We hear a lot about “deconstruction” these days and a lot about “exvangelicals.” And though the terms may be new, the reality is as old as the church itself—some will profess faith for a time and then fall away. There was a time when Christians referred to such people as “infidels,” those who had come to reject the faith they once professed. In my ongoing reading of the sermons of De Witt Talmage, I came across some of his writings on infidelity and found them as appropriate to our day as they were to his. I thought I’d share a few choice snippets.

In this first one he explains why infidelity attracts so much attention.

I know infidelity makes a good deal of talk in our day. One infidel can make great excitement, but I will tell you on what principle it is. It is on the principle that if a man jumps overboard from an ocean-liner he makes more excitement than all the five hundred who stay on the deck. But the fact that he jumps overboard does not stop the ship. Does that wreck the five hundred passengers? It makes great excitement when a man jumps from the lecturing platform or from the pulpit into infidelity; but does that keep the Bible or the Church from carrying millions of passengers to the shores of safety?

Then he shows how those who reject the faith invariably leave nothing better or more hopeful in its wake:

These infidel advocates demonstrate the meanness of infidelity, by trying to substitute for the chief consolation of the world absolutely nothing. You have only to hear them at the edge of the grave, or at the edge of the coffin, discoursing, to find out that there is no comfort in infidelity. There is more good cheer in the hooting of an owl at midnight than in their discourses at the verge of the grave. You might as well ask the spirit of eternal darkness to discourse on the brightness of everlasting day.
…
They despise what they call the apostolic creed; but if their own creed were written out it would read like this: “I believe in nothing, the maker of heaven and earth, and in nothing which it hath sent, which nothing was born of nothing, and which nothing was dead and buried and descended into nothing, and arose from nothing, and ascended to nothing, and now sitteth at the right hand of nothing, from which it will come to judge nothing. I believe in the holy agnostic church and in the communion of nothingarians, and in the forgiveness of nothing, and the resurrection of nothing, and in the life that never shall be. Amen!”

And here is one final snippet in which he demonstrates the true horror of those who seek to draw others away from what God has revealed to be true:

You know what caused the accident some years ago on the Hudson River Railroad. It was an intoxicated man who for a joke pulled the string of the air brake and stopped the train at the most dangerous point of the journey. But the lightning express train, not knowing there was any impediment in the way, came down crushing out of the mangled victims the immortal souls that went speeding instantly to God and judgment. It was only a joke. He thought it would be such fun to stop the train. He stopped it! And so these infidel champions are chiefly anxious to stop the long train of the Bible, and the long train of the churches, and the long train of Christian influences, while coming down upon us are death, judgment, and eternity, coming a thousand miles a minute, coming with more force than all the avalanches that every slipped from the Alps, coming with more strength than all the lightning express trains that ever whistled, or shrieked, or thundered across the continent.

What can a heart do? What actions do we associate with the human heart? A heart can beat; a heart can race; a heart can stop. That’s all very literal and speaks to the heart as a physical part of our bodies. But we also speak of the heart metaphorically as the place of our emotions. And so we say that a heart can long and love, it can hurt and break. We even say that a heart can be given: “I give you my heart.” The heart, then, in our way of thinking, is physical and emotional.

But then how does the Bible use “heart?” Did you know that the New Testament uses the word “heart” well over a hundred times, but never once to refer to the organ in your chest? It only ever uses it as a metaphor, as a word picture. So what can the heart do according to the Bible?
I looked up all the uses in the New Testament and came up with a list: A heart can think, a heart can understand, a heart can desire, a heart can speak; a heart can doubt or believe, it can love or hate, it can repent or remain impenitent. A heart can be dull or sharp, hard or soft, open or closed, downcast or refreshed, right or wrong, sincere or hypocritical, pure or impure. The heart can have longings and secrets and intentions and purposes. It can produce good or evil, it can be filled by the Holy Spirit or by Satan, it can stay near to God or stray far from him. And though that list is quite long, it accounts for only the New Testament which represents merely 15 percent of the times the word is used throughout the Bible.
So, in the way the biblical authors thought, the heart is far more than emotion. It’s the place our actions originate. It’s the place our thoughts and words originate, as well as our intentions and motives, our convictions and worship. The heart is the place of affection and emotion and reason from which we issue orders to the rest of our faculties.
You might say the heart is the controller for the drone. That drone will sit there and do nothing until you touch a dial or knob. And then it will respond, then it will obey the commands it is given. You might say the heart is the mission control center at NASA that tells the astronauts when to blast off and when to touch down. We will not do anything or say anything or even desire anything without the heart first issuing the order. None of our abilities or faculties operate independently of the heart.
The heart, then, is the place where God’s influence comes into contact with man’s will to be accepted or rejected, to be obeyed or disobeyed. This makes the heart the very moral center of a human being. And it’s for this reason we need to ask God to search the heart, to examine it and look for anything there that dishonors him or threatens our well-being. It’s for this reason we need to monitor all of our words and actions, knowing they are the overflow of the heart and that they expose the state of the heart. It’s for this reason we need to keep the heart, tend the heart, guard the heart, and feed and satisfy the heart with good spiritual nourishment. It’s for this reason that nothing matters more to the Christian life than the heart. For, in God’s eye, the heart is always the heart of the matter.

