My thanks goes to Mitch Maher for sponsoring the blog this week to tell you about Clarifying the Bible & Clarifying The Apostle Paul. Both are tremendous resources.

Today’s Kindle deals include Thomas Schreiner’s excellent title on the spiritual gifts as well as several other good books and commentaries. I also added a list of historical and general market titles that caught my eye.
(Yesterday on the blog: The Truth About Lies)
I’m Adopted
Malinda shares a sweet and vulnerable article on her adoption. “I still struggle with depressive cycles. At times, I still feel unwanted, unloved and discardable. At times, I’m triggered by events and people in my present that reinforce the trauma of my past. And yet, God is faithful. He continues to reveal places of hurt and anguish and there’s still weeping. But there’s also rejoicing. I’ve even come to the place of being able to rejoice in my earthly adoption—looking at it beyond “being lucky.” In the process of learning to see my earthly adoption as a gift, I’ve learned a few things.”
G. K. Beale on the Expected Universalization of the Old Testament Land Promises
TGC has a clarifying trio of articles here. “On the one-month anniversary of the war between Hamas and Israel, we asked three senior evangelical statesmen—G. K. Beale, Darrell Bock, and Gerald McDermott—to explain the depths of this biblical relationship between Israel and the land and to consider whether it continues to be relevant to the church in our time.” You can read the other entries here: Darrell Bock | Gerald McDermott
What Does John 10:10 Mean?
“Jesus’ mission statement in John 10:10 states, ‘I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.’ If your interpretation of ‘abundantly’ doesn’t go beyond fine dining, designer clothes, or a luxury car, then you are missing His point.” Tyler Kenney explains.
Peace Near the End of the Road
Andy writes very movingly about his wife’s final days. “Robyn’s disease has progressed significantly. She sleeps most of the day now. When she is awake she has very little energy. We have had to stop all visits as it’s been just too much for her. We don’t know how much longer she will be with us.”
Natural Landscape Photo Awards
There are some tremendously beautiful photos to admire in this list of competition winners.
Work Hard To Be Encouraged
“‘What’d you think of that sermon?’ An innocent question with zero ill intent, but one I’m trying to avoid.” It’s worth reading Jacob’s reasoning.
Flashback: Set Loose in a Mud Pit
When your heart is at peace, so too can be your hands, your feet, and your mouth. In times of difficulty, then, display in your outward demeanor the peace that rules within.

God sometimes drives a very straight nail with a very poor hammer. —De Witt Talmage

This week’s Free Stuff Friday is sponsored by Clarifying The Apostle Paul, who also sponsored the blog this week.

My name is Mitch Maher. I’m the husband of Tara, daddy to three girls, and pastor at Redeemer Community Church in Katy, TX. I’m also the creator of both Clarifying The Bible, which has been promoted on challies.com over the years, and Clarifying The Apostle Paul, which sponsored a post just this week.
I’m giving away three copies of Tim Keesee’s latest book A Days Journey: Stories of Hope and Death-Defying Joy.
I’m 50 years old, and these last six years have been the hardest of my life. The political turmoil, social upheaval, and Covid craziness took their toll on us all—our families, our churches, and our nations. On top of this I served our city through the devastation of Hurricane Harvey, endured some painful staff turnover and all that comes with that, buried my dear momma, and saw three planned sabbaticals “disappear” for this reason or that. That’s quite a bit—enough to leave the strongest among us frazzled.
But, I’m just getting started.

In December 2017 my sweet wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. This was quite a blow. But, after a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery in 2018 she is doing wonderful—cancer free!
Then, in May 2021 I was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. An endoscopy I hoped would reveal an esophageal stricture instead revealed a sizeable tumor. Another blow. Yet, after chemotherapy, radiation, major surgery (Ivor Lewis Esophagectomy), and a year of immunotherapy, I am doing great—cancer free and about 40 lbs. lighter!
Then early this year, in January 2023 our 14-year-old daughter was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. A lump. Surely just an inflamed lymph node. Nope. The hardest of blows. Still, after chemotherapy and radiation, she is doing amazing—it appears cancer free!

