Think about how your child needs prayer. Narrow it down to one idea. Then write your child’s name and theme in the back of your Bible. For example: Ryan | laziness | “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty” (Prov. 14:23). By writing this in your Bible, you’ll always have it before you. Then pray it privately and publicly and watch God answer.

Every Christian parent knows they should pray for their children. Job prayed for his children, even in their adulthood. He would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings on their behalf (Job 1:5). But praying for children is easier said than done.
Prayer Ruts
A parent’s prayers may fall into several ruts. There’s the Vague Ditch (“Lord, bless Johnny”), the Redundant Ditch (“Lord, help Johnny”), the Trivial Ditch, (“Lord, be with Johnny”), and the Carnal Ditch (“Lord, give Johnny good grades”).
There’s a place for all of these prayers, for sure, just as there’s a place for dessert. But you can’t live on dessert. Dessert prayers shouldn’t dominate your intercession for children any more than ice cream should dominate your dinner.
If the prayers for your children lack meat and potatoes vitality, here’s a practical solution. Choose a theme verse for each child, then pray that verse over them all year long.
Examples
Fathers should consider following this exercise each year. This is a big part of being a leader in the home. Dad must shepherd the heart of his children. He plans ahead. He has forethought. He knows his little lambs. “Know well the condition of your flocks”, Solomon says (Pr. 27:23).
Find a verse that touches an important need. For example, suppose your son is nearing conversion. In his battle with sin he cannot determine if he’s a Christian. Consider choosing as his theme verse 2 Corinthians 13:5. “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves.”
If your daughter is sweet but you’re burdened that she remains that way, make this year’s theme verse 1 Peter 3:4. “Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
Then tell your children this is their verse for the year. Tell them you wrote it down and you’ll be praying it over them.
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Worship of God in the church is an act of faith. Worship and faith belong to children, and when these characterize their lives, starting at the smallest age, it is theirs for life. Worship of God in the church is not something that you graduate into once you mature, but the place where God forms the spiritual habits of even his littlest saints.

How do our kids stay Christian? Some version of this question has animated both scholarly and pastoral discussion over the last several years, especially as the great dechurching marches on unabated. This is not merely an academic question, but one that has kept younger parents anxious as they watch more and more of their peers turn away from the faith.
Of course, it is the Holy Spirit sovereignly acting as he wills that keeps people abiding in Christ. And of course, God who ordains the salvation of his children has also ordained the regular means of bringing about that salvation, specifically the word, sacraments, and prayer. But how should the church approach those gifts in regards to the discipleship of its children? And what steps can the church take to maintain its children’s faithfulness as they grow into adulthood?
Several recent works have provided invaluable insight into this dilemma, the most important of which is Handing Down the Faith: How Parents Pass Their Religion to the Next Generation (2021) by Amy Adamczyk and Christian Smith. Adamczyk and Smith looked at the religious landscape of North America over the last few decades and came to a simple conclusion: the communities that were most effective at handing down their religion were those that prioritized faith in the family home.
That might not sound earth-shattering, but it corroborated decades of sociological research showing that things like Sunday School, youth group, VBS, Christian camps, confirmation, and youth conferences are either minimally consequential to the maintenance of a child’s faith or in some cases actually counterproductive. Sociologists of religion have known for some time that these programs, while they feel nice, are led by earnest people, and have some anecdotal success stories, are ineffective for passing along the Christian faith. The British educational reformer Charlotte Mason commented in Parents and Children (1897) that Sunday School, then a recent innovation, was a necessary evil. Sunday School was created for parents who were unable to do their “first duty” of instructing their children in the faith and needed a substitute to step into that role for them. The church embracing this model led to decline in faith transmission.
Lyman Stone at the Institute for Family Studies recently demonstrated that secularization begins at home. This was also shown in a 2017 Lifeway study, by Stephen Bullivant in Nonverts: The Making of Ex-Christian America (2023), and by Jim Davis and Michael Graham in The Great Dechurching (2023). If kids born to Christian parents are to grow up Christian, they need to be raised as Christians by their parents. All of these books and resources provide parenting guidance. But where does this leave the church?
If secularization begins at home and parental investment is the primary indicator of a child’s future faith, what should the church do? How should it prioritize its resources, especially when many churches heavily invest in programs that, frankly, are ineffective in producing disciples?
Authoritative Parenting
Parents are far-and-away the greatest influence on children’s faith development and retention. Churches should overwhelmingly prioritize in their strategies and resource-allocation (i.e. staffing, programs, volunteer focus) reaching and discipling parents to raise godly children. This is, after all, what parenting fundamentally is: fathers and mothers teaching their children to grow in maturity as they imitate their parents who, in turn, are imitating Jesus.
It’s critical that parents teach the Bible and catechize their children in the articles of the faith, of course, but alone this is insufficient. Christianity is taught, not caught, but how it is taught affects whether kids hold onto it. Parents who successfully inculcate steadfast faith and love of God joyfully demonstrate the importance of their own faith on a daily basis.
Is the faith of parents sincere? Do they value and talk about their faith? Does it visibly inform their decisions? Does faith characterize their regular, daily behavior and conversations, or is it compartmentalized to worship services and being around church people? Do they acknowledge their shortcomings without hypocrisy? Do parents clearly love God? Do they delight in Jesus?
Adamczyk and Smith found parents whose faith is the warp and woof of their lives are the parents who pass along that faith. After all, that concept of a life of faith is what God commands in the Shema (Deuteronomy 6:4-9): The words of God will be on your heart, and you shall diligently teach them to your kids, talking about them around the house, when you’re in the car, when you’re getting ready for the day and preparing to go to bed. When kids truly believe that faith matters for their parents, they believe it should matter to them.
The danger for children is parents who believe and either don’t expect anything of their kids on the one hand, or are tyrannical and overbearing about it on the other. Adamczyk and Smith discovered that an authoritative parenting style is most effective at raising children to faithful maturity. This approach maintains high expectations for kids, but in a home and parental relationship that can be honestly described as “warm” rather than rule or discipline-oriented. Being loosie-goosey (they’ll figure out and make faith their own) or overbearing are equally damaging to a child’s faith. As Anthony Bradley is fond of pointing out, kids don’t rebel against joy.  
This is what Davis and Graham found in The Great Dechurching. The kids who held onto their faith were able to have conversations with their parents about faith that were sincere (the parents knew their faith and believed it) and humble (the parents were confident, not self-focused, defensive, or belligerent about the kids’ questions and hesitations about the faith). Parents don’t need to be geniuses or theologians, but should know what they believe, believe it, and be confidently humble.
The church can prioritize childhood discipleship first by encouraging parents to take the airplane-oxygen mask approach. Are parents being taught the faith so that they may have something to believe in themselves? Are parents being encouraged to be diligent in their own discipleship? Are they being given tools to teach and catechize their own children? Are they showing their kids that faith and worship matter into adulthood, not just as concepts, but as committed practices?
Second, is the church providing not only content to parents, but models? Throughout the New Testament the leaders of the church are exhorted to model following Jesus to their congregations. Parenting style is a non-negotiable requirement on pastoral and elder job descriptions. Are the leaders of the church modeling sincere, confident, and humble discussions of the faith? A joyous approach to kids? If the pastors and elders of the church are not doing this, the parents in the church will struggle to as well. Leaders need to model to parents, especially to fathers, warmth, firmness, joy, and patience and take proactive steps to teach that.
Third, is the church encouraging the formation of community and friendships among the adults of the church? Doing this helps ensure that faith is seen as a joyous (friendship!) part of life, not a burden. It provides a community to help encourage one another (keep that oxygen mask on) and communicates to kids that their parents take their own discipleship seriously. If parents take their own discipleship seriously, their kids will as well.
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The most effective way to combat the impact of trials that roll like sea billows is to grow in the love of God before the wind begins to stir the sea around us. The key anchor for believers in Christ is God’s Word. Objective proof of God’s love is the starting point for experiencing or sensing God’s love. That proof was given by Christ and recorded in Scripture: “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

