Your Faithfulness Affects Us All: A Plea to Empty Nesters to Continue to Pursue Their Marriages
God created your marriage covenant all of those decades ago. He was with you when you said, “I do,” and he promises to carry you until death do you part. But he doesn’t just promise to help his people grin and bear it; he is also the God who can bring hope and joy. He loves to bring renewal. He resurrects marriages just as he resurrected Lazarus.
“Do you have a few minutes to talk during my break?” the twenty-something barista asked me as I took my cup of coffee from him in one hand, balancing commentaries and my laptop in the other hand. I could see strain on his face. I had first met him just a few months earlier. We worshiped at different churches in different communities, but he knew I was a pastor and I could see he needed to talk.
Thirty minutes later, he sat across from me in the coffee shop and poured out his broken heart to me: his dad had just announced his unfaithfulness and that he was pursuing a divorce. This hit my new friend hard. He had only been married a couple of years, and he had always looked up to his dad; his parents had led him to the Lord.
A couple of days later, I sat in a church member’s home during our small group. When it came time to share prayer requests, he asked for prayer for his parents. His mom had just announced she had a boyfriend and was pursuing a divorce. This set of parents was in their early sixties. He was shocked and saddened.
What this pair of circumstances days apart showed me yet again is that unfaithfulness—or faithfulness—in marriage affects those around us in profound ways. My friends, both married men who had been out of the home for years, were nonetheless deeply affected by their parents’ marital drift. The majority of my marriage counseling is with empty nester and retired couples, a common trend.
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The Christian Soldier
Written by David T. Crum |
Monday, April 3, 2023
Outside of courage, Dabney felt the Christian maintained an eternal peace that assisted him on the battlefield and even upon facing death. Any student studying Jackson knew this was clear in the general’s life. If you surrendered your worries to God’s Sovereign will, could this promote a better soldier? Dabney remained adamant that this was the case, “The Christian accepts this result as a revelation of the fact that this was the hour and this the place appointed by God for his end, and that, therefore, no other hour and place can be so suitable.”Chaplains from a variety of denominations served within the Confederate Army. Historians have long established that Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson were devout Christians. Jackson held to the concept of Providence: that no event in history occurred without the will and ordination of God. Whether one lost or won a battle, or suffered a traumatic or deadly injury, according to the Biblical worldview of Jackson, this was the Lord’s will and doing. Within his inner circle of close confidants remained Robert L. Dabney, a Presbyterian minister, theologian, Confederate chaplain, and at one point, General Jackson’s chief of staff. On December 14, 1862, Dabney preached a sermon titled The Christian Soldier. This brief article will analyze the concept of a “Christian Soldier.”
It would be naïve to assert that Christians did not serve on both sides of the conflict. Dabney felt the North remained “theologically liberal” in large numbers. He cited many in the North as firm adherents to Christian Universalism, or, more easily understood, believers who embraced the idea of salvation for all, even for those not placing genuine faith in Jesus Christ. Contrary to this worldview, Dabney and Jackson placed an emphasis on the regeneration of the soul or the “born-again” experience a believer needed to have in order to be in Christ (John 3:3, 2 Corinthians 5:17). Jackson consistently asked for chaplains, disregarding their denomination, and only stipulating that they preached and taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Outside of the criticism of Northern Christianity, Dabney argued that the South was genuinely being invaded and had the Biblical right of defense. Sects of Christianity have long divided on military service in combat. After converting to the Reformed faith, Jackson explained he would never serve in another war unless defending his nation. Dabney agreed with this reasoning: “It is perfectly clear that sacred Scripture legalizes such defensive war. Abram, Moses, Joshua, Samuel, David, Josiah, the Maccabees, were such warriors; and they were God’s chosen saints.”[1] While all Christians, including Dabney, disliked war and knew it resulted from living in a sinful world, protecting one’s family and land justified military involvement. He preached, “Our homes and the shelter of our families, the rights and all our fellow-citizens, everything which is included as valuable in the words, my country, is committed to his protection.”[2]
According to Dabney, the Christian soldier was justified in combat because he defended his family and land. Theologians, including Martin Luther and John Knox, have long supported such a defense, especially concerning Biblical matters. On the Reformation, W.W. Bennett wrote, “Among the Reformers of Germany, in France, and in England, there were devout soldiers, who wielded the sword of the Spirit as valiantly against the enemies of the Lord as they did the sword of war against the enemies of their country.”[3] He concluded, “In every age of the Church since, soldiers have been found among the most zealous and devoted followers of the Redeemer.”[4]
