I don’t remember a whole lot about my twenty-third birthday. Twenty-three is a “neither here nor there” age so it’s rarely the most memorable of occasions. It sits between coming into full adulthood at 21 and the milestone looming at 30. These are decisive years in any life. They were certainly decisive in my life.

Though I don’t remember a whole lot about the day I turned 23 (all the way back in December of ’99), I do know that Aileen was pregnant and just entering into her third trimester. These were the days when we had learned we were having a boy but hadn’t yet decided what to name him. I remember “John” and “Michael” being in the running—both good family names. I remember Aileen lobbying for “Ethan” for a time. But in the end we got it just right: he would be Nicholas Paul. I would often lie with my head on Aileen’s growing belly to feel Nick stretch and squirm, to begin to bond with the son I had not yet met but already dearly loved. It wasn’t long after that he was born and our joy was complete.
It will be Nick’s twenty-third birthday on Sunday. Or is it more appropriate to say that it “would have been” Nick’s twenty-third birthday on Sunday? I actually don’t know. Either way, it was 23 years ago that the Lord blessed us with our precious baby boy, our firstborn child, our only son.
This will be Nick’s third birthday in heaven, though they probably don’t mark birthdays there, do they? I’m not even convinced that time in heaven passes in months and years, in hours and days, as it does here. Does time outside the context of this world work just the same as time within it? Since the Bible is silent on this I suppose God judges that it doesn’t much matter. What matters is that where God is, Nick is.
And my dad, too. He made the journey just a short time before my son, the first of several blows that followed one after the other in quick succession between 2019 and 2020. And while I’m sorry that my dad is gone, there’s comfort in knowing that he and Nick are together.
And on this subject, a little scene popped into my mind the other day, a little memory of a tearful farewell. For a moment I was transported back to dad’s funeral in the waning days of 2019. Nick was standing at the front of the room sharing some memories of his grandfather. And as he spoke, he wept—he wept with the sheer sorrow of facing the reality of death and the pain of loss. He wept as he said goodbye to one he had loved.
And then another scene appeared in my mind, though this one was imagined rather than remembered. In this scene my father was in heaven, alive and well and just a little younger now than when I last saw him—fewer white hairs on his head, fewer lines on his cheeks, fewer creases on his brow. He was busy at some task or the other when suddenly he stood bolt upright, an expression of surprise, an expression of joy, sweeping over his face. What was it that so shocked and delighted him? My view shifted and now I saw it—Nick had just arrived and was standing before him. I suppose dad must have expected his wife to be next to pass that way or at least one of his children. But no, there before him was his grandson. And he was so pleased to see him, so happy to throw his arms around him, so glad to know that Nick had made it safely home.
In one scene there was sorrow at a parting and in the other there was joy at a reunion. In one scene Nick was weeping as he bid farewell to my dad and in the other dad was rejoicing as he bid welcome to my Nick.
And it strikes me that so much of our response to the death of a saint depends on our perspective. Though from one perspective we see family members weeping as their loved one fades from their view, from the opposite perspective we see other family members rejoicing as their loved one draws near. While some weep with grief that one has passed beyond their sight, others weep with joy that one has safely crossed over. There is no great happiness for some without great sadness for others. For while every death marks a departure it also marks an arrival. That’s just life and death in a world as badly broken as this one and one so gloriously whole as the next.
And so as this birthday approaches and arrives, I wait to see and experience that kind of joy—the joy of taking part in the welcome rather than the farewell, of cheering my loved ones in rather than weeping them out. And as I wait, I am choosing to let some of their joy filter from heaven to earth so I too can feel it, so I too can enjoy it, so I too can let it stir my soul. I choose to take pleasure in their pleasure, for they are in that place where all sorrows have been soothed and all tears have been dried, that place where we all most truly long to be.

As you know, I like to do my best to sort through the new Christian books that are released each month to see what stands out as being not only new, but also particularly notable. I received quite a number of new titles in March and narrowed the list down to the ones below. I have included the editorial description for each. I hope there’s something here that catches your eye!

