Written by Thomas D. Hawkes |
Monday, May 16, 2022
Slander is a powerful evil. We should avoid slander, either speaking or hearing it. Our calling, far from slander, is rather to speak the truth in love. “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Eph. 4:15). To lead us away from slander we need only to follow Christ’s love and forgiveness for us, to let us love and forgive one another, with true tenderness.

Read Part 1 and Part 2
First, how should we respond when we are tempted to hear slander?

Check your heart. Remember that our desire to hear slander often arises from the desire to justify ourselves by seeing others as less than we are, therefore, we should be cautious when hearing any criticism of another.
Beware of “victims.” Recognize that playing the victim is a powerful tool that the slanderer may use to court our sympathy. A person may speak of how they have been hurt. We may sincerely want to be helpful, so we listen to what a slanderer describes as the pain the object of their slander has, in their mind, caused them. It is good to recall the warning. “The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him” (Prov. 18:17). Too often we are ready to assume a slander is true when the slanderer plays the victim.
Recall the biblical warnings against slander. “Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy” (Ps. 101:5). Instead of hearing slander, we should recall the prohibitions against slander and proceed with caution. Ask yourself: “Is this slander that I am hearing? Does it hurt the person’s reputation? Do I know or suspect it to be untrue?” Too often today under the guise of caring for others, we listen to slander when we should be sending the slanderer packing. We have absolutely no duty to hear slander. No duty to sympathize with slander. No duty to repeat slander.
Ask this single question. Indeed, we should develop a particularly Christian reflex when someone is bringing us a bad report. We should ask the question: “Have you spoken to them about your issues with them?” Wait for the reply and if the answer is no, or some self-justification happens, then caution the person against slandering others. Think of the pain and conflicts in churches that could be stopped if we all were unwilling to receive slander!

Second, how should we proceed when we are tempted to slander another?

Examine your own heart. Again, we do well to examine our own hearts. “Where does my bitterness spring from? Does my grudge against them truly arise from a biblical sin they have committed, or just something I do not prefer?” Continue the self-examination. “Is there unforgiveness in my heart? A grudge I want to settle? Is it true what I want to say? Is it helpful? Does it build up or tear down?” Reread the prohibitions against slander and take your heart to God repenting of the desire to tear another down. Perhaps you are bitter just because the person you want to slander is your better?
Remember the danger of being a slanderer. Let us remember the destructive power of slander to the slanderer. While slander may cost the target in the eyes of the world, we are warned that it will defile the soul of those who slander (Matt. 15:19–20). It is no sin to be slandered. It is a sin, destructive to our own lives, to slander.
Recall the evil of slandering others. Would you become an accuser of the brethren with Satan (Rev. 12:10)? Then slander. Would you commit murder (1 John 3:15)? Then slander. Would you curse the one whom God has blessed (Jam. 3:9)? Then slander.
Do not slander! Whatever the source of your desire to slander, do not proceed with your desire. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:31–32). Instead of your intended slander, be kind and forgiving. “Bless and do not curse” (Rom. 12:14).

Finally, how should we respond when we are slandered?

Expect to be slandered. If our Lord and Master Jesus Christ was slandered, then we who would walk in his ways should expect to be slandered as well. Those who lead God’s people are particularly subject to attack. Korah slandered Moses, falsely accusing him of pride (Num. 16:3). Absalom slandered his own father, David, slyly accusing him of being unjust (2 Sam. 15:4). Paul was constantly subject to slander, even from the very churches he founded: “Through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true” (2 Cor. 6:8). Every Christian can expect that they will be attacked (2 Tim. 3:12).
Endure slander, do not return it. We are tempted to fire back at those who slander us. “Oh, yeah, well you’re a….” But we look to Jesus both as our model and our strength. “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return” (1 Pet. 2:23). Rather than cursing those who curse us we are to bless them, as Paul had learned. “When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered, we entreat” (1 Cor. 4:12–13).
Rejoice knowing that the Lord will reward you for any abuse you suffer in this life. One of the highest levels of reward Jesus promised to his people was to those who were persecuted for obeying him. “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you” (Matt. 5:11–12). Being slandered is a form of persecution. Count yourself blessed to be persecuted, the day comes when Jesus will reward you for your pains.
