Written by Reuben M. Bredenhof |
Saturday, October 1, 2022
Proverbs 22:6 speaks of a general principle; namely, that the parents’ direction of their children is usually formative for the rest of their lives. It does not mean that every child raised in a covenant home or sent to a Christian school and summer camps will become a true believer. The pain and regret over unbelieving children are all too real for many parents. Nevertheless, this text underlines the importance of parents striving to fulfill this God-given calling in his strength and by his Spirit, despite our many weaknesses.

For instance, how does it apply when either the children are living in rebellion against the authority of the parents, and/or when the parents are failing to carry out their task according to direction of Scripture? By ‘dysfunctional family,’ we mean a family whose structures and relational roles do not accord with the norms of Scripture in serious and sustained ways.
In such difficult situations, we are grateful to rely on the steadfast love of God and the sure wisdom of his Word. Here I suggest five principles drawn from Scripture.
1) Maintain the obligation of children to give honour to their parents.
When confronted with the complexities of applying God’s law, it is natural to prefer simple—and sometimes simplistic—answers. In a situation of domestic rebellion, our visceral response might be black-and-white: children must obey dad and mum, full stop. This simplistic approach can be unhelpful if it doesn’t take into account the context of the situation.
Nevertheless, we have to grapple with the weight of the commandment. God entrusts to parents a role that is imbued with authority. The failure of a parent to relate to a child in a way that is consistent with the Lord’s commands doesn’t take away the child’s obligation to think through this commandment carefully and to strive to obey it diligently. Says Ursinus on this commandment, “The office must be distinguished from the persons who are invested with it; so that whilst we detest the wickedness of the men, we should nevertheless honour their office, on account of its divine appointment.”[i]
In its explanation of the fifth commandment, Lord’s Day 39 includes a realistic and most helpful phrase with a key bearing on our question. In speaking about the honour that I should pay to “my father and mother and…all those in authority over me,” the Catechism also instructs me,
to have patience with their weaknesses and shortcomings, since it is God’s will to govern us by their hand.
Parents will fail, yet children should still maintain honour, love, and faithfulness. Christ himself modelled this submissive behaviour toward harsh authority during his ministry (1 Pet 2:18-24). Even so, this commandment is not to be considered absolute, as we’ll see shortly.
2) Maintain the obligation of parents to fulfill their baptismal vows.
According to Scripture, believing parents have the weighty obligation to bring up their children “in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph 6:2). This obligation is echoed in the baptismal vow in Reformed churches, when parents promise to “instruct your child in this doctrine … and to have him/her instructed therein to the utmost of your power.”
Once again, we shouldn’t take a simplistic view of the expected outcomes of fulfilling this obligation. Russell Moore points out that we sometimes have a “transactional view” of childrearing, that it is roughly equivalent to raising cattle or programming code into a computer.[ii] That is, if we teach and model this creed and conduct, we will be assured of this good result. Christians might regard Proverbs 22:6 as an absolute promise that God will save their child: “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
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God’s grace in the gospel…must lead unto the obedience springing from faith. God wants obedience. He wants heartfelt allegiance. He wants submission. He must take the place of Lord and be sovereign over one’s heart and life.

Romans 1:1 and 1:5
1:1—Παῦλος δοῦλος Χριστοῦ Ἰησοῦ, κλητὸς ἀπόστολος ἀφωρισμένος εἰς εὐαγγέλιον θεοῦ,
1:5—δι᾿ οὗ ἐλάβομεν χάριν καὶ ἀποστολὴν εἰς ὑπακοὴν πίστεως ἐν πᾶσιν τοῖς ἔθνεσιν ὑπὲρ τοῦ ὀνόματος αὐτοῦ.
[Author’s translation:  Paul, a slave of Christ Jesus, called as an apostle, set apart unto the gospel of God…(1:5) through whom we have received grace and apostleship leading unto the obedience of faith among all the Gentiles for His name’s sake.]
The preposition εἰς (into) has the notion of moving into a certain direction.  It can have the indication of moving away from one thing and moving towards something else.
As a minister of the gospel, I learn from Paul in 2 areas in these opening verses from Romans. Paul described himself as a slave of Christ, sovereignly called/summoned as an apostle, and then set apart unto the gospel of God.
This describes a whole new direction of life. It speaks of a new purpose, a new mission, a new ambition, a new calling. Paul’s calling consisted of the reality that the Sovereign God, the Lord of heaven and earth had set him apart away from living life for himself (even as a Christian) and doing his own mission and he must now live for the new directional mission, the purposeful ambition, the submissive lifestyle pressing hard after and proclaiming fully the gospel of God.
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Christians are baptized in the very name of God. We are blessed to have this name placed upon us—the God of the universe claims us for his own! Let us always strive to show God the proper love, fear, reverence, and gratitude by our speech and actions.

Our modern culture easily falls into irreverent and profane behavior. We hear it in the grocery store, out at restaurants, and in entertainment. We have lost as a culture the understanding of reverence for God and so have become more debased in how we comport ourselves toward God and toward others. The Bible teaches us that we are to always show the highest respect and reverence for God’s name:

“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.” (Exod. 20:7)
“You shall not swear by my name falsely, and so profane the name of your God: I am the Lord.” (Lev. 19:12)
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. (Col. 4:6)

Christians are to be light and salt to the world.
Christians are supposed to have speech that is glorifying to God, “seasoned with salt” (Col. 4:6).
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