It can be awkward to reach out to those who are deep in grief. It can be hard to know what to say and easy to believe that our words are more likely to offend than comfort, to make a situation worse rather than better. We sense that our words ought to be few, but also that the worst thing to say is nothing at all.

I recently consulted with a few other parents who have experienced the loss of a child and want to offer a few things you can say to grieving parents that may prove an encouragement to them—a flicker of light in their time of deep darkness. These phrases may be helpful to people experiencing other forms of grief, but I offer them particularly for those grieving the loss of a child.
“I am praying for you.” This is the one thing every person can do and the one thing that is simplest to say. When a family has experienced a deep loss, you can intercede for them and then, as a means of encouragement, simply let them know that you have been doing so. You may even tell them how you have been praying for them—perhaps what Scriptures you have been praying on their behalf. One word from the Word is worth a thousand from anywhere else.
“I will never grow tired of your grief.” A deep loss is very nearly all-consuming. For weeks and even months it can completely dominate a life. The one who is experiencing the grief may soon begin to fear becoming an annoyance to others—to fear they will wonder why he or she isn’t yet over it. It is a tremendous blessing, then, to have one or two trusted friends offer this assurance: “I will never grow tired of your grief.” This makes those friends a safe harbor for expressing sorrow, whether weeks, months, or even years later. It blesses the sufferer to know they will always have someone who will listen patiently as they pour out their broken hearts.
“I’ll stick with you all the way.” Many well-wishers will express condolences in the early days, but few will continue to be present and available weeks, months, or years later. This is completely understandable, of course. Yet there is a place for a small number of close friends to say, “I’ll stick with you all the way.” This is an agreement that they will continue to be available and continue to initiate good conversations in the latter days as much as the early days. These people may want to schedule regular meetings and check-ins—perhaps breakfast or coffee every couple of weeks at first, then with the gap widening as time passes. These people will want to ensure they live up to their word and truly do stick with their friends all the way.
“Text me any time and say only, ‘I’m having a bad day.’” On days of deep grief, it can be difficult for a grieving parent to reach out for help because it would be too overwhelming to have to offer explanations and answer questions. There is freedom in being able to text someone to say only “I’m having a bad day” with no further explanation and no follow-up interrogation. This is an invitation not to have the other person call and counsel, but simply to stop and pray. That person can be a tremendous encouragement by replying with nothing more than this: “I’ll pray for you right now.”
“Dinner is on me.” When people are deep in grief, little things can become big things. Mourners carry a heavy burden of spiritual and emotional trauma that makes even tasks as simple as preparing meals onerous or very nearly impossible. One of the most helpful things you can do is provide food—whether dropping off a meal (preferably hot and ready-to-eat at dinner time), ordering one through UberEats or SkiptheDishes, or sending along gift cards. This fulfills one of those essential tasks and takes it out of the hands of the one experiencing such difficulty. (Alternatively or additionally, if you are at the grocery store, text and ask, “I’m at the store, is there anything I can pick up for you?”)
“One of my favorite memories is…” A fear of all parents who have lost a child is that their child will be forgotten (which would, in turn, make them feel like their child’s life didn’t matter). For this reason, sharing favorite memories is often a means of encouragement. Most parents long to know those stories and to laugh and cry as they hear them.
“I am thinking of you today.” After the initial days, weeks, and months following a loss, grief tends to reassert itself on occasions and anniversaries. It can be an expression of love and care to get in touch with the family on the birthday of the child who died as well as on the anniversary of his death. If relevant, it may also be a blessing to be in touch on the day he would have been married or would have graduated, and so on. This is perhaps especially important in the first year—the year of so many firsts.
“What can I do for your kids?” The death of a child impacts the entire family, including older and younger siblings. It may be extremely helpful for friends to step in to babysit younger children and to spend time with or even informally counsel older children. Little gifts or tokens of love for the kids may prove a blessing.
“May I pay my respects?” For many families, it is a sign of love and respect for friends to visit the grave of their loved one. Some may prefer to be there when their friends visit and others will be encouraged simply to know that their friends took the time. But, either way, the family may be blessed to know you have visited the grave and paid your respects.
(A word about cemetery etiquette: You can simply stand quietly at a graveside to remember the deceased or to pray and thank God for the person’s life and ask him to bless the grieving family. Though it is not at all necessary, it may be meaningful to take flowers and simply lay them at the grave. Some cemeteries have strict regulations about what can be brought and left, others have no regulations at all. If you visit on your own, the family may be encouraged to know you visited, so consider telling them.)