Trust the Lord to eventually vindicate you. His vindication may not come quickly, it may take years, it may not come until heaven, but look to him to vindicate by his own might, rather than desperately trying to vindicate yourself. “For the LORD will vindicate his people and have compassion on his servants” (Ps. 135:14). While the Larger Catechism (Question 144) asserts our duty to preserve the “good name” of our neighbor and ourselves, our primary effort to preserve our name should be crying out to our Father. “Vindicate me, O LORD, my God, according to your righteousness, and let them not rejoice over me!” (Ps. 35:24). When sinned against we work to respond without sin, keeping our consciences clear, looking to the Lord for help. “Having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame” (1 Pet. 3:16).
Trust God to use the slander against you to bless you. God will use the slander to grow you and to lead you to the future he desires for you. While extremely painful, it does not actually harm your soul to be slandered. Indeed, God may well use it to form and humble us, convincing us to turn to him and depend on him more deeply. “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (Jam. 1:2–4). The trial of slander, intended to destroy you, will instead perfect you! The assault your persecutors launch upon you cannot prevent, but rather, will contribute to, God’s fulling his purposes in your life. “The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me” (Ps. 138:8). Their lies do not determine your future, God’s truth does. Their hatred does not control your destiny, God’s love does.

Remember Joseph who faithfully avoided the amorous advances of Potiphar’s wife, and was slandered by her into prison, for years. Yet precisely from there, the Lord fulfilled his purpose for Joseph’s life . . . perfectly. Joseph, looking back at all the evil done to him, realized this foundational truth: The evil done to us, will be used by God for us, to bless us. This he proclaimed to his brothers who had sold him into slavery many years earlier. “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” (Gen. 50:20).
Slander is a powerful evil. We should avoid slander, either speaking or hearing it. Our calling, far from slander, is rather to speak the truth in love. “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Eph. 4:15). To lead us away from slander we need only to follow Christ’s love and forgiveness for us, to let us love and forgive one another, with true tenderness. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:31-32).
Dr. Thomas D. Hawkes is a Minister in the Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church and serves a Director of Church Planting for the ARP Florida Presbytery, and as Lead Pastor of Christ ARP Mission in Fernandina Beach, Fla.
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Written by Thomas D. Hawkes |
Thursday, May 12, 2022
Slander seems to arise out of bitterness and anger. When we feel wronged, no matter how slight it may be, if we allow bitterness to take root, our sinful nature will tend toward slandering and malice, the desire to do the other person harm. Hence, we are cautioned to deal with slander at its root, our own bitterness toward another. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:31–32).

Read Part 1
The Bible Strongly Cautions Us Against Slander
Slander is addressed clearly in both the Old and New Testaments. God prohibits it by name in Leviticus. “You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD” (Lev. 19:16). Slander would be included in the prohibition of the ninth commandment as well, a particular kind of false witness against our neighbor. “And you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Deut. 5:20).
God hates slander so much that he warns us that he will destroy the slanderer. “Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy” (Ps. 101:5). Jeremiah denounces the slander common among the people of God. “Let everyone beware of his neighbor, and put no trust in any brother, for every brother is a deceiver, and every neighbor goes about as a slanderer” (Jer. 9:4).
In the New Testament, Jesus lists slander among those sins that defile the person who practices it. “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person” (Matt. 15:19–20). It is interesting to note that while our slander may injure the person we target, it has a worse impact on us, defiling us.
The wives of deacons are to be found free of slander. “Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers,” (1 Tim. 3:11). We are to resist the temptation to slander and put it away entirely from our practice. “So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander” (1 Pet. 2:1).
The sins of the tongue, like slander, are so heinous that we are warned about our misuse of our words. “No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so” (Jam. 3:8–10). Full of deadly poison. Is that not the story behind slander? We curse those whom God intends to bless.
Slander seems to arise out of bitterness and anger. When we feel wronged, no matter how slight it may be, if we allow bitterness to take root, our sinful nature will tend toward slandering and malice, the desire to do the other person harm. Hence, we are cautioned to deal with slander at its root, our own bitterness toward another. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:31–32). Slander is bitterness incarnated, the fruit of malice. Slander is the sign that forgiveness, kindness, and tenderheartedness are no longer controlling the person. Hence, God wants his children to have nothing to do with slander.