Harvey. Staffing. Death. Politics. Upheaval. Covid. CANCER. CANCER. CANCER. It has felt like an old Batman cartoon. Boom! Pow! Wham! Even so, it is well with my soul. God is good all the time; all the time, God is good.
In light of this, I’m giving away three copies of A Days Journey. As readers of challies.com, I’m sure you are familiar with Tim Keesee. His work sending Gospel workers to some of the hardest places in the world and his video series and delightful books (Dispatches from the Front and A Company of Heroes) which chronicle the ministry, suffering, and joy of our brothers and sisters across the globe, are worthy of your consideration.
But for the last several years Tim has been fighting an incurable cancer. In his sufferings he has demonstrated great faith, hope, and love, along with a steely resolve that aims to seize as many “Kingdom dreams” as possible before the Lord calls him home. And in this newest book he takes us along for some of the journey. I’ve said to others, “Most books teach us how to live. And A Day’s Journey surely does. But unlike so many others, this book also teaches us how to die. Unless the Lord returns, we must all cross that river. You need to read this book.”
I hope you win a copy!
To Enter
Giveaway Rules: You may enter one time. The winners will be notified by email. The giveaway closes on November 18th at noon.

We live in a world of lies, a world in which the truth is so often obscured behind deception and made opaque behind falsehood. Though God is a God of truth, the enemy is a liar who will say anything to lead people astray, a deceiver who will stop at nothing to turn people away from the Lord. Though nobody wants to be taken in by lies, so many fall prey.

Mack Stiles’ The Truth About Lies is a book about that very thing. It’s about the overarching lie that Jesus is irrelevant to the world today and to those who live within it—especially those who consider themselves far too developed and far too sophisticated for religion. And it’s about a number of other lies that exist within the big one. Written primarily for those who have heard of Jesus but not yet believed in him, it’s meant to be a brief, friendly tool for evangelism. It makes use of stories from the life of Jesus to persuade people to set aside lies in favor of the truth. “I am trying to change your mind,” Stiles begins.

Perhaps you knew that when you picked up this book. But I want to be completely transparent.
There’s a sea of subliminal messages out there, all created by artificial intelligence in back rooms of tech companies designed to keep you unaware of their persuasions. It’s the deal we make and, for the most part, we’re okay with it. It’s fine when it comes to clicking on a video or buying some shampoo, but it’s not how we should treat the big questions in life.
And I am trying to persuade you about something far more significant than soap. I want to persuade you that Jesus is who he said he was and that he has enormous relevance to your life.
That’s this book in a nutshell.
Jesus is relevant.

The first lie is, “I don’t matter to God.” He turns to the story of a woman who touched Jesus and was healed of her long illness to illustrate that Jesus cares. Though this woman could have been just another face in the crowd, Jesus loved her, cared for her, and gave her the attention she needed. She mattered to God.
In the second chapter, he looks at the lie that “being good is good enough.” This time he looks to Nicodemus to show that our problem with sin is too deep to be fixed by our attempts to be good and moral or to right our many wrongs. Rather, we need a solution that comes from outside ourselves, a grace that is given to us.
From here he looks at the lies that Jesus is merely an inspiration, that each of us needs to look out for number one, that we can all have our own truths, that death is the end, that everybody goes to heaven, and that it is impossible for us to change. In every case, he debunks the lie by showing how Jesus lived and explaining what Jesus taught. The book culminates, as you would expect, with a call to believe in Jesus and to turn to him in repentance and faith.
The Truth About Lies is written in just the right tone and comes in at just the right size to be effective in persuading skeptics to read it. It helpfully counters lies with truth and earnestly calls people to respond. It’s my hope and conviction that it will prove a useful resource for evangelism. I commend it to you for that purpose.
Buy from Amazon

May the Lord be with you and bless you today.

