are we to do? We are to apply biblical wisdom. “What does it mean to apply biblical wisdom to the process of this thing our culture calls ‘dating’? That’s the big question that this book will seek to answer.”
Grimmond does this by taking three key steps. First, he turns to the Bible to establish a series of principles that are meant to guide and shape our understanding of dating. Second, he contrasts the Bible’s ancient and timeless approach with the current cultural moment and with contemporary attitudes to dating. Third, he seeks to apply the Bible’s commands to the reality of dating today. He also addresses a very long and thorough list of questions about the topic.
And overall I think he does this very well. He uses ‘dating’ as a kind of blanket term “to describe the process of making some kind of commitment to another person so that together you can work out whether marriage to one another is in your future”—a very reasonable definition. He helpfully establishes principles like the fact that we were made for marriage, yet marriage is not ultimate. He shows from Scripture how sex and marriage are always meant to go together and how Christian marriage must only ever be “in the Lord.” He lays out the cultural factors that make dating especially confusing and difficult. He gets practical with counsel about who should date, how they should date, and at what stage of life. He cuts a good middle ground between dating with marriage in mind and burdening a new relationship with talk of nuptials.
In quite a lengthy FAQ chapter he answers more than 50 questions of the kind young people are actually asking as they consider forming romantic relationships and moving toward marriage: How do I know if it’s God’s will for me to get married? If I’m same-sex attracted, is it okay to date someone of the opposite sex and get married? Do I need to disclose my past sexual history to someone I’m dating? How important are parental expectations and family culture when dating? When should I consider choosing to be single for the sake of the kingdom of God?
Water For My Camels is a brief book, but a very helpful one. Grimmond is currently the Dean of Students at Moore Theological College in Sydney, and prior to that he worked in ministry to university students. This long experience shows in his understanding of the kinds of questions people are asking and in his skillful answers to them. Those who are currently navigating the tricky space between singleness and marriage would do well to consider reading his book. I’m quite certain they’ll be glad they’ve done so.
(The best place to order may be directly from the publisher.)
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Quite a long time has passed since we witnessed the unexpected rise of a new kind of Calvinism. Few had anticipated that in the twenty-first century, so many millions of people spanning a host of nations and traditions would find themselves affirming such old and controversial doctrines. Yet many did so because they were wary and weary of the kind of big-box church-growth Evangelicalism that had been packaged and professionalized and very nearly franchised out.

Growth and Change

As a movement grows from infancy to maturity, it becomes necessary to ask some questions about it. Particularly, it becomes necessary to ask if it is possible that it over-corrected in response to some of the concerns that caused it to grow in the first place. It becomes necessary to ask where it may need to change before those over-corrections become too deeply entrenched to ever change.
The purpose of Andrew Heard’s book Growth and Change: The Danger and Necessity of a Passion for Church Growth is to get church leaders thinking about the connection between the two terms—between growth and change. “This book is designed to help you think about a very important and very emotional topic: change. And not just change in some generalized sense, but a kind of change that could have great significance in your life: change to our churches, our gospel ministries, and our Christian leadership.” It is change that would spur growth.
Why is such change so necessary? He explains in the introduction:

I am convinced that many of the ways we are running our churches and ministries, and many of the ways that we are exercising our leadership within our churches and ministries, has become a significant hindrance to the fundamental growth of the church, both numerically and spiritually. Or, again to put it positively, I’m convinced that with some significant changes to church life and to our leadership patterns and practices, we will see a greater penetration of the gospel into the lost community around us and so see many more people saved. I’m convinced that we can see more men, women and children come to faith in Christ and grown to maturity in Christ.

Big if true, as the young folk say. But also challenging because “we won’t change the things that need to be changed until the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of changing.” The author’s task, then, is to help us see and feel the pain of not changing to such a degree that we actually begin what could be a long and difficult process. The greatest part of that pain is the pain of knowing that the people around us are perishing and that it is our responsibility to reach them with the good news that could save them. “Unless we share God’s heart for the lost in such a way that it pains us greatly to see people perish without Christ, and unless that pain exceeds the pain that we know will accompany our efforts to make changes, we will almost always opt for the status quo. Of course, this is not the only factor that will determine whether we work to bring about change. But it’s a significant and inescapable part of the equation.”
I need to pause here to say that Heard is one of us. He’s not some church growth guru who is writing from a completely different theological perspective. He’s not one of those guys who wants to be able to start a new movement with his name attached to it or a consultant whose over-priced plan is to water down the gospel to make it more palatable to unbelievers. Not at all. He loves the gospel and would do nothing to tamper with it or adapt it to modern sensibilities. Yet he is also concerned that many churches—many of our churches—have too little concern for the growth of their churches and, therefore, for the salvation of the people in their communities. “If we develop a passion for church growth without being aware that this is one of the most dangerous passions a person can have, then the passion will destroy us and our work. What’s more, it’s one thing for the leaders of a church to be passionate about growth, but when that passion extends to the members of the church, the situation becomes even more dangerous.” In other words, he wants us to consider growth with a prudent awareness of the temptations it can bring and the many ways it can go wrong.
So the goal of his book is to create a passion for growth and a heart that is willing to bear the pain of change. It is to commit to being faithful, but also to assess whether we are being truly fruitful—to think deeply about both inputs and outputs, the things we do and the results we see in response. It is to convince Christians that it is honoring to God to consider and do those things that will spur growth, yet always in such a way that God’s Word reigns supreme over both means and ends.
Acknowledging that such talk makes some people nervous, it is perhaps worth noting here that no less than D.A. Carson provided the foreword and proclaimed it the best book in its field. “Andrew Heard,” he insists, “is a reliable guide to the biblical, theological, evangelistic and pastoral issues that will confront all Christian leaders who aim for growth, recognize the need for change, and hunger to work out of a rich and faithful biblical theology. Andrew is well known and well trusted in Australia, his homeland. Now we pray that his influence may multiply exponentially around the world.” And having read Growth and Change, I find myself echoing both the praise and the hope. I read this book with a deepening sense of conviction and with a deepening sense that I need to go back and read it again, and possibly again after that.