Therefore, the Christian soldier was justified in military combat because he defended his land. However, the Christians further separated from other soldiers in unique attributes. Dabney declared:
But the true glory of the Christian soldier is in this: that he is called to the noblest exertions of the emotions and the will. And even if his occupation were contrasted with those of the civilian and the philosopher, as being non-intellectual, which we have denied, the moral sentiments which actuate his exertions justify the exalted admiration of his fellow-men. For the heart is nobler, wiser, greater than the head.[5]
The Christian soldier possessed a unique courage that set him apart from his counterparts. Dabney compared the previous martyrs who burned at the stake for refusing to deny their Lord. This courage was not man-made but a gift from Heaven, placing upon the soldier the ability to excel in challenging and deadly situations. He added, “It does but postpone self to duty, and to the good of others. Its Spirit is precisely that of the martyrs, who yields up his life rather than be recreant to duty, to his church and God.”[6] Clearly, the Scriptures supported such teachings on Heavenly courage, as many accounts in the Old Testament demonstrated smaller armies of Israel defeating their adversaries (Joshua, Judges). Likewise, the bravery and faith in God of one man, David, changed the fate of history and provided victory for the Israelites versus the Philistines. Bennett expanded on this Godly gift: “The bravery of Christian soldiers in battle has been well attested. Some rigid, irreligious disciplinarians are often annoyed by the zeal of godly men in an army, but great commanders like Cromwell and Washington know how to turn this zeal to good account.”[7]
Jackson, too, felt the Christian soldier was unique. “He said it [Christianity] made them more careful in promising their work, more faithful in performing it, and more punctual in delivering it.”[8] In examining Jackson’s views on the matter, Rev. John R. Richardson wrote:
The better Christian a man is the more truthful he is in his statements. The better Christian a man is the more thorough he is in all of his transactions. The better the Christian a man is the braver he is in danger. The better Christian a man is the more disciplined he is in mastering his desires.[9]
Outside of courage, Dabney felt the Christian maintained an eternal peace that assisted him on the battlefield and even upon facing death. Any student studying Jackson knew this was clear in the general’s life. If you surrendered your worries to God’s Sovereign will, could this promote a better soldier? Dabney remained adamant that this was the case, “The Christian accepts this result as a revelation of the fact that this was the hour and this the place appointed by God for his end, and that, therefore, no other hour and place can be so suitable.”[10]
And, finally, the Christian soldier lived a life of prayer and thanksgiving. While the unbeliever remained baffled at the devotion and constant desire to seek the Lord’s blessing and Providence, the Christian lived in prayer. Richardson recalled Jackson’s legacy, “It is said Jackson pleaded so fervently that God would baptize his army with His Holy Spirit that hardened hearts were melted into penitence, gratitude and praise. He prayed on the field of battle during the conflict that the souls passing out of this world would not go out unprepared to meet their God.”[11] For believers, a praying army was a powerful force that could defeat any enemy. History proves such; from a praying George Washington at Valley Forge to General Joseph Warren at Bunker Hill, never underestimate the power of prayer. Bennett recalled such devotion from Andrew Jackson:
An officer once complained to General Andrew Jackson that some soldiers were making a noise in their tent. “What are they doing?” asked the general. “They are praying now, but they have been singing,” was the reply. “And is that a crime?” the general demanded. “The articles of war order punishment for any unusual noise,” was the reply. “God forbid that prayer should be an unusual noise in my camp,” said Jackson, and he advised the officer to join the praying band.[12]
Jackson, Dabney, Bennett, and other Christians lived in continuous prayer, seeking God’s blessings and will. How would you achieve victory and deliverance if you did not ask and seek the Lord? Jackson’s brigade praised the Lord both in victory and defeat. May such a mindset be an example to everyone.
Dabney and Jackson agreed that a genuine Christian, regardless of their denomination, was the preferred soldier. If the soldier placed the Lord before anything else in his life, the traits of the Spirit would prevail (Galatians 5:22–23). And within such a temperament would be the Godly example and encouragement provided to others, possibly including an entire brigade or army. This sermon clearly resembled the very traits Jackson possessed. The Confederate Soldiers pocket manual defined the Christian:
That man leads a sincere Christian life:
1st. Who endeavors to serve and obey God to the best of his understanding and power.
2nd. Who strives to please his neighbor to edification.
3rd. Who endeavors to do his duty in that state of life unto which it has pleased God to call him.