Today’s Kindle deals include Greg Koukl’s new book Street Smarts. There’s an extensive list of other deals as well.
The History of Study Bibles
I really enjoyed this look at the history of study Bibles—the good, the bad, and the really unfortunate.
Is There a Book in You?
Trevin Wax offers some guidance for people who are wondering if they’ve got a book in them.
A Lifelong Sentence Overturned By Faith: Only God Can Do That!
In one of America’s most notorious prisons, a young man sentenced to life without parole miraculously found faith, forgiveness, redemption, and restoration. In 27 Summers, Ronald Olivier shares his dramatic and powerful story and offers proof that God can bring healing and hope to even the darkest circumstances. Order 27 Summers today. (Sponsored Link)
Polymorphous perversity in the heartland
Al Mohler: “If you are looking for Ground Zero in the sexual revolution, you might not think of America’s heartland, but you should. You should think of Indiana University and The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. Founded more than 75 years ago as the Institute for Sex Research, it was from the start a primary platform for the sexual revolution and the twisted vision of its founder, Alfred Kinsey.”
Narrow
“I have experienced God’s chisel time and again in a year that has been stuffed with quiet heartaches; corrupt schemes that Satan intended for evil. These hardships are largely invisible to the world. Such burdens have proven perplexing and difficult to navigate due to their clandestine nature. Upon reflection, one thing is evident: I have far to go in learning to respond with joy.”
What is Hell Like?
David Kaywood: “I don’t particularly like writing or thinking about hell. It’s been said if you preach on hell, you should do so with a tear in your eye. The topic of hell must be treated with biblical fidelity but also with compassion for neighbor. Nevertheless, we regularly need biblical resources on hell since there are constant attacks to undermine it.”
Unburden Your Soul To God
I think you’ll appreciate this look at the purpose of prayer.
Flashback: 3 Parenting Myths We Are All Tempted To Believe
“Our job is to discharge faithfully the duties God has given to us, leaving the results in God’s hands. Our goal is not ‘successful’ parenting per se, but faithful parenting.” This is a sweet, liberating truth.

He who fears God has nothing else to fear. His soul shall dwell at ease. He shall lodge in the chamber of content. —Charles Spurgeon

Grace and peace to you today, my friends.

Reminder: Today is the final day you or anyone else can get 25% off a new or upgraded base package from Logos.
(Yesterday on the blog: Are You a “Yeah, But…” Christian?)
Why I No Longer Support the Death Penalty
When I read (and reviewed) Matthew Martens’ book on the criminal justice system, I was challenged by his explanation of why he no longer supports the death penalty as currently practiced in the United States. In this article he makes a clear and interesting argument for his position. Whether you agree or disagree with him, I think you’ll benefit from it.
Heaven is Coming
Jacob Crouch: “Life is short and heaven is coming. We have 70, or by reason of strength 80 years on this earth, and then we walk into eternity. The question I keep asking myself is, ‘Will I live my life in light of eternity, or will temporal things steal my focus?’”
When A Prisoner Becomes A Preacher: Sample A Free Chapter From ’27 Summers’
As a teenager Ronald Olivier ran wild in the streets of New Orleans, selling drugs, stealing cars, and finally killing someone on what was supposed to be the happiest day of the year–Christmas Day. Facing the consequences of his crime, he remembered what his mother once said. “Baby, if you ever have real trouble, the kind that I can’t get you out of, you can always call on Jesus.” So he did. Sample a free chapter today for a limited time at 27SummersBook.com. (Sponsored Link)
He Didn’t Have To Promise
“Our bodies are the work of his hands. Our hearts beat with his gift of life. Our lungs fill with his air. Our minds are aware with his gift of consciousness. Our strength and abilities come from him. Even the abilities we work hard to develop ourselves come from him, because what are we developing except his gifts, using the strength and life he gave us?”
What does it mean that Jesus “emptied” Himself?
What does it mean that Jesus “emptied” himself? And does this intersect with his statement that he didn’t know the day or hour of his return? Dr. Josh Malone of RTS answers in this brief, clarifying video.
How Was Circumcision a Sign of the Covenant?
“Misunderstandings about circumcision should come as no surprise to us. After all, even many in old covenant Israel failed to rightly understand the nature of the covenant sign of circumcision. Instead of trusting in the Christ to whom it pointed, they trusted in it as a badge of ethnic superiority. Instead of seeing it as the divinely appointed gospel sign of God’s covenant, they viewed it as a fleshly mark of merit. Several factors contribute to this ongoing misunderstanding of the nature of circumcision as a covenant sign in our day.”
How to Respond to False Accusations
This article explains how Christians can respond to false accusations.
Flashback: Let’s Hear It For the Failures
It is through failures that we so often learn our finitude, through our failures that we so often gain humility, through our failures that we so often put off many vices and put on many graces.

