It is no great feat to convince another person of a lie. Because other people cannot see our inner selves, they are easily deceived. But as we pray to God, we pray to one who knows our innermost thoughts, our innermost desires, our innermost longings. We pray to one who knows us far better than we know ourselves.

God weighs the heart (Proverbs 21:2), he knows the heart (1 Samuel 16:7), he searches the heart Jeremiah 17:10), he observes the secrets of the heart (Psalm 44:21), and he even discerns the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). Nothing is hidden from his sight. Rather, “all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account” Hebrews 4:13).

That being the case, we ought to pray with honesty. We ought to put aside any thoughts of deceiving God or being less than honest with God. There is no benefit to mouthing words that do not reflect our hearts. But there is great benefit in honestly telling God our every struggle, our every temptation, our every desire, and asking him to extend to us his grace and his mercy.

So when you pray, pray with honesty. God knows it all anyway!

Good morning! My gratitude goes to the D3 Youth Conference for sponsoring the blog this week. D3 believes in challenging students with the truth of the Bible, encouraging them to ask questions, and equipping them with resources and community to live out those truths. Be sure to consider their upcoming conference and camps!

There are lots of new Kindle deals today since it’s the beginning of a new month.

(Yesterday on the blog: The Futility of Motherhood)

Jake Meador offers some thoughts on the new rise of the right-wing exvangelical. “If left exvangelicals sought to keep Jesus but dispense with the church, right exvangelicals are following a similar trajectory, but from the other side of the political spectrum. This causes the right exvangelical to end up mirroring the left exvangelical, as it were: Start with right-wing politics circa 2025 and then come to Christianity after you’ve already committed to the political vision of the American right.”

“Although we often like to equate God’s goodness with protection from storms coming into our lives, God shows us that his goodness is actually the provision to strengthen and grow us up in him to withstand the storms of life and make us into God-glorifying oaks of righteousness.”

Katie Hulse: “Such a vast amount of coincidences required to permit life exceeds the bounds of credibility. Instead, it speaks of design. The evidence we have suggests that advanced physical life doesn’t exist elsewhere in the universe—unless, of course, it’s the result of purposeful design.”

This article from David Mathis is for young men who aspire to preach but doubt their own abilities. It should offer a challenge and some confidence.

I’m glad to see this celebration of the associate pastor. “Those of us who serve as associate pastors occupy a unique and strategically vital position in church leadership—one that requires strength and humility, wisdom and submission. The art of being ‘second’ isn’t merely about accepting a subordinate role; it’s about embracing a divine calling that, when executed well, multiplies the effectiveness of our churches’ leadership teams.”

Yes, Christians do care a lot about submission to authority, don’t they? Jonathan Leeman explains why this is such an important issue.

In their research, they listened to countless stories of deconstruction, read the books and Twitter threads, watched a host of TikTok videos, and even met with some of its foremost proponents. They made certain that they understood the issue before they addressed it.

Men’s ideas of the wrath to come may be judged of by the earnestness with which they exhort others to fly from it.
—J.C. Ryle

This week’s free stuff comes from the March 27–28 D3 Conference. These giveaway items–like the conference–are designed to lead high school students to grow their faith in Christ and strengthen their confidence in the truthfulness of scripture. 

Parents and leaders of teens are always on the lookout for discipleship material. Today, you are invited to enter the Boyce College/D3 Giveaway to win those resources for free! 

Whether you are a youth pastor, student leader, or the parent of teens, Boyce College and the D3 Youth Conference are giving away resources to help you.

