God’s people, with all our faults and immaturities, are God’s glorious works in progress. Though our hearts are often fickle, they are also cleansed. Therefore, we don’t write one another off, but commit to one another, rejoice with one another, give grace to one another. In the process, we will certainly be disappointed, but Jesus will even more certainly be a sufficient salve for our wounds. 

We’ve all been disappointed by someone. We’ve all known what it feels like to be let down. The bitter taste, the sharp sting, the nagging sense of betrayal — it hurts when people fail us. It hurts even more when the people who fail us are our friends. The deeper the relationship, the deeper the potential wounds from disappointment. David knew that deeper pain:
For it is not an enemy who taunts me — then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me — then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. (Psalm 55:12–13)
In another psalm, he says, “Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me” (Psalm 41:9).
As Christians, our deepest relationships are often those found and cultivated within the local church. And rightfully so, for, as the church, we are “members one of another” (Romans 12:5). Unlike all our other relationships, we are called to “love one another with brotherly affection (and) outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:10). This makes church relationships uniquely deep and glorious. That means they can also be uniquely, deeply disappointing.
Do you know this by experience? If so, how have you sought to handle it?
The Way of the Cynic
One way to handle this potential for disappointment is cynicism. As a defense mechanism, cynicism markets itself as a way to avoid future disappointment by assuming everyone’s an imposter. The cynic leans on his familiar formula: “You only do (action), because you want (result).” He can attribute impure motives to just about anyone, even those in the local church.

The young man volunteering in childcare is only trying to impress his girlfriend.
The older woman attending multiple Bible studies is only trying to earn the respect and admiration of her peers.
The pastor preaching God’s word is only trying to grow his church (and his salary).

No one in our churches, whether in the pulpit, or on the platform, or in the pews, can evade the cynic’s accusations.
Sadly, cynicism often seems to work, at least for the moment. The one who views the whole world as a fraud is very rarely disappointed. Instead, he appears to have exchanged his potential of future disappointment for the present impression of power (“Now I’m the one who gets to criticize”), and control (“I decide if and when to trust them”), and courage (“I don’t need anyone but me”). And yet, those impressions of power, control, and courage, are only just that: counterfeits of the real things. And as counterfeits, they take more than they give.
Consider, after all, the glorious works of God that any cynic must disregard. When face-to-face with a man who has been radically transformed by God, or a woman who has found her happiness in Jesus despite all the suffering she’s endured, or a whole host of elderly believers who have held on faithfully to God since childhood — what can the cynic do but scoff?
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Obedience is hard. Make no mistake about it. Yet it need not be drudgery. We are no longer slaves but are free to live as we were created to live and when we do, we find ourselves more spiritually fit, more in love with our God, more able to witness, and more prepared for heaven than we could ever possibly imagine.

There’s an old joke about people who do CrossFit, and it goes something like this: “How do you know when someone does CrossFit? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!” If you’ve ever encountered an enthusiastic CrossFitter, you know why this joke is so humorous. It seems that all they can talk about is CrossFit and how it has changed their lives. And to a certain extent it has. It has allowed them to train their bodies to maximum effectiveness. The interesting part is that CrossFit’s success is less about some revolutionary training regimen and more about the positive vision it casts and the enthusiasm it generates. The enthusiasm is not simply for the payoff but also the process—as difficult and painful as that process is. As Christians, our attitude toward obedience can become like that of someone dragged to the gym by a well-meaning friend or family member—weary disdain. Instead, we need the same sort of positive vision and enthusiasm for Christlikeness as our CrossFitting friends have for a pullup. Let me therefore give you some positive principles for the pursuit of Christian obedience.
WARNING
However, we need a quick caveat before we begin. Christian history is littered with those who would try to generate energy for Christian obedience only to find themselves exhausted and enslaved to a relentless master. We do not endeavor after obedience to the Lord that we may be justified before Him. Paul makes this incredibly clear in Ephesians 2:8–9: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Well-meaning Christians, afraid that the radically free offer of the gospel will demotivate Christian obedience, have instead placed themselves on a hopeless treadmill of works-righteousness. This path robs them not merely of their joy in obedience but ultimately of their assurance in Christ. Rejoice, Christian, your obedience does not factor into your acceptance into the kingdom. What a freeing truth that is; yet it does not free us from obedience but rather puts us in a right relationship with obedience. For Paul finishes his thought in his letter to the Ephesians with this: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Eph. 2:10, emphasis added).
OBEDIENCE INCREASES OUR SPIRITUAL FITNESS
Many Christians have come to believe in their heart of hearts that to obey God’s commands, to kill sin and live unto righteousness, will cause them to resent the Lord and love Him less. This is one of the oldest tricks of Satan to whisper in our ears that we cannot be happy without our pet sin, that we would be miserable if we did not allow ourselves room for this or that transgression of His law. The truth of the matter is quite different. Does killing sin sting? Yes! In the moment, it quite literally feels like death because we are killing something in us. But much like those that tear down their muscles in the gym only for them to come back stronger, more able, more fit for this physical life, tearing down sin in our lives makes us happier, more peaceful, stronger, and more fit for life this side of glory. More importantly, choosing to endeavor after spiritual health now helps to build up our ability to endure under more intense trial and temptation later. Like a soldier in the midst of combat relying on his training and fitness to help him survive, when we are in the habit of obeying God’s Word, we can rely on it when we find ourselves under spiritual attack. When we obediently meditate on God’s Word day and night (Ps. 1:2) we will, like Christ in the wilderness, run to it in the moments of our spiritual affliction (Matt. 4:1–11). When we pray without ceasing (1 Thess. 5:17), we will cry out to the Lord in our darkest hours (Ps. 88). When we don’t neglect the coming together (Heb. 10:24–25), we will have our burdens borne along by one another when we are struggling (Gal. 6:2).
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Doug began his pastoral ministry in Trenton, NJ at Grace Orthodox Presbyterian Church (OPC) from 1971-1975 before becoming the pastor of New Life in Christ Church (NLICC) in Fredericksburg, Virginia, in 1975, where he served faithfully until his death in 2024. Doug started NLICC as an unaffiliated church but steadily led the church into the Presbyterian Church in America in 1998.

