If there is any word used to describe masculinity in our day, any adjective commonly used to modify it, it is almost invariably “toxic.” We hear almost nothing of positive masculinity or healthy masculinity. But we hear endlessly of its toxicity. It would not be wrong to conclude that society really has no vision for a masculinity that is noble and good (unless it is essentially indistinguishable from femininity). It would not be wrong to conclude that society considers masculinity one of the great problems that human progress must overcome.

Nancy Pearcey has many thoughts on this subject and her response is the cleverly titled The Toxic War on Masculinity. For her great concern is not the toxicity of masculinity itself, but the toxicity of the war against it.
It’s not like Pearcey is writing from some Utopia in which she has only ever seen positive examples of masculinity in action. To the contrary, she grew up in a home with a father who was cruel to his family. She was subjected to an extremely harmful form of masculinity that was abusive toward her and her siblings. It was largely because of the contrast between her dad in public (moral, upright, religious) and her dad in private (cruel, unjust, violent) that she abandoned her religious upbringing when she was a teen, turning instead of the writings of the feminist movement. It was only when she stumbled upon L’Abri and the ministry of Francis Schaeffer that she recommitted to the Christian faith and began the long process of healing.
Through Christian eyes, she was able to see the issues with the feminism that had once been attractive to her. And with those same Christian eyes she was able to see that abuse exists within the church and is sometimes even tolerated by it. But now she could look to Scripture to see that the problem is not with masculinity itself, but with its distorted forms. What God has created is good and must be celebrated. But it must also be fostered and protected, not allowed to be twisted and perverted.
Her book is an attempt to understand the God-given pattern for men and to define a truly healthy masculinity. But it goes beyond that to consider how Western culture lost its vision for a healthy masculinity and to propose how it can be recovered. Taking a “show, don’t tell” approach, she blends history and sociology with personal stories and outside examples. It makes for a powerful and compelling package.
In the book’s first part, she dispels some false assumptions to show that while most people believe that conservative Christian men are patriarchal and domineering, studies continue to disprove this. To the contrary, Christian men who are truly committed to their faith (in contrast to those who attend church merely out of tradition or for the sake of appearances) have very low rates of divorce and domestic violence. She takes this as proof that the Christian message has power to help men thrive as husbands and fathers.
In the second part, which constitutes the bulk of the book’s content, she examines notions of masculinity and how they have changed over time. She travels through major periods of history to show how society changed the ways men function in the world, workplace, church, and home. She explains how a biblical understanding of masculinity was slowly but surely replaced by a secular one.
In part three, she shows that many people who claim to be Christians, but who are only nominally so, exhibit some of the worst and most toxic behaviors of all. These nominal people skew the statistics to make people think Christianity itself produces a toxic form of masculinity when, in reality, that tends to be men who embrace terms like headship and submission, but who understand them through a secular lens of power and control. Then, at the end of it all, she suggests some ways forward—some solutions to the crisis of masculinity within the church.
It makes for a compelling book and one that serves its purpose. Well-researched and exhaustively documented, well-written and endorsed by a diverse collection of authors, I expect that it will be widely-read and that it will help spark many good conversations within the Christian world. Best of all, I hope it will help provide a positive, hopeful, biblical vision for masculinity.
Publishers are sometimes known to change the release dates for their books. I read The Toxic War on Masculinity with the understanding that it was to be released at the end of April. It wasn’t until I had read it and begun to write a review that I saw its release date had been changed to June. That means that the manuscript is still prone to change, and hence I have not quoted from it or interacted with it too deeply. So for the time being, I will leave you with this overview and hope that it interests you. And that perhaps it will convince you to pre-order the book so you can read it for yourself.
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There are a few trends that seem universally associated with a modernizing society. Wealth increases, for example, and standards of living rise. Meanwhile, marriage and fertility rates decline. So too does the average age of marriage. Over the past few decades, marriage in many Western countries has transformed from a rite-of-passage into adulthood to something more like an optional add-on to middle-age.
Contra the culture both within and outside of the church, I remain an advocate of marrying young. That’s not to say that there is anything wrong with waiting to marry until you are older or that you should marry young. However, I do I suggest you at least be open to the possibility of it. It’s not to say you should plow recklessly ahead with your first crush, but that you should move forward only with the guidance and wisdom of parents and Christian community. And it’s definitely not to say you should marry when you are still a child—so perhaps we can define “young” as being something like twentyish to twenty-sixish—ages that are within the bounds of adulthood but still significantly younger than the contemporary average.
With that in mind, I direct this brief article to Christian young people and offer them several reasons they should be open to marrying when they are young.

There is something sweet and significant about building a life together. While there is nothing wrong with building separate lives and then combining them in your late twenties or thirties, it is a special joy to begin with nothing and build it all as a couple.

While the Bible offers no explicit directives on the age of marriage, it does at times seem to assume or commend it as an aspect of being younger rather than older. For example: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). Sure, part of this may be related to the realities of an ancient agrarian culture, but still, the Bible’s assumption for marriage generally seems to point to youth more than age.

Once you are certain that you have found the person you would like to marry, there is often little benefit in remaining unmarried for a long period of time. Conversely, there may be difficult struggles and temptations.

