All of these things must, of course, be pursued in the context of our own relationship with Christ. It is only through union with Jesus—in his death and resurrection—that you will ever be able to begin to love and care for your wife in these ways. When we fail (and we will most certainly fail), we go back to the Lord in brokenness and contrition. We confess our sin to him and ask him for grace to grow in these areas.

In that extremely complex and, at times, hard to understand section of the apostle Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, we come across the comparison between the married and the unmarried (1 Cor. 7). In short, the apostle insists that marriage is good (and the norm), but that it brings with it a division of attention. Those who are married have a preoccupation with their spouse. Those who are unmarried are free to more fully “care about the things of the Lord” while “the married man cares about…how to please his wife” and “the married woman cares about…how to please her husband.”
This forces Christian husbands to ask the question, “What does it look like to biblically care about the needs of my wife?” This is a question that I feel as though I am just beginning to learn how to answer eleven years into marriage. While there is no silver bullet, there are many things that the Scriptures teach us in order to help guide the process of learning to love your spouse. Here are seven basic biblical ways that the married man can seek to please his wife:
1. Lead her in worship.
Whether this occurs one-on-one or in the context of family worship, a godly husband will seek to “wash his wife with the water of the word” and to lead her “to the throne of grace” that they might together receive grace and mercy to help in time of need. A man who truly loves his wife will want to sing God’s praises with his wife and to encourage her with God’s word.
This is the most foundational way that a godly husband can love and serve his wife. Everything else in the marriage is secondary to—and will necessary wax and wane commensurate with—this all-important calling. God has given a believing husband his wife so that he might shepherd her soul to glory.
2. Carry her burdens.
One of the apostolic words to husbands regarding the way in which they are to love their wives is that they are to “dwell with them with understanding” (1 Pet. 3:7). A loving husband will seek to be gentle toward his wife. A truly loving husband will seek to listen to his wife as she relays her burdens. He will be patient with her when she seems to be folding under the pressures of life. He will seek to understand why she is struggling even when he doesn’t have the same burdens.
3. Provide for her.
A man who truly loves his wife will be a man who labors diligently to provide for his wife. The loving husband will be a hard-working husband. This doesn’t mean that he will make lots of money; but it does mean that his priority is to “provide for his own” (1 Tim. 5:8). He will work as many jobs as might be necessary in order to provide for his wife. Being a provider is something to which a loving husband must be committed.
4. Serve her in the home.
I don’t know if it is possible for someone to hate folding laundry as much as I hate folding laundry.
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Since that time, I’ve been thinking about why the overtures failed.  They passed overwhelmingly at General Assembly after all.  I don’t claim to be an expert at the way things work to get an overture passed.  I’ve been trying to bone up on that.  But something occurred to me recently.  Why didn’t all of the men who voted in favor of the overtures take the opportunity to speak up during the discussion?