There cannot be a heaven without Christ. He is the sum total of bliss, the fountain from which heaven flows, the element of which heaven is composed. —Charles Spurgeon

I have long observed a fascinating but concerning tendency when I read one of the Bible’s clear commands. I have observed it in myself and I have observed it in others. It’s the tendency to turn quickly from what the Bible does command to what it does not, from the plainest sense of one of God’s directions to a list of exceptions or exclusions. It’s the tendency to hear what God says and immediately reply, “Yeah, but…”

“If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also,” Jesus says. Yeah, but you don’t really mean that in any sense but the metaphorical, right? Surely I shouldn’t actually allow myself to be harmed without mounting a strong defense. Surely I shouldn’t actually suffer unjustly without some kind of recourse or retaliation?
“Love your enemies.” Yeah, but they are your enemies too and they are doing harm to your people and your church. I’m sure you don’t mean for me to actually love them. What if I just pray for them and leave it at that? Isn’t righteous anger and imprecatory prayer a better response in this case?
“Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.” Yeah, but I know that beggar is going to use the money to buy booze and I’m pretty sure that borrower is going to fritter it away on something ridiculous. Surely wisdom should trump generosity in this circumstance, shouldn’t it?
“Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good.” Yeah, but I’m sure you don’t mean for me to be subject to this ruler, this governor, this institution. Don’t you see how he stole the election? Don’t you see how he hates and defies you? I’m certain you don’t expect me to submit to someone who is so radically unsubmitted to you.
“Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed…” Yeah, but don’t you see what they are going to do with that tax revenue? Don’t you see how high our taxes have gotten? And don’t you think I can do better things with that money than fund their projects and programs?
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on.” Yeah, but look at my income, look at my bank account, look at my credit card balance, and look at the cost of living. I’m sure you don’t mean I should be free from anxiety even in circumstances like these, right?
“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Yeah, but I’m sure you don’t mean everything. There must be some limits on that kind of submission. I mean, you should see my husband and you should see how radically disqualified he is to offer any legitimate spiritual leadership. How could I submit to him in anything, much less everything?
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Yeah, but there must be times when I don’t need to obey them, right? Can we talk about those? I want to discuss the circumstances in which obedience gives way to honor. I want to consider the times it is right and good for me to disobey my parents.
For these commands and so many others, my tendency—and perhaps your tendency as well—is to quickly turn the focus from what it says to what it does not say, from the plainest application to the many exceptions. And especially the exceptions that keep me from having to do what makes me uncomfortable.
That’s not to say, of course, that these are all blanket commands. There are times when it would be unwise to give to those who beg or to give a loan to those who ask. There are limits on a citizen’s obedience to government, a wife’s submission to her husband, a child’s compliance to his parents. I don’t know too many people who have actually gouged out an eye or cut off a hand in the battle against lust (though I know some who probably wished they did before they destroyed their life and testimony). Faithful interpretation of the Bible requires thinking seriously about limitations on any of God’s commands and faithful living sometimes requires doing the opposite of some of the clearest commands.
My concern, though, is how often I use the exceptions to delay or withhold obedience. Rather than doing my utmost to fully obey even very difficult commands, I turn quickly to the exclusions. I become an expert on what God does not mean rather than a demonstration of what he does. I live safely and comfortably rather than radically. And, I fear, I end up living in self-satisfied rebellion rather than free and joyful obedience.

The God of love and peace be with you today.

There is a very substantial list of Kindle deals to explore today.
Westminster Books has a sale this week on a four-volume set of the works of Bavinck.
Am I _____ Enough?
This article addresses the kind of question we all have at one time or another: Am I [fill in the blank] enough?
Repeating the Mistakes of the Past
Alan Shlemon explains how, counter to what we keep hearing, it is the pro-gay advocates who are repeating the mistakes of the past.
A Lifelong Sentence Overturned By Faith: Only God Can Do That!
In one of America’s most notorious prisons, a young man sentenced to life without parole miraculously found faith, forgiveness, redemption, and restoration. In 27 Summers, Ronald Olivier shares his dramatic and powerful story and offers proof that God can bring healing and hope to even the darkest circumstances. Order 27 Summers today. (Sponsored Link)
A More Spontaneous and Genuine Evangelism
“It was not Jesus’ intent to say that the individual Christian must change locations in order to evangelize. But it is most certainly the whole church’s responsibility to see to it that we make disciples where we are, now.” Jim Elliff believes we’ve made evangelism too difficult and confusing.
Debunking Myths About Mentoring
Cindy Matson: “Have you been asked to be a mentor? Have you wondered if you should reach out to that younger believer, but you’re just not sure if you’re qualified to be a mentor? Are you looking for a mentor and wondering how old the person should be? Questions swirl around the topic of mentoring, so let’s take a few minutes today to debunk a few common myths.”
The Religion That Reads (but Doesn’t Respect) the Bible
Sam Emadi explains how Mormonism reads (yet doesn’t respect) the Bible.
The Impact of Social Media on Youth (PDF)
RYM has put together a poster/infographic that shares a summary of the 2023 US Surgeon Report on the impact of social media on youth mental health.
Flashback: The More We Drink, The More We Thirst
We will eat, we will drink, we will feast, and our hearts will be at perfect peace. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

Lord, give to me a quiet heart that does not ask to understand but confident steps forward in the darkness guided by Thy hand. —Elisabeth Elliot

I wanted to let you know that the deal Logos offered after my recent webinar (25% off new or upgraded base packages) has been extended until November 16. Also, they’ve just released their third batch of Weekly Cyber Deals.