Here are a few of the items someone will win by entering the D3 Youth Conference Promotion:

Student Discipleship Bundle

The Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent

Track: A Student’s Guide to Social Media by Jason Thacker

The Hole in Our Holiness by Kevin DeYoung

Everyday Gospel by Paul David Tripp

Boyce Sweatshirt

Parent/Leader Bundle

What Do I Say When…? by Walker & Walker

Following Jesus in a Digital Age by Jason Thacker

Reading the Psalms as Scripture by Hamilton & Damico

Pastor Well by Hershael York

Pilgrim Prayers by Tim Challies

Boyce Quarter Zip 

Click the link below to enter the Boyce College/D3 Youth Promotion

*Winners will be drawn randomly and notified via email mid-February

d3youth.com/challies-giveaway

Life is made up of so much that gives the appearance of being futile. There are so many tasks and responsibilities that we intellectually know to be important but emotionally feel to be fruitless. And if everyone struggles with this to varying degrees, I have it on good authority that mothers are prone to struggle with it to a greater degree than most.

Mothering Against Futility

Simona Gorton is familiar with the challenges of motherhood and the struggle to find significance in it. This is the subject of her book Mothering Against Futility: Balancing Meaning and Mundanity in the Fear of the Lord. As she cared for her family and grappled with the mundane nature of so many of her tasks, she began to dig into the book of Ecclesiastes. She found that it spoke to so many of her challenges as a mother.

How could the multitude of inconsequential dishes and diapers and dinners that crowded my days feel so trivial but also hold so much real meaning as the building blocks of a life to which God had called me? How could my days as a mother, made up of “nothings” like going to the library and wiping small popsicle faces be the instruments of God’s eternal plan through generations? Ecclesiastes had an answer to this tension, and I started to meditate on the truths of this book as they applied to the days and to-do lists I was learning to submit to the Lord.

Her book is not a commentary on Ecclesiastes but rather a series of meditations on some of Ecclesiastes’ big themes applied specifically to the calling of a mother. “Ecclesiastes has something to say to us mothers,” she insists.

As we face the “vanity” of menial work every day, we have the privilege of learning to not only see through it to greater realities but to see the tasks themselves as accomplishing something of lasting value in us and in those around us. In the calling of motherhood, God transforms our sight and opens our eyes to the gospel dichotomies of weakness as strength, smallness as glory, inefficiency as faithfulness. Our lives and actions as mothers, surrendered to Him like loaves and fishes, can become stunning showpieces of gospel hope, glimpses of eternal hilarity and joy.

Gorton doesn’t write as someone who has found all the answers and solved every question. Rather, she writes as someone who is learning and growing even as she carries out her responsibilities as a wife and mother. Through ten chapters she reflects on ten different passages from Ecclesiastes and brings their truths to bear very pointedly and specifically on the joys and challenges of motherhood. She writes in the tone of a friend and sister rather than an authority or expert. She offers hope, help, and instruction in those ways mothers tend to struggle the most. She shows that the mundanity of motherhood is exactly where God gives mothers the opportunity to serve others and bring glory to his name.

Her prayer, she says, is that “you, my friend, might glean something of value as you read this little book and become increasingly equipped for the responsibilities of your days and the training of young warriors for the King. May our Jesus ever get all the glory for Himself.” May he, indeed. And may Mothering Against Futility equip many mothers to not just endure the challenges of motherhood, but to enjoy and embrace them as God’s good and perfect will for their lives.

Westminster Books has a couple of specials this week that may be of interest. The first is a new book on apologetics while the second is an edition of the Bible that has been specially formatted to be helpful to dyslexics.

Today’s Kindle deals include Jackie Hill Perry’s Upon Waking (1800 ratings on Amazon with a 4.9-star average!), David Mathis’ Humbled, and quite a few others. It’s a good day to give the list a look!

(Yesterday on the blog: New and Notable Christian Books)

I haven’t seen Dune: Part Two, but was still fascinated by this article. “The character of Chani in Dennis Villenueve’s Dune: Part Two is a perfect example of the modern archetype of women as men’s conscience. But her story also parallels the likely failure of any culture-wide attempt to tame men through women’s moral influence.”

