Every Tuesday, Violet smiles when I visit and hold her hand, but she doesn’t remember that I’m the friend who has helped to care for her for the past five years. The framed needlepoint pictures with which she lovingly decorated her home were forgotten long ago, and she now sits at the craft table in a daze, as if she’s never held scissors before.

On a good day, she tries to recite the Lord’s Prayer along with me, but increasingly she shows no recognition of the words that once buoyed her through the storms of life. The fog of dementia crowded out her recollection of such ordinary means of grace long ago, and now her world has narrowed to the bright walls of her memory-care community.

Walking alongside Violet feels like watching death in slow motion. As the quirks and values and personality traits I’ve come to love about her fade away one by one, it’s as if I’m watching Violet herself dwindle and vanish.

Unique Grief

The sorrow I’ve experienced in my journey with Violet is only a shadow of the anguish that caregivers shoulder when a beloved family member has dementia. Families of dementia sufferers struggle with high rates of anticipatory grief — mourning in expectation of loss — while a loved one is still alive. A devastating diagnosis brings tides of disbelief and heartache even before death takes hold. We grieve as we envision life without someone dear to us; we grieve as illness erodes our loved one’s vitality and, in the case of dementia, his memories and personality.

It is a strange and disorienting experience to mourn for someone who is still alive. In the most merciful cases, a dismaying diagnosis prompts us to prioritize heartfelt conversations and last lingering embraces while we can. Dementia, however, often robs loved ones even of this meager solace. Sufferers often lack the language, insight, and memory to have the meaningful conversations for which we pine. We may say the words pressing on our hearts, only for our loved one to forget an hour later, or even worse, to lash out with agitation and uncharacteristic cruelty. Closure in dementia grief is an elusive and seldom-achieved prize.

Our sorrow deepens as the insidious and progressive nature of dementia alters our loved ones before our eyes. Troubles with finding words and the loss of short-term memory pave the way for withdrawal from activities and friends. The abilities to cook and drive disappear. Eventually, even getting dressed independently becomes a feature of the past. As the familiar fades away, new, unsettling behaviors emerge, with agitation, anxiety, and hallucinations punctuating our loved one’s days. In the wake of such changes, families experience the loss of the person they knew, and given the long and slow course of dementia, this period of grieving persists for years. Rather than offer closure, anticipatory grief in dementia hobbles on and on, accumulates new wounds, and often worsens over time.

As we ride the swells of confusion and sorrow, our concerns turn toward the spiritual. What can we say about a loved one’s soul when he loses all memory of attending church, of reciting prayers, and even of Christ himself? Does God’s grace fade away with memories, shriveling as our neurons thin? Are our loved ones still saved when they can no longer affirm with their words that Christ is risen?

Kept as Memories Fade

Violet no longer seems to remember her beloved dogs, or how she would manicure the woods in her backyard, clearing sticks from the carpet of pine needles with a precision hinting of fairy work. And yet, she smiles, returns hugs, and feels emotions sufficiently deep to laugh and cry. Although her memories have faded away, God’s fingerprint remains indelibly upon her.

And so it does upon all of God’s people, whether we stride through life clear-eyed or wander in a mist, because our salvation springs not from our memory, but from God’s grace toward us in Christ. As Benjamin Mast, professor of psychology at the University of Louisville, so poignantly states in his insightful book Second Forgetting,

Conditions like Alzheimer’s disease have such a hold on a person that it can seem like a form of bondage — that the person is a slave to the disease. Yet while there are great changes in their memory, personality, and behavior, there is still an underlying reality and an enduring aspect of their identity that cannot be taken away. . . . These individuals remain children of God, created in his image, and their identity and their life is still rooted securely in Christ. (66)

Such an assurance can be comforting when we no longer hear the name of Christ upon a loved one’s lips. When praises fall silent and long-recited prayers fade from memory, we may worry that our loved one’s prior declarations of faith were false professions (Matthew 7:21–23; Romans 11:29). How can we still count loved ones among the saved, we wonder, when they no longer call upon the name of the Lord (Acts 2:21)?

“Our loved ones’ salvation depends not on their memory, but on his. And his memory is perfect.”

We can remind ourselves that a dementia sufferer’s forgetfulness reflects the effects of disease rather than a willful rejection of salvation through Christ. For those with dementia, the brokenness of creation affects the mind with particular devastation. Yet while such a sufferer’s spoken trust in the Lord may falter, God has promised to uphold us into our old age, even as our memories fade (Isaiah 46:4).

Undiminished Hope

God chose his elect before the foundation of the world to be his own children (John 1:12; Ephesians 1:4), “a people for his own possession” (1 Peter 2:9). Whether or not the ravages of dementia change a loved one’s memory or behavior, in Christ he remains a new creation (Romans 6:6; 2 Corinthians 5:17). Consider the assurance and the solace Peter offers:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (1 Peter 1:3–5)

God has caused us to be born again. Faith is a gift from God himself, “not a result of works” (Ephesians 2:8–9), and once lavished upon us, our inheritance of eternal life remains imperishable, undefiled, and unfading. That same inheritance awaits our loved ones with dementia, even when they can no longer remember Christ’s name. Even when they cannot speak, the Spirit continues to search and know their hearts and prays on their behalf (Romans 8:26–27). Our loved ones’ salvation depends not on their memory, but on his. And his memory is perfect.

Unfading Memory

God never forgets his beloved. Unlike our own sin-weary minds, prone to deterioration and breakage, nothing escapes his notice (Psalm 33:13–15). He knows our thoughts even before we voice them: “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar” (Psalm 139:1–2).

Even more astonishing, God’s perfect memory is caught up in his faithfulness. Over and over throughout the Old Testament, God remembers his people and acts in mercy even as they wickedly dismiss him. When the floodwaters covered the earth, “God remembered Noah and all the beasts and all the livestock that were with him in the ark” (Genesis 8:1), and he buoyed them to safety. God remembered Abraham and rescued Lot from the destruction of Sodom (Genesis 19:29). When the Israelites languished under Pharaoh’s tyranny, “God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob” (Exodus 2:24), and he forged a path toward their freedom.

In each case, God’s remembrance of his people was bound to his goodness, his acts of grace, and his eternal character as one “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Exodus 34:6). “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?” God declares through the prophet Isaiah. “Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands” (Isaiah 49:15–16).

He Holds Fast

Although Violet seems a shadow of herself, I draw comfort from the truth that God sees her and knows her. He has engraved her name on his palms and has promised never to leave her or forsake her (Hebrews 13:5). While she has forgotten how to pray, the one worthy of all praise will never forget her.

As you walk with those struggling with dementia, take heart. Dementia reflects the fall, and under its oppression memories wither, fade, and blow away like dry leaves on a gust of wind. But God’s memory is perfect. His grip upon his beloved remains firm whether they recall his name or not. And in Christ, nothing can wrench his people from his love (Romans 8:38–39).

