Audio Transcript

On Monday we looked at the topic of suffering — in particular, the divine design behind suffering. What is God doing inside of us when trials hit? That was APJ 1852. God is the great physician, and he knows how to use pain in our lives to kill inside of us the sin that robs us of the greatest pleasures — namely, enjoying Christ as our greatest treasure. That Monday episode was a deep exploration into why suffering is not paradoxical to the joy-aims of the Christian Hedonist.

As a complement to that episode, today I want to play for you a sermon clip that stands out to me. In this clip, Pastor John explains how to prepare for suffering. If we are going to suffer well, what groundwork must happen inside of us first? This is a critical point to be made, with principles drawn from Paul’s own testimony in Philippians 3:1–11. Here’s Pastor John to explain.

You know this list, don’t you? He’s listing off his characteristics that, as an unbeliever, he really enjoyed: “Circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews” (Philippians 3:5). This is a pedigree that, in the Jewish culture, was simply awesome.

“‘I’ve got a pedigree, and people know it.’ That’s the unbeliever’s satisfaction. That’s the old Paul.”

And when you have a good pedigree, you strut your pedigree. You get the praises, and you bask in the pleasures of the admiration of being a man with a pedigree. “This feels so good,” says the man. “This is satisfying. I’ve got a pedigree, and people know it.” That’s the unbeliever’s satisfaction. That’s the old Paul.

Blameless and Blind

And then he adds, at the end of Philippians 3:5, “I have three other things that make my life glorious. First, I am a Pharisee. There are no better law-knowers and law-keepers than Pharisees. And I’m outstanding.” Or as Paul says in Galatians 1:14, “I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my own age among my people.” Oh, he had a lot going for him in his reputation.

Paul goes on to say in Philippians 3:6, “And zeal-wise — I took on the church, this renegade sect that’s undermining what I’ve lived for, calling this crucified criminal ‘the Messiah.’ What a blasphemy! And I’m taking it on from city to city and bringing it down. That’s who I am. That’s my identity. Has anybody got zeal? I’ve got zeal. The rest of you cowards are afraid to take on this sect. I’ll take it on.” Oh, how he had meaning, significance, purpose in his life.

And finally, he says, “As to righteousness under the law, blameless” (Philippians 3:6). This verse is why I think Paul was, by and large, free in his conscience. I know a lot of people try to say things like, “His conscience was killing him all the time because of this and that.” I’m not sure of that because Paul used to say, “I was blameless.” He was blind, but he was blameless in his eyes.

When Loss Becomes Gain

Now he meets Christ in Acts 9, on the Damascus road, and suddenly his world collapses. He was getting his meaning from a zeal for the law, an allegiance to the law, as he understood it. A passion for God, as he understood it. And at the core of it was the opposite: Jesus, crucified pretender, criminal, rightly executed — and people saying, “He’s the Messiah.”

And there he was before Paul, alive with a glory so bright, a greatness so great, that he blinded Paul. All Paul could do was listen as Jesus said, “Why are you persecuting me?” (Acts 9:4). And Paul’s life was over.

“This is how you prepare to suffer: you turn your value system upside down.”

How, at that juncture, did he prepare himself to suffer? Look at Philippians 3:7. He said, “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.” That’s what he did. He looked at his life and all that list — all that pedigree, all those achievements, all that reputation — and he said, “Now I will regard that as loss. I will regard that as loss.” In other words, “I have now consciously reversed, turned upside down, my value system.” This is how you prepare to suffer: you turn your value system upside down.

Before he was a Christian, he had a ledger. He had a loss column and a profit column, a gain column. Over here, in the column of profit or gain, was “Hebrew of Hebrews” (astonishing pedigree), “Pharisee,” “zeal,” “blameless” (Philippians 3:5–6). Off the charts — what a gain column he had. And over here, in the loss column, was this horrible opposition: Christ Jesus.

And the possibility that Christ Jesus might be the Messiah — well, that’s not going to happen, Paul thinks. But then he meets Jesus. And what does he do? He takes out a big red pencil, and on the gain column he writes, L-O-S-S — and above the Jesus column, G-A-I-N. And everything is reversed in his life.

Preparing to Suffer

Has that happened to you? That’s what it means to become a Christian, right? The shortest parable, Matthew 13:44, says it this way: “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” The man counts everything he has as loss, that he might have the treasure.