Resilient Faith: Learning to Rely on Jesus in the Struggles of Life by Lewis and Sarah Allen. “Authors Lewis and Sarah Allen propose that while the world may teach us one way to approach challenges, there is a better way—complete dependence on Christ and pursuit of wise living. With the help of the Holy Spirit, Christians are able to live more joy-filled lives in the midst of adversity. In a conversational and personal tone, the Allens walk through key biblical passages as they relate to challenges and share stories, case studies, and illustrations to encourage us to rely on Christ and commit to his church in the battle of Christian life.” (Buy it at Amazon)
When God Seems Gone: Finding Hope When Nothing Makes Sense by Adam Mabry. “What do you do when it feels like God isn’t there—when the state of the world, our own suffering, or the struggles of those we know suggest that God is absent? When you’ve experienced soul-crushing silence from heaven, despite your fervent supplications. Using the book of Habakkuk, as well as his own personal experience of deep suffering, Adam Mabry examines the art of lament—how to cry out to God in desperation from a place of faith and hope. At the end, there are practical suggestions for what you can do to keep faith even in times of darkness and doubt. Readers will learn that God is big enough and good enough to handle hard questions and that his sovereign silence is filled with purpose for their lives. They will be encouraged to keep trusting God even when he seems silent, slow, unfair, different, or wrong.” (Buy it at Amazon)
Come and See: The Journey of Knowing God through Scripture by Jonathan Pennington. “In Come and See, Jonathan Pennington helps readers understand what it means to know God from the Bible and details 3 effective approaches to interpreting Scripture. Using the engaging analogy of a road trip, he introduces 3 friends who each have distinct, clear ways of navigating the Bible: informational (understanding genres in Scripture and avoiding exegetical mistakes); theological (reading canonically, traditionally, and creedally); and transformational (focusing on the goal of reading Scripture, our posture as readers, and the role of the Holy Spirit). Pennington gives detailed advice for employing all 3 reading modes, equipping readers to gain wisdom and know God better.” (Buy it at Amazon)
Mental Health and Your Church: A Handbook for Biblical Care by Helen Thorne & Steve Midgley. “Many people are struggling with mental-health conditions, exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic and life in our image-conscious culture. Statistics tell us that, worldwide, one in six of us will have experienced a mental-health struggle in the past week, and serious depression is the second-leading cause of disability (Mental Health Foundation). That means there are brothers and sisters in our church families battling with thoughts, feelings, impulses, and even voices that distract, drag down, and nudge them towards despair. But when it comes to helping, it can be tricky to know where to begin, especially if we have very little knowledge of mental illnesses and are afraid of making things worse by saying and doing the wrong things. This wise, compassionate, and practical book … will help readers understand and respond with biblical wisdom to people who are struggling with their mental health. While acknowledging the importance of liaising responsibly with medics and counsellors, this book focuses on equipping readers to play their part in making churches places where those who struggle with mental-health conditions are welcomed, understood, nurtured, and supported: a foretaste of the new creation.” (Buy it at Amazon)
Male and Female He Created Them: A Study on Gender, Sexuality, & Marriage by Denny Burk,Colin Smothers and David Closson. “Male & Female He Created Them is a study on gender, sexuality, and marriage. Authored by Denny Burk, David Closson, and Colin Smothers, it presents a biblical vision for contested issues such as homosexuality, transgenderism, and marriage. By the completion of this book, readers will have a better grasp on the Bible’s teaching about our identities as male and female, created in the image of God, and know how to apply Scripture to these issues in their ministries at church, home, and work.” (Buy it at Amazon)
Pride: Identity and the Worship of Self by Matthew P. W. Roberts. “Our culture is obsessed with identity and it has been the cause of tense interaction with (and within) the Church. Rather than being a new challenge to the Christian faith, however, the identity issue is a very old one; it is fundamentally one of idolatry. Who we are, who we think we are, and how God in Christ restores our knowledge of ourselves in covenant with him, are central Biblical themes. But these things will only appear with clarity if we have the courage to tackle the idolatries of our own age at the root, and stand true to our calling as Christians to worship God and him alone.” (Buy it at Amazon)
Biblical Theology: A Canonical, Thematic, and Ethical Approach by Andreas J. Köstenberger and Gregory Goswell. “In this clear, logical guide, Andreas J. Köstenberger and Gregory Goswell explain how to interpret Scripture from three effective viewpoints: canonical, thematic, and ethical. Biblical Theology is arranged book by book from the Old Testament (using the Hebrew order) through the New Testament. For each text, Kostenberger and Goswell analyze key biblical-theological themes, discussing the book’s place in the overall storyline of Scripture. Next, they focus on the ethical component, showing how God seeks to transform the lives of his people through the inspired text. Following this technique, readers will better understand the theology of each book and its author.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
