I am part of something much bigger and much grander than myself. It is when we get our eyes off of these spiritual truths that we can become discouraged and depressed. Satan will try to convince us that we are all alone, that no one knows we even exist, and that no one cares if we live or die. It is during these times especially that we need to keep in mind the heavenly parade. We are marching right now in it. It may not seem that way. But one day we will see just how real this has been. 

Parades have sort of fallen out of favour in recent times in the West. Sure, we still have some more modern and trendy versions such as a homosexual pride parade that some folks will get into. But the older, more traditional parades that celebrated things like our fallen soldiers and historical milestones are less important today it seems.
Memorial Day parades or Fourth of July parades (at least in America) were once largely attended events. We used to love to celebrate and commemorate great events and important achievements. But today patriotism, heroism and related virtues are now on the wane. At best, we are now prone instead to celebrate perversions and debauchery.
Thus June is supposed to be “Pride Month”. Well, I for one will certainly not be celebrating that. As some memes making the rounds have pointed out, the first pride event was when Satan fell from heaven, or when God rained fire on Sodom and Gomorrah. I do not want to be on the wrong side of history here – that is, God’s history.
My thoughts on public processions and celebrations of key events are because of a dream I had last night. If you don’t mind, I can share parts of it here. I was in a large, multi-roomed building, and I saw a lengthy group of people parading through the hallways and rooms. Soon it was outside, and I had joined in with it. It seemed to have been a group of believers, perhaps celebrating something like Easter.
Upon awakening it occurred to me that there has always been one long parade of God’s people. It was there in Old Testament times. And certainly since Christ came we have had a continuous, non-stop parade of Christians throughout human history.
There has never been a time in the past 2000 years when the light of Christ and those bearing witness to him have been fully extinguished. There have always been God’s people celebrating the great things of God. And just as I joined in with this already-in-progress march in my dream, so too, all of God’s people are part of this ongoing event.
And since I am now reading again in the book of Job, I am reminded that he too was a part of this massive parade. He too had a role to play in all this. He may not have seen the bigger picture, but he was one of the millions of participants, bearing witness to God and his Kingdom.
One of course thinks here of Hebrews 11. We call this the ‘Hall of Faith’. It speaks of so many great heroes of faith who have gone before, people such as Noah or Abraham or Moses or Gideon or David. Even the pagan prostitute Rahab who protected some Israelites is included in this list of great men and women of God.
Indeed, in the genealogy of Jesus mentioned in Matthew 1 we find three foreign women included: Tamar, Rahab and Ruth. And my point is, if there is a heavenly list of all God’s people throughout the ages, my name will be included there – as well yours, if you have let Christ give you newness of life and forgiveness of sins. So many people…
In fact, before I fell asleep last night and had my dream, I was thinking of ALL the people who have ever lived on earth. Right now there are 8 billion on this planet. How many more were around over the centuries? What I found to be so amazing is that if God knows everything about me, if he knows me by name, if he is intimately aware of my every thought and action, this is true of every other person who has ever lived.
That alone should do our heads in. What an amazing God we have who knows in exhaustive detail everything there is to be known about every single human being ever born. Yet he treats each one of us as if we were the only person on earth. He is able to give us individually his complete and undivided attention. And he does that with everyone!
So if you are thinking that no one knows about you or cares about you, well, there is at least one person who does: God. And if you are one of those people who feels alone, unloved, unwanted and unknown, be aware that there are so many others as well who might feel this way.
As mentioned, I am back in the book of Job, and early on it really struck me to read what he said soon after God allowed him to be afflicted so very greatly. Consider just a few passages:
“Why did I not die at birth,come out from the womb and expire?” (3:11)
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In the end, any personal vengeance we could pursue or desire is pitiful and useless in comparison to the wrath of God that awaits anyone who remains unrepentant.  If that desire is against our fellow saints, it is a great affront to Christ who has born that wrath already.  Still, it is appropriate to cry out to God asking how long until His wrath rights all wrongs (Revelation 6:10-11).  But when we ask that, we must remember that the answer is “one more saint”.  God’s ultimate wrath will come when all of the saints are brought in—and not a nanosecond before (Matthew 13:24-30,36-43). 

