3 Wrong Reasons to Leave Your Local Church — and 5 Right Reasons to Stay
It’s been commonly said that we don’t choose the people who sit next to us in the pew, but God does. Love requires, in response to the gospel, that we invest in the lives of those who are often most difficult and unattractive to us. It’s one of the saddest things to witness someone throw away their entire local church family for selfish reasons. Is our love sincere and absent of hypocrisy? This is an important question when it comes to church membership.
In recent years I have noticed the growing trend of people who leave their local church without any reflection as to whether their departure is a sinful one. To be sure, there are legitimate reasons to leave a local church. That’s what makes this article difficult to write; it’s not an easy task to get to the motivations of why people do what they do.
As a pastor, I have always believed that people should never feel forced to stay in a church where they are struggling. Departures may come for a variety of different reasons. Church leadership has to guard itself from cult-like behavior in seeking to put straight jackets on their members. I cannot imagine a more oppressing church environment than one that makes its members feel forced to stay in membership because the threat of discipline hangs over their head for departure. This creates a bunch of joyless servants in Christ’s kingdom and has a deadening effect on the whole congregation.
It does happen that even though people leave their local church for foolish reasons, they may flourish well elsewhere.
A wise elder once compared a disgruntled churchgoer to a plant that did not grow in his kitchen window. He cared for that plant, watered that plant, faithfully tended to the plant, but it always looked tattered and wilted. One day the next-door neighbor offered to take the plant with the hope that it would do well, and the man, rather reluctantly, offered the plant to the neighbor. After a short time the neighbor celebrated how well the plant was doing—it was vibrant, green, and producing new leaves. I’ve had to submit to this truth of Christian ministry more than a few times, humbling my own pride and recognizing that sometimes, though people leave for foolish reasons, they may flourish well elsewhere. That’s ultimately what we want for the sheep anyway.
Such a reality, however, does not excuse sinful departures from a local church. Pastors know all too well that when people come into their church sinfully running from their former church, it’s just a matter of time before the same problems resurface. The heart of the matter has not been dealt with. Further, it may be that a former church has neglected disciplining a member for unrepentant sin. As that member jumps to another local church—often unreconciled and bitter—and as this member celebrates the new church as the next best thing since sliced bread, the new church will soon realize how damaging the former church’s neglect is upon their own congregation. But that’s for another article.
In my experience, rarely does anyone sit down with their pastor and express their concerns when they want to leave.
With these things in mind, it’s important to think through what unbiblical departure from the local church looks like. Why do people leave the local church today? It would be one thing if a church is failing to preach the Word of God, is compromised on some point of doctrine, worship, or an article of the Christian faith, or there is some significant spiritual abuse by the leadership that is not properly being dealt with. These are legitimate reasons to speak with church leadership and depart the local church to a more faithful church in an honorable, Christ-like manner. But, sadly, doctrinal conviction and spiritual integrity in the truth are not at the top of the list when it comes to church departures in our day.
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The Pope, Same Sex Blessings, and Protestants
Written by Carl R. Trueman |
Thursday, January 4, 2024
There are two kinds of leaders: those who see their role as remaking their organizations in their own image, regardless of the collateral damage done to those further down the totem pole; and those who seek to protect the interests of the weakest and most vulnerable of those dependent upon them. Throughout his papacy, Francis has presented himself as the latter, but now it would seem that this has been no more than a specious cover for being the former. A good leader speaks with clarity. Francis seems incapable of doing so. And unfortunately, given the high profile of the Catholic Church, the chaos in Rome has implications for Wittenberg and Geneva, too.The confusion surrounding the pope’s recent statement Fiducia Supplicans, a document that is ambiguous about whether Catholic clergy can bless those in same-sex relationships, says much about the times in which we live. Catholic theologians will argue that Rome has not changed, that the fog of distinctions contained in this latest statement means that it does not affect core Roman dogma. But that is not the point: The watching world cares nothing for such sophistry and sees here a fundamental cultural shift. And it seems naive to think that a fundamental change in pastoral practice will not lead to a significant transformation of attitudes. Such compromises—and this is most surely a compromise—always end up being far more sympathetic to the position they are moving toward than that from which they are moving away. When the pope sows chaos within his church on the matter of gay blessings, it is likely to affect us all—Catholic clergy and laity, certainly, but also us Protestants.
For Protestants (and likely many Catholics), this is a reminder that the papacy is not a cure-all for the alleged problems surrounding Protestant notions of scriptural sufficiency and clarity. Saint Paul promoted both the importance of Scripture and a church marked by ordained office for the preservation and transmission of the faith. Neither on its own can do the task by itself, and if Protestantism is vulnerable to not taking the church seriously enough, then a strong and hierarchical ecclesiology is vulnerable to generating its own forms of chaos. The system only has the competence and integrity of its leadership.