Darkest Night Brightest Day: A Family Devotional for the Easter Season by Marty Machowski. “Start a new Easter season tradition with your family by reading this beautifully illustrated “upside-down” book from Marty Machowski that includes fourteen Bible stories. The first side, Darkest Night, has seven stories that recount the events of Passion week ending with Christ’s crucifixion and burial. Flip the book over and continue by reading Brightest Day with seven more stories that progress from Christ’s resurrection through Pentecost. Children are sure to remember the contrast between the darkness at the death of our Lord and the light-filled events from Christ’s resurrection onward. Machowski weaves each Gospel account together into one harmonized story and provides questions for family discussion. Focusing on the main events the week of the crucifixion, Darkest Night is designed for families to read one story each day, beginning on Palm Sunday. Once the week ends, they will start with Brightest Day on Easter Sunday. The stories for the week following Easter recount appearances of Jesus after the resurrection, his ascension, and Pentecost. This beautiful hardback book, illustrated by Phil Shorr, is sure to become a treasured favorite of the family to be used every Easter as a reminder of how God turned the darkest night into the brightest day.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
The Preeminent Christ: God’s Beautiful and Unchanging Gospel by Paul Washer. “In The Preeminent Christ, Paul Washer declares the unmatched significance of the good news of Jesus Christ. Compelled by a desire for men to know God’s love, Washer draws from the church’s greatest theologians to herald Christ’s centrality in revelation, salvation, sanctification, study, proclamation, and glory. The Preeminent Christ will stimulate readers to forsake their tendency to view worldly “needs” as central by zealously seeking this Christ in the gospel. Contents 1. A Prolegomenon 2. An Apology 3. The Essential Content of the Gospel 4. The Same Gospel through the Ages 5. The Preeminence of the Gospel 6. The Preeminent Revelation of God 7. The Preeminent Message of Salvation 8. The Preeminent Means of Sanctification 9. The Preeminent Subject of Study 10. The Preeminent Subject of Preaching 11. The Preeminent Subject of Glorying 12. A Warning against the Neglect of the Gospel 13. Final Exhortation.” (Buy it at Amazon)
Never Cast Out: How the Gospel Puts an End to the Story of Shame by Jasmine Holmes. “Body shaming. Marriage shaming. Single shaming. Mom shaming. Lifestyle shaming. Religious shaming. It seems no matter which direction we turn, women can’t shake the shame that is constantly piled on top of us. Author and podcaster Jasmine L. Holmes knows this struggle all too well. Though shame has been a constant companion (and even a snare) throughout her life, God has broken the chains of shame in Jasmine’s life through the power of the gospel. In this Christ-centered, empowering book, prepare to discover: The story of shame—where it comes from, what it is, what makes it different from guilt or conviction, and why it’s so pervasive; The problem with shame—why the typical methods of throwing off shame don’t actually work; The end of shame—how Jesus puts an end to shame by offering a better covering, a better image, and a better message than the world can; The way to fight shame—how to use practical and powerful ways to fight shame in daily life, breaking its chains in the power of the gospel and resting in the One who has taken all your shame away for good.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
God Alone: His Unique Attributes and How Knowing Them Changes Us by Jonathan Griffiths. “We are living in a me-focused, treat-yourself world—a world that oppressively encourages us to focus on ourselves. But a life turned inward–rather than focused on God—brings peril and confusion. When we fail to know God properly, we become selfish and hopeless. But a renewed understanding of who God is changes that. Pastor Jonathan Griffiths shows us how God Alone can transform us at a root level. With pastoral warmth and heart, Griffiths shows us the character of God in all His beauty and goodness. Readers will gain knowledge of God’s attributes—that He is eternal, all-knowing, and all-wise. Readers discover what it means that God is omnipotent, unchanging, and omnipresent. And through this knowledge, trust, hope, and joy emerge. Confidence grows when we have a robust understanding of God’s love. This book is both a plea for the people of God to know Him intimately and, at the same time, an invitation to those who do not yet know Him—come and experience the wonderful, beautiful, powerful God revealed in Scripture.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
2,000 Years of Christ’s Power Vol. 5: The Age of Enlightenment and Awakening by Nick Needham. “In many ways, I confess I do not feel especially at home in the Age of Reason. My personal roots are far more among those of the Early Church. Still, I gladly admit I cannot help feeling my heart kindled as I read about the mighty deeds wrought in and through the Evangelical preachers of that age. Thoroughly researched with beautifully linked arguments, biographies, context and discussions, Needham provides a riveting text: balancing fact and understanding in the wisdom of experience. The book offers a wealth of knowledge for pastors, missionaries, students and professors as they pursue their own education into the response of Christians during the 18th century towards these shifts in the tides of the affairs of men. Covering the period bracketing the Enlightenment Nick Needham’s new volume in the 2000 Years of Christ’s Power series, covers the social, economic, political and evangelical changes across two continents.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
Daily Devotions with Herman Bavinck: Believing and Growing in Christian Faith by Donald K. McKim. “Herman Bavinck (1854–1921) was a significant Reformed theologian whose importance continues to this day. In eighty-four brief devotional readings accompanied by Scripture, Donald McKim explores Bavinck’s thought in order to deepen readers’ understanding and faith.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)

One of the customs of our church is to thoroughly evaluate the men we call to be pastors and elders. Once we identify a candidate for the office, and once he has indicated his interest, we complete a thorough evaluation of his life and character. We work through a document that describes the qualifications the Bible holds out and asks whether he meets them or falls short. The prospective elder and his wife complete this evaluation first before the existing elders and the entire congregation do the same. By the end of the process we feel confident that the men we call are also qualified. (And, to ensure those men remain qualified, we repeat this process every six years or so.)