Dave Harvey describes three lies that separate spouses. “It happens every day. A husband refuses to forgive his wife, because she just can’t see all the sins he ascribes to her. A wife won’t reconcile with her husband until he fully endorses her view of reality. A marriage teeters on the brink of ruin because one spouse has marked the other’s motives as irredeemable.”

Kevin DeYoung: “Whenever a high-profile case of disqualifying sin comes to light, it is easy to wonder how such a catastrophic fall was even possible. The incredulity is especially pronounced in cases of sexual sin. We think to ourselves, or say to our friends, ‘What was he thinking? How could he have been so foolish? Didn’t he know that he would get caught? Why would you sacrifice so much for so little?’”

I suppose this one flows somewhat naturally from the last. Clint Archer asks “Can a disqualified pastor be restored? Not to channel Bill Clinton, but it depends on what the meaning of ‘restored’ is.”

Whatever else is true of President Trump’s first week in office, he has certainly made his presence known through executive actions. For those who haven’t paid close attention, Joe Carter looks at five positive ones along with a couple that are more concerning.

“A new era of technological change is upon us. It threatens to supplant the human person and make the family functionally and biologically unnecessary. But this anti-human outcome is not inevitable. Conservatives must welcome dynamic innovation, but they should oppose the deployment of technologies that undermine human goods. We must enact policies that elevate the family to a primary constituency of technological advancement. Our aim should be a newly re-functionalized household for the twenty-first century.”

Many of my best memories are of events that happened one time or perhaps a few times. But my favorite of all is an event that happened day after day and year after year. 

[Jesus] knew exactly, precisely, completely who you are and gave his life for you. Not the Instagrammable you; the real you.
—Adam Ramsey

As you know, I like to do my best to sort through the new Christian books that are released each month to see what stands out as being not only new, but also particularly notable. I received quite a number of books in January and narrowed the list down to the ones below. I have included the editorial description for each. I hope there’s something here that catches your eye!

Mothering Against Futility: Balancing Meaning and Mundanity in the Fear of the Lord by Simona Gorton. “Simona Gorton calls women to embrace the God–glorifying tension between the seemingly meaningless work and the weighty responsibility of motherhood. We know the gospel impacts the repetitive, mundane work so inherent in homemaking and mothering, but how does that knowledge work itself out in the fabric of late nights and spilled oatmeal? As mothers, we live in the tension between the seemingly meaningless ‘everyday’ of our callings and the magnificent realities of the gospel and what God promises to do through us as mothers as we raise up the next generation to His glory. This book was written to showcase how God uniquely uses the ‘vanity’ inherent in the work of motherhood to display the beauties of the gospel in and through us as we fix our eyes on its truth.” (Buy it at Amazon)

Joyful Outsiders: Six Ways to Live Like Jesus in a Disorienting Culture by Patrick Miller & Keith Simon. “You probably feel more like an outsider in our culture today than you did ten years ago. If that’s the case, you’re not alone. The question is, what kind of outsider will you become? Will you become a combative outsider and rage against your enemies? Will you become a conformist outsider and mirror the world around you? Will you become a conflict-averse outsider and avoid confrontation at all costs? Jesus has so much for you. He’s called you to be a joyful outsider like him. He was crucified as an outcast outside the city. Now he welcomes you to join him; to die to yourself and discover that sacrificial love has the power to change the world. In Joyful Outsiders, pastors Patrick Miller and Keith Simon will train you how to be a joyful outsider by laying out six ways to navigate a confusing culture at home, at work, and beyond. They draw on the examples of biblical characters to introduce six types of joyful outsiders: the artist, the protestor, the builder, the advisor, the ambassador, and the trainer.” (Buy it at Amazon)

Meet Me in the Bible series by Colleen Searcy. “Meet Me in the Bible” is a series of 8-week Bible studies by Colleen Searcy. The series is launching with 2 volumes now and 2 more becoming available in May. The initial volumes cover Colossians & Philemon and The Story of Abraham. Every volume in the series offers: a simple 5-step framework for studying any book of the Bible, individually or in a group; a bookmark, ample space for note-taking, discussion questions, and helpful appendixes for further study; an inductive approach to studying Scripture; a unique combination of Scripture Journal and Bible Reading Guide; and spiral-bound pages that lie flat to make reading and writing more comfortable. (Buy them at Amazon)