He grew up a preacher’s son. Which means he experienced the church’s warts from the inside.

We might have anticipated that he would become a skeptic, after seeing so many hurts and disappointments, and so painfully up close. Later in life, he would write publicly, and honestly, about the challenges the church faces in this age — many of them of her own making.

But this preacher’s son also became a pastor himself, one still remembered not only for his way with words but also for his hopeful spirit.

Amid the simplistic assumptions and distortions of our times, we might steady our souls with the rich, resilient theology of Samuel Stone (1839–1900). In his most famous hymn, “The Church’s One Foundation” (1866), Stone recognized the church’s many trials, from both without and within:

. . . with a scornful wonder,men see her sore oppressed,by schisms rent asunder,by heresies distressed . . .

Yet mingled with her present troubles is the anticipation of a stunning perfection, a glory, to come:

Mid toil and tribulation,And tumult of her war,She waits the consummationOf peace forevermore.

We tend to resist this complexity and reduce it. With little patience for the church’s long story of redemption, we default to oversimple assumptions — whether of a church immaculate or a church miserable. But the already and not yet of the church age is not so simple. On the one hand, every redeemed saint endures indwelling sin; on the other, perfect righteousness is already ours in Christ — and the perfecting Spirit has come to dwell in us.

Soon enough, this embattled age will give way to the church’s perfected beauty, without spot or wrinkle or any defect. In that day, says Ephesians 5:27, Christ will “present the church to himself in splendor.”

Majesty and Splendor

In English, “splendor” fits well the church’s coming glory — a glory that corresponds to, and complements, her Groom’s.

This “splendor” to which the church is destined shines out in conjunction with divine “majesty,” an often overlooked divine attribute. Israel encountered God’s awesome and fearsome majesty at the Red Sea; King David praised God’s royal majesty over all the earth (Psalm 8). Climactically, God the Son came as both long-awaited Christ and as one with no majesty, yet through the accomplishment of his mission, he now reigns over all in heavenly majesty. So, the supremely Majestic One, who once veiled his majesty, now displays it — through rescuing an unsplendid people and remaking them to be his resplendent bride.

The Old Testament’s frequent pairing of “majesty” (hôd) and “splendor” (hādār) presents us with overlapping excellencies, often bound together. Psalm 104:1 blesses God in his greatness as “clothed with splendor and majesty.” Such a Lord magnifies the glory of his anointed king, bestowing “splendor and majesty . . . on him” (Psalm 21:5). At a royal wedding, the regal son, heir to the throne, is celebrated with the charge, “Gird your sword on your thigh, O mighty one, in your splendor and majesty!” (Psalm 45:3). So too is God himself worshiped as one whose acts display these twin excellencies:

Great are the works of the Lord,     studied by all who delight in them.Full of splendor and majesty is his work,     and his righteousness endures forever. (Psalm 111:2–3)

Majesty and splendor are complementary manifestations of glory that, when paired together, convey fullness of glory (Job 40:10; Psalm 111:3; Daniel 4:36). So, Psalm 145 heaps together the language of majesty and splendor to reveal layers and richness to the divine glory. Verse 5 says the psalmist will meditate, literally, “on the splendor of the glory of [God’s] majesty” — praise we find to be carefully worded as we explore these concepts across the canon.

Yet while “majesty and splendor” are often paired with rich effect, they also demonstrate distinct connotations in other texts, and contribute to the distinct glories of Christ and his church.

Strength and Beauty

The high praise of Psalm 96 may contain the couplet that best captures the discrete shades of “majesty” and “splendor”:

Splendor and majesty are before him;     strength and beauty are in his sanctuary. (Psalm 96:6)

Here “strength” echoes “majesty,” while “beauty” accents “splendor.” Given how the ESV translates the Hebrew (hôd and hādār) elsewhere, a more consistent rendering would be “majesty and splendor,” rather than “splendor and majesty.” The precise phrase appears in several other texts, always with the more masculine “majesty” (hôd) first, followed by the more feminine “splendor” (hādār). So too in the parallel praises of 1 Chronicles 16:27, “strength” echoes “majesty,” and this time “joy” (feminine in Hebrew, as in Greek) accents “splendor”:

[Majesty and splendor, hôd and hādār] are before him;     strength and joy are in his place.

To develop this complementary relationship further, we might say more, first, about majesty, and then reflect on splendor.

Masculine Majesty

In addition to imposing size and strength, “majesty” frequently has regal overtones. Its various contexts refer to ruling authority (Numbers 27:20; Daniel 11:21), being “above” others (Psalm 8:1; 148:13; 1 Chronicles 29:11), issuing judgments (Isaiah 30:30; Habakkuk 3:3; Zechariah 10:3), and possessing royal honor and the kingly throne (Jeremiah 22:18; Zechariah 6:13). Job 37, a veritable meditation on divine majesty, speaks in warrior-like terms of God’s “awesome majesty” (verse 22). According to 1 Chronicles 29:25, “The Lord made Solomon very great in the sight of all Israel and bestowed on him such royal majesty as had not been on any king before him in Israel.” In text after text, the associations are not only royal, but kingly, and masculine.

Significantly, when the regal sage of Proverbs speaks wisdom to his royal son about being master of his domain, he takes up the language of majesty:

Keep your way far from [a forbidden woman],     and do not go near the door of her house,lest you give your honor [hôd] to others     and your years to the merciless. (Proverbs 5:8–9)

“Honor” here is not only generically human, but kingly and masculine — majesty.

In the New Testament, even with fewer thrones and monarchs, the language of majesty endures, with connotations no less regal, ascribing glory to the King of kings (Luke 9:43; 2 Peter 1:16–17; Jude 25). Most memorably, Hebrews identifies Jesus’s ascension and session on heaven’s throne as his sitting “down at the right hand of the Majesty on high” (Hebrews 1:3; 8:1).

Feminine Splendor

Splendor, as a helper fit for majesty, typically has more feminine associations: especially of beauty and clothing, but also in reference to God’s people as his daughter or bride (Lamentations 1:6; Micah 2:9). Which brings us back to Christ’s church, God’s new-covenant people, and why splendor is fitting for her coming glory.

Splendid Clothing

As for beautification through apparel and adornment, when God answers Job out of the whirlwind, he challenges him to “clothe yourself with glory and splendor” (Job 40:10). In Ezekiel 27:10, “Persia and Lud and Put . . . gave [Tyre] splendor” by making her beautiful with the spoils of war (verses 4 and 11 say they “made perfect your beauty”). In the New Testament, one expression of “splendor” (lampros) is tied to beautiful adornment in the repeated phrase “splendid clothing” (Luke 23:11; Acts 10:30; James 2:2–3).