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
-Romans 12:19-21
When we are wronged, our natural tendency is to seek vengeance.  Since Scripture forbids that, our faith in God’s wrath helps us expel any thoughts of vengeance, giving us comfort amidst affliction.  When we consider God’s wrath, comfort is probably the last thing that comes to mind, so my aim is to show how God’s wrath is a place of hope for the saints that can satisfy our desire for justice infinitely better than vengeance ever could.
The Problem of Human Vengeance
The sinful desire for vengeance comes from the natural and good desire for justice.  When we perceive injustice, the response is anger which can manifest in appropriate or sinful ways.[1]  When we or those close to us are wronged, we want to right that wrong, so vengeance is to return the wrong by responding in kind.  If we were able to return that wrong in a perfectly just manner, vengeance would be appropriate, but since only God has perfect knowledge of and power over everything, only God’s vengeance is infallible.  We finite humans are incapable of dispensing vengeance in a perfectly just manner, so it is forbidden: “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD” (Leviticus 19:18).  The first time we see vengeance in Scripture is when self-righteous Lamech, the epitome of the evil line of Cain, brags about killing a man who merely wounded him (Genesis 4:23-24).  Had it not been for Abigail’s skillful intercept, David would have wiped out Nabal’s household for his insult (1 Samuel 25:32-35).  Even when God raised up nations to judge other nations, they either failed to fully carry out that judgment or went too far.  The latter has often triggered endless cycles of violence. In short, our propensity to self-righteousness and unrighteous anger means that we cannot be trusted to seek vengeance appropriately, so we must avoid it.  Vengeance enacted by fallen humans can never balance the scales of justice, so it will never accomplish its intended goal.
The Christian must reject vengeance, and since sin begins with our thoughts and motives, we must reject even the desire for vengeance.  A common form of this in our day is critical theory, which advocates an oppressed group oppressing their former oppressors as a way to get even for past wrongs.  We have previously examined how this is unjust because it mistakes shared responsibility for individual responsibility.  Plus, it does nothing but foster self-righteousness and division when Scripture calls us to humility and unity.  Like all desires for vengeance, it directly violates the command of Jesus:
You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.  You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
-Matthew 5:38-45, ESV
This command from the Sermon on the Mount clearly excludes any possibility of seeking vengeance, so we cannot obey Jesus and support critical theory.  Instead, Jesus is saying that when we are wronged we should lean into the wrong and do good instead.  It is important to note that this passage does not require us to overlook evil, tolerate injustice, or refrain from all forms of defending ourselves or others.  Scripture is full of commands not to overlook evil, as we saw when discussing abortion.  None of the examples Jesus gives are life-threatening—a slap not a murder, a small lawsuit not an attempt to ruin, and a compulsion to walk a reasonable distance not a kidnapping.  Instead, Jesus is exhorting us to a new strategy that reflects the nature of God, who graciously withholds His vengeance from all of us who incessantly sin against Him.  It is also not being a pushover but is in fact being strategic.  We are called to do all we can to live in peace, but even that command comes with caveats (Romans 12:18).  So to obey Jesus’s command here is to wisely look at the situation.  If there is a reasonable chance that “turning the other cheek” will result in peace or turn a life around as in Les Misérables, we should pursue it: “If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you” (Proverbs 25:21-22, cf. Romans 12:20).  Such unexpected generosity stands a very real chance of disarming an enemy.
When the Syrians discovered that their plans against Israel were being thwarted by Elisha’s prophecies, they sent an army against him.  After God struck them with blindness, he led them into Samaria—right into the hands of Israel’s king who excitedly asked if he should kill them.  Elisha responded: “You shall not strike them down. Would you strike down those whom you have taken captive with your sword and with your bow? Set bread and water before them, that they may eat and drink and go to their master” (2 Kings 6:22).  Arguably, the greatest show of power is restraint.  Power restrained is meekness, and Jesus said the meek will inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5).  One of the greatest power plays then is to do good when you have the power to do harm.  When faced with a threat, the weak have no choice but to fight or flee while the strong have the ability to calmly respond with kindness while still maintain the ability to fight if necessary.
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Having seven questions each with five levels of depth can sound mechanical. You don’t build friendships like you stack Legos following the instructions to create what’s on the cover of the box. The seven questions are intended to help you to always have something to talk about. The five levels are meant to help you identify what area of a friendship is least developed and allow you to be intentional. If you have that level of awareness, go with where the conversation takes you.