It was just a field before — just walking through a field on his way to his treasure. Then he stumbles over King Jesus in glory, and he realizes the field is full of diamonds. It’s full of gold and full of silver. God opened his eyes, and now everything else — it’s all loss.

Once your eyes are open, then your mind also makes that transition. Your mind considers everything in your life that way: “It’s all loss.” This is how you prepare to suffer. You get up in the morning, and you consider your life that way. That’s how Paul says it in Philippians 3:7: “I consider it, I regard it, I consciously, mentally am looking at all the goods in my life and regarding them, compared to Jesus, as loss. They’re in the loss column, and Jesus is in the gain column.”

And if you think, “Well, that was just Paul,” he says in Philippians 3:17, “Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.” This is normal Christianity. Jesus said, “Any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:33). Period.

Now, you’ve got clothes on. You probably have a car out in the snowy parking lot. You might have an apartment or a house and other possessions. You probably have an iPhone or computer. So, you own things. And this text says, “You can’t be a follower of Jesus if you don’t renounce those.” You can check out different translations on that word renounce in Luke 14:33. Wouldn’t that be the same as Paul saying to “count as loss” in Philippians 3:7?

So this coat that I am wearing — this is my coat. It is mine. It’s my preaching coat. And I should count this coat as loss because of the surpassing value of knowing Jesus.

“Your church lacks community.”

“You botched caring for me during my husband’s affair.”

“You are not a warm church.”

“Too much red tape at the church.”

“The church is too big.”

“Your scripted prayers seem silly.”

Ouch, I thought when reading these words. These were comments directed at our church, our people, and our leadership. Each critique stung like a handful of gravel hitting my face. As anyone in leadership knows, criticism stings. Though we asked for this feedback from departing members, criticism is never pleasant when it comes.

As biting as such disapproval can be, however, it’s still better than open hostilities and quarreling. Disagreement, misunderstandings, frustration, and disunity can tear at the seams of Christ’s church. Conflict leads to hurt feelings, judged motives, and flared tempers. Church members might take sides. Gossip and whispers spread like wildfire, and soon the forest is raging. If criticism is like a sprained ankle, conflict is the fracture.

Conflict Goes Way Back

Conflict and criticism in the church are inevitable at times. Life is messy, full of bumps and bruises. The church is a gathering of sinners who unfortunately still sin. Misunderstandings happen. Sharp words cut and attack, impossible to reel back in. Criticism can lead to conflict and conflict to criticism, running on a dreadful treadmill of hurt and pain. The last several years brought about increased friction in many churches, but conflict is not new. Disunity that divides churches has been around since the beginning.

In Philippians, Paul entreats two beloved co-laborers of the gospel — Euodia and Syntyche — to “agree in the Lord” (Philippians 4:2). These two women have labored side by side with Paul, and their names are written in the book of life (Philippians 4:3). They are genuine followers of Christ who were “together for the gospel” but are now divided by some sharp disagreement that has become known to the entire church. Church conflict is as old as the church.

Addressing conflict is not easy work. It’s like plunging the toilet: messy, unpleasant, but necessary. Ignoring conflict only exacerbates it, like closing the basement door as the black mold creeps up the walls. It’s not going to go away by itself, and the results will be catastrophic.

Three Ways to Lead in Conflict

How, then, can pastors and elders move toward the fray rather than retreat? Like courageous first responders who run toward chaos, how can pastors be ready to engage conflict with courage, conviction, humility, and gentleness?

It’s no easy task. Some can be paralyzed by fear of man and fear of failure. Still others are much too eager to jump into battle. Like prizefighters eager to find sparring partners, such pastors are unfit to engage. Consider Paul’s wise words to the young Timothy:

The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. (2 Timothy 2:24–26)

“Pastors cannot run from conflict, nor can they be too eager to fight.”

We see the difficulty of the task. Pastors cannot run from conflict, nor can they be too eager to fight. Kindness, patience, and gentleness must accompany the willingness to engage, exhort, admonish, and rebuke. How does one thread the needle? What truths help Christian pastors and leaders engage in conflict willingly, without relishing the next quarrel? Consider three foundational beliefs for those who seek to serve in conflict.

1. Humbly remember this is God’s church.

First, remember that the church is not yours. Moses models this humble attitude. After the exodus, God’s anger is stirred up against Israel’s idolatrous worship of the golden calf. What does Moses do? He intercedes by reminding God “that this nation is your people” (Exodus 33:13). Moses makes clear that Israel isn’t his people, but God’s. He models humble dependence upon God to work among his people for their good.