Splendid People

Even more pronounced are connections with a king’s people, city, or kingdom. The king himself is majestic; his kingdom accents his glory with its splendor. Psalm 145:12, a song of praise, refers to “the glory of the splendor of [God’s] kingdom.” In Daniel 11:20, the ESV mentions “the glory of the kingdom,” which is a particular kind of glory (hādār), a feminine glory, that of beauty. And in Lamentations 1:6, in grieving the destruction of the city, in a plainly feminine context (verse 1 refers to Jerusalem as “widow” and “princess”), we find the language we might now expect:

From the daughter of Zion     all her [splendor, hādār] has departed.

Most significant for our focus is the relationship between a people and their splendor. Again, Proverbs is instructive:

In a multitude of people is the [splendor, hādār] of a king,     but without people a prince is ruined. (Proverbs 14:28)

“Majesty and splendor are complementary manifestations of glory that, when paired together, convey fullness of glory.”

Vital to the majestic glory of a king is the splendid glory of his people. When the king’s people “offer themselves freely on the day of [his] power,” they do so, literally, “with the splendor [hādār] of holiness” (Psalm 110:3), which is not only (and finally) holy attire but good deeds (more below). They adorn themselves, and their king, with their holy acts and initiatives. So it is in Psalm 149: for God’s people, “the godly” (verses 4–5), even as they take warlike actions under his kingly charge (verses 6–8), their glory is that of splendor: “This is [splendor, hādār] for all his godly ones” (verse 9).

Splendid Bride

Given what we’ve seen so far, we might anticipate that splendor would be the fitting attribution of glory to the wife of Proverbs 31:

Strength and [splendor, hādār] are her clothing,     and she laughs at the time to come. (Proverbs 31:25)

Now several strands come together. We find a splendid woman, along with the image of clothing, as well as the complementary pairing with strength, an expression of the fullness of her glory. As in Psalm 96:6, strength and beauty, in our English, holds as the distinguishing connotations of the overlapping majesty and splendor.

Yet all this now prepares us to freshly appreciate the two most important splendor texts in Scripture, one in the Old Testament, one in the New, and the two are linked: Ezekiel 16:14 and Ephesians 5:27.

Splendor of the Queen

Scripture’s classic text on marriage, Ephesians 5:22–33, is often rehearsed today, and for good reason, but with little explanation about its Old Testament background. One piece is more obvious, and less overlooked, as Paul quotes explicitly from Genesis 2:24 in verse 31. But more subtle is his allusion to Ezekiel 16. We might see his reference to the cross in verse 25, and yet find verses 26–27 to be the most enigmatic in the passage:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [at the cross], that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Ezekiel 16 is the prophet’s longest and most notorious oracle. Before this metaphorical account of Israel’s history turns tragic in verse 15 (“But you trusted in your beauty and played the whore . . .”), it tells the surprising story of the people’s ascent to queenly splendor. The nation was not of noble birth, or in any respect deserving of God’s favor, but was like an infant unpitied and abhorred at birth — cord uncut, unwashed, unclothed, cast into an open field and left for dead (verses 1–5). But God passed by and

saw you wallowing in your blood, [and] I said to you in your blood, “Live!” I said to you in your blood, “Live!” (verse 6)

God raised up Israel, made her to flourish, nurtured her to full adornment (verse 7), and entered into covenant with her (verse 8). “Then,” says verse 9, “I bathed you with water and washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil.” He also clothed and adorned her (verses 10–11, 13), such that she

grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor [hādār] that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God. (verses 13–14)

Fittingly, the ESV has splendor in both Ezekiel 16:14 as well as Ephesians 5:27 (Greek endoxos, which refers to “splendid clothing” in Luke 7:25). Paul’s “washing of water with the word,” then, focuses not on baptism, but on the spiritual cleansing Christ achieved once for all at the cross and ongoingly applies through his Spirit and word.

Putting it all together, then, Ephesians 5 draws on Ezekiel’s account of God rescuing, beautifying, and raising up to royalty his first-covenant people as a type of what Christ is now doing, in this age, for his new-covenant people from among all the nations. He rescues an unloved, unwashed, unclothed bride, left for dead, that he might love her, give his own life for her, make her holy, wash her, and perfect her beauty even to the heights of royalty — that she, as his queen, in feminine splendor, might share with her husband and king in the glory of his majesty.

Clothed in Splendid Deeds

For now, we find ourselves in the middle of the church’s story. She has been loved and died for. Her Groom has acted definitively to set his people apart. Now, in the present, he ongoingly works to build and beautify his bride. She is not yet perfect. Often her spots and wrinkles and blemishes are all too obvious and embarrassingly public. But a future presentation is coming.

One day, at long last, she suddenly will appear in perfection. Like Adam enduring the long parade of every living creature before awaking, in an instant, to the helper fit for him, the universe will say, “This at last!” In that day, writes Peter O’Brien,

Not even the smallest spot or pucker that spoils the smoothness of the skin will mar the unsurpassed beauty of Christ’s bride when he presents her to himself. Hers will be a splendor that is exquisite, unsurpassed, matchless. For the present the church on earth is “often in rags and tatters, stained and ugly, despised and rejected.” Christ’s people may rightly be accused of many shortcomings and failures. But God’s gracious intention is that the church should be holy and blameless, language which speaks of a beauty which is moral and spiritual. (The Letter to the Ephesians, 425)

This is a splendor not only reckoned to the church through union with her Groom, but realized in her own body through his cleansing and beautifying power. Which means that the glory of splendor will not only be the garment of Christ’s righteousness covering her own unwashed flesh (Isaiah 61:10), but she will shine with “the righteous deeds of the saints” (Revelation 19:8), worked in and through her by his own Spirit.

The stunning promise of a sure and beautiful future awaits Christ’s church. Soon, “the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder,” will sound and declare, “The marriage of the Lamb has come” — and with it will come this great announcement: “and his Bride has made herself ready” (Revelation 19:6–7). Not only has she been made ready. She has. But also the King gives her the dignity of rising, with his help, into the splendor of cosmic queenship: “It was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure,” which verse 8 then explains: “for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.”

Majestic Christ, Resplendent Church

Such a promise of the church’s coming glory, almost too good to be true, hopefully will help us weather the griefs and challenges of our ongoing warts and wrinkles. It also gives us, as Christ’s people, the dignity of holy agency, indwelt by his Spirit, washed with his word. He taught us, “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16) — and he means to produce in us what he commands.

These complementary categories of majesty and splendor help us to understand, and humbly receive, and strive to embody, the weight of his glory, imparted to us now in degrees (2 Corinthians 3:18) and finally at the Supper to come. It helps us acknowledge and aim to live out the otherwise perplexing parallel in the doxology of Ephesians 3:21: “To [God] be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus.”

“Majesty and splendor” are the glory of king and queen, man and wife, sun and moon, as Francis of Assisi celebrated these complementary lights, distinct in power and beauty:

Thou burning sun with golden beam,thou silver moon with softer gleam . . .

