Who You Most Truly Are — A Wedding Speech for Abby and Nathan
Yesterday we celebrated Abby and Nathan’s wedding—the first of a whole new generation for the Challies side of the family (though certainly not the last since Abby is one of 16 children/nieces/nephews). The day was every bit as beautiful as we had hoped. I’ll try to share a few pictures in the near future, but in the meantime thought I’d share the speech Aileen and I delivered together.
Tim: This is a day of great joy. It’s a day of great joy and we are so thankful to each of you that you’ve chosen to share it with us. Thanks to those of you who drove from the Deep South, to those of you who drove from the Great White North, and to those of you who came from somewhere in between. Welcome to all the Elfarrahs and their friends; welcome to all the Challies and our friends; and welcome, of course, to the many friends of the couple. We consider it a tremendous honor that you would spend this day and this evening celebrating with us.
Aileen: We wanted to start off telling you all a little bit about Abby. As a child Abby was always a bit of a force to be reckoned with. She has always been competent and capable and so very determined. At 9 months old Abby crawled for about two days, then decided that was enough of that and got up and walked. At 9 months. I have no pictures of her crawling because she didn’t crawl long enough for me to get them! At 15 months she decided she had had enough of diapers and potty-trained herself in one afternoon. And at 4 years old, after watching me struggle for a solid couple of months to teach her older brother how to ride a bike, announced she wanted to do away with her training wheels. I told her no—that I needed a break. My neighbor told me to let her try, and then watched open-mouthed as Abby jumped on the bike and rode around and around, no guidance, no help, and with a look of absolute triumph on her face. And that pretty much set a theme for her life. She showed the same determination with her schooling, ballet, working, and pretty much everything else. Abby has always been so very social and fiercely loyal, and anyone and everyone she met was an instant and life-long friend. We knew with how capable, competent and friendly she was, she would do well when she made the decision to move down to Louisville and attend Boyce College.
Tim: Before she left we bestowed some parental advice upon her:
Abby, we think it would be wise to not date in your freshman year. You have to remember that college courses will be difficult and demanding; you may need some time to adjust. We also think it would be really good for you to focus on developing some strong female friendships. And then you need to know that at Bible college the boys all seem to get into a kind of frenzied state when a fresh batch of girls shows up.
(As an aside: We felt we had to give her this advice this since Nick had come to us a few weeks before they set off for college to say he had just found out that there was a certain young man on campus who had spotted Abby on a preview day two years before and was waiting for her to show up. We thought that was a bit weird and we decided not to tell her about it since we didn’t want to freak her out too much.) Instead we said:
Abby, we aren’t telling you what to do; we’re just saying that we think it would be wise for you to hold off and just tell any boys, “I am very flattered, but I have decided not to date in my freshman year.”
Well, as it turns out, Abby began dating on her freshman day or in her freshman week, at least. Before school had even begun, while she was in the quarantine foreigners had to go through at that time, she and that certain young man had been communicating on Instagram and developing the beginning of a relationship. By the time she set foot on campus for the first time, they had pretty much already decided that they were meant to be.
Aileen: But it turns out that Abby knew better than her parents did. The “Mom, there is this boy” phone call came a little sooner than we expected, but she still managed to do it all. We watched from afar as Abby settled into college life, watched as she grew spiritually, watched as she made what we expect to be life-long girlfriends, watched as she made the Dean’s list and, yes, watched as she found a guy.
Tim: Nathan, you have wooed to yourself a wonderful young woman and we are thankful to you and thankful for you. We are thankful that in the Lord’s vast wisdom and kind providence he had been preparing your heart to join this family by already causing you to be loyal to the Bills and Blue Jays rather than, say, the Patriots or Yankees—loyalties that might have proven insurmountable. We sent Abby off practically still wearing her ballet shoes and she came back wearing sports jerseys and camo and wanting to settle in with me to watch Monday Night Football. That’s a remarkable change and one that made me very happy. But far more importantly, you have proven your character and godliness by being there through a very difficult couple of years, and we know that bonds forged in the fire are the strongest and most lasting of all. It’s a blessing to us to be able to express our love for you and our confidence in you; and to formally welcome you into this family.
