Navigating the Space between Singleness and Marriage
There’s little doubt that the modern world creates some unique challenges when it comes to navigating the space between singleness and marriage. There are a host of factors that exist across Western culture and a separate bundle of issues that exist within Christian culture. Put together they can create significant difficulties in successfully pairing up and transitioning from singleness to marriage.
This challenge is the topic of Paul Grimmond’s new book Water For My Camels. Though the title is clever (at least if you can catch the biblical reference) the subtitle is far more descriptive: Navigating the space between singleness and marriage when the Bible doesn’t talk about dating. And, indeed, while the Bible clearly commends marriage and expects it for the majority of people, it offers little guidance on getting there. While it describes a number of ways in which people moved from singleness to marriage in the past, these are only ever descriptive and never prescriptive. So what are we to do? We are to apply biblical wisdom. “What does it mean to apply biblical wisdom to the process of this thing our culture calls ‘dating’? That’s the big question that this book will seek to answer.”
Grimmond does this by taking three key steps. First, he turns to the Bible to establish a series of principles that are meant to guide and shape our understanding of dating. Second, he contrasts the Bible’s ancient and timeless approach with the current cultural moment and with contemporary attitudes to dating. Third, he seeks to apply the Bible’s commands to the reality of dating today. He also addresses a very long and thorough list of questions about the topic.
And overall I think he does this very well. He uses ‘dating’ as a kind of blanket term “to describe the process of making some kind of commitment to another person so that together you can work out whether marriage to one another is in your future”—a very reasonable definition. He helpfully establishes principles like the fact that we were made for marriage, yet marriage is not ultimate. He shows from Scripture how sex and marriage are always meant to go together and how Christian marriage must only ever be “in the Lord.” He lays out the cultural factors that make dating especially confusing and difficult. He gets practical with counsel about who should date, how they should date, and at what stage of life. He cuts a good middle ground between dating with marriage in mind and burdening a new relationship with talk of nuptials.
In quite a lengthy FAQ chapter he answers more than 50 questions of the kind young people are actually asking as they consider forming romantic relationships and moving toward marriage: How do I know if it’s God’s will for me to get married? If I’m same-sex attracted, is it okay to date someone of the opposite sex and get married? Do I need to disclose my past sexual history to someone I’m dating? How important are parental expectations and family culture when dating? When should I consider choosing to be single for the sake of the kingdom of God?
Water For My Camels is a brief book, but a very helpful one. Grimmond is currently the Dean of Students at Moore Theological College in Sydney, and prior to that he worked in ministry to university students. This long experience shows in his understanding of the kinds of questions people are asking and in his skillful answers to them. Those who are currently navigating the tricky space between singleness and marriage would do well to consider reading his book. I’m quite certain they’ll be glad they’ve done so.
(The best place to order may be directly from the publisher.)
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A La Carte (March 31)
The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you today, my friends.
Today’s the last day for Logos users to save on March Matchups. There are some great deals to be had!
As for Kindle deals, volume one of my favorite church history series is marked way down.
In Your Wake
This one hits hard: “One of my husband’s earliest memories is the day you left your family. Left them to poverty and shame, to insecurity and a weight of bitterness while you transferred the care due them to a new family. You fed your sin silently. Secretly. It crept around the edges of your life, gradually stealing more and more ground from under your second family until you left them too. Left them to despair and struggle while you fed your pleasures.”
The Unexpected Beauty of Babel
What a fascinating article! “It seems as if, as he so often does, God has chosen to bring beauty through judgment, a greater grace and glory than would have existed had the judgment never taken place. After all, this is the logic of the cross and salvation history. Yes, judgment falls. Yet amazingly God’s grace shines even brighter for it. Should we be surprised that God delights to also do this with the arc of language history?”
The Kingdom of God Bible Storybook” Now Available from Lithos Kids
A faithful retelling of the story of God’s kingdom from Genesis to Revelation. Fully illustrated Old and New Testament volumes for ages 2 to 11. (Sponsored Link)
Chinese Christians Adapt Under New Restrictions
“Earlier this month, news broke about a Chinese government requirement that people in the Henan province register before attending worship services. They’re supposed to use a ‘Smart Religion’ app, which records each person’s name, address, date of birth, occupation, and government ID number. The app is the latest in an increasing pile of Chinese restrictions on believers.”
The Basics — God’s Providence
Kim Riddlebarger continues his series on basic Christian doctrine with this look at God’s Providence.
How were people saved in the Old Testament? (Video)
Dr. Bob Cara of RTS answers a common question.
