I have said a lot about Nick over the past two years. I have written a lot articles and done quite a number of interviews and even published a book. And I have been aware all the while that I can only speak to a small part of our loss, for there were many people who loved Nick and many who lost him. Today is the second anniversary of his death and I asked Aileen if she felt ready to write something. She said she did, and so today I am turning things over to her.

❖
When I was in Nashville for the Seasons of Sorrow book launch, Tim was asked several times “how are your wife and daughters doing?” It was asked often enough that, upon reflection, I think people understand that Tim has been nuancing the way he talks about my experience with grief as well as that of our girls. He has been very careful to only give voice to his experience of the last few years, and to word it in such a way that people don’t assume that the rest of the family’s experience necessarily matches his. I love him for this, and appreciate it very much. After all, Tim’s story is only part of the story. That’s because a dad’s grief is different from a mom’s grief. This makes sense. God has created each person to be unique which means each person’s experience of grief is unique. Each person’s relationship with the deceased is different as well, and this lends itself to differences in how each person grieves him. Adding another layer of complexity, each circumstance of loss is different as well. As we hear from people who have lost loved ones, I am continually struck by how different and unique each situation is, how grief shows differently in each person and each circumstance. This must be another example of how we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Tim recently asked if for the second anniversary of Nick’s death I would be willing to write something about it—something that may help answer the question of how I am doing.
I was told it would probably take about two years before I felt anything close to back to normal, and it very much feels like the end of year two is the beginning of a new season. Because of this, it feels appropriate to look back and ponder what I am thankful for.
I am thankful for God preparing me.
God has been kind. He gave us one of the hardest things and yet he also gave so much to help us survive. Looking back, I now see how he prepared me years ago to weather such a storm. He blessed me by giving me a bedrock of theology that in my weakest moment I had to simply deploy. I can see how he gave us what we needed moment by moment to continue to walk in faith through such suffering. When nothing felt true, when God didn’t feel kind, when he didn’t feel good, when he didn’t feel just, I had a choice: I could choose to believe what my heart and my emotions were telling me—that God was cruel, unkind and unjust—or I could choose to believe what my mind knew to be true of God’s character and trust that eventually my emotions would catch up to my brain. There are days when this is still a struggle, but I have learned not to trust my feelings. Emotions cannot inform truth. Rather, truth must inform emotions. God didn’t abandon us, he walked with us and prepared us.  I had to choose to see his presence, but he was there.  I am so thankful in his mercy he prepared me.
I am thankful for God’s sovereignty.
God’s sovereignty is both comforting and terrifying at the same time. I think in the abstract I knew the Lord could choose to do anything he wanted in our lives. But suddenly, on November 3, I learned dramatically that he actually will do anything. Even so, I am so thankful God is in control. This situation would be only worse if God had no control over it. God had every right to chose this for us. I may not much like it, but I know he has purpose in it. As humans we seem to have a driving need to understand why things are happening. It makes us feel better if we can attribute a specific purpose to the hardships we are experiencing. But the reality is that in our human weakness and frailty, God has not given us that ability. We can guess, we can suspect, but we cannot know. God instead gives us knowledge of his sovereignty, and asks us to trust, by faith, that all things work together for our good and his glory. How this is true in Nick’s death I do not know. I don’t expect to ever know, on this earth, the full purpose of this suffering in our lives. But, I do know one day it will all make sense. I can wait, patiently, trusting in God’s character. I am thankful he sees the big picture, that he is in control of all things, and that nothing happens outside his will. I am thankful that God is sovereign.
I am thankful this is temporary.
I also know that as hard as this is, it is all temporary. Initially we divided the days up by doing the next hard thing. That might have been the call to the coroner or the call to the funeral home. It might have been picking out clothing or packing up belongings. But for a long while our life was divided into segments, defined by the next hard thing we had to do. As time has gone on those hard things have grown further apart. Even so, the reality is we will always have the next hard thing we have to do. Life in this fallen world dictates it. But one day, there will no longer be the next hard thing. I am so thankful that this world is not our home. Until that day, when the Lord calls me home, my job on this earth is not yet done. So I will wait patiently, enduring what I need to until one day there will be no more mourning, no more crying or pain, and every tear will be wiped away and death shall be no more. I am so thankful this is temporary.
Lastly, I am thankful I got to be Nick’s mom.
I have wanted to tell you all about Nick, but as I began to write this out I found that I still can’t. Another time perhaps, when the pain is a little less raw, when my heart hurts just little bit less, I’ll be able to share a bit more about my firstborn, the one who first made me a mom. God in his mercy gave me a son who brought light and joy to my life for 20 years. Despite all the sadness, I am so very thankful I got to be a mom to my Nick.
A few days after Nick’s death I wrote to a friend of mine and I expressed my longing for the day joy would return. I knew logically that one day it would come, but looking forward all I could see was heartache and sorrow. These have been hard, hard days. But God in his kindness and mercy has sustained us. We have grieved and mourned and wept. But as the two-year mark draws to a close, I am seeing that joy return—joy that is less tainted by sorrow. I am thankful. God has been present. And I think I will end here as I have ended every note I have written in the last two years: God is still good.
This is a special photo as it captured the first moment Nick began to respond to Aileen and ‘talk’ back to her.

