Some time ago I read an advice column that responded to a woman who had become disillusioned with her husband and enamored with someone else. And as I read it I thought to myself, “I’m pretty sure that’s exactly how Satan would counsel if he was asked.” That got me thinking about how Satan might function as a marriage counselor and also how he might function as a parenting expert. To that end…

If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would insist that children are primarily a lifestyle choice, a kind of accessory to life some people may choose and others may reject according to their own desires. He would insist that there is no intrinsic good in having children and that God doesn’t much care whether married couples choose to have them or not. He would want them to shrug off as quaint or antiquated the passages in Scripture that say things like “children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (Psalm 127:3) or the Creation Mandate that says, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28). “It doesn’t matter what God wants,” he would say. “What matters is what you want.”
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want people who have children to feel superior to those who want to but cannot. He would want those who are unable to have children to feel that God must somehow be opposed to them or be punishing them and want them to believe that they are missing out on something essential to the good and God-honoring life. He would want such people to feel miserable while others held them as objects of pity or divine disfavor.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want people to regard children as mostly a bother, as a choice that tends to hamper happiness as much as it enhances or amplifies it. He would want parents to think more of the financial cost, the cost to a free and affluent lifestyle, or the cost to vocational progress. He would want couples to dread children even more than they desire them.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want parents who don’t regard children as a bother to regard them as the whole point and purpose of life, to treat them like little gods. He would want parents to form their entire identity around their children and to be held idolatrously captive to them.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would be sure to tell his readers that the world’s population is a problem, and that the earth is suffering because of the number of human beings who inhabit it. Therefore, humanity ought to do its best to suppress the birthrate, and to have smaller families rather than larger ones. He would want people to hesitate to have children at all and to feel a sense of guilt and remorse should they choose to have them. “The most responsible people choose not to procreate,” he would say. “You need to think about this faltering planet.”
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want parents to believe that there is no great benefit to raising children in the context of a family, much less a traditional family made up of one man married to one woman, covenantally bound together for life. He would insist that children can be equally conceived and birthed in any number of ways, to any combination of people, for any given reason.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want parents to think that a genetic link between parents and their children is so important that they should not even consider adopting children. He would want them to regard biological children as intrinsically superior to adopted children. He would love to hear people express that adoption is too dangerous, too uncertain, and too disruptive to even consider.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want parents to believe that their children’s defiance is simple, sinless, and inconsequential. He would want parents to tacitly believe that children are born in a state of innocence rather than sinfulness and that parents should express no great concern when their children defy them, rebel against them, and act out against them. After all, “kids will be kids.”
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want parents to believe it is best to refrain from disciplining their children. Though the Bible may say “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart,” (Proverbs 29:17) Satan would insist that children have no need of consistent discipline. To the contrary, he would insist that consistent discipline will hurt them, harm them, or possibly even destroy them. He would insist that any discipline, and especially physical discipline, is tantamount to abuse.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want you to believe that if you do choose to discipline your children, it is best to flex some muscle and lay a good beating on them. He would want you to think that they respond best to the fear of your fury. He would want you to set aside self-control in your discipline and to hit them hard, to hit them frequently, and to hit them without mercy. He would not want you to consider the contradiction that you shouldn’t discipline them, but when you do, you should discipline them abusively.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want you to raise them in strict accordance with law rather than gospel, with strict rules rather than free grace. He would want parents to physically discipline them, then abandon them in their pain and misery, wondering how they can once again earn their parents’ favor. He would never want the consequences of their sin to lead to a discussion of the gift of God’s forgiving grace through Christ.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want people to believe that it is the task of children to teach their parents more than it is the task of parents to teach their children. He has ably presented in a host of modern shows and movies that children, by virtue of their youthful innocence and their greater ability to understand the modern world, have wisdom their parents lack. Parents, after all, are jaded by their many years and their antiquated experiences. They should humbly listen to their children and be taught by them rather than the opposite.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want parents to know that they should prioritize their children ahead of their marriage. He would want parents to prefer their children to one another, to orient their lives around their children instead of around their marriage. Ideally, he would pit a husband against his wife and a wife against her husband in the raising of the children and in all their activities.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want parents to believe that children must be kept constantly busy, and that they thrive best when they are enrolled in every extracurricular course and play on every team. He would want all of this activity to dominate the family’s time and attention. He would insist it’s best if the family reaches the end of the week and collapses with exhaustion because of all they have done.
