There may not be times in your marriage when you stop loving your wife, but there may be times in your marriage when you stop liking her—or when you stop acting like it, anyway. There may be times when you are easily irritated with her or times when you just can’t get along. There may be times when you feel sorry for yourself and think you deserve better than the way she’s treating you. There may be times when a kind of despondency enters into the way you think of her and the way you behave toward her.

I’d like to offer a bit of counsel for such times: When you find you don’t like your wife, make it your aim to love your wife.
Your temptation in these difficult times will be to assume that your despondent feelings are the result of something she is failing to do—a way she is neglecting to love you, serve you, or honor you. That could be the case and she may well bear a portion of the responsibility. But what you may fail to consider is that your despondent feelings are actually the result of something you are failing to do. It’s always easier to look outside than in, to look to the other than to the self.
The thing about love is that it is more likely to grow cold when you fail to give it than when you fail to receive it. The one sure way to fall out of love with your wife is to stop loving her—to stop doing deeds of love and speaking words of love and otherwise displaying a heart of love. Love is like a muscle that atrophies with disuse and that strengthens with exercise.
So when you aren’t getting along with your wife, serve your wife. When you find you are irritated with your wife, find ways to bless your wife. When you don’t really care to be around your wife, surround your wife with love and good deeds. Make it your habit to ask her, “How can I make your day better today?” or “What can I do to serve you today?” or “How can I help you today?” Make it your goal to make her day better, to make her life easier, to make her load lighter. In short, love her like Christ loves the church and serve her like Christ serves the church.
“Okay, okay,” I hear you say. “that’s all well and good, but she…” Stop right there. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what she has done or failed to do. What matters is what you intend to do. She may not reciprocate and she may not make you feel any more loved, but that’s a whole different matter because you aren’t loving her to be loved in return—you’re loving her because it’s the right thing to do, because it’s what God tells you to do, because it makes God proud. You’re loving her before God because that’s how you’ve been loved by God.
So whether you feel loved or unloved, whether your heart is warm toward your wife or cold, whether you’re finding yourself drawn toward her or pulled away, love her, serve her, bless her. And you will find that as you serve her, your love will grow. As you act in love, you will feel more love. As you work for her good, your heart will become ever more inclined toward her. Because that’s how love works.

This week’s Free Stuff Friday is sponsored by P&R Publishing. They are offering Divine Providence to 10 winners.

Rigorous, practical, and deeply reverent, Divine Providence speaks to the struggles of believers today as it tackles difficult questions with biblical truth:

Does God govern the world—and how?
Is God the author of sin?
Why do good people suffer while bad people thrive?
What does God’s providence mean for how we should live our lives?

In a masterful discourse, Puritan theologian Stephen Charnock arms us to trust in the One who works all things for his glory and the good of the church.
This beautifully produced new edition, rendered in modern English, introduces contemporary Christians to one of the greatest Puritan thinkers and the beauty of divine providence—the comforting truth that “God is righteous, wise, and good, and nothing takes place that is not in his will.”
Editor Carolyn Whiting has broken Charnock’s work into chapters with headings. Bound in red linen with gold foil, this giftable volume includes study questions for discussion, explanatory notes and translations, a paper bookmark, and a foreword from Whiting’s pastor, Derek Thomas.
“Carolyn Whiting has updated the quaint prose of Charnock’s early modern English to communicate more easily with today’s reader, but the thoughts remain deep, brilliant, and timeless. Formatted in short chapters with study questions, this edition will prove very useful for personal study and small groups.”
—Joel R. Beeke, President, Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary

Sample: Trust Providence in the Most Difficult Times
“God delights to woo us to himself, in both our affections and our admirations of him, and to store up in us a treasure of experiences that encourage us to trust him when we are in desperate straits. Therefore, we should rest in God when we are alone and deserted or among crowds; we should have as much faith when we face an angry aggressor as we do when we are among our best friends; and in the midst of extreme difficulties we should always be ready to answer with the same answer Abraham gave to Isaac: ‘God will provide’ (Gen. 22:8).”
For we deal with a God who is not bound by any means, who spares no expense in miraculous succors, who delights to perfect his strength in the creature’s weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). We deal with a God who alone knows what may further our good and accordingly orders it; that which may hinder it, he prevents. He arranges all causes in such a way that they conspire together as links in one chain to bring about success. He makes even the opposing motions converge into one gracious end, as rivers that run from north and south in opposite quarters of the world come together in the surges of one sea. Though providences may seem to cross one another, they shall never cross God’s Word and promise, which he has magnified above all his names. And his providence is but a servant to his truth.”
Enter Here
There are ten copies to win. All you need to do to enter the draw is to enter your name and email address in the form below, which will add you to P&R’s mailing list.
Giveaway Rules: You may enter one time. Winners will be notified by email on October 14th, 2022.
P&R Publishing is giving away Divine Providence to ten randomly selected winners who sign up to their mailing list below.

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My gratitude goes to RHB for sponsoring the blog this week to tell you about a great new devotional resource: Glorifying and Enjoying God.
My site will be transitioning to a new design this weekend, so expect a little bit of downtime. If you are seeing this, you’re on the new site! I’ll have more to say about it tomorrow.
Today’s Kindle deals include a few strong resources for the Christian life.
(Yesterday on the blog: My Picks for the Top Books of 2023)

Daniel has a moving piece at CT that recounts his grief following the loss of his mother.

“Ongoing seasons of chronic illness can weigh us down and they can pose a real challenge to our faith. It’s a challenge to persevere when so many prayers for healing go unanswered. We can feel disappointed in our bodies as they fail us once again. We can struggle to reconcile our knowledge of God’s goodness with our unabating experience of pain. Yet God uses the furnace of chronic illness to refine our faith and teach us precious truths about him and us and the life of faith.”

The strength of this article is in relying on Scripture to provide practical ways to flee temptation.

Kevin writes about Paul’s use of the categories of the weak and the strong. And whichever you are in a particular circumstance, his encouragement is to commit to being godly in it.

“When children move from reliance on their parents toward the independence of adulthood, it can be disorienting. Initially, parents set the guidelines for behavior and schedules in the home, but adult children grow toward autonomy by moving out, pursuing careers, and establishing households — households with a culture of their own.” Brenda Harstine offers counsel on navigating this well.

Here’s why it’s awkward—and why it completely undermines the Christian faith—to reject the virgin birth.

There is a celebrity machine, to be sure, but there is also a celebrity landfill, a celebrity dump, a place we relegate people once we are through with them, once they no longer please us.

Christ grabs his pastors by the heart; he doesn’t twist them by the arm. He wants men with a holy ambition for the office, men with holy dreams about feeding and leading the flock, men willing and eager to stretch themselves to do what the calling requires.
—David Mathis