How to Teach Kids Theology: Deep Truths for Growing Faith by Sam Luce & Hunter Williams. “What comes to mind when you think about teaching theological truths to children? Glazed eyes? Over-their-head discussions? Theology doesn’t have to be ‘too deep for kids.’ For kids to stand firm in a culture that suppresses the truth of Christianity, we need to give them a grand view of God that overwhelms their hearts and fills them with wonder. A child’s faith is only as strong as the God they believe in. For their faith to be great, they need to learn about their great God. In each chapter, the authors diagnose problems that hinder leaders from teaching kids theology, explain principles to combat these problems, and suggest practices for applying these principles to your ministry.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)

Every Believer Confident: Apologetics for the Ordinary Christian by Mark Farnham. “Do you want to defend your faith but aren’t sure where to begin? Mark Farnham’s accessible guidebook simplifies apologetics and empowers Christians to effectively present the gospel in all its glory and rationality. This new edition includes practice case studies, chapter review questions, and a new chapter on engaging in gospel conversations over the long term.” Fred Zaspel says of it: “Marvelously clear, practical, and emboldening. Excellent guidance for anyone who seeks to be more faithful and effective in gospel advance.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)

The Unvarnished Jesus: The Beauty of Christ and His Ugly Rivals by Samuel G. Parkison. “Samuel G. Parkison makes a startling claim: Jesus is the most beautiful man to ever exist. His defence is theoretical and experiential: he knows him to be ultimate beauty and he has experienced him to be so. Deconstructing cultural notions that beauty is subjective or sentimental, Parkison constructs an impressive picture of God’s breathtaking beauty. On this firm foundation, the only building to rise is one that testifies to Jesus, the God–man, as the most beautiful man that ever lived.” (Buy it at Amazon)

The Psalms: Rejoice, the Lord Is King, Volume 2, Psalms 42 to 106 by James A. Johnston (Preaching the Word Commentary). This is now the second volume of a 3-volume set covering all 150 psalms. “The Psalms is one of the most widely loved books of the Bible. A source of instruction for our prayers, inspiration for our songs, and consolation for our tears, these biblical poems resound with the whole spectrum of human emotion and teach us to hope in God each and every day. In the second volume of a 3-part commentary on the Psalms, pastor James Johnston walks readers through chapters 42–106, offering exegetical and pastoral insights along the way. Edited by R. Kent Hughes, the Preaching the Word expository series is an essential resource for anyone interested in studying, teaching, or preaching the Bible.” (Buy it at Amazon)

The Complete Gathered Gold: A Treasury of Quotations for Christians by John Blanchard. “Throughout his more than sixty years of ministry, John Blanchard, author of Ultimate Questions and Does God Believe in Atheists?, learned from hundreds of Christian men and women. The Complete Gathered Gold collects more than fifteen thousand of his favorite quotations on over six hundred subjects. Christians can find nuggets of wisdom on every topic, from ‘adoption’ to ‘zeal.’ The Complete Gathered Gold is sure to be a treasure trove for preachers, teachers, and everyday believers whenever they want to read a gem of truth.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)

Happy Lies: How a Movement You (Probably) Never Heard Of Shaped Our Self-Obsessed World by Melissa Dougherty. “Have you ever wondered how we ended up in a world where personal feelings could become the authority for reality? Or why so many of us are on a relentless pursuit for happiness yet somehow feel more exhausted and sadder than ever? You’re not alone. Melissa deftly traces the roots of today’s social chaos back to a little-known (but very influential) 1800s philosophy known as New Thought. A former follower of its teachings, Melissa provides clarity and compassion mixed with a dash of loving snark as she exposes New Thought’s deceptions and its many concerning tendrils within the church and our ‘self-help’ culture. You’ll be shocked, grieved, and encouraged as you learn: How you can experience true freedom, hope, and peace instead of the world’s counterfeits; How an anti-God ideology so easily hijacked Christian-sounding ideas; Why thinking positively is entirely different from the unbiblical and burdensome ‘positive thought’ movement; How understanding the New Thought mindset can help us share our faith more effectively; and much more.” (Buy it at Amazon)

