Among my responsibilities as an elder/pastor within a local church is meeting with people to offer counsel and guidance. I have never lost the wonder of being given so sobering a privilege—to listen to people as they share their deep sorrows or ask their big questions and to then attempt to bring the Word of God to bear in wisdom, comfort, and direction.
I recently spent some time pondering the situations that seem to arise on a regular basis. While some circumstances are entirely unique, many more have a number of similarities between them. And as I pondered these, I realized that the most common counsel I offer is this: Stop thinking in terms of “should” and “ought” and start thinking in terms of “wise” and “want.”
When Christians meet trials and difficulties or when they come to hard decisions or forks in the road, they naturally want to know “How do I please God in this situation?” This is a wonderful instinct and a very good question to ask. Christians should always be concerned to do what God commands and to avoid what God forbids. I love to hear, “I want to honor God in my decision. I want to bring glory to him in my situation.”
Yet in most of life, God does not give us clear commands. A parent may tell his child, “go and play in the yard.” The parent doesn’t care what game the child plays, as long as he stays inside the fence. And kind of like that, God sets the moral boundaries and then gives us great freedom within them. We like to ask “should” questions: Should I join this church or that one? Should I go to this college or that one? Should I pursue this potential spouse or that one? Should I have this number of children or that number? We use the word “should” very naturally when we ask such questions, yet that word can trip us up because it implies that there is some level of moral rightness and wrongness in our situation, that there is one way that will please God and other that will displease him—one way that will gain his blessing and another that will lead to some kind of negative consequence. We then look for clear guidance from God and hesitate when we fail to receive it.
Something I often say is “What if God doesn’t really care?” I am deliberately overstating the matter and need to explain myself, of course. But what I mean to convey is that God may not be too concerned about which decision you make—not concerned enough, that is, to reveal it to you. After all, God is our Father and a father supports his children. If a dad tells his child to go out in the yard and play, he doesn’t want his child to plead to tell him whether to play tag, hide-and-seek, or catch. He just wants his child to play—to play whatever game delights his heart in that moment.
God wants us to live. He wants us to make our own decisions.Share
And like that, God wants us to live. He wants us to make our own decisions. He provides the boundaries of his will in those matters the Bible makes clear, but then leaves it to us to operate according to wisdom and desire. He leaves it to us to evaluate the wisest course of action and then to consider our desires—wisdom and desires that have been shaped by the Word and molded by the Spirit.
And so my most common pastoral counsel is designed to help people stop thinking they need to make their decisions on the basis of what they should do or ought to do but to instead make decisions on the basis of what’s wise and what they want. Observing that they have inadvertently made the moral will of God much more expansive than it actually is, I help them see how they are already within the boundaries of what God has revealed and that he is now pleased to give them freedom—freedom to choose many different paths and be sure of his blessing no matter which one they take. In other words, they need to stop thinking in terms of “should” and “ought” and start thinking in terms of “wise” and “want.”

