The Beauty of Biblically Broad Complementarianism
The most important exhortation in complementarianism is not for women to sit down, but for men to stand up. That is the most important exhortation: for men to act like men; for their eager posture that we see hints of already here in the garden—that the man and the woman are created with a unique design: to be a helper, to be a leader.
I’m here to talk about the beauty of complementarianism. I’m going to take it for granted that at the Gospel Coalition National Conference, that there is more or less a shared understanding that complementarianism is a good thing. It may not be a shared understanding when it comes to the particulars of what that looks like in the church or in the home, but I’m going to take it as a shared understanding that this is a talk and a conversation among friends—among people who recognize that God has made men and women, and He’s made men and women differently, and He’s given to them different roles and functions to fulfill within the church and in the home. Hopefully that much we can agree on, and if we agree on that much that’s an awful lot.
I’m also going to take it as a base-level sort of assumption that part of being complementarians is an understanding that men—qualified, gifted, called men—are to be in the ordained leadership of the church, in particular as pastors and elders (perhaps there’s differences among us on the role of deacons or deaconesses). But what I want to help us to see from the Scriptures, I hope, is that biblical manhood and womanhood—though it is that—is more than that. Some people have begun to use the language of “narrow” or “broad” complementarianism. A narrow complementarianism might say that, “Yes, we see that there are differences between men and women, but those are rather narrowly constrained and confined; and the husband is to be the head of the household from Ephesians 5, and that women ought not to be elders and pastors from 1 Timothy chapter 2. Beyond that and beyond the specific realms of those leadership dynamics within the house and within the church, there isn’t much else that we dare to say.” That would be a narrow complementarianism. A broad complementarianism would be one that says, “While those things are true and fundamentally true and perhaps fundamentally clear, there are other things in Scripture which indicate to us that being a man and being a woman cannot be simply defined according to a few rules in the church and in the home. In other words, there is a broader conception of what God means when He creates us as male and female.”
I want to argue for the second of those categories. Not an infinite (there are stereotypes that we want to avoid—and I’ll talk about those along the way), but for a broad complementarianism that says God created man—male and female—in the garden; He created it good; He created them good; and He created them uniquely, that they might show forth the image of God. And part of that is to show forth the image of God in their differences.
Explaining Men and Women to Boys and Girls
I have eight kids. I’m amazed he got their names right—most days I don’t remember all of their names. I have five boys and I have three girls, and they are different—different in the sort of ways that you might imagine. These stereotypes aren’t always true, but stereotypes are there for a reason sometimes because they often are true. I have a son who sleeps with a small arsenal of knives and weapons under his pillow at night. If I ever have to move him or move his pillow, it makes a loud clunking metallic sound. Like good parents, we just let him have Swiss army knives in his pillow case under his bed. He has airsoft guns—not loaded (we’re good parents); various weapons in case bad guys would come into the house; he’s ready to do them serious harm.
And we have daughters, and they love many of the things that girls love to play with; and they are the people we hope will be taking care of us when we’re old. One time, not too long ago, we were in the car driving and I, with my wife, turned around and I just said, “Kids, who’s going to take care of your mom and dad when we’re old?” And without a beat, Jacob said, “Elsie will.” Very helpful. Probably that would be a better bet, that she might do a good job.
As they get older—they’re now ages three months through 15 years old—they keep doing new things, trying new things, learning new things, hearing new words, wondering what they mean; they have questions—lots of questions. And here is the central question that I want us to consider in our next 40 minutes together: What would you say—to an aunt or an uncle, or a mom or a dad—what would you say if your little boy says, “Daddy, what does it mean to be a man?” What would you say if your little girl comes up to you: “Mommy, Mommy! What does it mean to be a woman?” Hopefully we would have something more to say than, “You’re a boy: you can be a pastor.” What else might we say? Hopefully, you would say more than, “Well, nothing,” or “It’s simply a construct,” or “It means nothing at all, it’s whatever you want it to be.”
