Steady fathers clothe themselves with love and let Christ’s peace rule in their hearts (Colossians 3:14–15). The peace of Christ is the root of Christian sober-mindedness. He is our peace. He is our stability. He is the sure and steadfast anchor of our souls. And a godly father who welcomes the peace of Christ in his heart is empowered to be a sober-minded anchor for his family. The peace of Christ enables him to be a spiritual harbor for them in the storms and trials of life.
Fathers are called to provide for and protect their households. To do this well, they must be sober-minded and stable men who lead their families with gladness, fortitude, wisdom, and resilience.
To provide literally means “to see before.” Thus, a key element of provision is anticipation. A dad is responsible to anticipate the needs, threats, and temptations in his household. His goal is to have clarity about the issues facing his family, coupled with a readiness to act with wisdom to address them.
And he does not do so by himself. In seeking this clarity for the sake of provision, a father does well to remember that he has been given a helper precisely for this purpose. Together, they will see more than if they try to see alone. A faithful father welcomes the insights and wisdom of his wife concerning the needs of the family.
Fathers with Sober Minds
A common pitfall in a father’s leadership is defensiveness in response to his wife’s insights, comments, and encouragements to act. Say a mother sees a pattern of sin forming in her son’s life. She brings it to her husband’s attention, wanting him to do something about it. He gets defensive, or blows up, or shuts down, or shifts blame. All of these reactions display a lack of sober-mindedness.
This is true regardless of whether his wife brings the issue to his attention in a helpful way. Say that the sin in the kids has awakened fear in her. She knows that little sins, when left unchecked, become big sins. Little sinners, if left unchecked, grow up to be big sinners. And so, she brings this to her husband’s attention with some anxiety, agitation, and (perhaps) frustration that the sin has festered as long as it has.
Such situations call for stable sober-mindedness. At a basic level, sober-mindedness is the opposite of drunkenness (1 Thessalonians 5:6–8). Drunkenness refers to the physical, cognitive, and moral impairment caused by drinking too much alcohol. Drunkenness negatively affects one’s judgment, frequently leading to other sins. Those who are drunk don’t see clearly, nor do they stand firmly, nor do they act wisely.
Crucially, alcohol is not the only intoxicant. Passions too, whether ours or others, can cloud our judgment and hinder wise action. Under the influence of passions, we become reactive and tossed to and fro. Again, we get defensive, blow up, shut down, or shift blame.
Therefore, to be sober-minded is to see with clarity, stand with stability, and act with wisdom. Sober-minded men govern their own passions, and thus they are able to absorb and endure the passions, reactions, and agitations of others.
Making a Resilient Dad
Where does such sober-mindedness come from? In my own life, I frequently return to Colossians 3:12–17 as a way of building sober-minded resilience into my soul. So let us consider the passage, not merely as a word to all Christians, but as a word applied particularly to husbands and fathers.
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This book, and the great sermon that lies behind it, provide a powerful manifesto for living well, living courageously, and living in a way that honors God in uncertain times. I would encourage you to read the sermon, to read the book, and to apply them both deliberately and prayerfully.

Has anyone ever lived in times that were normal? Probably not, I suppose. Every time and every context has its peculiarities, I’m sure. Regardless, there’s no doubt that we are currently living in unusual times—in what seems like a transitionary phase during which old traditions, old morals, and old ways of understanding the world are giving way to new. There are new questions, new concerns, and new challenges to those who want to live well in a world like this one.
Where do we go to learn to live well in new times? There is no better place to turn than to old wisdom—to the very same book that guided our forebears as they lived through the challenges that defined their own eras. The Word of God is, after all, living, active, and powerful, able to teach and to guide us no matter our times and no matter our circumstances.
In The Christian Manifesto, Alistair Begg takes an extended look at Jesus’ Sermon on the Plain (which, though it bears certain similarities, should not be confused with his longer Sermon on the Mount). “This sermon,” he says, is “Jesus’ invitation to you to experience life at its very best. It is his description of what life in his kingdom—a kingdom where all that is wrong is being put right—looks like as we live in this world.”
In this book, we’re going to look at what can be helpfully seen as a “Christian manifesto.” A manifesto is a public declaration or proclamation issued by a monarch or head of state, or by a representative of a company or organization. Here is a manifesto for the Christian life, straight from the lips of Jesus…
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By the time we reached the shore, taxied to our cottage, and unpacked our bags, I was in a full-blown state of great anxiety; and though I was wishing hard for it to leave me, I knew it was going nowhere anytime soon. This was not the first time I had ever felt this way. It had been some years since it was this bad, and I was thankful for that; but right now, all I could think of was how to get rid of it. Before I came on the trip, life was good; now, on the trip, I wanted life to be good. But it wasn’t.

An Unexpected Journey 
My wife and I had just returned from a most relaxing vacation when our Friend came by and engaged me in a conversation. You need to understand that He’s not your average friend. He’s the most special Friend we have ever had, and we have learned to trust Him completely, even when we have doubts about some of the things He says to us.