To the bride is the glory of splendor, reflecting the majesty of her King. One is the glory of grandeur, imposing size, attractive strength, the golden beam. The other gleams softer, though no less genuinely, and invites the eyes to linger — a beauty to behold and enjoy, even now, as a reflection of the original light and warmth.

The phone call came at nearly 9:00 at night. When I answered, I was caught off guard by a voice full of concern. “Jon! Where were you tonight? Are you okay?” It was Monty. Suddenly, I felt like a kid caught skipping school.

Monty Sholund had been a classmate of Jim Elliot’s at Wheaton College in the late 1940s and had gone on to spend 35 years on the mission field in South Africa and Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of the Congo). When he “retired” and moved back to the United States, he founded Village Schools of the Bible in 1982 “to assist newly converted Christians and older Christians in their growth and maturity in Jesus Christ” and to “help [them] know and apply God’s Word to their lives.”

I was enrolled in one of his classes, a yearlong Bible survey that met one evening each week at our church. Monty required us to complete an assigned reading and a paper for each class, and he made it clear that if we didn’t complete an assignment, we shouldn’t come to class.

That particular week, I hadn’t completed the paper. I don’t remember why. But being a 23-year-old newlywed with no kids and a light responsibility load, the reason wasn’t a good one. And I knew it.

Dose of Firm Encouragement

I’m sure Monty knew it too, though he was kind enough to give me the benefit of the doubt. When my fumbling explanation confirmed that the benefit was unwarranted, he extended me another kindness: a good dose of firm encouragement. “Oh, well, yes,” he said. “If you didn’t complete the assignment, you were right not to come. But honestly, Jon, my impression of you is different. I expect more from you than that. I hope I haven’t been mistaken.”

Now, Monty’s words may not strike you as encouraging. I can tell you that when I hung up the phone, I didn’t feel encouraged. Monty had exposed my negligence and lack of self-control, so I felt exposed and deflated. And rightly so.

“Sometimes, the encouragement we need most is the firm kind.”

The encouragement set in only later, as I reflected on Monty’s words and on the simple fact that he spoke them. I was one of about thirty students in his class, yet he personally sought me out because he wanted me to grow and mature in Jesus Christ; he wanted to apply God’s word to my life. He cared enough about the outcome of my faith to exhort me not to continue falling short — not merely of my potential, but of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) — by squandering the precious time God gave me.

Monty’s call that night pushed me to do some needed self-examination and soul-searching. He was right: I wasn’t heeding the command to make the best use of my time (Ephesians 5:16). Seeing this more clearly encouraged me to exercise greater diligence, not only in my assignments, but in my responsibilities in general.

Taken by the Shoulders

We all need regular doses of encouragement because we all face regular battles with discouraging weaknesses and fears. Of course, we all prefer the more tender kinds of encouragement, like being affirmed when we do something well or receiving sympathetic consolation when we’re suffering.

But sometimes, the encouragement we need most is the firm kind — the kind that confronts a harmful blind spot of weakness or a sinful form of unbelief that has a controlling grip on us. In such cases, we don’t need to be affirmed or consoled. We need to be exhorted to “lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, [so we can] run with endurance the race that is set before us” (Hebrews 12:1).

This is what makes an exhortation a form of encouragement, though it’s not so much a shoulder to cry on as being taken by the shoulders and given a firm appeal to exercise faith-filled courage. Some exhortations cause us to feel our courage rise right away. But others don’t, especially if they contain elements of reproof or rebuke (2 Timothy 4:2), like the one Monty gave me. But when given in love by someone who really cares about the outcome of our faith, an exhortation is a priceless gift.

Priceless Gift of Perseverance

That’s why we Christians are commanded to exhort one another, as the author of Hebrews makes clear:

Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. (Hebrews 3:12–13)

“When given in love by someone who really cares about the outcome of our faith, an exhortation is a priceless gift.”

The way this text is worded tells us that exhortations are not always pleasant. Being exhorted to avoid or stop indulging in heart-hardening sin might not feel immediately encouraging. But the reason exhortations are priceless gifts is because of the fruit they bear in our lives, if we’re humble enough to heed them. If received faithfully, they become means of grace that help us persevere in the faith — grace-gifts from God himself, delivered through our loving brothers or sisters. Which is why, later in his letter, the author of Hebrews reminds us of Proverbs 3:11–12:

My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,     nor be weary when reproved by him.For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,     and chastises every son whom he receives. (Hebrews 12:5–6)

Every disciple requires discipline. And though “for the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, . . . later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11).

Courage to Exhort

Giving the firm encouragement of an exhortation requires courage. And often, the more personal the exhortation, the more courage it requires. I’ve typically found it easier to issue a general exhortation to a group than to exhort a friend face-to-face (or voice-to-voice, as Monty did with me).

Once, having observed one of my oldest and dearest friends taking steps that I believed would lead him deeper into a sinful pattern, I knew I had to say something. So, I arranged to meet him for dinner. But as I faced him across the restaurant table, I remembered the strong internal resistance. If I said what I wanted to say, it might mark the end of our friendship. But I loved him. So, taking a deep breath, I spoke words that were hard for me to say and hard for him to hear. At first, he was indignant and defensive. But thankfully, as we talked, he heard my words in the context of my love and took them to heart. Later, he told me how grateful he was for that pivotal conversation, because it encouraged him to change course.

It takes courage to offer the kind of firm encouragement that exposes another’s weakness to sin. But “better is open rebuke than hidden love,” for “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:5–6). And in the case of my friend, the proverb proved true: “Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue” (Proverbs 28:23).

Model of Encouragement

Monty Sholund passed away in the spring of 2007, “an old man and full of years” (Genesis 25:8), having spent his life faithfully in service to Christ. His eulogy stated that he “was always a great encourager.” As one whose friendship with him extended long past that Bible-survey class, I find that statement to be very accurate. He was one of the most lavish encouragers I’ve ever met. And his encouragement was always sincere, never flattery.

But Monty was a model of full-orbed encouragement in the biblical sense. His encouragement always aimed at helping saints grow and mature in Jesus Christ. So, he was lovingly generous with affirming and consoling encouragement, and he was lovingly courageous with firm and exhorting encouragement — the latter proving the credibility of the former.

So, as I remember this loving leader and “consider the outcome of [his] way of life,” it makes me want to “imitate [his] faith” (Hebrews 13:7). I want to be more like him. And I bless his memory.

Audio Transcript

Welcome back. As you know, on this podcast we cover the topic of lust from a variety of angles. We did so again on Monday. It’s probably the category of question we get asked about more than any other. You’ll see all the many ways this topic has come up on the podcast in that digest I put together on pages 309–329 in the new Ask Pastor John book.