Whoever would continue in the practice of these things unto his life’s end, it is necessary that he should call himself often to an account whether he does so or not; constantly pray for grace to know, and to do his duty; and preserve himself in such a teachable temper as to be always ready to receive the truth when it is fairly proposed to him.[13]
Jackson himself had a dream of a Christian army. Of course, his brigade had the reputation of being one of prayer and submission to God’s will. Accounts emerged during and after the war of Jackson’s impact on soldiers and their conversion to Christianity. While his dream of an entire Christian army was not feasible, we marvel at his idea and share his sentiments. Rev. John R. Richardson reported:
Stonewall Jackson believed that the best soldier is the one who has made his peace with God and strives to do his duty day by day. The Christian soldier keeps morally clean. He is not found in the hospital with a venereal disease or in the stockade because of drunkenness. Instead of being a liability to his nation, he is an asset. Instead of weakening his outfit he strengthens it. Men need a strong Christian faith to properly motivate their conduct, and they find such motivation in Christianity. Jackson said he would like to command an army composed only of converted men. He felt this way because he had experienced the power of Christ in his own life. Let Stonewall Jackson ever be to us an example of the power of pure Christianity to make real men![14]
Today, in a nation that openly denies the Word of God, one can only speculate on the differences the country might resemble if it walked more openly with the Lord. While Christianity may have influenced the Founding Fathers, the nation has never been solely Christian, and seemingly appears to have departed from any resemblance to the days of our forefathers. While Jackson did not get to live out his dream of an entirely Christian nation or army, the day is coming when the Lord will return to claim His own and judge the darkness.
We end in a Confederate soldier prayer:
Almighty God, whom without faith it is not possible to please, enable me, I beseech Thee, so perfectly to believe in Thy son Jesus Christ that my faith in Thy sight may never be reproved; and grant that, as I am called to a knowledge of Thy grace and faith in Thee, I may avoid all those things that are contrary to my professions and follow all such as are agreeable to the same; through Jesus Christ our Lord. AMEN.[15]
David Crum holds a Ph.D. in Historical Theology. He serves as an Assistant Professor of History and Dissertation Chair. His research interests include the history of warfare and Christianity. He and his family attend Trinity Presbyterian Church (ARP) in Bedell, New Brunswick.[1] R.L. Dabney, “The Christian Soldier” (sermon, College Church, VA, December 14, 1862).
[2] Ibid.
[3] W.W. Bennett, The Great Revival in the Southern Armies, (Harrisonburg: Sprinkle Publications, 1989), 11.
[4] Ibid.
[5] R.L. Dabney, “The Christian Soldier” (sermon, College Church, VA, December 14, 1862).
[6] Ibid.
[7] Bennett, The Great Revival in the Southern Armies, 15.
[8] John R. Richardson, The Christian Character of General Stonewall Jackson, (Weaverville: The Southern Presbyterian Journal Company, 1943), 20.
[9] Ibid.
[10] [10] R.L. Dabney, “The Christian Soldier” (sermon, College Church, VA, December 14, 1862).
[11] Richardson, The Christian Character of General Stonewall Jackson, 19.
[12] Quintard, The Confederate Soldier’s Pocket Manual of Devotions, (Charleston: Evans & Cogswell, 1863), 15.
[13] Ibid., 4.
[14] Richardson, The Christian Character of General Stonewall Jackson, 20.
[15] Quintard, The Confederate Soldier’s Pocket Manual of Devotions, 13
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Eternal Surprise
Written by T. M. Suffield |
Saturday, March 5, 2022
Contemplating the sin and shame and death that tars us would do us good. But when you do, make sure you rise up afterwards, and turn your face to the heavens and cry tears of quick delight as you remember that God in Christ is for you. How do you know? Because he shut the dragon’s mouth, he bore the burdens we can’t set down after prising them from our grip, he made himself a spectacle of shame so we could be honoured as royalty. Because God loves you, and he wants you, and he has come to get you.At the height of the pandemic, I was invited by one of my best friends to preach at his church in Manchester, which of course meant via Zoom from my living room.
This collided with the height of our house renovations—we had a labourer in to strip the old plaster off the halls, stairs and landing, and then plasterers in to board and skim. We do our own plastering, but we want to be precariously perched on a ladder halfway up the stairs about as much as the average tradesperson does.
Because they’re a law unto themselves, the plasterers announced on the Saturday that they would be back on Sunday morning to do some more. I carefully explained that I was preaching that morning, hoping to dissuade them, but they just assured me they would be quiet when we needed them to be.