The Appearing of God Our Savior: A Theology of 1 and 2 Timothy and Titus by Claire Smith. “The letters of 1 and 2 Timothy and Titus were written by Paul to trusted coworkers toward the end of his apostolic ministry. As Paul’s delegates, they were to teach and defend the truth, model godly living, and ensure that godly church leadership was in place. But these letters are more than just a how-to guide for ministry. In this volume of the New Testament Theology series, Claire Smith explores the central themes and theology of each letter, which consistently focus on God’s eternal plan in Christ to save a people for himself. Emphasizing that we live between the two appearings of Christ Jesus in history, Smith encourages readers to live in this present time as God’s household (1 Timothy), how to endure suffering as believers (2 Timothy), and how to live in an unbelieving world (Titus).” (Buy it at Amazon)

The Quiet Time Kickstart: Six Weeks to a Healthy Bible Habit by Rachel Jones. “Kickstart your quiet time and discover the joy of spending time with God in his word. Beginning with short, simple 5-minute devotions that are easy to make time for, this little guide will kickstart a daily Bible-reading routine. It’s ideal for anyone new to reading the Bible or anyone struggling to spend regular time in God’s word. The devotions gradually increase in length over the course of six weeks and offer focused guidance on understanding the Bible. So by the time you finish, you’ll have the skills and confidence you need to read and enjoy Scripture for yourself—and make your quiet time a habit for life.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)

Our Daily Food: Or Portions for the Lord’s Household by James Smith. “James Smith was a prolific writer, and his daily readings and devotionals in particular were highly esteemed and hugely popular. ‘My object,’ said our author, ‘is to lead the mind from self–to Jesus; from sin—to salvation; from the troubles of life—to the comforts of the gospel. My aim is to humble the sinner—and exalt the Saviour; to strip the creature—and place the crown on the head of God’s free grace! I cannot ascribe too much to Jesus—or too little to man!’ Some daily devotionals are longer, and demand a fair amount of time. Some are briefer, and take a few moments to read over. These golden nuggets of truth will take only a moment to consider, but will give you matter for a day’s consideration and comfort.” (Buy it at Amazon)

Our Great Redeemer: 365 Days with J. C. Ryle by Bryan Schrank (editor). This one actually released at the end of 2024 but I missed it until now. You couldn’t go wrong spending a year with Ryle! “J. C. Ryle knew that there was only one way to prepare for Christ’s return: to know Him as Our Great Redeemer. This compilation of 365 powerful readings from Ryle’s preaching and writing is rich with the grace, truth, and conviction that defined Jesus’s ministry. Spend this year meditating on the glory of Christ with one of the great evangelical leaders of the nineteenth century in this new devotional.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

Today’s Kindle deals include the first volume in several of the Green Ember series—books your kids will love. We’ve also got Josh Moody’s book on holiness, Stacy Reaoch’s book for women, and others along with them.

“If we aren’t careful, we can allow the small injustices to make us spiritually blind. It’s like staring at the sun. If we focus on the small injustices, that’s all we’ll be able to see, and then pretty soon, we won’t see anything at all. We’ll live in the darkness of woe-is-me, and we will be completely incapable of thinking of others, being grateful, seeing God’s goodness in all that comes our way.”

Is it necessary for a healthy Christian to join a church as a member? Here’s the case for answering in the affirmative.