It is powerfully counter-cultural to not only reject cohabitation, but to embrace marriage. Everyone expects you will get married someday, but few expect you will get married until you have tried many partners and trialed many relationships. Young marriage testifies to God’s plan for men and women to form exclusive and lifelong partnerships—to not only choose to build a life with another person but to forever reject all other possibilities by deliberately closing out your options. Such a decision is guaranteed to provoke interesting and biblically-based conversations.

When I have spoken to couples who have reached their 50th, 60th, or even 70th anniversaries, they have always lamented that it feels too short. More years together, they insist, are better than fewer years.

Part of the beauty of marriage is that it involves a second person coming alongside to help, strengthen, encourage, support, and care for you. More years of such blessings may prove a greater benefit than fewer years. This is perhaps especially true when those blessings come in your formative twenties.

Part of the beauty of marriage is that it involves a second person coming alongside to help, strengthen, encourage, support, and care for youShare
You may hear that marrying young is more likely to lead to problems in marriage or even to divorce. I have only anecdotal evidence to offer here, but it has been my personal and pastoral observation that Christians who marry older are just as likely (and maybe even more likely) to experience difficulties in their marriage. Which is to say, neither youth nor age are necessarily associated with either strength or weakness. Other factors play a more crucial role in marital health.

While many cultural conventions dictate the importance of establishing a certain level of wealth or achieving a certain level of vocational success before getting married, the Bible does not. You can get married without owning a home or beginning your first career. You can even get married before finishing college. There will certainly be matters of wisdom to consider, but God nowhere forbids or warns against it. It may take a lot less than you think it does to survive quite happily together.

Though this is obvious, it also merits consideration: The younger you are, the greater the pool of available potential spouses. The older you are, the greater the number who have already settled down with others.

On a somewhat similar note, I have observed that major decisions often become more difficult as you age. As it pertains to marriage, you may experience more doubts, second-guessing, and struggles deciding on a spouse in your thirties than in your twenties. In this way the naïveté and straightforwardness of youth may actually prove a blessing.

Sexual desire tends to be strongest and sexual ability freest when men and women are young rather than old. One purpose of marriage is to join together with a willing partner who will explore and enjoy sexual satisfaction with you. It is a blessing to have a willing and available sexual partner in those years of greatest desire.

It is generally true that the younger you are, the easier it is to conceive children. Societal norms about the age of childbirth have changed substantially and so too have reproductive technologies. But human biology has not. Society does not tell the truth when it implies or explicitly states that it is best to pursue a career first and consider children only later. (Did you know that if a woman is due to give birth after her 35th birthday—which is not very old!—, doctors already refer to it as “advanced maternal age” or, formerly, a “geriatric pregnancy” because of the increased complications age can bring?)

The younger you get married, the younger you can start to have children. This opens more options when it comes to the number of children you can have. If you begin to have children in your late-thirties, time necessarily restricts the size of your family. But the possibilities remain greater when you have your first a decade or more earlier.

The younger you have children, the younger you will be when you have grandchildren and thus be able to have longer and deeper involvement in their lives. Just consider the differences in becoming a grandparent at 50 versus 60 or 70. This may not seem important when you are 19 or 20 years old, but take it from me and a host of grandparents that someday it will be very important indeed.

I will conclude where I began, by insisting that I am not saying there is anything wrong with waiting to marry until you are older. Neither am I saying you should marry when you are young. Rather, I am saying that you should not exclude the possibility of it. Instead, as you reach your late teens and early twenties and head into adulthood, begin to think, “I am now old enough to marry.” Then begin to pray and consider whether it would be wise and good to marry sooner rather than later.

May the Lord be with you and bless you today.

Today’s Kindle deals include the entire Word Biblical Commentary series. Rather than link to individual volumes, I’ll direct you to the series page where you can access them all. Remember that the accompanying Word Biblical Themes series is also on sale.
When You’re Up to Your Neck in Mud — Sing!
This is a fantastic illustration of the crucial role of singing in the Christian life (and the Navy SEALs).
What David McCullough Can Teach Us
I was saddened to hear that David McCullough has passed away. I very much appreciated Samuel’s tribute to him. “One of McCullough’s great gifts was opening up history so that you could see it the way the people who lived it saw it. In this, I imagine McCullough’s style irritated readers and scholars who preferred a more activist, more moralistic storytelling.”
Dishes and Divorce: Why Little Things Can Lead to a Breakup
“An interesting issue keeps coming up in marriage counseling sessions as my pastor husband and I sit across from couples of all ages and stages of their relationship. Each pair comes in with unique sets of issues, but it never fails that every couple seems to suffer from one specific problem: dishes. Yes, you read that right.”
Clark Stanley: The First Snake Oil Salesman
I enjoyed this account of the very first snake oil salesman (and, hence, the origin of the phrase).
Christ’s Crucifixion Isn’t Child Sacrifice
“In an age of political correctness, Christianity is a prime offender. It’s not only Scripture’s sexual ethics that get canceled. Even bedrock creeds like Christ’s crucifixion are on the chopping block.” That includes the idea that Jesus died as the penalty for our sins. This article tells why the atonement is not child sacrifice (as is so often charged).
Themelios 47.2
Those interested in some theological reading and book reviews may want to take a look at the new issue of Themelios. You can read it online or access it in PDF or Logos formats.
Flashback: He (and They) Must Not Be a Novice
Christian history proves repeatedly that giftedness makes a woeful substitute for character.

The Bible is more relevant than tomorrow’s newspaper, more reliable than tomorrow’s sunrise. —Steven Lawson