The parallel for pastors is this: humbly remember that the church is Christ’s church. When conflict comes, spiritual leaders are wise to resist the urge to fix things in their own strength and wisdom. Jesus is sanctifying his church. He is eager to give his help, his wisdom, and his grace for the good of his church. Pastors are also wise to remember they, and their churches, are being sanctified. Lessons remain to be learned; grace remains to be given; more wisdom is yet to be bestowed. God works in and through conflict for the good of his people. Remember, Jesus is the master carpenter, crafting his ultimate creation, the glorious church of God.

Pastors, pray like King Solomon as he faced the daunting task of leading God’s people:

Now, O Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of David my father, although I am but a little child. I do not know how to go out or come in. . . . Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people? (1 Kings 3:7, 9)

Humbly pray for discernment to lead the great people of God. Ask for wisdom from the God who gives generously and lavishly, for the benefit of his church (James 1:5).

2. Humbly remember Christ’s example.

Second, emulate Christ’s example of selflessness and sacrifice. Pastors are undershepherds who take cues from the chief Shepherd himself. And Jesus “emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. . . . He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:7–8). All believers, and especially leaders, are called to imitate his humility, servanthood, and sacrifice.

“Nothing will undermine leadership more quickly than selfishness and a lack of humility.”

Selfish ambition, conceit, envy, and rivalry have no place in the church, much less among the church’s leaders. Some of the strongest condemnations in Scripture are against the self-serving shepherds of Ezekiel 34. God’s people were scattered, devoured, and preyed upon by Israel’s shepherds. Nothing will undermine leadership more quickly than selfishness and a lack of humility. God’s servants must indeed be servants, humbly obeying the master. Pastors are to “share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 2:3). We pastors serve at the pleasure of the King. We are under authority. When armed with the mind of Christ, pastors are able to maintain the unity of the Spirit, outdo one another in honor, and “reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching” (2 Timothy 4:2).

As pastors, we put aside personal preferences and opinions, and seek to serve as Christ would have us, exhibiting his selflessness and patience. We eagerly and humbly embrace the role of servant as undershepherds of Christ.

3. Humbly speak the truth in love.

Finally, speak the truth in love. Godly pastors exhibit an unswerving commitment to truthfulness that is honed and shaped by a deep, abiding love for God’s people. They cultivate Paul-like love, yearning for their people with the affection of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:8). Their words build up rather than tear down; their speech is loving. What they say, even while admonishing, is infused with gentleness and care. Their teaching has the essence of love coupled with the unflinching truth.

It’s here that many a pastor has gone astray. The temptation to appease, placate, and quell conflict and tension is great. Yet, undershepherds’ words are to be “gracious, seasoned with salt,” never lies or half-truths masquerading as graciousness (Colossians 4:6). Pastors are to “set the believers an example in speech” (1 Timothy 4:12). With Paul, pastors renounce all the disgraceful, underhanded ways of the world (2 Corinthians 4:2).

Candid speech sheds light, rather than obscuring. So, pastors stubbornly let their yes be yes and their no be no (James 5:12). We seek to be tenaciously true to our words. We labor not to undermine the trust we have been given by God to be heralds of the great truth of the gospel. We resist any temptation to mollify critics by modifying the truth. Instead, we refuse to tamper with the truth, but proclaim the truth in love so that the church might grow up into Christ (Ephesians 4:15).

Hope in God Who Is Working

In the midst of choppy waters, remember God’s promise to his servants and to his people. God promises undershepherds a glorious reward: “When the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory” (1 Peter 5:4). Conflict and criticism will never be easy, but the pains and labors will be small compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ.

Similarly, God promises his people that he will complete the good work he has begun (Philippians 1:6). The church is being sanctified so that it will be pure and blameless for the day of Christ. Hold onto that promise as a raft of hope as you dive into the choppy waters for the good of Christ’s church.

One of the more difficult and controversial verses in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 7:14: “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy” (NASB 1995). Christians disagree about the implications of this verse for baptizing infant children. But before we enter that discussion, a word should be said about the context and the wider point of the paragraph.

Contagious Holiness

In 1 Corinthians 7:12–16, Paul addresses the question of mixed marriages, marriages in which one spouse is a believer and the other is an unbeliever. If we look at 1 Corinthians 7 as a whole, we see that matters of purity pressed upon the consciences of the Corinthian believers. Because of this, some of them naturally wondered if they should stay in a marriage with an unbeliever. Should a believer remain married to someone who belongs to Satan rather than God, who lives in darkness instead of light, who worships idols instead of the true and living God? Would it not stain believers to have a sexual relationship with someone who hates the Lord Jesus?