Now here’s what we should start by saying: “The first thing you need to know—son, daughter—is that you were made in the image of God. You are meant to show what God is like in the world; to be His little living image icon, representing Him, living like Him, speaking of Him, pointing to Him. That’s true for all boys and girls as they grow up into men and women.” And then I’d want to say to my son or daughter, “The next thing you need to realize is that you belong to Christ, and there are benefits of Christ and our position in Christ, and we want to grow into the person that we are in Christ.” In other words, I’d want to start with my son or daughter with these two doctrinal foundations in place: the image of God and our union with Christ. And actually, well before this point in my speech, my kids would be punching each other and they would be grabbing for Skittles or running out the door—so don’t think that any speech actually goes like that in my house. The kids know it often happens in the car or around the dinner table, I’ll say “Everyone quiet down, I have a Dad speech.” “Oh, a Dad speech again?” I give good Dad speeches. They don’t make it through, but they have good intent.
After attempting to lay these foundations—and you see what I’m doing there? Before we talk about what it means to be a man or a woman, and how those things are different, we do need to indicate how they are wonderfully the same. There is a sameness, in that we’re both made in the image of God called to bear forth that image in the world; and, if believers, we have union with Christ, growing into our fellowship with Christ. That’s what we want people to hear, whether you are a little boy or a little girl. But if they were still able to listen, I would want to talk to them about five categories: five ways men and women are different according to God’s good design. And I worked really hard to try to get these five points in some sort of mechanism whereby you can understand them, so A, B, C, D, and E. Pretty good.
A: “appearance”;
B: “body”;
C: “character”;
D: “demeanor”;
and E: (I had to cheat a little bit) “eager posture”.
Appearance, body, character, demeanor, eager posture—A, B, C, D, E.
Eager Posture
Rather than taking them in alphabetical order however, I want to take them in the order as they are revealed to us in Scripture, and that means we start with the E: “eager posture.” “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man shall be alone. I will make a helper fit for him” [Gen. 2:18]. A helper: this is, as we know, not a demeaning role to be a helper. Yahweh is often described as the helper of His people in the Old Testament, so to be a helper does not imply inferiority. But by design, according to the order of creation, the woman is to help her husband. That is her eager posture. And the man’s posture is to lead. We see that he was created first. We see in verses 19 and 20, he was charged with naming the animals. We see in verses 16 and 17, he was given the probationary command. And we see that—even though the record in Genesis 3 is that Eve took of the fruit and then gave some to her husband to eat—in Romans chapter 5, who is held responsible for that first sin? It’s a sin in Adam. So, we see Adam is the one held responsible for the transgression. 1 Corinthians 11:3: “The head of the wife is her husband.”
I use the word “posture” deliberately. Look, I know that the passage (verse 18 in particular) is talking about Eve—who will be the [wife] of Adam; and I’m speaking more broadly about the roles of men and women in biblical manhood and womanhood—but, the text that we see, especially related to the man, not all of them [are] specifically about his relationship to Eve, but rather about his posture as one who is given to be a leader.
Posture—think about posture. I use the word intentionally. You can slouch; you can sit very upright; you can be casual; you can be prim and proper; you can be formal. I use the word “posture” because we’re not talking here about an inflexible office, but rather an eager posture. It would be wrong—it would be sinful—for a husband to say to his wife, “You’re the helper; I don’t help you.” No, that would be wrong. This is not the same in every situation; it does not mean that men lead to the exclusion of helping; or the women help and they never are able to exercise leadership. We’re talking about what you are intentional to find and eager to accept. The wife is willing to be led, and the husband is eager to take the sacrificial initiative to lead. This has more to do, I think, with what men ought to be doing than what women should not be doing. The most important exhortation in complementarianism is not for women to sit down, but for men to stand up. That is the most important exhortation: for men to act like men; for their eager posture that we see hints of already here in the garden—that the man and the woman are created with a unique design: to be a helper, to be a leader.