Like many other conservative elders in the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA), I was discouraged that Overtures 23 and 37 failed to pass at the presbytery level. As a Ruling Elder (RE) I’m not able to attend as many presbytery meetings as Teaching Elders (TEs).  But I made it a point to attend this past meeting – not only to vote but also to speak in favor of the overtures.  Out of about 50 voters, the overtures failed in the presbytery at a rate of about 5 to 1.  It wasn’t even close.
Since we took the vote by counting hands, I looked around to see who voted in favor and who opposed.  I counted roughly 10 hands in favor, which were 7 more than the 3 conservative voters that spoke up during the floor discussion.  Our presbytery set apart about an hour of time for pre-voting dialogue/debate.  One spoke in favor, then one spoke in opposition, and each speaker had about 3 minutes to make his case. We didn’t use the full hour and I was only allowed one chance to speak per overture.  Since I was one of the first in line to speak, I couldn’t respond to those who spoke in opposition to the overtures.
As I mentioned, the overtures failed in my presbytery.  This was discouraging, but not shocking.  Then some days later I heard that the overtures failed to pass across the entire denomination, which was both discouraging and shocking – especially for an optimillenialist.
Since that time, I’ve been thinking about why the overtures failed.  They passed overwhelmingly at General Assembly after all.  I don’t claim to be an expert at the way things work to get an overture passed.  I’ve been trying to bone up on that.  But something occurred to me recently.  Why didn’t all of the men who voted in favor of the overtures take the opportunity to speak up during the discussion?
With Titus 1 in mind, I’d like to make a plea to those elders who were silent except for their afirmative vote.  Since the Lord Jesus Christ gave qualifications for REs and TEs in His own holy Word, that means I must turn to His word as I appeal to my fellow PCA elders.
Titus 1:9 speaks of those who are qualified for the office of elder this way: “He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.” 
Since I met resistance to my speech at my presbytery meeting, I know that at least some of the REs and TEs who voted against the overtures understand they need to speak up.  They saw an RE encouraging a yes vote to the overtures, and they stood up and said something.  But I return to my question: Why didn’t all of the men who voted in favor of the overtures take the opportunity to speak up during the discussion?  Surely all elders have studied Titus 1:9 as they were considering their own qualifications to become an elder.
I anticipate readers of this article may be those very elders across all the presbyteries in the PCA.  Here then is my reminder of the command of Christ.  The elder “must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught…”  He must also “be able to give instruction in sound doctrine.” And when the rubber hits the road, as it did during the latest presbytery meetings, he must “also rebuke those who contradict it.”  If the under-shepherd won’t rebuke those who contradict sound doctrine, he is unqualified for the office of elder.
So then, to those who silently voted in favor of the overtures; why do you remain silent?  In our culture, a vote is considered such a personal and private thing, that many can hide behind their vote without worry of being confronted for it.  So you may have voted conservative, and no one questioned you about it. If you had spoken up to rebuke those who contradict sound doctrine, then you likely would get confronted.  And so what if that happened? We know that we are to fear God over men.  God calls for our faithfulness as shepherds.  And faithfulness means rebuking those who contradict sound doctrine.  Titus 1:9 does NOT read this way “He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to cast a vote against those who contradict it.”
If God says we need to rebuke those who contradict sound doctrine, then we must do it.  It’s not an option.  It’s not reserved for those who don’t seem to care about burning bridges or eating their presbytery lunch by themselves.  We elders must be qualified to teach – which means that fear of speaking to a crowd is something that we’ve already gotten over.  God calls us not only to speak in front of a crowd, but also to speak what is necessary to the crowd – even to (and maybe especially to) a crowd of fellow elders.
Speaking words of rebuke to those who contradict sound doctrine is what we are called to do.  You must do it, not because some RE that you’ve never heard of says so, but because the qualifications for elder has been revealed in the perfect and infallible Word of our Lord.  If you maintain that you are qualified for the office of elder, but refuse to say something when you see something, then either Jesus is wrong or you’re wrong.
And so I ask the question a final time: Why didn’t all of the elders who voted in favor of the overtures take the opportunity to speak up during the discussion?  If you are a conservative elder in the PCA, are you not concerned that these overtures failed?  If you are not concerned, why did you vote in favor of the overtures?  If you are concerned, then what are you concerned about?  Are you concerned that some elders in the PCA are contradicting sound doctrine?  Then read Titus 1:9 again.
Matt Balocca is a Ruling Elder in Grace Presbyterian Church in Fresno, Calif.

It’s not only the Grinch—the truth is that each one of us knows all too well our own mistakes and shortcomings. And when it comes to finding someone to blame, the easiest person with whom to find fault is usually oneself. It’s not just you—every one of us has messed up. For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin (Rom. 3:20).

In the movie How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), there is a scene where the main character (played by Jim Carrey) goes on a monologue about his feelings of self-hatred:

The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there—on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn’t allow it. 4:00—wallow in self-pity; 4:30—stare into the abyss; 5:00—solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30—jazzercize; 6:30—dinner with me—I can’t cancel that again; 7:00—wrestle with my self-loathing… I’m booked!

It’s not only the Grinch—the truth is that each one of us knows all too well our own mistakes and shortcomings. And when it comes to finding someone to blame, the easiest person with whom to find fault is usually oneself. Here are twelve good things for Christians to remember when they are tempted to indulge in self-loathing:
1. It’s not just you—every one of us has messed up.

For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin. (Rom. 3:20)
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Rom. 3:23)
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. (1 John 1:8)

2. Jesus was born in the flesh to do for us what we could not do for ourselves.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom. 5:6-7)
For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (Rom. 8:3-4)

3. All who are in Jesus Christ are no longer under condemnation.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Rom. 8:1-2)
For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. (Rom. 5:19)

4. Jesus gives believers mercy and grace.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Eph. 2:8-9)
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Heb. 4:16)

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