Paul’s answer is astonishing. We expect, based on the Old Testament, that he would say the believer would be defiled and stained by such a relationship with an unbeliever. Instead, Paul turns the argument in the opposite direction. The believing spouse isn’t defiled by the unbelieving partner. Quite the opposite! The unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believer. And it doesn’t stop there: the children are holy as well.

We are reminded of Jesus’s relationship with what is unclean. We know from the Old Testament that touching a leper made someone unclean. Yet when Jesus touched the leper, he wasn’t rendered unclean. Instead, cleanness radiated from Jesus, and by healing the leper, Jesus cleansed him. We see something similar in 1 Corinthians 7. The holiness of the believing spouse transfers, at least to some extent, to the unbelieving spouse and to the children of their union.

Sanctified, Not Saved

A question immediately arises, however: What does it mean for an unbelieving spouse and the children of mixed marriages to be holy? Does it mean they are saved by virtue of their relationship with a believing spouse or a believing parent? If unbelieving spouses are sanctified, and the children of such unions are made holy, then it would make sense, on one level, to say they are saved. On the other hand, we know from Scripture’s teaching about salvation that people are not saved by mere association with believers. The Bible teaches plainly and pervasively that we are saved by personal faith in Jesus Christ. We have no basis for thinking that anyone is saved because he or she is married to a believer or the child of a mixed marriage.

In fact, Paul confirms in this very context that the unbelieving spouse isn’t saved merely by being married to a believer. Paul writes, “For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:16). Scholars debate whether this verse is optimistic or pessimistic about the spouse’s potential salvation. I agree with the optimistic view since the main point of this passage is that believing spouses should not forsake marriage to an unbeliever, and thus, Paul gives a motivation to continue in the marriage. At the same time, optimism isn’t the same as a guarantee. Clearly, by being married to a believer, the unbelieving spouse has a greater opportunity for salvation. Still, the unbelieving spouse is not saved simply because he or she is married to a believer.

So, we return to our initial question: What does it mean for an unbelieving spouse to be “sanctified” through the believing spouse? It is hard to be certain! Perhaps all we can say with confidence is that the unbelieving spouse, by being placed in the realm of the holy, has a greater potential for salvation through the believing spouse.

What About Their Children?

You may be wondering by now if I have forgotten the original question of this article. However, the preceding discussion is necessary to understand what it means when Paul says that the children of mixed marriages are holy.

“If there is no reason to baptize unbelieving spouses, there is no reason to baptize unbelieving children.”

Our Presbyterian friends often appeal to this verse in defense of infant baptism. Of course, infant baptism warrants a wider discussion than simply this verse, and readers are encouraged to consult this article by John Piper and Steve Wellum’s chapter on the matter in the book Believer’s Baptism: Sign of the New Covenant in Christ. Nevertheless, it is also important to consider this particular verse since the holiness posited of children here is often adduced as a defense for baptizing infants.

We see here that the children in a marriage are holy. Does this holiness justify baptism? There are no exegetical grounds in the context to think that it does. We noticed earlier that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified through the believing spouse. We also saw that the sanctification of the unbelieving spouse isn’t saving. Since the unbelieving spouse isn’t saved by means of the sanctification described here, there are no grounds for baptizing him or her. In the same way, the holiness of the children doesn’t qualify them for baptism.

Some may find significance in the fact that unbelieving spouses are “sanctified” and the children “holy.” But such an observation doesn’t carry much weight. The words “sanctified” and “holy” are in the same semantic range, and thus the word “holy” doesn’t signify that the children occupy a different realm than unbelieving spouses. To put it simply: if there is no reason to baptize unbelieving spouses, there is no reason to baptize unbelieving children.

In the Realm of the Holy

Paul is not suggesting or encouraging the baptism of infants or children who have not yet come to faith in Christ. Still, this text does offer encouragement for raising yet-to-believe children. They are in the realm of the holy. The presence of a believing parent gives one a greater hope that the child will turn to Christ for salvation. We don’t have a promise or guarantee of salvation, nor does Scripture give grounds for baptism before belief, but having a believing parent means that the child should be repeatedly exposed to the good news of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ.

Infants in a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever should not be baptized since baptism is reserved for those who believe. And yet, neither are such infants defiled and unclean, and in that we have hope.