On Monday, Pastor John, in APJ 2047, you encouraged a wife to confront her husband about erotic literature she found on his phone. And from confrontation comes conviction and repentance, we hope, which is part of the lifelong discipline of killing lust within ourselves. We must root the sin of lust from our lives. And to do that, we’d be helpless on our own. We couldn’t do it on our own. And so, we are not called to battle alone. Most notably, we have the gospel. And we need the gospel here because the only sin we can ever purge from our lives is canceled sin. Step 1: Sin is canceled by the blood of Christ; we are justified before God. Then, step 2: We purge that sin from our lives. We can’t ever get that backward. Sin canceled, then sin purged — another super important theme on the podcast over the years, as you can see in the APJ book on page 274.

So, using the gospel to purge sin is our topic today. It’s fitting because today in our Navigators Bible Reading Plan we are reading about the murder of Christ in Mark 15:33–41. Pastor John, you have talked about the role of visualizing Christ’s crucifixion in our battle against lustful thoughts. Lust is so often a visible battle. So, it makes sense that this battle is fought visually, or at least in the visuals of the imagination. For this purpose, you use an acronym. You created an acronym for this called ANTHEM. That’s important here, to fight lust, and particularly the H in ANTHEM, which you define as this: “Hold a beautiful vision of Jesus in your mind until it triumphs over the other sensual vision.” So, in the fight against lust, how important is it to have this “beautiful vision of Jesus,” and how does this work for you in the moment of temptation? What’s happening as you hold this image in your imagination?

Well, Tony, I’ve had history with really bad ways of using visualization in prayer. So, even though the question isn’t exactly that, let me start there.

Pictures can begin to displace the word of Scripture as the center of God’s saving communication. And that’s really dangerous. We can edge right up to and transgress the intention of the second commandment — “Don’t make any graven images for worship.” There’s an approach that I’ve run into — it’s pretty widespread; at least it was — to healing prayer where people are instructed to go back into their painful past and visualize a scene of, say, abuse, sexual abuse. And, for example, “Imagine Jesus, picture Jesus, walking into the room and picking you up and hugging you and caring for you.”

“One of my strategies in trying to obey Jesus is to fight nudity in my mind with Christ’s misery on the cross.”

And there are problems with that kind of counseling, it seems to me, because it’s foreign to Scripture. You don’t find any pattern quite like that in Scripture, and it’s usually slanted away from some of the aspects of the role that Jesus plays — namely, in providence portraying him only as a comforter and not as a sovereign, and not as a judge, and not as the one who’s going to handle that perpetrator with violence someday. It tends to be just soft and gentle and warm — and therefore slanted. It tends to oversimplify and over-psychologize what’s really needed.

The healing of the soul involves a profound spiritual perception not only of a tender, affectionate Jesus, but of the full meaning of the cross and the reality of the Holy Spirit and God’s ways and justice and judgments. So, there are real dangers that I’ve encountered in this whole area of visualization in prayer.

Visual Words

But let me get back to the positive side. Jesus is the eternal Word, and he became flesh (John 1:14). So, we know he had a body. People looked at him — they could see him with their physical eyes — unlike God the Father, who can’t be visualized in that way. I don’t think we should picture God the Father as a grandfather with a white beard. I think that’s a big mistake. But Jesus had flesh and bones.

And here’s another point: some words do not invoke visual realities — like love, hate, right, wrong, kind. Those are general, principial kinds of words. But other words do necessarily evoke images in our minds: cross, blood, nails, spear, side of body, hands, feet, thorns, beard, spit, rod, sun darkened, hill. You can’t say those words without seeing something, because those words are names of sights. You see a hand; you put a word on a hand; you expect people to process that word and have a kind of hand visualized in their mind — no specific hand, but the idea of hand is being visualized in their mind.

So, when you read, “About the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice” (Matthew 27:46), now you’ve got sounds as well. There are words that designate sounds, like loud voice. That word is supposed to conjure something in your mind concerning “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (Matthew 27:46). And it was loud. The word loud is used to make you feel and think loud. And then Jesus calls out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!” (Luke 23:46). The point of those very words is to get our minds hearing something, and words like beard and spit are supposed to get our minds seeing something.

“In Paul’s mind, the faith to kill sin every day in his life was strengthened by remembering the love of Christ.”

And then here’s one pointer from the apostle that inclines me to go ahead and form this image in my mind. Galatians 3:1: “O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified.” Now, what does that mean? I don’t think it means Paul got out a piece of chalk and drew Jesus, but it means, evidently, that he portrayed (with words through the gospel) the cross so vividly that he says, “It was like I was doing it before your very eyes.” He used the words eyes here. “It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed.”

So, maybe he means, “I’m embodying this with my sufferings; I’m speaking it in such a way that you can see it.”

Fight Image with Image

And so, back to ANTHEM and the whole battle with lust. One of my strategies, Tony, in trying to obey Jesus — tearing out my eyes, and putting sin to death, and counting myself dead — is to fight nudity (let’s just take that as a concrete example) in my mind with Christ’s misery on the cross. So, nudity is a picture in my mind. Now, I’ve argued that Christ’s misery on the cross is a picture in my mind. Christ died to make me pure. This lustful thought is not pure. Therefore, if I willingly hold this image in my mind, I’m taking a spear and thrusting it into the side of Jesus. I picture myself about to do that. I picture him saying, “I love you. I love you. I am dying to free you from that bondage to lust.”

And I picture a battered body — and maybe I should qualify: It’s not photographic. I don’t have a particular face in view; I don’t know what Jesus looked like. I don’t pick a movie star from The Passion of the Christ or whatever. I don’t have a particular face for me. He doesn’t look like any actor. I don’t get that specific. It’s a word-created picture, not a photo-created picture.

It’s what I think Paul did when he said in Galatians 2:20, “The life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me.” Now, he could have stopped right there, couldn’t he? But he added, “and gave himself for me.” In Paul’s mind, the faith to kill sin every day in his life was strengthened by remembering the love of Christ for him. And the love of Christ is emblazoned in Paul’s mind as he thought of him as crucified. “He gave himself for me.” And Paul saw crucified people. They were on the hills. It was horrible. And when he said, “Christ gave himself for me,” I can’t believe that he didn’t have some picture — if not photographic — in his mind of Christ suffering profoundly for his purity. And thus, his faith was empowered to defeat lust.

Mental illness in your church is not an isolated problem. Current research highlights that one in five adults in the United States struggles with some form of mental-health issue each year. One in twenty adults experiences a serious psychiatric disorder. These suffering brothers and sisters are no doubt part of the flock you are called to shepherd.

Joel is one such congregant. He was recently arrested high on crystal meth, engaging the services of a prostitute. In fact, this is the third time this kind of behavior has happened in the last two years. What does pastoral care look like for him? What is the role of church discipline in his life? Should it make a difference that Joel has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ran out of his medications again, potentially precipitating the manic episode in which he stayed up all night using meth and engaging in illicit sex?

