Written by Jerrold H. Lewis |
Tuesday, November 15, 2022
Being a person of character and marrying a person of character makes the hard work of life more bearable. Plus, these traits also point to a greater probability of marital success. That’s why marital happiness transcends economic strata, culture, and country.
A recent study conducted on a dating site (with 7 million users) reported that American women find 80% of men “below average” when looking for a husband. Unattractive was the word actually used, but below-average works too. Granted, this study was not conducted by the European Institute for Gender Equality. But 7 million users? That’s a deep pool. If this study is accurate, it means eight out of 10 men are not “husband material” in the eyes of single American women. This also means that 100% of women compete for 20% of the male desirables. Men who “pass the bar,” so to speak. Which, in turn, means that 20% of desirable men get the opportunity to advance with the very best of the ladies. But what about the losing majority on both sides? The 80%-ers. A terrifying statistic was released, which states that by 2030, nearly 50% of middle-aged women in the USA will be husbandless career women. That’s ok if the woman desires to remain single. Single life is as praiseworthy and rewarding as married. In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul said, “I wish you were all as I am,” single. We don’t speak enough about the praiseworthiness of singleness. We should. Excellent benefits and blessings for the kingdom of God and man have been accomplished by single people. So this data only poses a problem for those that want to marry. Similar numbers show that many men have given up on finding a wife, or are looking for one in other countries. Think Ukraine, Russia, the Philippines, Taiwan, etc. The statistics of mail-order brides in the USA are astounding.
Some of this seismic shift has everything to do with the predictable stupidity of many young men. They refuse to grow up. Never in the history of mankind has a generation of males been so enamored with staying a child. All previous generations would gladly stand in line, to take this generation out behind the woodshed. The amount of time a young man (even if married) spends in front of a screen pretending to be someone he’s not, is astounding. These men find it hard to manage typical adult responsibilities such as chores, paying bills, keeping a job, and maintaining healthy relationships with those around them. They are at their personal “best” when they have a headset on and are yelling and laughing with their buddies in a make-believe world where they project, by fantasy, everything they are not in real life (the hero, the winner). This phenomenon has been dubbed The Peter Pan Syndrome by psychologists. Young men who refuse to grow up. The low stock value of some young men has everything to do with poor life choices and refusing to turn themselves into their best version. Sensible, intelligent, spiritual women shake their heads. Understandably. And it’s causing women to give up on countless men, or at least begin to weed out the undesirable from the chosen few. The truth is, some very good women are opting out of “settling.” Hence, 80%.
Psychology Today says most young men are single and feel (romantically) lonelier than ever. A real possibility of forever-singleness has settled over many hearts like a fog. It is also why so many men are busy working for “gains” in the gym. They want to somehow break into the top 20% of desirables. Or stay there. If they only knew that modern women of substance want more. Sure, there is a well-deserved component to maintaining a healthy lifestyle and personal grooming. Still, boys’ preoccupation with their looks and physique has everything to do with a warped understanding of what makes a man a man, and what a woman wants. This also explains why many young women are so discouraged! These men are shallow. There’s no mystery, no complexity, no depth. Think about it…if 100% of women compete for 20% of desirable men, then 80% of women are left with the 80% undesirables. What’s the result going to be? They will choose singleness over settling. It’s a foregone conclusion. It’s a love-starved-trapped cycle with no end in sight. These women keep picking up frogs, hoping to get a prince. But they never “kiss” one (friend zone); they never try. And these aren’t frogs anyway; they’re tadpoles.
Young men can fix this. It’s not rocket science, but it is hard. Be better. Find your best expression, and work like a dog to attain it. And maintain it. This does not mean just a career, either. More profoundly, work on those things that will make you even more valuable to a godly woman:
- Spiritual depth and growth
- Personal character development
- Education (however formal or informal)
- Steadfast commitment
Take Paul’s words in 1 Cor. 13 to heart, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” Then do it. Young men are in desperate need of growing up. Even a generation ago, every man knew these things to be true. Whether he was a Christian or not. Today, it’s a forgotten art. I guess that’s our fault as fathers. Which could be another article. The point is, invest in your whole person.