Body
Second, then: “body”. So, A, B, C, D, E, but we’re moving out of order as we go through Scripture. Eager posture, and then body. The text I have here I’ll just read it to you. Leviticus 18:22: “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination.” “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman”—that’s Leviticus 18. In Leviticus chapter 20, it gives a similar prohibition; and in 1 Corinthians 6 and then in 1 Timothy 1, Paul—in making the prohibition against homosexuality—uses this word “arsenokoitês,” “arsenokoitês.” And all the scholars agree that this is the first time the word has been used; Paul made up a word. It’s harder to know what it means when Paul made it up, but it’s actually quite clear what it means because Paul—being steeped in the Old Testament—was clearly drawing from Leviticus 18 and Leviticus 20, which if you could read in the Septuagint—that’s the Greek translation that Paul would’ve been familiar with—it uses those two words: “arsen,” meaning “man;” “koitai” meaning “bed” or “to take someone to bed.” The man shall not bed a man as he would a woman—that’s the prohibition [in] Leviticus 18 and 20, and that’s the word that then Paul puts together in 1 Timothy 1 and in 1 Corinthians 6.
The world says orientation is more essential than gender. The world says gender is a construct, and actions should correspond to our self-authenticated desires. The Bible suggests that gender carries with it its own oughtness; and that actions should correspond to divinely created identity. So, Paul takes “arsen” and “koitai” to say what Leviticus 18 and 20 said—namely, that as a man you have a body, and that body is uniquely fit together—this one flesh union—with a woman. It is not designed to be fit together in a one-flesh union with another man. There is an oughtness to gender; there is an oughtness to the body that you have been given by God.
I just gave a faculty forum at RTS last week, and I was going through this very fascinating book by Kyle Harper. He’s a professor at the University of Oklahoma. I don’t even know what his religious affiliation is, if any, but it’s on the sexual transformation from late-Roman antiquity into the Christian era. And if that doesn’t get you, I don’t know what will. But it’s fascinating, and one of the points that he makes—and his understanding of ancient Roman sources is phenomenal—but one of the transformations that took place is that in the Roman sexual economy, sexual deviance was a matter of social standing. That is, at the top of the social hierarchy were free Roman males. And yes—marriage was important; and yes—you were not to commit adultery with another married woman, or a free married woman. But it was understood in the Roman sexual economy that men needed to have sexual outlets. And so, for a man in his early years to have sex with prostitutes was not considered any sort of deviance; he can still be considered a virgin; for a man to have sex with prostitutes or with slaves, even as a married man, because it was considered a lower social status.
Very often, Roman men might have sex with young boys, called “pederasty.” It wasn’t a matter of orientation; it was a matter of—they thought—sexual overflow and needing an outlet for this desire.
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Three Encouragements for a Courageous Life
Those who fear God have no need to fear anything else. And those who walk in the fear of the Lord walk in the path of God’s favor, one that chiefly promises life everlasting (Prov. 8:32-36). The world can neither tamper nor thwart what God has promised His people. Because eternal life is ours, we can boldly stand in our convictions.
Courageous.
No word better describes the prophet Daniel. Believers have long marveled at his willingness to boldly endure a night in the presence of hungry lions—knowing that death was a likely outcome—because he esteemed God over man.
There is a simple moral in Daniel’s story: stand for God, no matter the consequences.
And the application seems obvious. Have the same courage as the prophet. Don’t compromise your convictions, even if death is the result. Of course, following Daniel’s example isn’t always as simple. That kind of conviction can be costly, and oftentimes dangerous. Daniel-like courage can come at the price of life itself, and who is willing to pay that?
To understand why Daniel had such courage—and how we can as well—we need to understand that the fuel for Daniel’s courage was not his convictions. It was the God he served.
Obviously, Daniel was a man of conviction. However, he didn’t build those convictions himself. Instead, he saw the will and work of God in him and all around him.
True and experiential knowledge of who God is and what He’s doing transformed Daniel.
Our pagan society—our modern-day Babylon—is not all that different than the society of Daniel’s day. Twenty-first century believers have much in common with the people of God in the ancient world. We too are aliens in a foreign, pagan land. We too are asked to compromise our beliefs, pledge allegiance to men over God, and forsake our devotion to our Heavenly King. And if we are to share Daniel’s resolve, we must draw our courage from the same source he did. The stories we tell about this great man of God are less about the man and more about his God. Though the call to be courageous and faithful can be difficult, it is not impossible because it is not dependent on our strength. Our courage can be the same as Daniel’s because our God is his God.
In this article, I will share three encouragements for a courageous life that can anchor our gospel courage not in ourselves, but in the gracious and generous God who grants deep-rooted convictions and life-long faithfulness.
