Considering Grief
As believers, we don’t have to grieve like the rest of the world. (1 Thess. 4:13) We know that because of Christ’s declaration that “it is finished”, we have the promise that the sting of death has been taken away. Because of this, we can rest in peace knowing that at the end of the book of the believer’s life, God has written: “to be continued.”
My kids love stories, and honestly, I would argue that we all do.
I remember around the age of ten, my dad would read a chapter of the Hardy Boys before bed. As my brothers and I listened, we would become engulfed in the story. However, as exciting as it was, there was always a quiet depression that would begin to set in upon realizing that the chapter was ending.
As we consider grief there are three points that we should consider:
- Realizing Grief Will Come
Many times, the experience of a loved one’s death will bring the same sense of Déjà vu as their story comes to an end. Since the fall, loss has become a continued reality. The scriptures explain that as the descendants of Adam, humanity longs to do whatever can be done to add to the story of life. In the book of Hebrews, the author explains this by saying, that because of the fall, all have been placed under the bondage of death and will do anything and everything to outrun it. (Heb. 2:15)
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Contentment: Paul’s Secret to Facing Any Situation
True Christian contentment, being dependent on God and thus independent of circumstances, is achievable for any Christian in any situation. It is not freedom from desire or ignorance of circumstances, but is instead an inner peace empowered by Christ with the foundation of trust in the sovereignty and goodness of God. Therefore, we must strive for true Christian contentment.
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
–Philippians 4:11-13, ESVWhat is the secret to facing any situation in life? In ancient times, philosophers would try to find it through reason and contemplation, while others would go on pilgrimages to consult with oracles in order to find it. We could even consider Ecclesiastes to be Solomon’s search for this secret. But the Apostle Paul stated with confidence that he had found it (Philippians 4:11-13). Then, with little elaboration, he simply moves on from the topic. He says that he learned how to be content in any situation (verse 11), whether he had much or little (verse 12). That is astounding for a man who was often beaten and imprisoned, stoned and left for dead once, shipwrecked multiple times, often hungry and thirsty, and almost constantly in danger from all manner of threats, even describing himself as ever near death (2 Corinthians 11:23-28). How could he be content in all of that? To understand how Paul could be content in such hardship, we need to understand what contentment really means. If we can truly grasp Christian contentment and then achieve it, we like Paul will be able to face any situation. In doing so, we will find that true contentment is a rare treasure for which all Christians should stive.
What Contentment Is and Isn’t
What does it mean to be content? The Greek term Paul uses for contentment was borrowed from Greek philosophers who used it to denote complete self-sufficiency. They thought that if someone had all he needed and relied on no one else, he would be content. However, the Christian is not to be self-sufficient but completely dependent on God. That is the definition of faith. True saving faith goes beyond mere intellectual ascent (see James 2:14-26) and instead places complete trust in Christ such that if He does not uphold His promises, we are doomed to eternal ruin (see Romans 4 and Hebrews 11). Thus, faith is completely dependent on God and not on ourselves. Therefore, contentment to a Christian cannot be a worldly self-sufficiency that is dependent on no one else. Some may think contentment means to be free of want or desire. However, this cannot be the case since God Himself is perfectly self-sufficient and thus perfectly content yet is referred to throughout Scripture as having various (and often intense) desires (eg. Hosea 6:6, Matthew 9:13, John 17:24). Therefore, desires and contentment must be able to coexist. Paul exhibits this by relaying his own intense desires (eg. Romans 10:1, 1 Thessalonians 2:17, 1 Timothy 2:8). Earlier in the same letter, Paul shares his intense yearning for fellowship with the saints (Philippians 1:8). He also shares his desire to be finished with his work on earth and go to heaven to be with Christ (Philippians 1:23). He also talks of striving hard towards a goal (Philippians 3:12-14), but all the while he constantly speaks in the letter about his joy and rejoicing. Paul uses similar language throughout 2 Corinthians as well. This means that desires are not incompatible with true contentment.
So what is contentment for the Christian? Perhaps Puritan Jeremiah Burroughs defined it best in 1648 in The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment. This is a wonderful book that I would recommend to every Christian. All of my references to Burroughs throughout this post are from that book. Here is how Burroughs defines contentment: “Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition”.[1] First, it is important to note that Christian contentment is an inward disposition that is independent of external circumstances. Second, this type of contentment is a gracious gift of God that is impossible to achieve without God granting it to us, which I will explain a bit later. Finally, contentment comes from both submitting to God’s Will and delighting in it, not only because He is the sovereign King over all creation but also because He is a loving Father who always does what is ultimately best for His children. This means that this type of contentment looks beyond self and ultimately relies on God, inextricably linking it to both faith and humility. This is the mysterious contentment that Paul both discovered and displayed. Burroughs goes on to point out that this type of contentment does not exclude complaining to God amidst difficult situations even as we trust His sovereignty and goodness in them (as is often seen in the Psalms). He also points out that being content does not preclude the Christian from seeking ways out of present circumstances or seeking legal recourse when appropriate. One example of this is when Paul used the privileges of his Roman citizenship to avoid a beating (Acts 22). The key here is that no matter what action we take in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in, inner peace that trusts in both the sovereignty and goodness of God is the mark of true Christian contentment. In Philippians, Paul claims to have that contentment.