You’ll also find some new Kindle deals today if that’s your thing.
(Yesterday on the blog: One Unexpected Key To a Joyful Marriage)
What Does Romans 8:28 Mean?
Romans 8:28 is an especially important and comforting text. It’s important, though, to know what it does and does not mean.
The Gospel According to Envy: How Jealousy Corrupts Ministry
“Envy exists because inequality exists. We live in a world made by a glorious Father who has sprinkled his glory all over creation and imbued human souls with a special portion of this glory. Because of sin, the people he has made are cracked mirrors, walking around in T-shirts and jeans, but we are still made in his image and so possess trace amounts of his glory.”
When A Prisoner Becomes A Preacher: Sample A Free Chapter From ’27 Summers’
As a teenager Ronald Olivier ran wild in the streets of New Orleans, selling drugs, stealing cars, and finally killing someone on what was supposed to be the happiest day of the year–Christmas Day. Facing the consequences of his crime, he remembered what his mother once said. “Baby, if you ever have real trouble, the kind that I can’t get you out of, you can always call on Jesus.” So he did. Sample a free chapter today for a limited time at 27SummersBook.com. (Sponsored Link)
A World Without Babies
This article is not written by or for Christians, but still applies to us. It questions why so many nations are seeing their birthrates plummet and considers what the world may look like unless the trend reverses itself.
How to Prepare a Sermon: From Complexity to Clarity
“Many new preachers put in so much hard work to interpret the text that they are tempted to shortchange the sermon writing stage, leaving their sermons unclear and unfocused. Determining what to say and determining how to say it aren’t the same thing.2 Therefore, once you have put in the hard work to determine what is the main idea of the text, then you must continue the hard work of determining how to say the main idea in a clear and focused manner.”
Footsteps Left
Andrea found herself thinking about footsteps—those left by others and the ones she herself will leave behind.
The Body of Jesus Was Eaten by Dogs?
“When you encounter unbelievers, often you’ll find with a bit of digging that they really have no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to Christianity and the Bible. They read a novel like the Da Vinci Code and suddenly they believe themselves to be experts in the Bible and “the true history” of Christianity. They watch a few YouTube videos from viral skeptics and they’re specialists in everything wrong with the Christian faith.”
Flashback: Does Nick Send Me Signs?
I understand the impulse to look for a sign and I understand the comfort that can come when we believe we have received one…It is natural, then, to hope for some kind of information, to seek some kind of a sign, to know that they are okay.

The difference between believing that God is gracious and tasting that God is gracious is as different as having a rational belief that honey is sweet and having the actual sense of its sweetness. —Jonathan Edwards

This week the blog is sponsored by Clarifying the Bible and Clarifying The Apostle Paul, and is written by Mitch Maher.

Praise God with me! In December 2017 my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. After a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery in 2018 she is doing wonderful—cancer free! In May 2021 I was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. After chemotherapy, radiation, major surgery (Ivor Lewis Esophagectomy), and a year of immunotherapy, I am doing wonderful—cancer free and about 40 lbs. lighter! Earlier this year, in January 2023 our 14-year-old daughter was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. After chemotherapy and radiation, she is doing wonderful—it appears cancer free! Six years, three cancers. It’s been the hardest six years of my life. But, God is good all the time; all the time, God is good.
Now, on to the Apostle Paul.
Other than Jesus Christ, the Apostle Paul is the most important figure in the New Testament. A force whose enraged persecution of the church, radical salvation in Jesus Christ, and faith-filled missionary journeys dominate the book of Acts, and whose 13 letters seemingly dominate the rest of the New Testament, the Apostle Paul cannot be ignored by those who follow Jesus.
But, making sense of his life, ministry, and letters can be quite difficult for many Bible readers. Years ago I created Clarifying The Bible to help disciples of Jesus understand the basic storyline and structure of the entire Bible. Now I’ve created Clarifying The Apostle Paul with the hopes of doing the same with Paul’s life, ministry, and letters.
This two-hour video presentation begins with Paul’s early life and ministry—his birth in Tarsus, training in Jerusalem, persecution of the church, conversion on the road to Damascus, early evangelistic efforts, ministry in Antioch, a significant meeting in Jerusalem, and more. It then moves to follow Paul’s footsteps on his famous missionary journeys and multiple imprisonments, taking him from Antioch to Asia Minor, around the Aegean Sea, all the way to Rome, and possibly even to Spain. Along the way I set each of the apostle’s 13 magnificent letters into their historical context. The presentation finishes with Paul’s death, and closes with a final charge.
Watch this 8-minute clip about Paul’s final imprisonment and his final letter.