“Pete, we’re going on a trip.” He said.
“Okay,” I said, “whatever you say; let us get our things packed and we’ll be ready to go.”
“Your wife isn’t going,” He replied; “it’s just going to be me and you.”
It all seemed a little mysterious to me, but over the years I had learned to trust my Friend, and I knew He always had my best interests at heart; and my wife said that this was fine with her; she was happy for me and our Friend to have some alone time together.
“We’re going to an island,” He said; “I will pick you up late tomorrow afternoon. There’s an overnight ferry boat we will catch, and we’ll try to get what sleep we can on it, before we get there in the morning.”
An island, I thought; maybe it’s like one of those private islands the cruise lines own in the Bahamas. Sounds like fun. Swimming, fishing, lying out in the sun and soaking up all that good vitamin D. I was ready to roll.
Sleep wasn’t the greatest on our trip over to the island, but I eventually fell asleep around 2 am and woke up just as we were approaching the island at daybreak.
“What’s this island called?” I asked my Friend.
“This is Anxious Isle,” He replied.
The island was covered with a dark cloud that seemed to smother the place and showed no sign of lifting anytime soon. There was no hint of a breeze to blow it away.
“Boy, it sure looks depressing,” I said.
The truth was, it didn’t just look that way; it was starting to feel that way. As we got nearer to the shore, my feeling of depression only increased, and I could feel my blood pressure rising, as my anxiety seemed to explode within me in a matter of minutes.
By the time we reached the shore, taxied to our cottage, and unpacked our bags, I was in a full-blown state of great anxiety; and though I was wishing hard for it to leave me, I knew it was going nowhere anytime soon.
This was not the first time I had ever felt this way. It had been some years since it was this bad, and I was thankful for that; but right now, all I could think of was how to get rid of it. Before I came on the trip, life was good; now, on the trip, I wanted life to be good. But it wasn’t.
Another similarity between the anxiety I was having now with what I had experienced on previous occasions was that the anxiety was tied to some current crisis going on in my life, or else fear of something that might happen to me in the future, or even had happened in the past. It could concern my health, a legal matter, a financial concern, an employment issue, a regret for something I had done in the past, or something else. But here’s the weird part–looking over the past times when I had been overcome, the fear of what might happen relating to various things which brought on the anxiety– these things never materialized; or, at least, when there were unpleasant consequences, my mindset had been reprogrammed to overcome the anxiety, so I accepted any consequences with contentment.
My Friend and I sat in the living room staring at one another.
“We’ve been here before,” I said.
“We sure have,” He said.
“I guess there’s no chance we could go back home right now, is there?” I asked.
“Not a chance,” He responded.
“Okay,” I said. “I know the drill; I guess I’d best get started.”
The Book
The cottage was adequately furnished, so we were very comfortable.  In my bedroom, the living room and the enclosed porch there was a copy of the Book. The Book was a collection of some of the things my Friend had said about all kinds of subjects. The Book informed about everything from the creation of the world to how to address personal problems in one’s life. Right now, it was the latter I needed; I had the personal problem of overwhelming anxiety, and the Book would be most important to get me straightened out, just like it had been so instrumental in the past.
The first two days, I studied everything the Book had to say about anxiety. There were commands about not worrying, and, while I could agree that was a good thing, the problem was, I couldn’t quit. There were directives to let my Friend have my anxieties, and direct instructions not to be anxious, because my Friend was going to be with me in all the messes of life, and therefore I should not be anxious. I agreed all this was good, but it just wasn’t getting through to me. I needed help.
So during the first couple of days, I approached my Friend and asked for help. If He was in the living room, I’d ask for help there. If it was in the middle of the night and the anxiety was keeping me awake, I would go where He was and ask for help. He was always available to me, and He always heard what I was saying; and He even had a compassionate expression when I begged for His help; but for those first two days, He had very little to say except to encourage me to keep studying the Book for what help I could get.
Besides directives about anxiety, the Book also gave me examples of other people who had gone through this before, and how they had not only survived, but came out much better people on the other side.  I realized my experiences of overcoming anxiety episodes in the past were just like many of these I read about. And I knew that all the promises of help and the love of my Friend for me were true as well, but the problem remained; the anxiety wasn’t going away. I would have times of relief, and then something would trigger another anxiety attack, and the downward spiral was set in motion.
Beginning Breakthrough
By the third and fourth day, it seemed like I might be starting to make a little progress, but it did not come as I had expected. My friend was ready to talk to me now, but the way He explained it was that now I was ready to listen. Two days of anxiety agony, night and day, had humbled me to where I was ready to listen and learn.
My Friend began, “You’ve been moving along in life like you have the world by the tail and now all of a sudden you realize you don’t.”
“Yes,” I timidly responded.