I Can Do All Things?
The reason that Paul gives is one of the most well-known and misused verses in the entire Bible: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). It is often used by Christians facing any number of challenging situations as a rallying cry to overcome them. But that is not at all what Paul is saying, so this has led to a common satirical paraphrase among Reformed Christians: “I can do all things through a verse taken out of context”. To understand what Paul means, we need to do what we must do with every verse in Scripture: read it in its proper context (as I discussed in an earlier post on how to properly study the Bible). In contrast to most of Paul’s letters, Philippians is overwhelmingly positive. I have already noted how “joy” and “rejoice” appear frequently throughout the letter. This is mainly because Paul was not writing this letter to correct a particular issue in the church (like 1 Corinthians or Galatians) or to instruct people in the Gospel (like Romans or Ephesians). Instead, Philippians is a thank you note. When Paul was a prisoner in Rome and in need of provisions, the Philippian church donated to meet his need, sending Epaphroditus to Rome with their gift. Paul wrote Philippians in response, thanking them for their gift and encouraging them both about his own welfare and what their gift demonstrated about their progress in godliness. He explains how his imprisonment had actually served to advance the Gospel (1:12-18). Later, he gives a glorious description of the humility and subsequent exaltation of Jesus amidst exhortations for the Philippians to follow Christ’s example of humility in hope of future exaltation (2:1-18). He doesn’t get around to thanking them for their gift until halfway through the last chapter, first rejoicing in how the Philippians’ gift demonstrated their concern for him (4:10), while reminding them that regardless of whether they had given it to him he would have been content because of the strength Christ provides (4:11-13). He then recognizes their pattern of generosity toward him (4:14-15), emphasizing how their gift is a sacrifice to God and that God will supply all of their needs too (4:17-19) before ending the letter with a benediction (4:20) and final greetings (4:21-23). Therefore, the context of Philippians 4:13 is all about Paul’s situation of need that was then abundantly met by the gift of the Philippians. It has nothing to do with being able to overcome any challenge, but instead has everything to do with the ability to face any situation with the strength that Christ provides. This is an important distinction. Paul is not talking about overcoming all situations he faces, but being content in all situations he faces. Therefore, Paul is talking about how Christ has empowered him to be content, so therein we can find the way that we too can be content as Paul was.
How Christ Strengthens Us to be Content
The promise of Philippians 4:13 is that Christ will empower us to be content in any circumstance, not that He will empower us to overcome any circumstance. He does this in several ways.
God’s Sovereignty Over All
First, He empowers us to be content through His sovereignty. Jesus Christ rules the entire universe (Matthew 28:18) so comprehensively that not one subatomic particle can defy Him, since it is only by His power that they even exist (Hebrews 1:3). Humans and demons can sin against Him, but even that sin cannot prevent Him from fulfilling His purpose (see Romans 9 and Job). As the second person of the Trinity, He possesses all of the attributes of God, including omniscience (knowing everything) and omnipotence (having power over everything). And having power over everything, He perfectly orchestrates everything to advance His purpose, which is known as His Providence. The sovereignty of God is an invincible fortress. All those in Christ are in that fortress and can therefore say with the psalmists “what can man do to me?” (Psalm 56:4,11, 118:6). Therefore, Christian contentment begins by resting in the sovereignty of God over all things.
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Is It Wrong to Have Sex before Marriage?
The promises made in marriage matter not just for the bride and groom. The promises matter for the sake of the children that they hope to produce and for the sake of the wider community that benefits when children are born in wedlock and raised by their two biological parents. Sex before marriage undermines all this. Fornication only “works” if sex can be divorced from the promises that constitute a marriage, divorced from the public dimension of marriage, and divorced from the children that normally come from marriage and flourish most in the context of marriage. The Bible teaches that premarital sex is personally selfish and publicly subversive of the goods that marriage is meant to promote and protect.
Not long ago, an American politician found herself in an awkward situation when she mentioned at a prayer breakfast that she was running late for the event because her fiancé wanted to have sex that morning. From her public admission, it was clear that the woman and her fiancé were living together and were in a sexual relationship. What was also clear is that the woman—a professing Christian at an evangelical church (with her pastor in the audience)—didn’t realize she had said or done anything wrong. She mentioned her reason for being late with a smile and with a chuckling assurance to her fiancé that she would see him in the evening and that he wouldn’t have to wait long for his desires to be fulfilled. Later, after getting flack for her risqué remarks, the congresswoman explained that she goes to church because she is a sinner, not because she is a saint.
I mention this story not to draw attention to this particular event or to pick on this particular politician, but to illustrate the reality that sex before marriage, even for many Christians, has lost any sense of stigma. Watch almost any television show or any movie that involves dating or romance, and you will find that sexual activity between non-married persons is completely normal and utterly pervasive. Christians may still get upset when the culture pushes an LGBTQ agenda, but most of those same Christians won’t even notice when popular songs, shows, videos, or movies routinely show, describe, or assume sex before marriage. If worldliness is whatever makes sin look normal and righteousness look strange (to paraphrase David Wells), then the routine acceptance of sex before marriage is one of the clearest signs of worldliness in our age.