So that’s how on the morning before the church meeting started, I was in the kitchen with the kettle on making everyone a drink and chatting with one of the plasterers about what church was like. We’d been talking earlier in the week—he was Irish, and it emerged he was a lapsed Roman Catholic who had walked away from the church long ago. He was deeply curious about faith, and this morning asked what I was going to be speaking about, so I told him the story from the gospels (Luke 7) that I was preaching from that day.
Jesus encounters a funeral procession outside of a small town. There’s a widow, who is accompanied by the town to bury her only son. Her beloved child is dead, and with his death her livelihood and hope for the future has gone. She has nothing left, no one to care for her. She is bereft.
Jesus stops the procession, comforts the mother and then reaches out to touch the bier his body is placed on. This is a taboo act, you don’t willingly touch the dead—the death transfers to you, spiritually speaking. Which is, by the by, the logic behind the Old Testament food laws, though I didn’t explain that to the plasterer.
He was rapt listening to the story. I’m a good storyteller, but this was a bare bones narration in the kitchen while I stirred a mug of tea for him to drink, the story was doing its own work.
Then we come to the climax. Jesus looks at the young man, who he is not afraid to touch, and says “get up.” In a beautifully understated line in Luke’s narration,
And the dead man sat up
The plasterer looked at me, eyes wide, and viscerally expressed his surprise in a way I will not repeat in print.
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Temptations Common to Marriage
Our Lord taught us that a house divided against itself can’t stand. Satan’s strategy is to use friendly fire — spouses attacking each other — to defeat our marriages. It’s imperative, then, for couples to learn how to engage in spiritual (not spousal) warfare. And spiritual wars can be won only with spiritual weapons.
I love everything about Christ-centered weddings. I love the love songs, the festive decorations, the contagious smiles, the time-honored traditions. I love the theology that marriage pictures and the miracle God performs by joining a man and a woman together as one. And I hate divorce. I hate all the damage it leaves in its wake. I hate how sin attacks what God has blessed and all that Satan does to undermine these vows.
So, when my wife and I start premarital counseling with a couple, I tell them that we will seem like good cop and bad cop. My wife openly expresses her joy to the engaged couple, while I keep a poker face over the six meetings, deliberately poking holes to see if their relationship is sufficiently built on the solid foundation of Christ.
Too often, couples stumble into marriage blinded to the problems in front of them because they look at their relationship through the distortion of rose-colored glasses. Then, shortly after the honeymoon (if it takes that long), the glasses fall off, and the couple becomes overwhelmed by what feel like painful, “irreconcilable” issues. Equally sad and tragic are the marriages that make it through earlier years only to yield to feelings of loneliness, resentment, or indifference, and then the couple gives up on the marriage in their later years.
I don’t know where you are relationally, but I’m writing to encourage couples married or about to be: if you and your spouse love Christ, your marriage can survive and thrive. So, for the purpose of thriving in your covenant, I’ll share three common challenges that all marriages between sinners face, holding up Christ as the only reliable solution for each.
1. Remember who the real enemy is.
If your marriage often feels more like a battleground than a bed of roses, you’re not crazy. In the Christian movie War Room, an elderly wise patron, Ms. Clara, tells a young wife struggling in her marriage, “You’re fighting the wrong enemy.” Oh, if every Christian couple took full heed of this danger! Satan studied Adam, and developed a specific and tailored plan — and what did he do? He went after Adam’s bride. He deceived Eve in his successful attack on their union (Genesis 3:1–6; Revelation 12:9). The Bible warns us that his war plan against marriage has not changed.
Before the apostle Paul tells Christian husbands and wives what he expects of them in Ephesians 5, he writes three whole chapters to ground us in the abundant grace that is ours in Christ. That grace is the means by which couples can make our marriages reflect Christ and his love for the church (Ephesians 5:22–31). Without regularly walking in the gospel of Ephesians 1–3 together, marriage easily becomes marred in fights centered around felt needs and grievances.
Then, in Ephesians 6, Paul tells believers why we need all the blessings from chapters 1–3: Satan and his horde of demons are still waging war against us (Ephesians 6:10–12), just as they did against Adam and Eve. You are at war with Satan, and your marriage is the battleground.
What’s the prescription? Remember that your spouse is not your enemy. How often do we turn our weapons against each other and unleash our anger there? That’s how Satan slowly builds a beachhead to launch his attacks against marriage (Ephesians 4:26–27). Our Lord taught us that a house divided against itself can’t stand. Satan’s strategy is to use friendly fire — spouses attacking each other — to defeat our marriages.
It’s imperative, then, for couples to learn how to engage in spiritual (not spousal) warfare. And spiritual wars can be won only with spiritual weapons.
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