It is one of the realities of the Christian faith that skeptics love to criticize—the reality that there are a host of different denominations and a multitude of different expressions of Christian worship. But while believers have become accustomed to responding to this criticism with a sense of shame, I choose to see it in a different light. I choose to see each tradition as highlighting different aspects of God’s purpose for the local church. As a prism refracts the light and separates it into its component colors, the differing traditions refract the Bible’s varying commands and emphases. And this is why I feel at home in so many different churches.
I feel at home in a Brethren church. I feel at home because of its commitment to simplicity in worship and to the necessity of celebrating the Lord’s Supper on a weekly basis. Such churches are meek and humble and committed to honoring the Lord in ways that may be unflashy but are faithful to the Scriptures. They look with longing and pleading for the return of Jesus Christ. I always count it a joy to break bread with the Brethren.
I feel at home in an Anglican church. It feels familiar because its worship is so thoroughly steeped in Word and prayer. While there is always a sermon (though probably one shorter than I am accustomed to) and while there is always song (though often fewer than I am accustomed to) the service is structured around reading the Word and both corporate and private prayers. I love to participate in those readings and prayers knowing that as I do so, I am engaged in a tradition that wraps the world and spans the centuries.
I feel at home in a Presbyterian church because of its commitment to sound doctrine and expositional preaching. Few traditions have raised up as many powerful preachers as the Presbyterians or created as many resources to assist them. Few traditions have thought as deeply about what they believe and described it as thoroughly as Presbyterians have done through their catechisms and confessions. Few documents in the history of the Christian church surpass the Shorter Catechism and the Westminster Confession for depth and beauty.
I feel at home also in those Presbyterian churches that hold to a strict interpretation of the regulative principle. Such churches will only worship in ways the Bible explicitly commands. I admire them for their commitment to principle even as it extends all the way to singing only the Psalms and singing them without instrumentation. Where so many other traditions neglect the psalms, this tradition sings them exclusively and joyfully. I feel at home among them.
I feel at home in a Dutch Reformed church because it values simple, formal worship followed by warm and charitable hospitality. I admire the way they give such care to catechizing their children and often to building and supporting schools to educate them. Plus, almost no church sings louder or stronger than a Dutch Reformed church. (If you want to find men who still sing with confidence and gusto, this is where you will find them.)
I love to learn from them, I love to observe what they do so well, and I love to see how God blesses their labors to build his kingdom and declare his glory.Share
I feel at home in many non-denominational churches as well, though most fit at least one of the descriptions above or below. Every church has its reasons to formally associate with other churches or to remain independent, and I respect those who choose to persist outside a denominational structure.
Of course, I feel at home in a Baptist church, for I myself am Baptist. As I search the Scriptures for its instructions on what a local church ought to be and how it ought to worship, I see it describing something very much like a church structured around the London Baptist Confession. I love the emphasis on evangelism. I love the emphasis on celebrating the baptism of one who has professed faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. And I love the balance of structure and freedom that permeates its worship services.
And while I am confidently and convictionally Baptist, I do love to experience other churches and consider it a blessing to worship among other traditions that teach the same Scriptures and preach the same gospel. I have worshipped in a host of churches spanning every continent and have found that I love to learn from them all, I love to observe what they do so well, and I love to see how God blesses their labors to build his kingdom and declare his glory.

Good morning. Grace and peace to you.

There is a great batch of Kindle deals to work through today. The highlight might be Alex DiPrima’s Spurgeon: A Life which is brand new and a fraction of its usual list price. Besides that, there’s a collection of books for women and a good selection for scholars.

As Black Friday approaches, remember that I’ve got a collection of Kindle books and a separate collection of print books from various booksellers that I’m adding to day by day.

I really appreciate what J. V. Fesko says here about confessionalism and fundamentalism (and the superiority of the former over the latter).

This is a situation we all run into from time to time, isn’t it? “When someone senses that we have goodwill and respect for them, it enables them to lower their defenses and really hear what we are saying. Sincere kindness can therefore help us make progress in a disagreement. It helps unmake caricatures and promote understanding of what the other side is saying. Someone once said, in the context of preaching, that ‘unless love is felt, the message is not heard.’ So it is in our conversations.”

Looking for faith-inspired Christmas gifts for your loved ones (or yourself)? A great place to start is the Christmas Gift Guide from 21Five, Canada’s gospel-centered Christian bookstore. Explore hundreds of unique Christian books and products for everyone on your list! (Sponsored)

I take this as a helpful reminder that even while we continue to value apologetic instructions and tactics, there is also great value in personal testimony.

This is a perennial question, isn’t it? Kevin DeYoung answers it well.

Aaron talks about some unexpected evidence that he is growing as a Christian.

Wyatt is right that sexual ethics stand or fall upon our doctrine of God. He uses a recent book to illustrate the point.

Some critics will be well-intentioned while others will be bent on destruction; some will be attempting to do the right thing (even if in a ham-fisted way) while others will be attempting to wreak havoc. Yet the prideful and troubling temptation can be to treat them all the same. 

God’s providence is like God’s nature. Among the stars there are no haphazard movements. The sun never rises late. No star sets too early. So in providence, everything comes in its set time. God’s clock is never a second slow.
—J.R. Miller