Written by Guy M. Richard |
Sunday, April 16, 2023
Even though Jesus calls upon us to forgive our brothers and sisters “seven times in the day” (so long as they repent), this doesn’t mean that we are to allow ourselves to be mistreated. It is appropriate for us to put some “guard rails” in place or to talk with brothers and sisters who hurt us about steps that they can take to ensure that they don’t continue to do the same things over and over again. 

In my last post, I argued that Jesus’s whole point in telling the “Parable of the Unforgiving Servant” was to say to Peter (and to you and me by extension) that we shouldn’t have to ask how many times we should forgive someone when they sin against us. Knowing that we are like the first servant in the parable who was forgiven a debt he could never repay, we are to stand ready, willing, and able to forgive others no matter how often they may hurt us or how great the pain they may cause. Forgiveness is not optional for us as Christians. We are to forgive others in direct proportion to the forgiveness we have received from God. But if all of that is true, as I certainly believe it is, it inevitably raises the question as to whether or not we are obligated to forgive those who hurt us even if they never apologize or seek our forgiveness. Are we as Christians to supposed to keep on forgiving others no matter what?
Forgiveness is Relational
The short answer to this question is no; we are not called to forgive others “no matter what.” One of the reasons we know this is true is because, as we have previously said, forgiveness is always a relational category. It is never an end in itself in the Bible but always a means to the end of reconciliation (see my earlier posts on forgiveness). A relationship has been broken, and it needs to be restored. It cannot be restored, however, until and unless the sins that have caused the break have been dealt with. Once these sins have been forgiven, the relationship can be restored to its original condition.
The relational nature of forgiveness means that we have no obligation to forgive someone with whom we do not have a relationship. That is because there is actually no way for us to forgive in this case, because genuine forgiveness—at least in the way that the Bible talks about it—is always unto the restoration of a relationship. And this is impossible if there isn’t a relationship to begin with. There should no doubt be something akin to forgiveness that takes place in these kinds of situations. We ought not harbor bitterness and anger toward people for the things that they do to us, even if we don’t have relationships with them. We need to let go of the hurts that strangers may cause so that they don’t consume us or eat us up on the inside. But we can’t forgive them really and truly, because forgiveness is always unto the restoration of a relationship, and, if there isn’t any relationship to restore, then there cannot be any forgiveness.
Forgiveness sometimes requires confronting others.
The relational nature of forgiveness also means that we have no obligation to forgive someone who does not apologize and seek our forgiveness for whatever hurt he or she has caused. This is because genuine forgiveness is impossible without both sides participating. One side must apologize and be willing to seek forgiveness and the other side must be willing to forgive. Without both of these things happening, reconciliation is unattainable.
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In a Christian family it is not only the children who must abide by the law of God but the parents must as well, even though they are the ones who exercise discipline. We are all sinners in need of grace. None of us occupies the high moral ground. Any judgment on our part must be rendered with humility, in full knowledge that we stand only by the grace of the One who is able to save and to destroy (Jas. 4:12). 

There is only one lawgiver and judge. (James 4:12, ESV)
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” James tells us how to avoid sabotaging that noble goal. “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers” (Jas. 4:11).
Speaking evil can be toxic to a relationship, introducing a pollutant that can poison the waters and be difficult to clean up, and even once cleaned up can leave traces that might never be purged. We might think in terms of slander or berating another.
James describes this evil-speak as emanating from someone who has assumed the position of a judge. Jesus also addressed the matter in the Sermon on the Mount when He said, “Judge not, that you be not judged” (Matt. 7:1).
How many times have we heard people excuse and enable wrong behavior by saying that the Bible tells us not to judge? But the Bible doesn’t say that. In fact, we are enjoined to judge (1 Cor. 5:12), including providing a kingdom assessment of the righteousness or unrighteousness of actions (Mt. 18:15-20).
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In a wedding the couple are publicly declaring to family and friends both their resolve, commitment and intention to a life-long sexual union. And they are asking everyone present to support them in fulfilling such goals. This means  that in an LGBTIQ wedding they are announcing their commitment not to repent, but to continually rebel against the One who made them. A Christian can never support such a decision because the Bible explicitly warns us not to be deceived that such an unrepentant person will ever enter the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9-11).