A reader of this site recently got in touch to ask me for some book suggestions. She has been a believer for quite a long time and along the way has heard of the value of reading “Christian classics.” Yet she hasn’t been sure where to begin and asked for some guidance. I was glad to take on that challenge!

In this article I will offer some suggestions that cover various eras from the early church until the late twentieth century. I should note that these recommendations will tend more toward literature that is devotional than scholarly or purely theological. And I should note as well that there is not a person in the world who will agree with every book I’ve included and every book I’ve excluded—and that is just fine because there is always a degree of subjectivity to these things. And now, without further ado, here are some Christian classics to consider reading.
John Bunyan allegorical The Pilgrim’s Progress is one of the bestselling books in all of history and a great place to begin. It has never gone out of print and in one way or another has influenced every generation of Christians since it was first published in the late 1600s. For those reasons alone it is well worth a read. Though you can find modernizations that adapt the language either lightly or significantly, the original is still surprisingly accessible. There are also some lovely audio versions available. If you’d like to listen to it, I recommend the Nadia May recording. If you’d like to read a slight modernization, this one by Crossway is well done. Otherwise, perhaps try this edition. (Most editions contain part 1 and part 2—the journeys of Christian and Christiana. You can consider yourself to have read The Pilgrim’s Progress once you complete part 1 since that is the original work.)
Note: When it comes to books that are out of copyright, you’ll often find many different editions at Amazon, eBay, and other sites that will sell pretty much anything. It’s worth being careful because a lot of them are very poorly printed or bound—often little more than photocopies of old editions that are then cheaply slapped together. Get used to clicking the “See all formats and editions” link on a book’s page and then looking for an edition by a reputable publisher. If you shop at Westminster Books or a similar bookseller, you shouldn’t run into this issue as they will already have curated the books they sell.
We should go back in time a little to make sure we don’t neglect the earliest Christian classics, which include the most noteworthy work of Augustine: Confessions. It is available in a multitude of editions and translations.
I know little about the 1,000 years between Augustine and the Puritans so don’t have a lot to offer here beyond names like Dante and Thomas Aquinas. But as far as I can tell, this was not an era in which there were a lot of devotional works that have since been affirmed by Protestants. (Authors like Thomas à Kempis and Brother Lawrence are still read and treasured today, but typically not by Reformed Protestants.) Calvin’s A Little Book on the Christian Life gets us into the Reformation era and is an excerpt of the most practical section of his Institutes.
You may have heard of the Puritans and been told you should try reading their books. When we talk about “Puritan books,” we are talking about thousands of titles written over more than a century, many of them incredibly voluminous, so there are more options than any one person could read in a lifetime (except maybe Joel Beeke). Thankfully time has served as a filter and brought many of the best works to the surface. Among them is Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices in which Thomas Brooks instructs us in how to resist Satan’s temptations. The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs tells why contentment is so fleeting and how Christian can achieve it, The Bruised Reed by Richard Sibbes offers hope for those who are suffering, while Thomas Watson’s The Godly Man’s Picture presents a “picture” of mature Christian character. Those are great options to begin with. For something slightly more advanced, try Sin and Temptation by John Owen—still the definitive work on the subject. You also can’t go wrong with Foxe’s Book of Martyrs, Anne Bradstreet’s works of poetry, or Samuel Rutherford’s wee little The Loveliness of Christ. The Puritan Paperback series by Banner of Truth and the Puritan Treasures for Today by Reformation Heritage Books can guide you into many more options.
Let me interject with a note about Puritan works. Many Puritan classics are actually excerpts from longer works, so you may find the same content in a number of different places. Also, a few of them now have modernized editions in which either the text has been rewritten in modern English or has simply been annotated to assist in understanding. With some authors this really isn’t all that necessary, but with others it can be very helpful. The best in this category are the John Owen books edited by Justin Taylor and Kelly Kapic.
When it comes to post-Puritan classics from the 1700s and early 1800s, I confess that my knowledge is a bit lacking. You might consider Real Christianity by William Wilberforce or The Religious Affections and The Diary and Journal of David Brainerd by Jonathan Edwards. Memoir & Remains of Robert Murray M’Cheyne by Andrew Bonar was published in the mid-1800s. The sermons of George Whitefield and the hymns of Charles Wesley are rewarding, though these last two probably don’t quite count as classic books. The same would be true of the letters of John Newton. Lemuel Haynes wrote in this era and, while I don’t think any of his books are considered classics, his sermons are enjoyable—perhaps especially “Universal Salvation.”
As we get deeper into the 1800s and come to the early 1900s, I have read much more so can offer more confident suggestions. J.C. Ryle’s Holiness and Thoughts for Young Men are rewarding reads. Theodore Cuyler’s God’s Light on Dark Clouds is a beautiful work on suffering while P.B. Power’s A Book of Comfort for Those in Sickness is exactly what it sounds like. This was an era in which sermons were often transcribed and printed in periodicals, so you can find entire volumes of sermons from men like Charles Spurgeon, D.L. Moody, or De Witt Talmage that are a joy to read. You will actually find that a good number of the books in their names are really just adapted sermons. Machen’s Christianity and Liberalism is more theological than devotional, but crucial to understanding liberalism. John Murray’s Redemption Accomplished and Applied is brilliant.
For more contemporary classics (by which I mean works from the late 1900s that seem destined to survive the ages) I suggest The Attributes of God by A.W. Pink (which is self-explanatory), Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (which is Lewis’s best known apologetic work), Knowing God by J.I. Packer (which is a kind of introduction to the Christian faith), The Cross of Christ by John Stott (which is a description of what God accomplished through the substitutionary death of Jesus Christ) and The Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul (which calls us to know and love God as holy, holy, holy). Through Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliot is a biography that had a massive impact on world missions.
If I had to plot out a short reading list with one book from each era, I might go in this order: The Pilgrim’s Progress, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, A Little Book on the Christian Life, Holiness, Knowing God, Confessions, the Religious Affections. Either way, I hope this article brings some clarity and motivates you to explore some of the true classics of the Christian faith.