He continued, “There’s a story in the Book about a King David who grew overconfident in himself as well, and had to be brought down a notch or two.”
“I know,” I said; “I was reading that this morning, and I’m ready to receive whatever you have to say to correct me.”
“Good,” He said; “I’ve got a list here. We might as well get started on it.”
“First, I’ve given you some success in some areas of your life, and I think you could do a much better job of giving credit to where credit is due.”
“I agree, and I’m sorry; please forgive me. I want to definitely work on that.”
“Second, the root cause of your anxiety is your concern for yourself. You are concerned that nothing bad come of the situation you’re in right now, for your sake. There’s nothing wrong with trying to protect yourself, but you’ve blown it up to where you are what everything is about, and that’s no good.”
“I agree. I’m not thinking of You or others, and I am much too preoccupied with myself. Please forgive me and help me with this.”
“Third, you know the Book talks about particular sins in each of our lives to which we individually are more susceptible. Well, even though you have made a lot of progress, you aren’t working to overcome yours like you should. You need to get more brutal with these, because they are ugly and they horribly offend Me. Plus, I’ve got some stuff for you to do in the future, stuff that may bring far greater anxiety than you are experiencing now; so you can’t be carrying around this garbage with you; it has to go.”
“Done,” I said. “You know in my heart I agree, and by Your help I know I can put these particular sins to death.  Thank You for confronting me. And I also know that once we get some progress in one area, another will arise. I’m in for every battle going forward, because I know You will be with me.”
“Guess you didn’t think you were in for a long list like this,” He continued, “but, fourth, unbelief. In some things it’s like you couldn’t have stronger faith, and in other things, you are so weak and wavering. You need to fully believe every promise of the Book, because the One who gives them can be believed totally. And that brings up another thing: sometimes, God blesses you in a spectacular way, and you don’t welcome and receive it. You can thank Him for things other people thank Him for, but then He gives you something that blows your socks off; and instead of being thankful, you start looking for something that will go wrong in what He has given. You need to get a grip.  You need to understand that He loves you, and accept His gifts, whether they be small or big.”
“I could not agree more. Often I pray for help with my unbelief, and just being in the Book more these last few days has helped a lot with that. And You’re right about the big blessings too; it is so small of me not to see how big and generous God is, and how much I am loved.”
I accepted everything my Friend told me and spent time praying, reading the Book, and meditating on all I knew that was true, and trying to apply it to my situation.
By now, my time on Anxious Isle was getting a little better, or at least the anxiety episodes were farther apart by the fifth and sixth days. There were special parts of the Book that I would go to often; I spent a lot of time talking with my Friend and working through things and counseling myself with what I was reading and hearing.
The Sun Shines Brightly
The day finally arrived for us to leave Anxious Isle. But before we could leave, it was mandatory for My Friend and me to have a very important conversation. We sat in the living room, as we had on the first day of our trip. Running through my head were all the things I needed to hear and learn and be reminded of. I was genuinely thankful, and I was also more sensitive to others who find themselves on Anxious Isle and how I might help them.
My Friend looked at me and said, “You know, you have been really anxious about messing up something. You have been worried about consequences for yourself, about embarrassing Me and others. You need to realize that God loves you. He has given you all you have; in reality, you own nothing, and you are a steward, sort of an administrator over all He has given. This applies to your house, any possessions you have, and even your gifts and talents, your physical body, everything. Everything is His; you manage it for Him. Now, hear His truth to you: He says, “I love you; I have given you all you have, and all you have is mine. I want you to use what I have given you the best you can. Invest, take risks, use your intellect, your talents, whatever. If something doesn’t turn out okay, that’s fine. If you get in hot water, I will be right there with you. If something succeeds, great. Nothing will change My love for you. You don’t need to get yourself all tied up in anxious knots because you may screw up. Everything will be fine with Me. I love you.’”
I just sat there, silent. I was so overcome with God’s love to me that I just wanted to enjoy the sunshine as it poured into my soul.
The next day, we left Anxious Isle, and I was glad we took the day ferry. I stood on the side of the ship, enjoyed the breeze, and stared at the island we were leaving behind. I realized I’d probably have to come back another day; I hoped it would be later rather than sooner. However, because of the good it had been for me to visit, I could not argue with my Friend’s wisdom for taking me there. Truly, He loves me and has my best interest in mind. Because I’m not on the island doesn’t mean I never have anxious thoughts or episodes now and again; but they are not 24/7 like what I had gone through that week.
Yes, it was an unexpected journey, but it was a necessary journey and good one, and I’m glad My Friend took me on it.
If you find yourself on Anxious Isle, I trust you will seek the help of my Friend and His Book. My Friend is Jesus Christ and the Book is the Bible. God bless you.
Pete Hurst is a retired Minister in the Orthodox Presbyterian Church and associate broker in real estate. He and his wife live in Yorktown, Virginia. He sometimes blogs at GodsFool.com.
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