I do my best to present the material in an inspiring and captivating fashion. And in the end, I hope to deliver on my promise to help people see the Apostle Paul with more clarity than ever before. You’ll engage the Scriptures with confidence, and feel much better equipped to help others dive into the Scriptures for themselves.

Purchase the DISCIPLE’S BUNDLE of Clarifying The Apostle Paul for $29. This includes access to watch the Teaching Video, a set of PDF Notes, the Teaching Manuscript, and the PowerPoint Slides. These four tools are all you need to equip yourself and teach others what you’ve learned.
Never experienced Clarifying The Bible? You can purchase the DISCIPLES BUNDLE for $35. This bundle includes access to watch the Teaching Video, a copy of the workbook, the Teaching Manuscript, the PowerPoint Slides, and the Small Group Curriculum. It’s all you need to strengthen your understanding of the Bible and teach others also.
Clarifying The Bible is now in Spanish, both the video and workbook. Tell all your Spanish speaking friends about Aclarando La Biblia.

Many blessings to you and yours this Thanksgiving and Christmas Season!

You probably keep score. I’m sure you don’t mean to. You may not even be conscious of it. But there’s a pretty good chance that you do it. You keep score in your marriage.

You keep score when you tally up the things you do for your spouse and when you tally up the things your spouse fails to do for you. You rarely keep a running total of your own failures or your spouse’s successes. Rather, you maintain records in such a way that you come out ahead. You probably keep the score in your marriage. And I’m sure it makes you unhappy.
Why does it make you unhappy? Because comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison is the thief of joy because it causes you to focus on yourself. Comparison leads inward, to what you desire, to what you long for, to what you are certain you deserve. Yet the path to joy leads outward rather than inward. It leads toward others rather than toward self. There is more joy in loving than in being loved, more satisfaction in doing good to others than in having good done to you. The path to joy in marriage does not lead from your spouse but to your spouse.
Thus, one of the keys to a joyful marriage is to simply stop keeping score—to stop tallying up the good things you’ve done for your husband or wife and the good things he or she has neglected to do for you. Keep no ledger of wrongs and keep no ledger of rights.
That’s a good place to begin, but there’s more to it. Any time you address a sin, weakness, or failure in your life you need to not only put that vice to death but also bring to life the opposite virtue. What is the opposite of this kind of score-keeping? It’s to love freely and lavishly. It’s to love without keeping score, to love even when you feel unloved, to love even when you give much and seem to receive little. It’s to love in such a way that the only hint of competitiveness in your heart is when you ask, “Am I outdoing my spouse in showing honor?”
Of course, there may be times to consider together whether one person is doing all of the household chores while the other is doing none, whether one person is spending a lot of time with the children while the other person is spending little, whether one person is doing all the sexual initiation while the other is consistently being passive, whether one person is wondering if he or she is loved at all. There are times to sit and talk deliberately about desires, wants, concerns, disappointments, and all the rest.
But there is never a time to stop lavishing mercy, grace, and love upon the person God has given you as a husband or wife. There is never a time to withdraw or become resigned, to decide you will only love to the degree you are being loved. There is never a time to stop serving the one God has specially called you to serve.
To that end, why don’t you make it your habit to ask your husband or wife questions like these: How can I serve you today? How can I make your day better? How can I make your evening easier? In what ways can I be a blessing to you today? Is there anything I can get you? Is there anything I can do for you? How can I let you know today that I love you?
And perhaps even better, commit to consistently doing the things you know will serve your spouse, that will make your wife’s day better, that will make your husband’s evening easier. Serve, serve, and serve some more. Act in love even when you don’t feel loved, act with grace even if you don’t feel particularly gracious. Sow extravagant love to the love of your life, and reap the reward of joy. For the path to joy in marriage leads away from you and runs straight to your spouse.