There are some things I’m good at. Whether by nature, nurture, or hard practice, I have accumulated some skills and been given some talents. But I’m not good at everything of course. Not nearly. One thing I’m very poor at is waiting. I’m restless, impatient, and eager to be active and this leaves me prone to pray too little and act too impulsively. It leaves me prone to complain when Providence dictates that I must move slowly or not move at all.

I have read many books in my lifetime, but never have I read a book about waiting. Never, that is, until I picked up Mark Vroegop’s Waiting Isn’t a Waste: The Surprising Comfort of Trusting God in the Uncertainties of Life. Vroegop has written his book for people like me who are sometimes forced to wait but who tend to see waiting as a waste, as a time that is meant to be conquered or bypassed or figured out as quickly as possible. The fact is that life is full of gaps, moments, and seasons when all we can do is wait—wait for clarity, wait for answers, wait for changes, wait for God to make his will clear to us and to others. The question is, what are we meant to do with these times?
Throughout the book, Vroegop shows that waiting is a surprisingly common theme in both the Old Testament and the New. The Bible, it turns out, has a lot to say about it. Waiting, he insists, is not just a necessary component of our humanity but a vital component of our Christian faith. Waiting is not a time when God is absent from our lives, but a time when he may be very present and even accomplishing great things within us. “That’s why the Old and New Testaments talk about it so often. Like many other things, including suffering and the crucifixion, God aims to transform what is painful and confusing. That’s also why believers are commanded to wait. From God’s perspective, it’s good.”
Of course, just because waiting is good does not mean that it is easy or that it comes naturally. And that’s the reason Vroegop provides clear instruction on it. Throughout six chapters he shows that we are called to wait on God

honestly, acknowledging that waiting is hard;
frequently, acknowledging that waiting is common
thoughtfully, acknowledging that waiting is biblical
patiently, acknowledging that waiting is slow
intentionally, acknowledging that waiting is commanded
collectively, acknowledging that waiting is relational.

In short, he wants to help us redeem our waiting, to stop dreading it, and to learn to embrace the gaps in life as an opportunity to pursue the Lord, embrace his purposes, and become like his Son. There is no if about waiting—we will most certainly have times when God decrees we will wait for opportunities, answers to prayer, the growth of character, the salvation of our loved ones, and so much else. The issue is not if but how—how we will wait when God’s decree forces us to come to a screeching halt.
I believe Waiting Isn’t a Waste will do exactly what it is intended to do—to help Christians make the most of their waiting and to agree with the author that waiting isn’t a waste. I highly recommend it.