God Establishes Where We are Planted
The book of Daniel begins by describing the tragic fall of the Jewish people into the hands of the Babylonians (606-605 BC). The narrative describes a complete takeover by a king, Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon, who believes he defeated Yahweh Himself when he transported “vessels of the house of God… to the house of his god, and the vessels into the treasury of his god” (Dan. 1:2).
Having seemingly stripped the Jewish people of their God, Nebuchadnezzar then asked and demanded whatever he wanted of them. He drafts the sons of Israel into his personal service (Dan. 1:3-5), and he educates these Hebrew boys in the customs and systems of Babylon. He even administers name changes that disassociate these men from their heritage and instead assimilate them into a new, pagan culture. Given those circumstances, Daniel would have had every reason to be broken, distressed, or indignant. But that is not the case because Daniel recognizes God’s providence in his life. Daniel 1:2 holds the key to Daniel’s courage in a hostile environment. It says the chaos, the loss of a home, the dominance of a foreign power, the need to assimilate to a new culture were ordained by God Himself. “The Lord handed Jehoiakim king of Judah over to him” (Dan. 1:2). What Nebuchadnezzar never imagined was that his conquest of God’s people fit perfectly into the will and purposes designed by God for His people.
The world did not slip out of God’s grasp in Daniel’s day. Neither has it today. In God’s wisdom, he always plants his people in fertile soil where they can live and minster with courage. What good is courage if it is unnecessary?
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Fight Like Men: Part 5 of Biblical Manhood Series
The Bible expects that men will act like men, worship like men, participate in the advance of Jesus’ Kingdom like men, by adopting the weapons of warfare like men, and by showing up looking like men, being groomed like men, and being dressed like a man. These things are a glory to a man, they are most suitable to his frame, and will equip us to fight in a way that glorifies our King.
When I began this series on the fall and recovery of Biblical masculinity several weeks ago, little did I know that we were all about to witness a powerful and yet pitiful example of what fallen and impotent manhood looks like. Just as the brave Marines, holding the American flag atop a mound of rubble, on the war torn island of Iwo Jima, became a symbol for that entire era, so too will the slap heard round the world become a symbol of the weak and sickly manhood that is available today. Like the majority of the world, I had no idea that another award show filled full of opining elites had come and gone; that is until social media became a flurry with rumors that the fresh prince of Bel Aire slapped the Zebra from Madagascar.
Mildly intrigued, I went to youtube and saw the pitiful display.
And before we continue, let me begin with a few disclaimers. I detest celebrity culture. I despise award shows. I loath tabloid style gossip that thrives on who’s sleeping with who. And I have found that my life will be so much more productive, peaceful, and rewarding if I worry about what God has called me to do, rather than worrying about which celebrity is in rehab for shipwrecking their life. That may sound insensitive, but I have more than enough to fill my schedule with growing in the love God, fighting to prioritize my family, loving neighbor, serving the church, and being faithful to do the things God has entrusted to me to do with the precious seconds He has given me. Celebrity culture does not even crack the top billion on my list.
Yet, I am interested in what happened, if for no other reason than I think it poignantly and perfectly encapsulates the downfall of our society. But, being two weeks removed, I am not contributing to the cacophony of opinions on the matter, because Will and Jada Smith are not my point. I only bring Will Smith up as a microcosm for failed masculinity. Let me explain.
First, I am no expert on the comings and goings of the Smith’s, but you would have needed to live under a rock much larger than a comedian named Chris to think things were hunky dory in the Smith home. And while it is not my goal to air all of their soiled linens on this episode, I do want to point out that smacking Chris Rock for a joke was not at all a masculine act.
Masculinity would have been faithfulness to his own marriage vows over the years. Masculinity would not have stood idly by while his wife was sleeping with one of her son’s friends. Masculinity would have provided a home where his children did not grow up entitled and thoroughly perverted by his debauchery. In fact, after years of abdicating his responsibility as a man, his family has become the joke… The humor of Chris Rock was just the final straw atop an overly burdened ego.
This was not masculinity. This was not defending the honor of his wife. This was the petulant temper tantrum of a guilt ridden man, who knows what it is like to play a strong and successful male on television, but behind the mask, is a weak and pitiful example in real life.