A Case Study of Slander: The Slander of Jesus
We can easily see the deadly power of slander when we realize that Jesus was slandered to death. Think about that. The only perfect man who ever lived was killed through slander! The religious leaders of Jesus’ day wanted him killed. They were threatened by his holy life, a life that made their lives seem flat, lifeless, and unrighteous by comparison. They were threatened by Jesus’ success with the crowds as they were drawn to his teaching, that left the Pharisees with fewer admirers. Most of all, they were threatened when he exposed their hypocrisy, for Pharisees depend on their external displays of uprightness to justify their lives. “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence,” (Matt. 23:25).
They needed some believable accusation against Jesus that they could use to destroy him. But imagine their real frustration. He never did, or said, anything wrong. How to get him convicted of a crime to justify their hatred, destroy his reputation, and remove him—permanently—from his ministry so they could be in control again? Slander. It was the single most perfect and economical solution.
During his ministry in Jerusalem the Sanhedrin intentionally sought false testimony against Jesus so they could justify ending his life.
Now the chief priests and the whole council were seeking false testimony against Jesus that they might put him to death, but they found none, though many false witnesses came forward. At last two came forward and said, “This man said, I am able to destroy the temple of God, and to rebuild it in three days.’” And the high priest stood up and said, “Have you no answer to make? What is it that these men testify against you?” (Matt. 26:59–62).
Note the cleverness of the slander. It takes something that is partially true and twists it, making an innocent statement from Jesus into something sinister, sinful. What had Jesus actually said?
“Jesus answered them, ‘Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.’ The Jews then said, ‘It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and will you raise it up in three days?’ But he was speaking about the temple of his body” (John 2:19–21).
See how they twisted the words of Jesus? Jesus never said, “I am able to destroy the temple,” but rather, “Destroy this temple.” He said in effect, “If you destroy this temple, I will rebuild it in three days.” Of course, he was speaking of an entirely different temple, his body, the temple of the Holy Spirit, which he did raise up in three days.
The powerful religious leaders of Jesus’ day used slander to falsely accuse Jesus and have him executed. They used a religious sounding rationale to conceal their bitter desire to murder him. Certainly, they would claim that they were protecting the people of God from a blasphemer. Their motives were “pure”!
Here we find an important axiom: slander is more powerful than an upright life. If Jesus, in all his perfection of uprightness of life can be slandered to death, then no one is immune from the destructive power of slander.
Beyond the obvious, that the Sanhedrin were threatened by the ministry Jesus, what moved them to such deep, irrational hatred for one so inoffensive? It became clear, even to Pontius Pilate, that the Jews hated Jesus from simple jealously. “So when they had gathered, Pilate said to them, ‘Whom do you want me to release for you: Barabbas, or Jesus who is called Christ?’ For he knew that it was out of envy that they had delivered him up” (Matt. 27:17–18). They despised him, not because they believed he was a worse man than they were, but because they envied him as a better man than themselves.
The Bible lays out this dynamic of the wicked hating those more righteous than themselves. “Bloodthirsty men hate one who is blameless and seek the life of the upright” (Prov. 29:10). The blameworthy hate the blameless, so much so that they want to kill the upright. Jesus decried the undeserved nature of the hatred that he received from those who slandered him to death. “But the word that is written in their Law must be fulfilled: ‘They hated me without a cause’” (John 15:25). There was nothing bad in Jesus that justified their hatred. It was the evil in their own hearts that gave rise to it.
David cried out, protesting the wrong done against him, when he had done no fault. His innocence did not stop his enemies from lying, slandering him, demanding he repay what he had not taken. “More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause; mighty are those who would destroy me, those who attack me with lies. What I did not steal must I now restore?” (Ps. 69:4).
Jealousy is the dynamic that leads wicked people to utterly despise those more upright than themselves. “One whose way is straight is an abomination to the wicked” (Prov. 29:27). This aptly explains the violence of the hatred that the Pharisees felt for Jesus.
In his book Moby Dick, Herman Melville writes of the natural jealousy that those in power have for their social inferiors, who are yet their moral superiors.
Now, as you well know, it is not seldom the case in this conventional world of ours—watery or otherwise; that when a person placed in command over his fellow-men finds one of them to be very significantly his superior in general pride of manhood, straightway against that man he conceives an unconquerable dislike and bitterness; and if he had a chance he will pull down and pulverize that subaltern’s tower, and make a little heap of dust of it.