Masculinity has become complicated. At least, it has become difficult to be confident about what it means to be a man—to be a man as God has designed men to be. The culture has plenty to say about masculinity that is toxic, but far less to say about masculinity that is good and honoring. We hear more about women becoming men than men simply being men. And many wonder: What are men meant to be and what are men supposed to do?

Into the fray steps Brant Hansen with a wonderful new book titled The Men We Need: God’s Purpose for the Manly Man, the Avid Indoorsman, or Any Man Willing to Show Up. “This book is about a big vision for manhood,” he says. “We’ve lacked that vision, and all of us—men, women, and children—are hurting because of it. The vision is this: We men are at our best when we are ‘keepers of the garden.’ This means we are protectors and defenders and cultivators. We are at our best when we champion the weak and vulnerable. We are at our best when we use whatever strength we have to safeguard the innocent and provide a place for people to thrive. This is the job Adam was given: keeper of the garden.”
I need to say right away that this is not one of those books—those trite and cheesy books for men that focuses on a clichéd version of masculinity bound to a particular culture and a bygone century. Hansen isn’t advocating a form of masculinity that depends on swinging hammers, wrestling bears, or distributing swords. In fact, he says he’s not even capable of writing that book because “I don’t even hunt. I play the accordion. … I’m an avid indoorsman. I own puppets.”
The heart of masculinity, he says, is taking responsibility—responsibility for those things God has made men particularly responsible for. “God gave Adam the job of looking after the garden and the things within. He was to guard it, tend it, and help it flourish. He was responsible for it. I believe looking after our own ‘gardens’ remains our masculine purpose, and we all implicitly know it. Our culture is in chaos regarding what masculinity really is, so it’s dangerous to suggest there’s a distinct, wonderful thing called masculinity. … Masculinity is about taking responsibility.” Hence, true masculinity is not displayed in flexing muscles or fixing stuff or achieving sexual conquests. Rather, true masculinity is displayed in being humble, responsible, dedicated keepers of the gardens God has given us.
Once Hansen lays a foundation for masculinity, he leads readers through “Six Decisions that Will Set You Apart.” They are:

Forsake the fake and relish the real. His focus here is rejecting pornography and video games and other fake forms of virtuous longings. “The hurting world and our hurting communities need us to solve real-world problems, protect real-world people, and fight real-world injustice. Actually, let me rephrase that a bit. The hurting world and your hurting community need you to solve real-world problems, protect real-world people, and fight real-world injustice. Please don’t waste your God-given desire for adventure and accomplishment by being a fake hero fighting fake injustices in fake worlds.”
Protect the vulnerable. Here he says that “The people in your neighborhood, at your school, or at your workplace should be safer because you’re there. Even if they don’t know it.” This means men must be willing to protect others and must be steadfastly unwilling to become a threat to others.
Be ambitious about the right things. “You will struggle with feeling meaningless when you choose to invest your time and energy in meaningless things,” he says. Hence, we must use our God-given ambition to pursue causes that actually matter.
Make women and children feel safe, not threatened. Here he calls upon men to invest themselves in helping the people around them grow and thrive. “I’m trying to be this kind of man, a man who makes his wife feel secure and protected. I know my wife is every bit my equal. I know she’s highly intelligent and strong and creative and funny. I know she can survive with or without me. But it’s my goal to see her thrive and flourish. I believe in her so strongly, I’m excited about what she can yet become.”
Choose today who you will become tomorrow. Quite simply, who we will be tomorrow is a direct result of what we pay attention to today. For this reason we must take great care when it comes to those things that earn our attention.
Take responsibility for your own spiritual life. This final chapter is dedicated to forming a real, open, honest relationship with the Lord—a loyalty to the God who is so very loyal to us.

At a time when masculinity is viewed as a liability more than an asset, as something that is more likely to harm the world than help it, Brant Hansen describes and celebrates a form of masculinity that is good, pure, and true—a form of masculinity that will serve families, serve the church, and serve the world. He calls men to embrace it and display it in their lives. It turns out that in this time of confusion, The Men We Need is exactly the book we need.

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