We just passed another anniversary of the day the “November gales came early” when the Edmund Fitzgerald freighter sank in Lake Superior on November 10, 1975 with 29 souls aboard.  I can’t image a more terrifying death than going down in a sinking ship.
Singer/Songwriter Gordon Lightfoot’s “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” depicts the harrowing hours before the vessel sank. Describing the final hours, Lightfoot asks, “Does any one know where the love of God goes when the waves turn the minutes to hours?” The song implies there are places of terror and despair that block any sense of God’s love- if it exists at all.
It is possible even for Christians to feel disconnected from God’s love. Our own battle with sin and the presence of sin all around assails us relentlessly. Like the monstrous waves against a ship tossed in a tumultuous sea, the trials of life can beat us into submission. There are moments when we may feel abandoned by God and his love. Yes, even Christians can fall into terrible despair. The Apostle Paul once wrote to the Corinthians, “For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself” (2 Cor.1:8b).
The most effective way to combat the impact of trials that roll like sea billows is to grow in the love of God before the wind begins to stir the sea around us. The key anchor for believers in Christ is God’s Word. Objective proof of God’s love is the starting point for experiencing or sensing God’s love. That proof was given by Christ and recorded in Scripture: “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). The love of God for us is verifiable through Christ’s work on our behalf.
People who are Christian and know the historically demonstrated fact of God’s love for them can still feel unloved by God at times. As stated, the prime remedy for fighting these feelings is the truth of the Word. Prayer is another means to stay close to God and his love. Talking to God often and honestly helps (see the Psalms). Christ purchased direct access to our heavenly Father by his death and resurrection, so we should regularly enter the throne room of grace. We cannot love someone or know their love for us without talking to them. As we spend time with God in prayer, we sense his nearness and his love.
In addition to the Word and prayer, perhaps the most undervalued way to stay close to God and his love is through fellowship with other Christians. It is too easy to isolate ourselves from physical nearness with others in these electronic days. Facebooking with each other or texting friends is not the same as true fellowship. We need to be in proximity with other believers regularly. Sometimes we are embarrassed by our situation or maybe we are afraid to burden others. The very thing we need when we are struggling is the supportive presence, encouragement and counsel of others. Do not run away from people! The love we receive from our brothers and sisters in Christ is one of the main ways God shows his love toward us.
There is no “easy” fix for the despairs of this difficult life. I am suggesting, however, that God’s love is real. Jesus demonstrated God’s love beyond any question. It’s more than a sentiment. Even when you do not feel God’s love, it is still solid and true.
I am exhorting believers to avail themselves of the various means God has provided to become built up in God’s love as preparation for the storms of life that will come. By engaging in God’s Word, prayer, and fellowship with his people as much as possible, we stand a better chance of enduring trying times. None of us are exempt from feeling what is behind Lightfoot’s haunting line cited above, however believers have sure promises to call upon in such times.
Our response to the question- “Does anyone know where the love of God goes?” can be the rhetorical, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?”
God’s Word directs us: Romans 8:31–39
[31] What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? [32] He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? [33] Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. [34] Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. [35] Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? [36] As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” [37] No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. [38] For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, [39] nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Dr. Tony Felich is a Minister in the Presbyterian Church in America and serves as the Pastor of Redeemer PCA in Overland Park, Kansas.
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