This is a good description of the irrational hatred that the Pharisees had for Jesus, the root of their envy. Seeing a man better than themselves they developed “an unconquerable dislike and bitterness,” for him. They applied all their energy to make his life, or so they thought, “a little heap of dust.” Until, of course, the dust cleared, and Jesus stepped out from the ground very much alive. So, they attempted to cover their sin with another lie, a slander against the disciples and Christ: “Tell people, ‘His disciples came by night and stole him away while we were asleep’” (Matt. 28:13).
The Bible clearly leads us away from slander, encouraging us to see not only the evil of slander, but the evil in the heart of the slanderer.
Dr. Thomas D. Hawkes is a Minister in the Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church and serves a Director of Church Planting for the ARP Florida Presbytery, and as Lead Pastor of Christ ARP Mission in Fernandina Beach, Fla.
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Written by Thomas D. Hawkes |
Monday, May 9, 2022
Slander is so effective because we often want to believe the worst about others. Why is this so? People want to feel good about themselves by judging themselves right or righteous. “For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God’s righteousness” (Rom. 10:1) Rather than looking to Christ to make us righteous, we pursue self-righteousness. Self-righteousness is the basis of all human-made religion, and indeed, much of human activity that drives us into conflict.

The Definition And Use Of Slander
Slander is powerful, effective, and deadly. Slander, to be slander, must meet two simple criteria: it must be false, and it must damage the reputation of the person slandered. Miriam Webster defines it thus: “The utterance of false charges or misrepresentations which defame and damage another’s reputation.” One minor note: slander is spoken, and is generally distinguished from libel, which is the written form of slander.
Why is slander so often used? Simply because it is amazingly effective. In politics, slander often takes the form of a science, called negative campaigning, or more popularly, mudslinging. Rick Farmer, Ph.D., an assistant professor of political science at the University of Akron who has studied the impact of negative campaigning ads, says, “They’re very effective . . . people have a cynical view of politics and tend to believe the negative very quickly.” Research has shown that people remember longer and are more deeply swayed by negative statements.
Slander is as old as humanity, literally. Satan’s temptation of Adam and Eve included a slander against God. “But the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil’” (Gen. 3:4–5).
Satan slanders God by subtly suggesting that God’s motive in forbidding them to eat the fruit was actually self-protection, not protection of them. Satan impugns God’s motive for giving his good command. Satan’s accusation was a lie. God’s motive was not self-protection, but rather love for his creation, humanity, to protect them from sin and death.
Satan’s lie also harmed their view of God. This first lie meets both the criteria for slander.  And it worked. Adam and Eve stopped trusting God and trusted Satan instead, following his leadership to sin, death, and destruction. We see the result of the first slander all around us! Slander’s impact is unchanged today: sin, death, and destruction follow slander, naturally.
Slander is also as current as the cancel culture. At the very heart of the modern, social-media-enabled cancel culture is good old-fashioned slander. Why reason with an opponent when one can just obliterate him on a blog? Why bother to engage with another human being when one can entirely dehumanize them with lies on Twitter? Cancel culture has perfected and legitimized slander as the art form of the day. Invited by the attack of one person, soon a virtual mob assembles to finish off the hapless victim, much like a pack of wolves descending on its prey.
Why Slander Is So Effective
Why is slander so powerful? At least two things make slander so effective: the power God has given to the spoken word, and our sin nature which welcomes slander.
God has given great power to the spoken word. He spoke and all creation came into being. “By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible” (Heb. 11:3).
Jesus demonstrated the power of the word when he calmed the sea. “And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, ‘Peace! Be still!’ And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm” (Mark 4:39). He demonstrated the power of the word when he raised Lazarus from death. “‘Lazarus, come out.’ The man who had died came out” (John 11:43–44). Jesus was the Word incarnate. “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us” (John 1:14).
Created in God’s image, God has given astonishing power to our words. God has given us the power to speak and define reality by naming things. “And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name” (Gen. 2:19). God has given us the power to speak and with our words to bless or to curse. “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them” (Rom. 12:14). While we often discount the power of our words, God has given the spoken word great power.
Second, slander is so effective because we often want to believe the worst about others. Why is this so? People want to feel good about themselves by judging themselves right or righteous. “For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God’s righteousness” (Rom. 10:1) Rather than looking to Christ to make us righteous, we pursue self-righteousness. Self-righteousness is the basis of all human-made religion, and indeed, much of human activity that drives us into conflict.