It would be easy in such circumstances to indulge in a certain Protestant triumphalism, as many Catholics now seem to face a conflict of conscience akin to that which Luther faced. Yet the problem is that the woes of contemporary Catholicism are not so easily separated from those of contemporary conservative Protestants at this point. Catholicism has for many years given us an umbrella under which we can shelter from the worst excesses of the broader culture.
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What’s Happening in Schools? Why We Need Educational Freedom
The Times told about a 15-year-old girl who had been identifying as a boy at school. The mom saw a boy’s name on a homework assignment: When she asked about the name, the teenager acknowledged that, at his request, teachers and administrators at his high school in Southern California had for six months been letting him use the boy’s bathroom and calling him by male pronouns. The article went on to explain that the California school “is one of many throughout the country that allow students to socially transition – change their name, pronouns, or gender expression – without parental consent.
We know that there are good teachers and good schools out there. Many teachers are Christians – they go into the profession because they love God, love children, are passionate about their subject matter and have a gift for helping children learn.
Many do excellent work, and I’m thankful for the great teachers my children had and the good schools they attended.
But at the same time, I’m very aware that our education system has serious problems. The news is filled with stories about bad things happening in public schools – and some private – across the country.
It really feels overwhelming and like we’ve reached an urgent tipping point: Parents must have educational freedom – to give their children better opportunities to learn and grow, to protect them from chaotic classroom environments and underperforming schools, and to safeguard them against radical and sexual ideologies.
Here are just a few examples of problems in education that have been reported by news outlets. They illustrate why parents need school choice and educational freedom.
Violence and Bullying
Rod Dreher, author of Live Not by Lies, recently highlighted a story from The San Francisco Chronicle. He writes:
A Ukrainian refugee girl fleeing the war in her homeland is so disturbed by violence and anarchy in her San Francisco school that she wants to go back home — to a war zone!
The Chronicle reports that the young girl, Yana, thought school in America would be like what she saw in television shows, “idyllic settings where teenage conflict and angst ironed itself out by the end.”
But when she and her mother left Ukraine, Yana was terrified by “the chaotic scenes in her middle school classrooms … the verbal abuse, hallway conflicts and classroom outbursts.” Students stole her cell phone and threatened her.
Teachers are growing concerned, and not just in San Francisco. The Chronicle reported:
Across the country, teachers say student violence overall has more than doubled since the pandemic began and that they are “increasingly the target of disruptive behavior in the classroom,” according to a survey released Thursday by education research firm EAB.
The survey also found that 84% of teachers believe current students lack the ability to self-regulate and build relationships compared with peers prior to the pandemic.
Yana’s school “offered her a security action plan to make sure she felt safe.” But she just stopped attending and is trying to transfer to a different school. “Yana just wants to go back to her hometown in central Ukraine, back to the only school she knew before the war,” the paper reported.
Lack of Transparency
The New York Times, somewhat surprisingly, recently ran a story about teachers hiding children’s “gender identity” from parents. The paper reported on parents who were upset by this, but seemed to sympathize more with school administrators and teachers.
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The Boldness, Courage, and Humility of the Five Daughters of Zelophehad
They came before not just Moses and Eleazar the prophet and priest of the people of God but all the chiefs of the clans as well. These were the men who led God’s people, acted as judges in arguments, and made judicial decisions. This was an auspicious group of people, and these women stepped up to the challenge of speaking before this governing body. These women spoke their mind before this court, and God would bless their courage.
Have you ever heard of the five daughters of Zelophehad? Perhaps I can jog your memory: Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah. No? Well, it’s probably not a surprise. These women are mentioned several times in the book of Numbers—not the most popular Old Testament book—and they just aren’t as famous as Mary and Martha in the New Testament. Yet, I find their story to be one that is an example of the traits of a Christian woman: The daughters of Zelophehad are courageous and bold, they desire the things of the Lord, and they are humble. We learn of their story in Numbers 27:
Then drew near the daughters of Zelophehad the son of Hepher, son of Gilead, son of Machir, son of Manasseh, from the clans of Manasseh the son of Joseph. The names of his daughters were: Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah. And they stood before Moses and before Eleazar the priest and before the chiefs and all the congregation, at the entrance of the tent of meeting, saying, “Our father died in the wilderness. He was not among the company of those who gathered themselves together against the Lord in the company of Korah, but died for his own sin. And he had no sons. Why should the name of our father be taken away from his clan because he had no son? Give to us a possession among our father’s brothers.” (Num. 27:1-4)
The daughters of Zelophehad courageously stood before the leaders of their people for a just request—to have an inheritance among God’s people.
First, I would like to highlight the courage these women demonstrated. The text states that the daughters of Zelophehad stood before the leaders of their people: they came before not just Moses and Eleazar the prophet and priest of the people of God but all the chiefs of the clans as well. These were the men who led God’s people, acted as judges in arguments, and made judicial decisions. This was an auspicious group of people, and these women stepped up to the challenge of speaking before this governing body.
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