And Abby, my precious Abby, we are so proud of you and so proud of the woman you’ve become. You’re competent; you’re capable; you’re loyal; you’re fun; you’re godly; you’re all a father and mother could ever hope for in a daughter. You’re our kid but you’re also our friend, a friend whose wisdom we value, a friend whose godliness we admire, a friend we just love to spend time with. We love you dearly and we love your husband and we are so thankful that the Lord has brought the two of you together. We know you’ll be very happy and will love serving the Lord side-by-side. We are so excited to see what the Lord has in store for the two of you.
Aileen: I think we are supposed to offer just a bit of advice to the new couple, so here goes: Your job in marriage isn’t to fix one another. So be patient with each other’s sins and weaknesses. Put your spouse before your own desires. And above all, be kind to one another. But, if God has not brought you together to fix each other, he has brought you together to support and strengthen one another. He has determined you are better together than apart.
Tim: As for me, I want to remind you that who you are at home is who you most truly are. Life doesn’t flow toward the home, but from it. If your home is marked by joy and love, your whole life will be full of joy and love. If your home is a place of worship, your whole life will be one of worship. If your home is a place of singing, your whole life will be a song. And so it’s my counsel that you work together to make the Elfarrah home one that’s marked by godliness, one where you display Christian character, one that is shaped and formed by the Word of God. If you honor the Lord at home, you’ll honor him everywhere you go and in everything you do.
And now in place of a toast I would like to offer you a blessing from the Word of God: “May the LORD our God be with you, as he was with our fathers (or in this case, as he has been with your parents). May he not leave you nor forsake you, but incline your heart to him, to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments. May He maintain your cause, as each day requires, that everyone may know that the LORD is God and that there is no other. And may He keep your heart wholly true to Him today and every day. Amen.”
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Sunday A La Carte (September 10)
It is another one of those Sundays in which I gathered so much good material for A La Carte that I thought it was only right to create an extra edition. So here is a Sunday A La Carte.
What Does Luke 9:23 Mean?
“And he said to all, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.’” What did Jesus mean by this? And how do we apply it to our lives?
How I’m Teaching Colossians in Youth Group
This should be a helpful series from Youth Pastor Theologian. Various leaders are going to simply share what they are doing with their youth group at the moment. That’s a great way to get some fresh ideas!
To pursue contentment, don’t believe the lies of our culture
“Christians are called to be content, to be satisfied with what we have at the moment (in places like Phil 4:10-13). That’s an easy thing to say but a difficult thing to do. One of the reasons it is so difficult is that so much in our culture is pushing us to be discontent.”
What Does It Mean to Be a True Friend?
What does it mean to be a true friend? And what does it have to do with pressure washing a driveway? Read on to find out.
3 Things You Should Know about the Song of Solomon
There is so much that could be said about the Song of Solomon that a mere three things seems entirely inadequate. But these are at least three very important and helpful things.
Slow Down and Ordain Elders Carefully
This is very wise counsel: slow down and ordain elders carefully lest you rush and learn to regret it. -
Weekend A La Carte (November 4)
Yup, we are still in Unalaska since all of yesterday’s flights were once again canceled. There is some chance we get off the island on Saturday, but if not, it will be Monday at best. But all is well because we know the one who raises and stills the storms and we are glad enough to be here for as long as he decrees.
My thanks goes to Ligonier Ministries for kindly sponsoring the blog this week and for offering you the ebook edition of The Legacy of Luther as a free download.
Today’s Kindle deals include some older books. I also added some newer ones yesterday.
