It’s a Trap!
We are in a warfare that requires the prudent be on the lookout for evils to avoid. In your hearts, acknowledge the traps that are all around you. And if you really need to, say it out loud to shake you from your apathy and turn from the temptation.
When I was in college, it’s very likely that people thought I was a little weird. Around 2008, I started to really seek the Lord. I had been saved a few years before then, but around that time I had someone show me that I could read and understand the Bible for myself. I was soaking up everything and growing like a weed. I was also a little weird (still am?). Put those two things together and you get an interesting outcome. Here’s what I mean: I used to wear one white sock and one black sock to remind me that the flesh warred against the Spirit (Gal 6). I made a little Bible carrying pouch to wear on my belt and called it my “sheath” for carrying around my “sword” (Eph 5). And if you were walking by me on campus, sometimes you might hear me exclaim, “It’s a trap!”
As anyone who has sought the Lord will tell you, the more you see of God, the better you see yourself. Specifically, the more you see of your own insufficiency.
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Helping the Victim of Gaslighting
In the movie Gaslight, the lights were flickering, and she knew it. But her husband attempted to tell her that her senses could not be trusted. We must help the “victims” understand that what they see, hear, touch, and smell can be trusted because that is how God designed them to experience the world.
In July 2021 I wrote an article on gaslighting that made the following three points:
Definition of gaslighting: “Gaslighting,” biblically speaking, is the deception by self-lovers who use eloquent and persuasive speech to destroy the emotional and spiritual stability of their victims. The self-lover wants to control and often hide their own sinful behavior.
Value of the term: Biblical counselors may choose to use the term as a subheading of the biblical term deception to highlight the particularly wicked form that this deception takes.
Impact on a person’s life: Gaslit sufferers assume that events and actions are their fault, refuse to make decisions, exhibit unwillingness to trust their senses, lie to avoid conflict, and look for a trustworthy person to tell them what to do.In the months since that article came out, I have continued to study and think about the subject. I concluded that my article focused almost exclusively on what I now term “active gaslighting.” I also believe that passive gaslighting is also possible. I will write another article explaining this difference. However, I believe that successful gaslighting, whether done actively or passively, tends to produce similar result. This article presents an initial explanation of how to help.
Before I get started, I believe every person must be cared for as an individual. Even if commonalities exist between counselees, commonality is not sameness. The Bible encourages us to listen (Prov. 18:13; James 1:19) and respond to the situation accordingly. People are dynamic and that demands an ability to adapt to changing circumstances.
It is also important to remember that my list below is only attempting to address the gaslighting itself. The needs of the active gaslit victim may include issues not relevant to the passive victim and vise-a-versa. In addition, there may be other life factors that require counsel.
Acknowledge That Life Is Hard
Victims may seem confusing, immature, even childish to those who have never experienced treatment like this. Children who were biblically raised (cf. Eph 6:4; Deut 6:5-9, etc.) and taught biblical courage must listen to their counselee’s experience. The constant bombardment of deception, manipulation, and cruelty should lead us to compassion.
Feeling compassion is not enough. We must communicate it. We must find words to express our compassion for them and for their experience. Paul often wrote about other’s suffering. The Psalms express grief as does Job and Lamentations. Building a relationship where honesty and ministry can flourish requires a little “climbing in the casket.”
This is especially true of active gaslighting victims because the perpetrators are like Romans 16:18 says, For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting.
Even when the gaslighting was unintentional (i.e., passive) it does not change the reality that the person experiences many of the same symptoms. It is hard to live in a world where nothing seems clear or makes sense.
Remember That Gaslit Victims Struggle with Reality
When either counseling or supervising someone counseling these persons, we must constantly remind ourselves that they struggle with reality. There are different rules. When someone tried to tell me that I did not see something I really saw (I watched him run for a touchdown), something I read (a story about hurting people), or something I heard I did not find their comments confusing – I found them irritating. Those were my rules.
Victims play with different rules. They have learned that our world is broken and confusing. They have learned that trust is dangerous. Gaslit victims confuse what the rest of us would take for granted.
Persevering is an important concept. Gaslit people might make it hard to counsel. They might question your understanding of the Bible, they might question your application, and they might look to others for confirmation. It is not because they are rebellious, it is part of how they function. Rather than be angry at them, recognize that they need more help than the average person.
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On Theological Checklists
When do we need to know where another person or group stands in terms of their religious beliefs and theological stances, and when does it not matter so much? It seems to me that in some cases it is very important that we know – and act accordingly – where someone is in terms of their beliefs. But in other cases, it really does not matter very much at all.