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want parents to prioritize participation in sports and activities ahead of participation in the local church. The church should take second or third place in their list of priorities. “There is time for that later in life; at this stage it is best to immerse them in activities and experiences. And if you’re worn out and need a day of rest, rest at home on Sunday.”
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want people to believe children are sexual creatures who need to have their sexuality awoken at a very early age. They should see many things, have many experiences, and consider many options and alternatives. He would love and laud a term like “gender assigned at birth.” “Let them see all kinds of expressions of gender and sexuality, let them ask who they are and how they would like to express themselves. Let them do this at the youngest age possible.”
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would prescribe that parents give their children early and unfettered access to electronic devices and social media platforms. “Let them use TikTok. Let them browse Instagram. Let them spend their days on Reddit. No harm will come.”
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want people to believe that children belong to society as much as to parents and that the government ought to have more of a say in their raising than their own parents. He would want society to regard family as a hindrance or even a danger to a child’s freedom of self-expression. “Let them be who and what they want at school and be certain you never tell the parents.”
If Satan wrote a book on parenting, he would want parents to be a little embarrassed about their faith in Jesus Christ, to think it’s best if parents don’t really raise their children in “the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” but instead help them keep their options open. “Don’t emphasize family devotions or you may just turn them off the faith; don’t read them the Bible before bed or they will think you’re a zealot; don’t insist they participate in the life of the church or they’ll someday turn against it all.”
Come to think about it, as I look at the world around me, I can’t help but wonder if Satan actually has written a book on parenting because it seems so many are obeying his instructions and following his advice…

Among my responsibilities as an elder/pastor within a local church is meeting with people to offer counsel and guidance. I have never lost the wonder of being given so sobering a privilege—to listen to people as they share their deep sorrows or ask their big questions and to then attempt to bring the Word of God to bear in wisdom, comfort, and direction.
I recently spent some time pondering the situations that seem to arise on a regular basis. While some circumstances are entirely unique, many more have a number of similarities between them. And as I pondered these, I realized that the most common counsel I offer is this: Stop thinking in terms of “should” and “ought” and start thinking in terms of “wise” and “want.”
When Christians meet trials and difficulties or when they come to hard decisions or forks in the road, they naturally want to know “How do I please God in this situation?” This is a wonderful instinct and a very good question to ask. Christians should always be concerned to do what God commands and to avoid what God forbids. I love to hear, “I want to honor God in my decision. I want to bring glory to him in my situation.”
Yet in most of life, God does not give us clear commands. A parent may tell his child, “go and play in the yard.” The parent doesn’t care what game the child plays, as long as he stays inside the fence. And kind of like that, God sets the moral boundaries and then gives us great freedom within them. We like to ask “should” questions: Should I join this church or that one? Should I go to this college or that one? Should I pursue this potential spouse or that one? Should I have this number of children or that number? We use the word “should” very naturally when we ask such questions, yet that word can trip us up because it implies that there is some level of moral rightness and wrongness in our situation, that there is one way that will please God and other that will displease him—one way that will gain his blessing and another that will lead to some kind of negative consequence. We then look for clear guidance from God and hesitate when we fail to receive it.
Something I often say is “What if God doesn’t really care?” I am deliberately overstating the matter and need to explain myself, of course. But what I mean to convey is that God may not be too concerned about which decision you make—not concerned enough, that is, to reveal it to you. After all, God is our Father and a father supports his children. If a dad tells his child to go out in the yard and play, he doesn’t want his child to plead to tell him whether to play tag, hide-and-seek, or catch. He just wants his child to play—to play whatever game delights his heart in that moment.
