Handling disagreements in the church goes beyond just managing conflict; it’s about truly reflecting Christ’s love and wisdom. When we approach disagreements with grace, humility, and a dedication to unity, we not only build up our church family but also become a strong testimony of God’s reconciling peace to the world.

Introduction
Rodney King offered a plea on the second day of the 1992 L.A. Riots. The plea seared an indelible mark on the minds of a generation—a plea oft repeated in times of rising exasperation over the conflicts we face every day in the fallen world: “Can’t we all just get along?” The simplicity of his question resonated deeply, highlighting our ongoing struggle with conflict and disagreement (James 1:19-20).
Thirty-two years later, we still don’t have a good answer. No, it seems we can’t get along. No one. Nowhere. Not in the Church and not out in the wider society. Conflict and disagreement remain hallmarks of humanity, just as they were in the beginning, at the Fall of Adam and Eve. However, as the people of the Prince of Peace, we know the possibilities and principles of agreement. We believe, “Yes, we can get along,” and through God’s massive, heavenly grace, we can handle disagreements of all kinds. But we need help (Phil. 2:2).
Have you ever found yourself avoiding a difficult conversation or disagreement at church? This second post in our mini-series focuses on handling disagreements in the Church, particularly within our local churches. The better we understand the art of navigating disagreements, the more effectively we can address conflict in our churches (Col. 3:13). And as unity grows among Christians, so does our effectiveness in bringing the good news of Christ to those who need it most.
Handling: Embrace the Art of Navigating Disagreements
Are you typically agreeable or disagreeable? Do you enjoy conflict, or does it make you uneasy? These questions remind us of the serious challenge of navigating disagreements, especially in a church filled with diverse personalities. We need a proactive approach to handling disagreements (1 Pet. 3:8).
Recent global pandemics have taught us that waiting for trouble only exacerbates it. Similarly, if we take a reactive approach to disagreements in the Church, we’re asking for trouble. Most of us handle conflict like driving in rush-hour traffic—reactively and hands-off. We merge without foresight, change lanes on a dime, steer with our knees, and then wonder why the commute is fraught with danger and anxiety. Instead, we need a forward-thinking, careful approach to disagreements (John 13:34-35). We need our hands on the wheel and our spiritual eyes cast down the road to anticipate conflicts.
In addition to proactive awareness, we need warm-hearted sensitivity in our churches. Emotions run high when feathers are ruffled or when leadership decisions don’t meet the expectations of the flock. In these moments, a calm, sensitive, non-anxious presence is invaluable. Every disagreement carries nuances that must be navigated with the warmth and calm of our Good Shepherd. Whether like a gardener pruning a delicate succulent, a sailor navigating choppy waters, or a conductor guiding an orchestra through a complex symphony, we need sensitivity and awareness when disagreements arise. The entire flock, under faithful shepherds, is called to exercise mature care and concern to bring lasting resolutions (Heb. 12:14).
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Whether overwhelming circumstances tempt us to deny, distract, destroy, or even die, the God who never runs from trouble is he who holds us, his beloved children, in the palm of his sovereign, wise, and good hand.3 We can rejoice in knowing his sanctifying work replaces our love of escape with something far, far better: a courageous dependence on God! What could be better?

Daring escapes fascinate me. And why not? Escape plays a key role in most great stories. The hero falls into peril, the tension mounts as all seems lost, and just in the nick of time, a climactic escape occurs. Indiana Jones slides through the booby-trapped passage, straining backward to snatch his dusty, wide-brimmed hat. Princess Buttercup escapes the clutches of Prince Humperdinck moments before she’s forced to become The Princess Bride. Hansel and Gretel apply their own cunning to avoid the witch’s oven and escape with her jewels in tow.
As Christians, escape marks major moments in the story of our faith. Israel escaped from Pharaoh, Joseph from Potiphar’s wife, and Daniel from the lion’s den. Peter and Paul escaped from prison on multiple occasions. And down through the ages, every person who has faith in Christ will escape the worst peril of all, God’s wrath for sin. The miraculous escapes sprinkled throughout Scripture and life are given by God as wonderful gifts! I’m grateful for them. But I’ve also seen and experienced the ugly side of escape.
When I look back upon my life, I find countless examples of escape gone wrong. Running away is often my first instinct when trouble comes. But like you, I feel the need to better understand my heart’s obsession with escape. And like you, I want to trade my escapism for courageous dependence on God. Thankfully, by the grace of God, we can be changed from people who run from trouble to people who rest in Christ when trouble comes.
Four Escape Routes
Let’s explore four common ways we seek to escape rather than trust God in the ways that Paul described in 1 Corinthians 10:13. As you read, carefully think about how you have struggled with each one. Like me, you likely will see yourself (at least a little, and maybe a lot) in each one. Once we have a basic sense of each one, we’ll take time later to dig deeper into each of them.
1. Denial
If you have ever tried to sweep your problems under a rug, you’re in good company. Truly! Most people I know regularly hear the white knuckles of fear rapping on the door of their hearts. Even Christians who seem to have a rock-solid faith in God can become discouraged when temptations grow and trials persist.
Despite biblical instructions to renew our courage through God’s powerful grace, we can respond by pretending that everything is just fine. And we work diligently to keep up the façade and stay in denial. Though we pretend all is well, reality remains full of trouble.
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