There are no easy answers here. In thinking about the juxtaposition of mental-health issues and church discipline, we want to be wary of two extremes. First, we don’t want to avoid corrective pastoral care out of fear that we will “add insult to injury” for those struggling with mental affliction. Second, we don’t want to care for someone with mental illness exactly as we would care for someone without such a struggle. We want biblical truth and love to guide us.

What Is Mental Illness?

Mental (or psychiatric) disorders are significant disturbances of thought, emotion, or behavior that cause distress to the person and often significant impairment in day-to-day functioning. Many struggles fall under the umbrella of mental illness, including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, major depression, and also problems such as substance abuse, autism, and dementia.1

Because there is such heterogeneity in what is understood as mental illness (not to mention the potentially myriad causes of such struggles), we must be careful of any one-size-fits-all approach. Each struggling person is different. A mental-health diagnosis is a starting point, not an endpoint, for understanding a person’s experience.

Much mental suffering is hidden, including among Christians. Many who bear a psychiatric label feel ashamed and stigmatized. They may already feel disconnected from the church body and even from Christ. In my experience, they are much more often “fainthearted” and “weak” rather than “idle” or disorderly (1 Thessalonians 5:14).

Mental illness always involves suffering. Church leaders, therefore, are wise to slow down, taking the time to draw near to the brokenhearted as the Lord himself does (Psalm 34:18). But suffering isn’t the only category to consider. All believers simultaneously live as saints, sufferers, and sinners this side of glory.2 When people struggle with mental-health problems, the battle with their sinful nature continues, and this battle may have significant consequences for self or others.

Sinful behavior can be particularly prominent in some mental-health struggles, such as manic excesses, multiple relapses associated with substance abuse, the relational harm associated with certain personality disorders, or angry and abusive outbursts associated with PTSD. In such cases, it becomes even more challenging to discern the priorities of pastoral care for this sister or brother who is both a sufferer and sinner.3

What Is Church Discipline?

Now that we have some general ideas about mental illness, what about church discipline? Jonathan Leeman highlights,

Church discipline is the process of correcting sin in the congregation and its members. Church discipline typically starts privately and informally, growing to include the whole church only when necessary. In its final, formal, and public stage, church discipline involves removing someone from membership in the church and participation in the Lord’s Table.

We see this process most clearly in Matthew 18:15–17. For the person under discipline, the goal is always restorative, not punitive. We want to see unrepentant sinners return to Jesus!

It’s helpful to think of church discipline on a spectrum. In one sense, all believers sit under the autocorrect function of God’s word (2 Timothy 3:16; Hebrews 4:12). As we read and hear Scripture, we are personally convicted — disciplined — by God’s indwelling Spirit to live in line with biblical truth.4

But God also grows us through community. When a friend approaches us and says, “Hey, I’m concerned about your harsh interactions at small group,” God, in his mercy, is using this person to help us see where we have sinned (Matthew 18:15). This broader practice of discipline is an utterly normal part of the Christian life. Informal but intentional conversations focused on what living for Jesus looks like should characterize our body life and our pastoral oversight.

More formal steps of discipline (Matthew 18:16–17) are not carried out simply for those who sin (we all do this!), but for those who sin in significant, high-handed ways and do not repent despite multiple entreaties to return to the safety and beauty of God’s law.5

Seven Guiding Principles

For helpers and church leaders, seeing sin in the lives of fellow believers should prompt the question, “What is most wise and loving at this juncture to help this particular person with these particular patterns of sin?” Answering that question, however, is often more complicated when the person involved deals with mental illness. So, how might we bring together our understanding of mental illness and church discipline?

The following general guidelines are certainly not exhaustive. In any given situation, what is wisest pastorally is prayerfully discerned by a team of thoughtful and compassionate shepherds who know their people well.

1. Personalize mental illness.

Familiarize yourself with the general contours of the psychiatric disorders that you know members of your congregation struggle with, endeavoring to think biblically and theologically about such issues.6 Then personalize that growing awareness by having conversations with those brothers and sisters, along with their family members, counselors, and physicians. Get a sense of their daily lives. Where do they struggle to live out their faith? Where do they experience joy and contentment? How can the church better care for them? You don’t have to be a mental-health professional to know a person deeply, but the more complex the struggle, the greater the importance of broadening your understanding.

2. Deal patiently and gently.

Patience and gentleness are key (1 Thessalonians 5:14; Galatians 6:1–2). Notice that there is no specific timeline associated with the process of church discipline in Matthew 18. In general, apart from the clearest cases, we might expect there to be several or even many conversations while moving along the spectrum from informal to formal church discipline. The administration of church discipline is not on a hair trigger. Godly shepherds model the description of Israel’s high priest in Hebrews 5:2: “He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he himself is beset with weakness.”

“You don’t have to be a mental-health professional to know a person deeply.”

Along the way, seek the input of the mental-health professionals who are working with the affected person (assuming consent is given). Decisions about formal church discipline are always momentous, even when seemingly clear-cut. How much more so when there are additional factors to weigh in the case of someone with a psychiatric diagnosis.

3. Form wise expectations.

Prayerfully consider how the weaknesses of the person might temper your expectations for obedience. A parenting analogy may help explain what I mean. In parenting, the age and developmental stage of our children matter in terms of our specific expectations for obedience, and the way we discipline should align with those differences. “Honor your father and your mother” holds equally for both the three-year-old and the twelve-year-old, but we have more robust expectations for our twelve-year-old. Additional factors in the child — such as hunger, pain, illness, or sleeplessness — may also warrant an adjustment in expectations. For example, we may not correct our three-year-old who has had a meltdown during a fever and strep throat.

How might this look for someone with both mental-health and recurring sin issues? Years ago, I was consulted about a middle-aged single man who was undergoing formal discipline for laziness and failure to honor his parents. After having a string of part-time jobs for many years, he hadn’t worked for several years and was living with his elderly parents.

As I got to know him, I indeed noticed places where his fleshly propensities for ease and comfort led to laziness. But more was going on. He struggled with incapacitating anxiety in social settings. Further, I observed some impaired interpersonal and cognitive capabilities that no doubt made it difficult for him to hold a job. The elders and I ultimately crafted a shepherding plan that took into account this man’s true weaknesses and inabilities while at the same time exhorting him to take more proactive care of his parents. However, given the full picture, the process of formal church discipline no longer seemed appropriate.

4. Care for everyone involved.

At the same time, it is also important to consider the impact of the person’s struggle on family members and the broader body of Christ. The severity and chronicity of these harmful offenses factor into the extent and time course of church discipline. A wife raising concerns about her husband’s apathy and passivity amid his serious depression is one thing. A depressed husband who has become verbally or physically abusive to his wife is a different matter and requires more urgent pastoral intervention. Or consider the difference between a person with fluctuating psychosis who sometimes disrupts church gatherings and the same person who is also making unwanted sexual advances toward another church member.

You are simultaneously trying to recognize and address the harm done to others while also bringing hope, encouragement, and correction to the suffering sinner. Put another way, you are seeking to love multiple people at once: the person with mental illness, those impacted negatively by his struggle, and the wider body of Christ.