It never fails to fascinate me that when the Bible describes the qualifications of an elder, its focus is almost entirely on character. There is one qualification related to skill (he must have the ability to teach) and one related to desire (he must want to serve in this way), but beyond that, there is an extensive list of traits of character: he must be gentle, he must be hospitable, he must be generous, he must be devoted to his wife, he must be a faithful father, and so on. Where we are so easily swayed by accomplishments and raw ability, God’s foremost concern is for character. When it comes to the leadership of the church, God demands they be men of upstanding character, men who are above reproach in the eyes of their family members, their church, and even their community.
I recently took some time away from being an elder—a sabbatical that followed more than a decade of constant service. Upon returning, the members of the church re-evaluated me in light of those qualities, a process that is humbling but also encouraging, for Christians love to identify strengths more than weaknesses and graces more than faults. It was a blessing to receive their affirmation that they believe I am qualified to continue to serve among them. Meanwhile, we have just gone through the process of identifying a new elder and examining his suitability for the office. Through those two contexts, I found myself pondering character.
I have often heard it said that character is who you are when no one is looking. This is a well-worn phrase that communicates an essential truth: You tend to be on your best behavior when you are in the public eye. But if you wish to know who you truly are, and if you wish to know what your character is really made of, you need to look at yourself in those times when you are alone and those places where no one is present to spot your behavior or stand in judgment of your actions. You need to consider the situations in which your mind is free to wander and your hands are free to act. The truest gauge of your truest self is known ultimately only to you. Hence, character is who you are when no one is looking.
But as I considered the character of an elder, I also found myself challenged with this: Character is who you are when only your family is looking. I consider this equally important when gauging strength of character, for family knows who you really are just as much as solitude does. After all, when no one is looking, you are not being challenged by other people, you are not being sinned against, you are not being forced to practice courteous conduct and gentle speech. You are not practicing or neglecting discipleship through Word and prayer, you are not failing or succeeding to lead others through trying circumstances. It’s just you and the silence, just you and the screen, just you and your own thoughts. In that way, you learn a lot about yourself when only your family is looking.
One of the elements of my life that concerns me most is my ability to be on my worst behavior around the people who are most important to me. You would think I’d always be at my very best before the people I love the most. Yet somehow I can put on airs before strangers and then let down my guard before my family. Somehow I can live to impress people I barely know while being apathetic toward people I know the best and whose lives are deeply intertwined with mine. There is something about home life that can breed arrogance and apathy, entitlement and hostility.
Before God calls me to serve the church he calls me to serve my family and before he calls me to love the people of my local congregation he calls me to love the people under my own roof.Share
But before God calls me to serve the church he calls me to serve my family and before he calls me to love the people of my local congregation he calls me to love the people under my own roof. Long before I think about laying down my life in service for my brothers and sisters, he calls me to lay down my life in service for my wife and children. My family knows who I really am in a way neither the crowds nor the solitude do.
Who am I? What kind of man am I? What kind of character do I possess and display? I will learn that in the darkness, in the solitude, in the times when no human eyes sees me. But I will equally learn that when I am before those people who see me constantly and up close, for character is who I am when only my family is looking.