Sarah Eekhoff Zylstra did some digging to help young people make friends at college (or anywhere else). Why? Because “as I’ve talked with youth leaders and campus pastors, some tell me that Gen Z struggles so much with social interactions that older generations almost need to reverse engineer their friendships, figure out what makes them work, and teach that to young people.”

On a somewhat related note, here are some questions that can be useful for deepening fellowship. (If you want to go deeper still, David Powlison’s “X-Ray Questions” are bound to help.)

“After four years of gender-bending madness in the White House, and in every other seat of government in the Western world, this was breathtaking. It’s not the end of course: a truly sane society would outlaw gender transition for adults, and embrace the obvious truth that ‘trans’ people are either mentally ill, sexually perverted, or both. But, considering the past several years, this is quite a start.”

This is a valid consideration: “As you watch theological interactions online, and even in some churches, have you ever wondered how many strong assertions come from prayerless theologians?”

God’s love for his people is so great that he will continue to tolerate all of this sin and rebellion, all of this hatred toward him, until the last of his chosen and beloved children has been born, has heard the gospel, and has been saved.

Grace must raise the temptation to think we can sin as we please; if it does not, we have not understood the true extent of grace.
—Derek Thomas

When I was young, my family owned a cottage on a lake. From a young age, I loved to head out in our little motorboat so I could explore that lake and the others that were connected to it. I could easily make a day out of slipping into little inlets to see where they led or mooring on tiny islands to see what I could find. I was never more free than when I was all by myself, zipping around Indian Lake in a little aluminum boat.

As I explored new areas, I knew to look out for buoys. Sometimes these were big and serious ones installed by whatever government department is responsible for such matters. More often, though, they were simple plastic bleach bottles or rubber balls that had been informally anchored to the lake floor. And while I didn’t know who had placed each of those buoys, I knew what they represented: Danger. Each one marked a spot where at one time a boat had struck a shoal that was hidden just under the surface of the water or a tree jutting upward and now able to pierce a hull. Each one represented a lesson someone else had learned that I did not wish to learn myself. I was terrified of the thought of hitting one of these obstructions so always gave the buoys a wide berth.

I often think we should treat our past sins like buoys, markers that we throw down to keep us from striking the same rock twice—or committing the same sin twice. As soon as we identify a sin in our lives and repent of it, we should make it like a buoy that reminds us of the danger lurking in that sordid corner of our hearts or within reach of our evil desires. It is a poor sailor who strikes the same shoal twice and a foolish Christian who repeats a transgression. Throw out a buoy to remind yourself of your sin and warn yourself away!

It is a poor sailor who strikes the same shoal twice and a foolish Christian who repeats a transgression. Share

And even as we treat our own sins like buoys, it is wise to do the same with the sins of other people. A cottager does not need to mark all the shoals in a lake because others have already done it for us. And in that way, we do well to learn from other people’s sins as well. When we see a leader sink his ministry through moral transgression, we should learn the lesson—drop a buoy so we do not hit that shoal. When we see a fellow church member bring sorrow to his life and harm to his family, we should learn that lesson as well—drop a buoy so we do not ram into that reef and begin to founder. There are markers around most obstacles if only we will look for them, heed them, and steer wide around them.

We know the old saying that those who do not learn history are destined to repeat it. In much the same way, those who do not learn from their own sins, and those of others, are destined to repeat them—to blunder into them again and again and suffer the consequences. It is better by far to heed all those buoys that can steer us away from the obstacles that would otherwise pierce our hearts and make shipwreck of our faith.

May the Lord be with you and bless you on this fine day.

Today’s Kindle deals include a book for women in ministry of various kinds, one for counselors, and one for all of us (since it deals with humility). Peace Over Perfection is a solid pick as well.

(Yesterday on the blog: Happy Lies: A Review of Melissa Dougherty’s New Book)

There isn’t much in life that is just about you, so it shouldn’t be a shock that your phone habits affect other people. Still, it’s good to consider it. “We think our phone habits are personal, but when millions of people prioritize their screens over the world around them, the consequences ripple outward. When you divide your attention between your phone and the real world multiple times a day, you reshape not only your expectations but also the social fabric around you.”