(Yesterday on the blog: Three Years Later: What I Miss Most)
Critical Grace Theory
You’ll need to block out a bit of time and attention to read this article from Carl Trueman. “Can Christians appropriate modern critical theory, not just the theories we trace back to the Frankfurt School, but contemporary critical theories of race, sexual identity, and gender? The question can be reframed: When secular critical theory turns from analysis to transformation, does it see grace and forgiveness as means of social change?”
You Want People To Think Better of You Than You Deserve
“It is an unfortunate fact that you and I want people to think better of us than we deserve.” This is true. And worth thinking about.
Test, Seek, Pray, Fight: The Pursuit of Holy Affections
“Early morning hours are precious. The house is still, quiet. The aroma of coffee wafts from the steaming mug. A single lamp illuminates the chair and table. Here is a sanctuary, a peaceful place of communion between a man and his God. And yet on many days, it is anything but peaceful.”
A Lesson from Nearly Uprooted Trees
Lara reflects on a difficult time. “Tears in my hands and babies at my feet, I often asked God why he put us through it all. What was the purpose? What good did any of it do? What use was it to batter us so harshly with so many storms at once? Our life was fairly smooth until that year, then our roots were nearly torn from the ground. My faith felt frail.”
Autumn
Here’s a short, sweet reflection on autumn.
You’re Not Waiting Alone
“My eyelids lift in the dark of my bedroom. The autumn sun still sleeps below the horizon. I grab the phone on my nightstand and skim through the bolded headlines on the screen. Another attack in the middle east. Threats of terrorism. Flooding. Drought. Another shooting. My head hurts, my heart weeps, and I’m tired of waiting.”
Flashback: What the Wayward Wants
“To reach the prodigal, you must first crawl into the story of the prodigal.” It is an ugly story, but one God so often delights in ending with the prodigal returning to all that was once his.God knew what we were before conversion- wicked, guilty and defiled; yet He loved us. He knows what we will be after conversion- weak, erring and frail; yet He loves us. —J.C. Ryle
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A La Carte (January 31)
Westminster Books is offering deep discounts on a whole collection of new books that they deem especially noteworthy. There are some very good picks there.
I added some new Kindle deals yesterday and will hope to do so again today.Jon Nielson has quite a helpful description of demons and how Christians ought to think about them.
Trevin explains how there is a huge and irreconcilable contradiction in the various transgender theories.
Stephen McAlpine wants pastors to stop “bagging out” the average church member. “With the right gospel vision, the right training and framework, the right encouragement, and the right recognition of what the average church member’s life is already like, the average church member is more than willing to be part of the mission of the church. The key is to take their lives and experiences seriously as the first step.”
Like myself, T.M. Suffield is color blind. He uses this fact to spark a moving reflection.
Patsy Kuipers writes about “the sad relief,” which she considers “an apt description of the blend of sorrow and joy known to Christians because we’re able to grieve with hope”
Alistair Begg and the Loving Thing
I’m sure by now you’ve heard about Alistair Begg’s recent comments about attending a wedding that involves a homosexual/transgendered person—comments that were made as he discussed his book The Christian Manifesto. You can find his original comment here and his more detailed explanation here. Among the blogs I follow, I have seen just a couple of responses: Anne Kennedy has some thoughts on it in Alistair Begg and the Loving Thing while Stephen Kneale takes a somewhat similar view but focuses a bit more on whether this is always an issue of biblical fidelity or whether it at times falls into the category of wisdom. I see a number of distinct issues that I may comment on in the future. Among them: The issue itself (Is it always sinful for a Christian to attend such a ceremony?); the implication of someone holding the opposite view (How do we relate to people who hold a different conviction?); and the way this whole conversation has taken place (Is there a McLuhan/Postman sense in which the medium is the message?). There is a lot to think about and I am praying the church is strengthened through it.Many of my best memories are of events that happened one time or perhaps a few times. But my favorite of all is an event that happened day after day and year after year.
Make Christ your music and your song; for complaining and feeling of want does often swallow up your praises. Borrow joy and comfort from the Comforter.
—Samuel Rutherford