5. Prayerfully assess repentance.

Prayerfully assess the person’s level of repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10–11). Remember, Scripture reserves the most serious manifestations of church discipline for church members who refuse to repent of clear-cut, significant sin. Questions to consider include the following (I’ll use he as a generic pronoun):

Does the person understand what he has done?
Is he grieved by this sin before God and others?
Has he asked forgiveness from those he has sinned against?
Is he doing the hard work of rebuilding trust with others?
Is he availing himself of all reasonable help, including counseling and/or medical care?
Is he compliant with prescribed medications?
Does he welcome greater pastoral oversight and accountability?

The more concern these questions raise, the more reason we may have for continuing a process of formal church discipline.

6. Remain open to change.

Be ready to change direction. Sometimes a decision regarding discipline needs rethinking. In many cases, this is not being wishy-washy but being wise and humble stewards of additional information and insights as they become apparent. No doubt, it is difficult to discern the difference between can’t and won’t in a struggling person. Sometimes, we will realize later that we erred on either side — being too lenient when greater accountability would have been wiser, or being too quick to advance formal discipline when greater patience and mercy would have been appropriate.

7. Love beyond discipline.

What about those (hopefully infrequent) instances where a congregant with a mental-health diagnosis requires removal from membership and the Lord’s Supper for serious and unrepentant sin — despite a prayerful, thoughtful process and multiple entreaties of love and warning? We do it with gentleness and tears, continuing to acknowledge the person’s real suffering as well as the sins that have harmed others and brought the gospel into disrepute.

If possible, communicate well with those outside the church who are involved in the person’s care (like counselors and physicians), as the discipline process may impact the person’s emotional state, and caregivers may need increased vigilance. Be prepared that taking such a step may incite anger and/or self-harm in the person. Ideally, family members and friends understand the need for this final step of church discipline and can offer ongoing support to the person.

Excommunication doesn’t mean that the person is barred from attending your church (a potential exception being harm done to others in the congregation by his continued presence). But it does mean that this person’s profession of faith is no longer seen as credible, and he is therefore viewed as an unbeliever. What does that look like? The person is welcomed and encouraged to attend the gathering but not partake of the Lord’s Supper, and leaders and members continue to urge him toward repentance and faith in Christ.

While this article cannot fully address the complexity involved in the exercise of church discipline in cases of mental illness, I hope these reflections provide biblical perspective and guidance as you, together with your fellow pastors, seek to wisely love those God has called you to shepherd.

I mentioned briefly this morning that fellowship is often overlooked as a means of grace. I understand why, because when we talk about fellowship, we’re talking about a lot of stuff that you don’t control. With Bible reading we think, “I can set my watch. I can get up in the morning. I can find my quiet space. I can have a plan. I feel like I’m in the driver’s seat.” Or with prayer, we might think, “I can decide when I’m going to pray. I can pray in the car, or I can pray after reading the word.”

It seems like there’s the kind of agency with prayer and with Bible reading that when we’re talking about fellowship, somebody else has to consent with you. A group of people have to gather. Even if you’re doing one-on-one coffee, you can’t just make someone else show up for coffee. You have to arrange that. You have to schedule that. There have to be rhythms and patterns in the life of a local church.

Yet in those things, even though they’re not these personal things we can just make happen like other activities, they’re vital for our spiritual health. In one sense maybe they are all the more important because there’s more involved in setting them up and setting up good rhythms and patterns in church life. I’m excited to talk with you about this, the middle child of the spiritual disciplines. The forgotten means of grace in fellowship is our focus this evening. Then, you get to share together at the Table, and that’s really sweet. We’ll talk about belonging to the body. This morning our summary was hearing God’s voice in his word, having his ear in prayer, and belonging to his body in the fellowship of the local church. We focused on the word this morning, and tomorrow night, God willing, we will focus on prayer and fasting.

Belonging to the Body

Tonight on belonging to the body, we start with a statement: Life and health and perseverance in the Christian faith is a community project. We don’t do this as individuals. This gets at the essence of it being a means of grace. Our hearts harden. Our faith fails as we distance ourselves from the fellowship. It was one thing to go about saying these things three or four years ago. Now, after what we went through in 2020 and 2021, maybe some of you would resonate particularly with that statement.

As you think back to what it was like when all of a sudden this pandemic was going around and we didn’t know the extent of it, there was a lot of fear. There are good reasons to be cautious when you don’t know the full extent of something and when all the data is. I assume with your church as with ours, there was a brief break in your gathering together. We met outside instead of indoor spaces. We were trying to figure this whole thing out.

As a pastor now on the other side of COVID, I can see the effects. We as a church are still dealing with the effects of people who were part of our body and during the time away a vital means of grace was removed from their life, and they haven’t quite been the same since. For some we have barely seen them since. There are others whose means of grace were in place. There were still ways to keep going.

More healthy Christian lives were able to endure those few weeks or even months, but that had effects on our churches. We saw the impact of not meeting together, and that there is an important, not only accountability, but distribution of God’s grace through each other mutually in our lives for the Christian life. I’m excited to look at that here this evening.

Essential for Our Sanctification

By way of review from this morning, I’m going back to that Ryle quote. Maybe it’s my favorite quote on spiritual disciplines outside the Bible. Ryle, over a hundred years ago, was talking about the means of grace. He says:

They include things such as Bible reading, private prayer, and regularly worshiping God in church wherein one hears the word taught and participates in the Lord’s Supper.

My little tweak is about Bible reading. I really like the way Don Whitney talks about Bible intake. It’s not just reading. We talked this morning about reading and study and meditation and hearing the word and all these different ways to try to engage the phrase “Bible intake.” This is not just an individual thing but a corporate thing. And he says “private prayer,” but I don’t think he has to say “private” because we should be praying together.

As you’ll see tomorrow night, it is a very critical means of grace and part of fellowship as these disciplines overlap. Then, he says “regularly worshiping God in church wherein one hears the word taught and participates in the Lord’s Supper.” That’s our aim tonight. Ryle continues:

I lay it down as a simple matter of fact that no one who is careless about such things (the means of grace) must ever expect to make much progress in sanctification. I can find no record of any eminent saint who ever neglected them. They are appointed channels through which the Holy Spirit conveys fresh supplies of grace to the soul . . .

Does anybody want that in their life? Do you want fresh supplies of grace? Are you good with yesterday’s grace, or grace from 10 years ago? Let me tell you, I want fresh supplies of grace. Ryle says:

The Holy Spirit conveys fresh supplies of grace to the soul, and strengthens the work which He has begun in the inward man . . . Our God is a God who works by means, and he will never bless the soul of that man who pretends to be so high and spiritual that he can get on without them (the means of grace).