This is why I say that this moment was the perfect encapsulation of modern culture and manhood. Mr Smith represents a generation of spoiled, entitled, emasculated boys, who would rather shift blame onto other people for their failures instead of facing the consequences of their decisions.
Mr. Smith showcased one way to fight, but it certainly was not how to fight like a Christian man, which is the topic of our present episode. Unlike Will Smith, or whatever societal image we may have seen of late, we need to know what it means to fight like a Christian man. We need to know how we are called to fight? Where are we called to fight? What we are fighting for? And who we are fighting for! That is what we will be answering today, and we will begin with understanding the battle.
Understanding the Battle
I hope it goes without saying that we are not called to fight with literal weapons. This is not a battle for geography, per se, this is a battle for the spiritual life and well-being of the world. We are called to make war with sin, make war against the kingdom of darkness, heralding Christ to all the nations, extending His Kingdom so that He may become greater as everything else becomes less. This war is a spiritual war, advanced in the souls of men, spreading out to the ends of the earth, putting everything under the feet of Jesus. But, before we can engage in that battle, we must first understand our enemy.
Understanding Our Enemies
When the Bible speaks about our enemy, we often get the picture of a serpentine dragon that is roaring about seeking whomever he may devour and that is certainly part of the story. We really do live in a world where the devil prowls about like a lion seeking whomever he may destroy (1 Peter 5:8). We know that Scripture tells us that this beastly fiend is the god of this world (2 Corinthians 4:4) and that the world, in some ways, is still under his dominion and authority (1 John 5:18-19). But we also live in a world where Christ has triumphed over and disarmed the devil (Colossians 2:15), bound him in order to plunder his kingdom (Mark 3:27), and has given us the ability to resist him (James 4:7) and to see Jesus’ Kingdom triumph over his (Mt. 16:17-19).
And while an exhaustive study on the devil would be helpful, the central point I want us to understand is that we are in a war and that Satan is one of our great enemies. He is a liar, a deceiver, and wants nothing more than to blind eyes and deceive the nations. As Christian men, we fight him by clinging to the truth, employing the means of grace, participating in the church and sacraments, by contending for the Gospel once for all delivered to the saints, and by seeking to see Jesus’ Kingdom extended to all the nations. Satan is our real enemy and as Christian men we are not called to tremble over him, but to wage war against him in Jesus’ name!
But, he is not our only enemy. The Bible tells us that we actually have three enemies, the world, the flesh, and the devil.
The world, according to Scripture, is the realm of sinful humanity who live by lies, hate the church, and are opposed to the Lordship of Christ. Think about it this way, Jesus is the King over His people, the elect, and we have become citizens of His glorious Kingdom to do His bidding. Well, in the same way, the serpent is the prince and power over his tyrannical kingdom, the world, and the reprobate are both pleased and equipped to do his bidding as well.
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The Greatest Promise of His Presence
God showed us His desire to be with us in the greatest possible way. He came to us in the person of His Son. He gave this promise of His coming decades before it happened so people would know He was coming—the Messiah, the Deliverer—and they would be assured that He intended to be with them. He gave a promise to King Ahaz through the prophet Isaiah when His enemies besieged him. “Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, a virgin will be with child and bear a son, and she will call His name Immanuel. (Isaiah 7:14)
The central theme of the Bible is the relational presence of God. God intends to be with us in real intimacy and vibrant, daily fellowship. This began in the Garden and will be consummated at the end of time with a “new heaven and new earth,” where the Garden will be restored, and those who know Him by faith will live with Him forever. “With you” is the consistent and glorious promise of God to man.
The Promise Until ThenAll along the way in human history, God has made ways for us to be with Him, and He with us. He came to the Patriarchs and spoke through the Prophets, calling us back to Himself. The building of a tabernacle, a “tent of meeting,” was a sign that He was present, as was the temple in Jerusalem, filled with the Holy of Holies. Through a great sacrifice, He will be with us.
Immanuel
God showed us His desire to be with us in the greatest possible way. He came to us in the person of His Son. He gave this promise of His coming decades before it happened so people would know He was coming—the Messiah, the Deliverer—and they would be assured that He intended to be with them.
He gave a promise to King Ahaz through the prophet Isaiah when His enemies besieged him.
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