Apart from faith in Christ, there are two ways we seek to judge ourselves righteous. We may pursue it positively, so to speak, by achieving, or appearing to achieve, through boasting. Or we may try to feel right about ourselves by tearing others down, through negative comparisons or outright slander.
Although we are not supposed to find our worth in this world by tearing others down, our fallen human nature, even the remains of it in believers, is eager to do so. “There have been men in the world that have sought to make themselves out of the ruins of other men. This did Judas, and some of the Pharisees” (John Bunyan, Seasonable Counsel or Advice to Sufferers, 23).
It is easy and efficient to build ourselves up by tearing others down. It is even easier to allow others to do it for us. Hence our proclivity to believe slander.
The slanderer does our work for us. All we must do in order to feel better about our rightness in the world is to simply accept the slanderer’s critical evaluation of their target. This has the added benefit of making us appear to be a caring and concerned listener, supporting the “victim” who has been “wronged” by the person being slandered. It is a win for the slanderer and a win for the person accepting the slander. And a loss only for the target of the slander. This is why we relish slander: it enhances our sense of self-righteousness.
Because of our desire to feel self-righteous and the power of the spoken word, slander works with deadly effectiveness. Consider the case of Naboth and Jezebel. In 1 Kings Chapter 21 King Ahab tries to buy the vineyard of Naboth. Naboth refuses to sell it because the land is his family’s inheritance.
King Ahab goes home sulking. His Queen, Jezebel, hearing his dilemma, proposes a simple solution. She wrote letters, in her husband’s name and with his seal, to the elders and leaders of the city where Naboth lived, Jezreel. “And she wrote in the letters, ‘Proclaim a fast, and set Naboth at the head of the people. And set two worthless men opposite him, and let them bring a charge against him, saying, ‘You have cursed God and the king.’ Then take him out and stone him to death’” (1 Kings 21:9–10). She tells a lie designed to destroy the reputation of Naboth, a slander.
The plan worked perfectly. For the simple effort of a little slander, Jezebel and Ahab destroy the reputation and life of Naboth and steal his inheritance. Jezebel and Ahab win without breaking a sweat. We see the power of slander at work!
Dr. Thomas D. Hawkes is a Minister in the Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church and serves a Director of Church Planting for the ARP Florida Presbytery, and as Lead Pastor of Christ ARP Mission in Fernandina Beach, Fla.
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Written by Thomas D. Hawkes |
Monday, October 25, 2021
We call them to believe about themselves that God has created them with gifts, abilities, and talents to use for his service, the service of others, and for their own joyful use. We help them to recognize these gifts and talents and call them to believe that God can use them to bless others, and to show forth his own glory. Jesus did this.

How does one mentor effectively? There are dozens of books on the subject with many different emphases. It can become confusing. So confusing that we are tempted to shy away from mentoring others. But mentoring does not have to be complicated. After decades of mentoring scores of leaders, reading many books, and failing and succeeding, I want to suggest a simple approach to mentoring: Call them to faith and to repentance.
To offer slightly more complete guidance: in a relationship of love and encouragement call them to faith and repentance.
To help others grow we should call them to faith, to believe things that might be hard or unclear to believe. What are some of the calls to faith that we issue regularly to our mentees? We call them to believe things about God, his Word, themselves, the church, and the world.
We call them to believe that God loves them with an everlasting love, every moment of everyday. “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love” (John 15:9). This is the framework within which all growth is made possible, the love of God for us changes us.
We call them to believe that God is sovereign and loving, in control of every hair that falls from their heads. In particular, we call them to believe this when life is difficult and filled with suffering and trials. “Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’” (Matt. 6:31).
We call them to trust God in good times and in bad. To depend upon him. To look to him. “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me” (John 14:1).
We call them to believe the Word. To know it is true, but more than that. We call them to embrace it as sufficient, that it really can guide them through uncharted waters. We call them to believe that they can trust God’s promises and should heed his warnings. We call them to depend on his Word to do for them what they cannot do themselves: to be a lamp to their feet and a light to their path. “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matt. 4:4).
We call them to believe about themselves that God has created them with gifts, abilities, and talents to use for his service, the service of others, and for their own joyful use. We help them to recognize these gifts and talents and call them to believe that God can use them to bless others, and to show forth his own glory. Jesus did this. “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do” (John 14:12).