A Vexed Pastoral Issue
One of the most vexed personal decisions Western Christians face today is whether or not to attend an LGBTIQ wedding of a family member or friend. Nobody who follows Jesus wants to destroy the relationship or lose the opportunity to present the Gospel to those they know. But at the same time, we want to both honour the LORD as well as not be a stumbling block to others (See Matt. 18:6).
Unfortunately, sometimes the Gospel brings us into conflict with those we are closest to. And it is at that point which our loyalties are truly tested. As Jesus says in Matthew 10:34-39:
Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.
What this means is that our relationship with Jesus must come before all other earthly loyalties. And this is where our allegiance to Him is tested. Christ Jesus calls us to what Dietrich Bonhoeffer famously referred to as “costly discipleship”.  One in which we take up our cross and we die to the applause of the world. Because this is what it means to bear witness to Christ in a world which lives in rebellion to Him.
Alistair Beggs to Differ
A social media storm obviously erupted recently then, when the well-respected evangelical preacher Alistair Begg, told a Christian grandmother that she should attend a transgender wedding involving her grandson so that she wouldn’t be perceived as being “unloving, judgmental, critical, and unprepared to countenance anything.”
It should be noted that Begg does not support gay marriage and neither would he commend Christians usually attending a gay wedding. But Begg suggested that he would advise someone to sometimes attend as a way of showing love and preserving the relationship.
Since then though, Begg has doubled-down on his comments stating that he “is not yet ready to repent over this…I don’t have to”. (This was probably in response to the article by Robert Gagnon which can be viewed here). Some evangelical Christians agree with Begg that the decision to go a gay or transgender wedding is a ‘disputable matter’ (i.e. Rom. 14), which should be left to an individual’s conscience[1]. But an increasing number of theologians and pastors teach that Christians should not celebrate an LGBTIQ marriage by attending.[2]
An Ancient Problem
The problem is actually not a modern one but was an issue which even the people in Jesus’ day faced. John the Baptist famously confronted Herod over his incestuous marriage to Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife (Matt. 14:1-12; Mark 6:14-29; Luke 3:19-20). John was both imprisoned and later  beheaded due to his confrontation with Herod and Herodias over their incestuous ‘marriage’.
This is a helpful analogy in that it helps us to see the issue from another perspective and an angle of which we are yet to be confronted with, namely incest. What follows then is a ten-point summary as to why a Christian should never support or even attend an LGBTIQ union.
First, If a Christian Goes Then They Would Have to Publicly Declare Their Objection in the Service of the LGBTIQ Marriage from Proceeding
The Presbyterian Church of Australia’s Public Worship and Aids to Devotion Committee,[3] outlines that the congregation—and also couple—be asked the following questions:
Declaration of Lawfulness
If anyone can show any reason why this marriage would not be lawful, let them now declare it.
And I require and charge you both, knowing that you are answerable to God, that if either of you know any reason why your marriage would not be lawful, you declare it now.
Normally there are only nervous looks between the bride and groom, as well as uncomfortable laughter from the congregation, at this point in the ceremony. No one expects someone to say something at this point and it rarely if ever occurs. However, when it involves an LGBTIQ couple the issue quickly becomes relevant.
Historically, the question was there to safeguard against the unlikely—but not altogether impossible—situation of either one of the couple being married to someone else at the time. Or, as was the case with Herod and Herodias, being a close relative to one another. However, because both LGBTIQ desire and behaviour is a transgression of God’s law, one would be duty bound to stand and voice his or her opposition to the unlawful union from proceeding.[4]
Second, Christians Could Not Give Their Personal Congratulations
Following on from the previous point, even if the ceremony was not conducted according to the specific religious rites of a Christian denomination, a Christian could not offer his genuine ‘congratulations’ to the couple. As Al Mohler, President of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary has said:
Remember that the traditional word used of those who are attending a wedding is that they are celebrants. They are there to celebrate the wedding. It is virtually impossible to go to … a wedding of a same-sex couple and go and smile and not give affirmation to what you believe to be fundamentally contrary to nature and injurious to human flourishing.
If you are consistently biblical in your thinking, you simply can’t go to a wedding that actually isn’t a wedding, for a marriage that you don’t believe is a marriage. One of the principles that has guided the Christian church through the centuries is that the Church cannot sanction and Christians should not celebrate weddings that are illicit or unlawful according to Scripture.
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