Should Missionaries Join a Local Church?
Yes! They most definitely should whenever possible.
Flashback: 7 Things a Good Dad Says
I have found myself thinking back to the many models of fatherhood I have seen and admired through the years. What made these fathers admirable? What set them apart? What was it that they said to their children?See everything you do, in all areas of your life, as means of serving God and others. —Matt Perman
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A La Carte (August 10)
Good morning from Kentucky! We are about to make the final bit of our drive to Boyce College where we will be getting Michaela all set up for her freshman year. Exciting times…
Westminster Books has collected some new and noteworthy books for August and discounted them up to 50%.
(Yesterday on the blog: My Coldest Night and Warmest Truth)
What Did Jesus Teach about Giving Generously?
John Piper: “The more sacrificially generous you are on earth, the greater will be your enjoyment of heaven. Therefore, since Jesus loves us and summons us to maximize our eternal joy in heaven, he demands radical freedom from the love of money and radical generosity, especially toward the poor.”
Wisdom to Bolster Writers
I was asked to answer some questions about writing by Gospel-Centered Discipleship.
IT Professionals Make Great Missionaries
You may think that a career in missions means you would need to serve as a church planter or evangelist. This couldn’t be further from the truth. (Sponsored Link)
Handling Behemoths, Leviathans, and Those Other Monsters of Life
“I knew the story well, or so I thought. Job lost everything he possessed, one after another, cut from his life, until finally even his ten children were taken. Ten. Then Job himself suffered a terrible health crisis. I mean, who really needs to read that in the depths of a catastrophic illness and grief, I thought? Well, for sure, I did.”
Almost Saved: Four Reasons to Examine Yourself
Greg Morse looks at four biblical examples of people who were “almost saved.” “The Almost Christian. He was almost saved. He almost escaped the wrath of God. He almost found joy forevermore in the God who was almost his God. Almost.”
Pray the Directory
I very much agree with this, whether you’re a pastor or a church member. “One of the practical things you can do to ensure that you pray for all of the people in your church is to pray through your church directory.”
Be Still, My Soul: Old Lyrics with Timeless Truths
This is a helpful little exposition of a tremendous hymn.
Flashback: Meatless, Cheeseless, Crustless Pizza and the Evangelical Church
The simple and sad fact is that many churches offer far too little of the Bible, and as they do that, they offer the equivalent of meatless, cheeseless, crustless pizza—they offer worship that is missing one of the key elements of worship.The church and its worshippers are collecting praises of successive generations for the final Hallelujah celebration. —Martin Geier
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A La Carte (January 10)
In case you are looking for books for younger readers, Westminster Books has their bestselling kids books of 2023 marked down this week.
I continue to search for Kindle deals and to add them to the collection day by day.Aaron Armstrong: “Before I was a Christian, I didn’t really know much about the Bible. Which makes sense, since I didn’t read it. But I had a lot of assumptions about it, the same assumptions many non-Christians have about it. I assumed it was endlessly contradictory, outdated, and irrelevant. That nothing it said really mattered to life in the modern world. Most importantly, because I saw the few people I knew whose parents made them go to some kind of class at their church were bored to tears, I assumed the Bible was boring.” But then he read it …
Melissa considers the wedding promises she would have made to her husband had she known then what she knows now. “I promise that I will love you imperfectly. This imperfect love will carry marks of my selfishness, and the way I tend to think of myself when I ought to be thinking of you. I promise that I will hurt you. I will say things too quickly that shouldn’t be said at all.” Yet there is still hope, as she explains so well.
“It’s here. Again. How can four years go by so quickly? Didn’t we just live through a contentious, rancorous, raucous presidential election cycle? Of course, we’ve been hearing about poll numbers for the 2024 election for about a year, but now that the calendar has turned to January, we must brace ourselves for the roller coaster of the next ten months.” Cindy provides a few prayers that may be helpful to you this year.
Ayman Ibrahim explains what Muslims believe about Muhammad, summarizes the historical record, and then suggests a few ways Christians can have productive conversations with their Muslim friends.
Trevin Wax ponders the first day of the week and insists, “the way we orient ourselves in time—how we think of our days—makes a difference in how we conceive of our life and purpose. Our choices in how we order time contain moral instruction.”
Tim of Red Pen Logic briefly addresses the very common argument that, because Jesus said nothing about homosexuality, he was not opposed to it.
There is some information on a book’s cover that many people don’t know how to decipher. Let me tell you how to make sense of the information about authors, co-authors, editors, and contributors.
Anything is good for us that puts us to praying earnestly.
—William Plumer