For example, I was working with a younger pastor who was unsure of his spiritual gifts. I encouraged him to ask those close to him what spiritual gifts they saw prominent in his life. He asked and reported back to me that universally they had said hospitality. I affirmed that this was a dominant gift that I had seen. But he objected that the gift seemed more feminine. When I assured him that men and women were both gifted in hospitality, indeed, that elders are required to be hospitable (1 Tim. 3:2) he warmed up to the idea. He went on to develop that gift more fully as a cornerstone of his pastoral service in his various ministries.
We call them to believe that God has a purpose for their lives that is bigger than making it in this world. A purpose that he will fulfill in their lives. A calling to serve him as he has designed them and purposed them. They have a purpose that he will certainly fulfill. “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me” (Ps. 138:8).
Think of how Jesus persistently called the disciples to faith. “But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” (Matt. 6:30). “’Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?’ Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm” (Matt. 8:26). “O you of little faith, why are you discussing among yourselves the fact that you have no bread?” (Matt. 16:8). The faithful mentor, like Jesus, will call his mentees to greater and greater faith.
We also call those we mentor to repent. To repent of individual sins, sinful traits, and unbelief.
We call them to repent of individual sins. When they are in conflict, say with a spouse, we help them see, not where their spouse has offended them—they will see that clearly enough—but how they contributed to the conflict, calling them to repent. I recall helping one young husband see that the greater cause of the conflict in his marriage was his lack of love for his wife, which prompted the insecurity in her that he so resented.
We call them to repent of the deeper sin, the dark side, the sin beneath the sin. This is often the most difficult aspects of mentoring: helping the mentee see what they do not want to see, what they desperately have concealed even from themselves, the passions, fears, and idols that drive them. “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this that your passions are at war within you?” (James 4:1).
For example, as a mentee myself, when I was contemplating marrying my girlfriend, I asked my father for advice. He responded with a penetrating letter that laid bare the real reason behind my hesitancy. He pointed out that I hesitated because I was a perfectionist wondering, due to my youth and inexperience, if there might still be some more perfect woman out there I had yet to meet. While chiding me for that perfectionism, he also addressed it by assuring me, with his age and experience, that I could rest easy, I would not find a better wife anywhere. Forty-two years of marriage to the right woman later I am still thankful for his loving and penetrating call to repent of perfectionism.
We call those whom we mentor to repent of unbelief. They may have little faith in the love and forgiveness of God, or his ability to use them. We need to call them to repent first of the lack of faith in the promises of God. I find it helpful to ask those I mentor the simple question of self-examination during any issue or problem: What is it that you are failing to believe about God right now?
Think of how Jesus called his disciples to repent, confronting them with specific sins and sinful patterns. To the pushy Peter he said: “Get behind me, Satan! For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man” (Mark 8:33). To the disciples who doubted the report of his resurrection there came a rebuke. “Afterward he appeared to the eleven themselves as they were reclining at table, and he rebuked them for their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they had not believed those who saw him after he had risen” (Mark 16:14). When the disciples argued about who among them would be the greatest, Jesus did not let it go in silence but called them to repent with a rebuke. “And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, ‘If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all’” (Mark 9:35).
We call those we are mentoring to faith and repentance, all in an environment of love and encouragement. Those we mentor will not want to hear from us if they feel that our goal is simply to perfect them as pet projects. They, like us, want to be genuinely loved and cared for amid our relationships. They, and we, want respect, to be valued, to have fun together. Our relationship must be marked by a genuine love and concern for them. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34).
We should aim to be encouraging. Every encounter with us should be one that leaves them feeling built up, whether calling them to faith or repentance. “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thess. 5:11). Our goal is never to tear down but to lift them closer to the heart of God.
For example, I was correcting a young intern once, showing him what he had done wrong and why it was important to get it right. At the end of our time together when I asked how he was doing with the interaction he said with a tone of surprise: “Oddly, although I messed up, I feel really encouraged right now, thanks.” Think of the encouragement Peter would have felt when Jesus restored him after his falling away with those words, “Feed my sheep” (John 21:17).
Mentoring does not have to be complicated. It can be as simple as calling those we mentor to faith and to repentance, all in a relationship of love and encouragement. May I encourage you to try it? Your best years of mentoring others may still be ahead of you.
Dr. Tom Hawkes is a minister in the Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church who serves as the Director of Church Planting for the Florida Presbytery, and as church planting pastor for Christ Presbyterian Church, Fernandina Beach, Fla.