A perennial problem for the Christian is learning how to be in the world but not of it. That is, the believer wants to reach people in the world for Christ, but he does not want to be unduly contaminated by worldly behaviour, worldviews and the like.
And as always, church history shows us that there are extremes to be avoided. Some believers, to remain pure and un-spotted from the world, will withdraw altogether, living in caves, or at least going into monasteries, and so on. And there CAN be a place for some of that activity for some people, to some degree.
The other extreme of course is to totally embrace the world, its values, its beliefs, and its behaviours. But worldliness is something we are repeatedly warned about in Scripture. So the issue once again is about trying to find the biblical balance.
And all this has once again come to a head with the release of the film Sound of Freedom. Much of the recent criticism about it had to do with religious and theological differences. Some folks thought we should stay away from the film altogether because not all those involved in it are fully onside theologically. I already penned two articles looking in detail at those critics and their criticisms.
In that case it was about doctrinal and theological purity. Some Christians thought we must avoid this film like the plague. Never mind the rescue of trafficked children. But I argued – once again – that there is a place for working with others for various worthwhile purposes. It is called co-belligerency.
What I want to discuss here follows on from all that, but it has a somewhat broader application. As I just mentioned, how do we stay “pure” in various ways while living in the world? The New Testament does speak about the need for separation at times. But it also speaks about being involved in the world to make a difference.
As but one example of the former, Christians of course should avoid sexual impurity. So in 1 Corinthians 5 Paul says we are to avoid those involved in sexual immorality. Yet he says that in terms of those claiming to be believers. He says that if we seek to avoid ALL sexually immoral people, then we “would need to go out of the world” (see 1 Cor. 5:9-11).
If Paul were here today he would not be telling us to never buy a coffee at some shop for fear that the barista is sexually immoral. He would not tell us never to fill our cars with petrol because the one taking our cash might be immoral, or an atheist, or a cultist, or a witch. So he would seek for a bit of common sense here. We should as well.
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Final Thoughts on God, Guns, and the Government
What’s the sounder method for thinking through Christian ethics? It starts with the image of the person as revealed in Scripture and the practice of churches over the centuries. It asks what demands such a creature can rightly make of any government, and what duties he owes it.
All through this series I’ve been writing at The Stream over the past year and a half, which soon will form a book, I’ve struggled to articulate the correct way for Christians to form their consciences as citizens in a modern, post-Christian context. As it draws to a close, after surveying thousands of years of history, both Testaments of scripture, the growth of authoritative Church tradition, and the profound political changes wrought on the West by the Christian view of the person, is there a simple message to sum it all up?
The answer is yes. There is a message, and better still, a method for any principled person to use when considering complex moral issues. First the message:
Freedom in the sense we take for granted, based on individual rights, only arose in the West, and only the Christian West. That’s not an accident. The Christian roots of our regime of ordered liberty are no mere primitive “phase” that we can grow out of, or a skin we can shed as we grow. No, the Christian view of the person is the soil where liberty sprouted. It feeds our liberty, and it keeps it alive. Yank the tree out of the soil, and the leaves will stay green for a while, but it’s as good as dead already. That’s the stage where we are today, still staring at the leaves as the tree gasps for its life. It never “outgrows” its need for water and nutrients.
The only sane way to think about politics in the tradition of our Christian ancestors, the ones who created this system of freedom, is to consider first the human person as revealed to us by God in both Testaments, and then think through the implications of that human dignity for life in society.
The Phony Logic of Progressive Christians
Too few people today remember how to do that. Instead they do something else. By describing their faulty mode of reasoning I can reveal the Method promised above, the rational calculus you can use yourself in any new situation, on each political question as it arises, to arrive at your own faithful answers.
Since our argument here has centered on the question of using violence in self-defense, either against individual aggressors or the institutionalized violence of some tyrannical state, let’s unfold the Method in that context. What are the political implications of Jesus’ injunction to “turn the other cheek”?
The manner in which Progressive Christians habitually answer such questions can best be described as follows:Read the passage of Scripture. Do not check on how previous generations of Christians have interpreted it, much less what past authorities of your own church tradition say. Also do not explore its connections to the Old Testament. No, read it as if it had been published this morning, and you’re the first person to think about it.
In order to be as “radically” and authentically Christian as possible, do not consider interpretations of it that can be reconciled with Old Testament precedents, or the dictates of reason. Those are “compromise” positions, which dilute the stark extremity of Jesus’ demands.
Instead, imagine the most counter-intuitive and impractical possible reading of the text. Experience the self-satisfaction that comes from embracing this interpretation. Go forth and impose it on others, shaming them if necessary if they won’t be as “radically” Christian as you are now.
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