Rev. Dr. Douglas Warren Kittredge was called into the presence of his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, on February 10, 2024. His earthly journey was distinguished by a deep commitment to his God, his family, his church, and the global mission of the church, leaving an unmistakable impact on all who knew him.
Douglas is survived by his devoted wife of 54 years, Mary Jane, their four children: Douglas Charles, Rachel Marie Whitman (James), Andrew Mark (Sarah), Naomi Elizabeth Wilson (Chad); and 13 grandchildren: Juliet (Ryan), Tyler, Isabel, Lincoln, Elijah, Esther, Abigail, Jordan, Judah, Wren, Sybil, Margaret, and Faye. His legacy also lives on through his sister, Jeanette Stadick of Roselle, Illinois.
His academic journey laid the foundation for his ministry, beginning with a Bachelor of Arts degree from Wheaton College in 1968, followed by a Master of Divinity from Westminster Theological Seminary in 1971, and culminating in a Doctor of Ministry from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary in 1988.
Doug began his pastoral ministry in Trenton, NJ at Grace Orthodox Presbyterian Church (OPC) from 1971-1975 before becoming the pastor of New Life in Christ Church (NLICC) in Fredericksburg, Virginia, in 1975, where he served faithfully until his death in 2024. Doug started NLICC as an unaffiliated church but steadily led the church into the Presbyterian Church in America in 1998. As such, he transferred from the OPC to the “Delmarva” (Delaware, Maryland & Virginia) Presbytery (of the Reformed Presbyterian Church, Evangelical Synod) in 1975 and was received into the James River Presbytery (of the Presbyterian Church in America) in 1982.
Doug had the perseverance and the kind blessing of God to pastor NLICC for nearly 49 years. During his tenure in Fredericksburg, Doug and Mary Jane pioneered much of the community’s spiritual and educational development. They demonstrated a strong commitment to Christian education, helping to inspire the vision behind Fredericksburg Christian School, contributing to its early success, and serving on its board. Recognizing the needs of homeschooling families, in 2004 they led in organizing Christ Covenant School, a homeschool cooperative in Fredericksburg.
Doug’s commitment to the dignity of God-given life led him to support the establishment of pro-life ministries in Fredericksburg. His early support and vision were instrumental in bringing Bethany Christian Services and a crisis pregnancy center to the area.
His passion for equipping future church leaders motivated and supported the launching of the Fredericksburg branch of New Geneva Theological Seminary in 2002. Here he taught and mentored many men to licensure and ordination within the James River Presbytery of the Presbyterian Church in America.
Under Doug’s visionary leadership, several new churches were started, and he helped organize three city-wide evangelistic campaigns in collaboration with the Billy Graham Evangelistic Organization. He was pivotal in advancing the work of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at the University of Mary Washington by supporting the first full-time worker on campus.
Doug had a strong conviction of the church’s responsibility to reach the Jewish people with the gospel. He made numerous trips to the nation, fostering friendships with local churches and leading many groups on tours of the land to connect with Christian workers. In 2012, he helped start the Jerusalem Gateway Partnership, a missionary partnership aimed at establishing and supporting churches in Israel and surrounding areas. His written works, “Pray for the Peace of Jerusalem” and “God’s Plan for Peace in the Middle East,” underscore his commitment to building the church in the Middle East.
However, the crown jewel of his ministry was undoubtedly New Life in Christ Church, which he began in 1975 with just 10 organizing families. The church has since grown significantly, impacting thousands worldwide through its ministry and missions’ arm. Doug was a torchbearer of historic evangelicalism, influenced by his childhood church (Park Street in Boston), his childhood pastor (Harold J. Ockenga), the martyrdom of the “Auca missionaries”, and his time at Wheaton. His evangelical commitments shone through in his conviction on the truthfulness of the Bible, his faith in the substitutionary sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and his efforts in evangelism and worldwide missions. Doug was certain that the local church of Jesus Christ would make a significant difference for the kingdom of God and was the driving force behind his lifelong ministry. He was a pastor at heart, caring to know and be involved in the lives of each person at the church. Countless people have testified of his caring pursuit like a shepherd to the sheep.
When Doug was young, still a young man, he had a chance to join his pastor and Billy Graham as Graham spoke at the Harvard Law Forum. It was a significant day in Doug’s life as Billy Graham challenged these law students to consider the claims of Christ even as they prepared for their career in law.
Doug remembers traveling with his pastor Harold John Ockenga and Billy Graham in a car. Ockenga introduced young Doug to Billy Graham and said, “This young man wants to be a pastor”. Graham looked squarely at him and said, “Is that right, you want to be a pastor?”  Young Doug answered, “Yes, sir.” Graham’s response is something that Doug would remember all his life, “You’ll do well.”
On February 10, 2024, Rev. Dr. Douglas Warren Kittredge heard those words again, but this time, not from Billy Graham, he heard them from His Savior, “You have done well. Well done, good and faithful servant, enter in the joy of your master. He has received the crown laid up for him in heaven, a crown of God’s grace that he will place down in worship at his Savior. Doug Kittredge, a sinner saved by grace, now lives in the abundant love and grace of God in glory.
Sean Whitenack is a Minister in the Presbyterian Church in America and is the Pastor of New Life in Christ PCA in Fredericksburg, Va.
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