This is a really sweet article from Brianna Lambert. “God is far more than any one description. We just tend to see more of his beauty down the avenues we love—the ones we know. My years spent writing has tuned my ear to catch the way the Lord demonstrates his own writing chops—how his poetry and beauty spill out of his world. In turn, my husband, who spends time problem solving, building, and dealing with the particulars of spreadsheets and numbers, notices the way the Lord orders every minute detail to perfect harmony.”

“We have three daughters and one son now. As so many parents can tell you, much of my advice for my children about relating to the opposite sex begins with ‘Don’t do what I did.’ But in advising my daughters and other single gals on how to relate to single men, four major principles come to mind.”

Cindy Matson explains why you (often) shouldn’t just give up on a hard relationship.

“You don’t have to be around churches very long–particularly if there are any children around–before somebody insists it is a bit boring.” So what do you do when church is a little bit boring?

Theologian Kim Riddelbarger has had a long fascination with JFK’s assassination. He writes about that, conspiracy theories, and the “Deep State” in this interesting article.

There are few things I pray for with greater frequency or intensity than the salvation of my children. I long for them to be saved, and long to be able to be able to call them not only my son and daughters, but my brother and sisters.

We can’t do battle with evil without letting God destroy the evil in us as well.
—Paul E. Miller

It is the conversation every father of daughters anticipates having at one time or another—the conversation with the young man who has expressed interest in securing her hand in marriage and who now seeks dad’s permission. Apart from those few men who have been blessed with many daughters, most of us have just one or two opportunities and, therefore, relatively little experience with this conversation.

Before it was my time to have it, I sought the counsel of friends to consider questions I ought to ask and matters I ought to discuss. And I thought I would share what I learned in case it proves helpful to others as well. Of course not every question will be relevant to every couple, but at least some of them are likely to be. So here are several questions a father may want to consider asking the man who seeks the hand of his daughter.

Questions to Ask

Why do you want to marry my daughter and nobody else?

What makes you think you are ready to be a husband?

Would your parents, pastor, and mentors agree that you are ready to marry?

What have you identified as some of my daughter’s sins and weaknesses? Are you ready to deal with those? How do you expect to help her with them?

As best as you’re able, map out what you foresee for the next five to ten years. What do you expect to do for work? Where do you expect to live?

Briefly, can you tell me how marriage is a picture of the gospel and how the husband is meant to serve as a kind of image of Christ within it?

What is your financial situation and do you believe it is sufficient to support a family?

How do you think my daughter will fit in within your direct and extended family?

What church do you plan to attend and how do you think she will do within it?

Have you begun to read and pray together? How has she responded to your initial spiritual leadership?

What is your plan to keep my daughter involved with her family, especially if you choose to live at a distance?

What is your plan for pre-marriage counseling and who will lead it?

Do you have fun together? And have you found that you are also able to have serious discussions with one another?

What is your plan to stay pure until your wedding day? How will you protect her and respect our family name in that time?

In many situations, it may be most suitable for the father to take a day or two to consider his response and, with his wife, to prayerfully consider it. That said, the answer is sometimes so obvious that there will be no need to wait before granting a blessing (or, conversely, not granting a blessing).

(Do you have questions to add? Feel free to look up this post on Facebook and add your suggestions.)

Requests to Make

Here are some potential requests a father may wish to make of the young man as part of granting permission.

You will set and maintain strict physical boundaries and initiate a conversation with me, your own father, or your pastor if you transgress them. You will initiate this conversation rather than expecting me to prompt you.

You will acknowledge that you do not yet have spiritual authority over my daughter, yet will still begin to take some spiritual leadership if you’re not already doing so, dedicating some time to reading Scripture and praying together.

You will continue to grow in godliness as together we look forward to the day when you will marry my daughter.