God wants us to live. He wants us to make our own decisions.Share
And like that, God wants us to live. He wants us to make our own decisions. He provides the boundaries of his will in those matters the Bible makes clear, but then leaves it to us to operate according to wisdom and desire. He leaves it to us to evaluate the wisest course of action and then to consider our desires—wisdom and desires that have been shaped by the Word and molded by the Spirit.
And so my most common pastoral counsel is designed to help people stop thinking they need to make their decisions on the basis of what they should do or ought to do but to instead make decisions on the basis of what’s wise and what they want. Observing that they have inadvertently made the moral will of God much more expansive than it actually is, I help them see how they are already within the boundaries of what God has revealed and that he is now pleased to give them freedom—freedom to choose many different paths and be sure of his blessing no matter which one they take. In other words, they need to stop thinking in terms of “should” and “ought” and start thinking in terms of “wise” and “want.”

Sometimes I enjoy a book, but still find myself scratching my head about certain elements of it. Sometimes I genuinely appreciate what an author has to say, yet find myself wondering about some of his claims. And this is exactly the case with Passport to Heaven: The True Story of a Zealous Mormon Missionary Who Discovers the Jesus He Never Knew. It’s an enjoyable book and in many ways an inspiring one. But it’s also a little bit confusing at times.

Micah Wilder was raised in a faithful and devout Mormon home, first in Indiana and then in Utah. Like many young Mormons, he decided to embark on a two-year evangelistic mission. Though initially told he would be assigned to Mexico, medical issues intervened and he was instead dispatched to Florida. For much of the time he spread the Mormon gospel, telling all who would listen (and many who wouldn’t) that God was restoring the true Christian faith through the Mormon church.
Several months into this mission, Micah encountered a Baptist pastor. He was intent on converting this pastor to Mormonism and convinced he had provided a perfect defense of his faith. But there was one thing he couldn’t shake. The pastor had listened attentively, then encouraged Micah to do the simplest thing: to read the Bible free of Mormon presuppositions while pleading with the Holy Spirit to illumine the Word. He took up the challenge and read the New Testament not once, but repeatedly. And over time God was pleased to act—he opened Micah’s eyes to the truth. He came to understand that, contrary to Mormonism, he could not earn his salvation, but could receive it only as a free gift of grace. He repented, believed, and was saved.
Yet he was still in the Mormon church and his newfound convictions did not go over well with his leaders. Inevitably, he was called before them and disciplined. He left the church and began a ministry meant to reach Mormons and others with the good news of what Christ has done. Happily, his girlfriend (now his wife) also came to faith, as did his siblings and parents. (His mother, Lynn, has told her story in Unveiling Grace.) It is a wonderful story and is well-told. He focuses a great deal of attention on the reliability of Scripture and the essential doctrine of justification by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone. And at the same time, he refutes the contradictory Mormon doctrines, which makes this a book that may prove useful in reaching other Mormons.
So where do my hesitations come in? First in the lack of attention to the importance of the local church in the life of the Christian. I understand that coming out of an institution as overbearing as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints, Wilder may have had some hesitations about aligning with another institution. Yet while his conversion happened outside the context of a local church, he never seems to integrate with one and tell his readers that they ought to do the same. Even now it’s hard to tell if he is connected to a local church or if he’s merely connected to a parachurch organization. There is also the role of different forms of prophecy or other unusual elements in his story in which he is told—and appears to believe—that he has an unusually important role to play in God’s plan for this world. And then there is the way he tells the story as if he could recollect the fine details of conversations that took place decades earlier, something that does not seem entirely plausible.
Yet these potential weaknesses aside, Passport to Heaven is an interesting and engaging book and its author has an important story to tell. It is encouraging to read how the Lord saved him and called him to himself, and a blessing to see how that work then spread throughout his family. Already the book seems to have made an impact among Mormons and I pray that in the years ahead it will continue to do so. I am glad I took the time to read it.