Building meaningful friendships can be difficult, especially in a culture that is lonelier and more disconnected than ever. In Transformative Friendships: 7 Questions to Deepen Any Relationship, counselor Brad Hambrick encourages readers to develop new rhythms, habits, and lifestyles that will shape and grow their relationships, both with casual acquaintances and closer friends.
In this interview, we talk to Brad about the importance of building friendships and how doing so can transform your life.
Q: TRANSFORMATIVE FRIENDSHIPS EXPLORES SEVEN QUESTIONS THAT YOU BELIEVE CAN DEEPEN ANY RELATIONSHIP. WHAT ARE THOSE SEVEN QUESTIONS?
Hopefully, it’s not intimidating to imagine yourself asking a friend these questions or being asked them by a friend. In Transformative Friendships, we unpack how these simple questions can transform casual acquaintances into “iron sharpens iron” friendships that become dearer than family (Proverbs 27:17).

What’s your story?
What’s good?
What’s hard?
What’s bad?
What’s fun?
What’s stuck?
What’s next?

Q: THREE OF THESE QUESTIONS SEEM TO LINK TOGETHER—WHAT’S GOOD? WHAT’S HARD? WHAT’S BAD? WHY ARE EACH OF THESE QUESTIONS IMPORTANT AND HOW DO THEY EACH HELP IN DEEPENING OUR FRIENDSHIPS?
From a Christian perspective, this invites us to explore our identity in Christ (what’s good), suffering (what’s hard), and sin (what’s bad). In different Christian traditions, one of these questions may be emphasized more than the others. But if friendships are going to have a holistic and balanced influence on our life, then we need to emphasize all three.
Q: IS IT BETTER TO HAVE A FEW REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS OR MANY MORE CASUAL FRIENDS?
That’s a good question, but I think it’s better not to think in terms of either-or. There are benefits to having really close friendships, but if all our friendships were “deep” that would be exhausting and crowd out other life responsibilities. Casual friendships also enrich our life, but if all our friendships were “shallow” we would feel lonely in a socially crowded life.
One of the things I want to do in Transformative Friendships is help people see the value of both and learn how to be intentional in taking a few of their casual friendships to a deeper level.
Q: WHAT ARE SOME OF THE FACTORS THAT MAKE HAVING GOOD FRIENDSHIPS HARDER THAN IT SHOULD BE?
This can vary from context to context. I currently live in a big city where people move in and out all the time. The frequency with which people move make friendships feel temporary. But I grew up in a small town where being vulnerable felt riskier because everyone there would know you for the rest of your life.
There is also the factor of social media. Social media allows us to polish our image as we post the best pictures and narrate them in our preferred way. Because of this lots of people know a lot about us, but we don’t really feel known. We put out curated information about ourselves, but that can impede cultivating an actual relationship because of the limited engagement. I’m not against social media. I just think we need to be more aware of how it impacts who we call a “friend.”
Q: AS YOU’VE SERVED AS A COUNSELOR AND WORKED TO CREATE CHURCH-BASED COUNSELING MODELS, WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED ABOUT PEOPLE’S RELIANCE ON COUNSELING OVER FRIENDSHIP?
Many people begin to rely on counseling as a friend-substitute. Counseling is where they are “real” and talk about what’s “hard.” They think if they’re engaging in counseling (which I’m all for) that friendships can just focus on what is “fun” and “good.” The result is that their friendships become more superficial. Ideally, when counseling is needed, it would be a place to talk about and tame the hard parts of life in a way that makes those subjects more approachable in their closer friendships. An indication that someone is ready to graduate from counseling is when he or she feels like they can talk about their hardships in their friendships.
Q: HOW DOES TRANSFORMATIVE FRIENDSHIPS FIT INTO THE CHURCH-BASED COUNSELING SERIES THAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN?
The Church-Based Counseling series is primarily about helping churches create counseling ministries that are relationally sustainable, liability wise, and church compatible. But I didn’t want churches to think, “Now that we have a counseling ministry, that is where we send all the hurting people.” That would make the church less of what God intends it to be.
Transformative Friendships is meant to be a resource that strengthens friendships in a church. That should serve a counseling ministry, if a church chooses to create one, in two ways. First, it helps those who are reaching out for counseling not to over rely on counseling. A counseling ministry cannot and should not privatize discipleship. Second, it creates a relational context for those receiving counseling that makes counseling more effective.
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