Is It Wrong?
The title of this piece asks, “Is it wrong to have sex before marriage?” so let me start by showing from the Bible that such behavior is clearly a sin. “Fornication” is the (now rarely used word) for sex between two persons who are not married. In traditional terms, adultery has often meant illicit sex once married, and fornication has meant illicit sex outside of marriage. The word “fornication” is used in the King James Version in 1 Corinthians 6:18, but the Greek word there is porneia which includes every kind of illicit sexual activity, from adultery to homosexuality to prostitution to sex before marriage.
The Bible doesn’t dwell on the sin of fornication because such behavior was, in the minds of the biblical authors, clearly and obviously wrong. We see this assumption in several places. According to Exodus 22:16–17, the man who has sex with a non-engaged virgin, should make her his wife, indicating that sexual intercourse is a covenant-forming activity not to be entered into apart from the covenant bonds of marriage. Likewise, according to Deuteronomy 22:13–21, if a woman has sex before marriage, she is put in the same category as a prostitute. The Torah does not allow for sex before marriage.
The New Testament carries forward the same sexual boundaries found in the Old Testament. When Joseph sought to quietly break off his betrothal to pregnant Mary, it is obvious that Joseph considers Mary to have done something wrong and that the whole community will also disapprove of Mary’s behavior (Matt. 1:19). The Bible also considers it important for us to know that Mary really was a virgin (Matt. 1:20; Luke 1:34). Most clearly, the logic of 1 Corinthians 7—that it is better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Cor. 7:9)—only works on the assumption that sexual activity belongs in marriage and not outside of marriage.
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Your Role in the Bigger Story
We can do so much even in the mundane things of life. As I have said before, simply walking the dogs can be part of our kingdom-building efforts. When I walk my dog twice daily, I pray for all my neighbours as I walk past their houses. It is likely that only in the next life will I learn if my hundreds of prayers did in fact help bring some of these folks into the kingdom. So even those walks with Jilly are not wasted.
It may be hard for many Christians to believe that what seems to be a pretty mundane and routine life (going to work, feeding the kids, mowing the lawn, and so on) is not insignificant but part of a much larger and much grander story. The truth is, we all have a role to play in the divine metanarrative, and there are no little people (to use Francis Schaeffer’s phrase) when it comes to our involvement in the building of the kingdom.
When Jesus offered us his model prayer, he said this “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:9-10). That means you and I as God’s people all have a job to do as we seek to see his kingdom realised on earth. We each have a part in the divine play happening right here and right now on planet earth.
And a core part of that is simply being faithful – and obedient. Whatever it is that God has called us to do, we must do it diligently and faithfully – and leave the results up to God. This notion of simply obeying is a key part of our Christian walk and serving the Lord.
It was certainly a major theme in the writings – both fiction and non-fiction – of the notable Scottish pastor and author George MacDonald. Those who do not know much about him are urged to have a read of this introductory piece:
https://billmuehlenberg.com/2023/02/04/notable-christians-george-macdonald/
MacDonald has a huge influence on another very important Christian writer and thinker: C. S. Lewis. Here I want to tie all these things together: our role in the divine story; the importance of obedience; and the thoughts of Lewis and MacDonald.
And I will do it by following up on a piece I penned yesterday on the Second Coming of Christ and what Lewis had to say about it. His 1952 essay “The Christian Hope – Its Meaning for Today” was published as “The World’s Last Night”. See my discussion of this important piece here: https://billmuehlenberg.com/2023/06/02/c-s-lewis-on-the-second-coming/
As to the matter of obedience, sure enough, Lewis manages to fit in a George MacDonald quote in his short piece. Lewis talks about those who – like William Miller – foolishly set dates for the Lord’s return, only to be proven spectacularly wrong. Says Lewis:
“Of this folly George MacDonald has written well, ‘Do those,’ he asks, ‘who say, Lo here or lo there are the signs of His coming, think to be too keen for Him and spy His approach? When He tells them to watch lest He find them neglecting their work, they stare this way and that, and watch lest He should succeed in coming like a thief! Obedience is the one key of life’.”
As to this idea that we are all players in the divine drama being acted out here on earth, I quoted some of what Lewis had to say in my previous article. Here I want to offer more of his very helpful thoughts. He discusses this in the context of refuting the modern notion of progress. He says it is clearly not the case “that there is any law of progress in ethical, cultural, and social history.” He goes on to say this:
The idea which here shuts out the Second Coming from our minds, the idea of the world slowly ripening to perfection, is a myth, not a generalization from experience. And it is a myth which distracts us from our real duties and our real interest. It is our attempt to guess the plot of a drama in which we are the characters. But how can the characters in a play guess the plot? We are not the playwright, we are not the producer, we are not even the audience. We are on the stage. To play well the scenes in which we are ‘on’ concerns us much more than to guess about the scenes that follow it.
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