We talk tonight about the major category of means that may be most neglected. I don’t know if I mentioned this morning that I like to call these the twin texts on fellowship. My life changed 13 years ago when we had twins. I see twins now all over. When there’s two things together, there’s twins. I’m sure I’ll cheer for the Twins baseball team too. I like to see twins and this is the twin texts of fellowship. I’ll focus on Hebrews 3 and then in a minute here we will go to Hebrews 10. This is where we’ll spend the main chunk of our time on fellowship. I have a few observations here. I’ll explain them as we go through them and we’ll look at these twin texts on fellowship.

A Command for Mutual Care

This is Hebrews 3:12–13:

Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

Let me point out a few things here about Hebrews 3:12–13, which I find so interesting and helpful as a means of grace. Notice that the command here comes to the brothers not just to look after themselves. There’s a place for that like, “Keep a close watch on yourself” (1 Timothy 4:6). But here he says, “Take care, lest there be in any of you . . .” This is not just a charge to individuals. He’s not just saying, “Hey, all of you look at your own hearts.” He’s actually saying, “Hey, church, take care that there not be an evil unbelieving heart in your midst.”

In other words, don’t let the person fall through the cracks. Look for any of you like that. This language of “some” will be in the other passage. It’s the same thing in the original. It’s the “any” or the “some.” There are folks at the margins. The hope is that the bulk of the church will be healthy in strengthening each other, and will be solid enough to be able to look out for those on the margins who are struggling, who need help, who may have an evil unbelieving heart growing in them.

The first observation here is that we are our brother’s keeper. Cain said, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Genesis 4:9). The answer for Christians is, yes we are. It’s part of the faith. We look out for each other. We take care lest there be an evil unbelieving heart in our midst. In a fellowship of this size, you can’t know everyone to the extent that you can see the slow encroachments of an evil unbelieving heart. So it’s important to have a smaller life together so that we can know each other better, that we would know a few at depth and they would know us at depth to be able to speak into each other’s lives.

Then this morning we saw as it was introduced initially in that Psalm 95 quotation that he applies right to his listeners today. Grace is being offered today. Today if you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts (Hebrews 3:15). He’s saying, “Exhort one another every day as long as it is called today,” picking up on that emphasis from Psalm 95:7–8. I think the point here is what I would call regular attentiveness. I don’t think it’s a literal command that whatever names are in your accountability groups, you must check in on each other every single day. However, daily and weekly is probably a lot better than monthly.

I think there’s a regularity here that is implied in keeping short accounts, in staying on it right now. If you see some encroachments of evil you should speak into them, to exhort one another on that kind of regular basis. You should not let it go on for a long time and let it become some big thing, but keep an eye on it and speak to each other’s lives.

The Words We Need

Then, notice the power of words in Christian perseverance. This is going to come back again. This morning we saw how our God is communicative, how he uses the power of words, so it should make sense that God would have us also use the power of words. I mean, there’s no mention here of any sword or gun that would be used to keep each other accountable in the life of the church. This involves words, the power of words. This is how we hope to speak grace into each other’s lives, to help keep each other accountable. This is about the power of words in Christian perseverance. You exhort to treat an evil unbelieving heart and preempt hardening. I love thinking of it this way: We put grace into the heart through the ear hole. Isn’t this strange?

We have these holes in the side of our heads. We get used to looking at them, so you don’t think about it that much. If you stop and think about it, it’s strange. We have holes in the sides of our heads. What’s that for? When you speak words, your breath brings those with your vocal cords out into the air, it goes through the air, and the ears can take that in.

It is so amazing. We take this for granted how words work, how God has set up the world. But for you to have a thought or a feeling or a word in you and to be able to speak that into the air and have it go into the side of someone’s head so that it goes down into their heart, it’s amazing. I’m changing the metaphor here. It goes down into their heart (figuratively) and is a measure of God’s grace. That’s an extraordinary thing.

It often happens in the Christian life where those (the “any”) that need our help are maybe not in the best position to feed themselves or enter into this rich time of prayer on their own. What they need is somebody to come in and put a word in their ear. If a brother is struggling, probably simply giving him a list of to-dos won’t help, as if to say, “Hey, you’re struggling. I can tell you’re pretty spiritually weak right now. Here’s a bunch of things to read.” Well, he may not have the energy to engage and read like that. What might really help is that right there in that moment that you use the airspace between you to say something that goes in his ear and is the kind of word of appropriate encouragement or correction for you to, in a sense, be the voice of God in that moment for what needs to be said. You could be that act of grace toward his soul through the ear so that he would hear God’s voice.

This is summarizing what we’re doing in fellowship. We’re hearing God’s voice in our brothers and in fellowship. And now, there’s this reciprocity part that we want to be God’s voice to our brother. Again, we have no pretenses of doing this perfectly. We’re not playing prophet, or saying, “Thus saith the Lord.” You might say something like, “God prompted me to think this,” or, “I think God prompted me to say this,” or something like that. We’re not speaking infallibly for God. We mess up all the time. When somebody’s speaking into our lives, you don’t need to take that as either infallible or error. You can hear it, bring it in, and take that for your spiritual benefit and blessing.

Questions and Answers

Let me pause right here and see if there are any questions. In Sunday school this morning and in the sermon we didn’t do any. I don’t really do a lot of questions during sermons. This is Sunday night, and it’s a great time for questions. Any questions? It could be a question about this morning too if you wanted.

One of the questions I had was about these three aspects of the means of grace. Is there a linear flow to them or is it symbiotically happening at the same time?

Good question. I don’t necessarily think of a linear flow, but I do think of a relationship of priority between the word, and then fellowship and prayer. I’m a student of John Frame. Some of you guys know Frame. He loves to do things in triangles. He loves to see oneness and threeness. He says, “Our God is Trinitarian, so there are a lot of ones and threes in the world.” He draws a lot of triangles. One thing the triangles do is that they show relationships between three different things. Sometimes in three dimensions, sometimes not. I would think of the word as normative. Word has a priority. It’s the chief means of grace. It’s the action of God. He speaks first, so the word is the basis of our responding to him in prayer. Let me put that on one side of the triangle. Prayer would be the existential part of the triangle. Then fellowship, the community of the church, would be what you call the situational aspect of the triangle, that by his word he creates a church and the church prays and the church receives the word. We pray in reception of his word.

We also pray together as part of the church. All three of these dynamics relate to each other, but there’s a priority with the word as the initiative, the first action before prayer and fellowship. That’s a good question. If you think of a good way to make it linear, let me know.

The Grace of Good Provocation

Let’s come back to Ephesians 4 from a place in Hebrews 10:24–25. This is the other twin text on fellowship:

Let us consider how to stir up one another . . . (Hebrews 10:24).

I put in the word provoke here for “stir up.” I thought it was provocative. That’s one of the meanings of this verb; it means “to provoke” or to “stir up.” You can use this word in positive or negative ways. Scripture says, “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger” (Ephesians 6:4), and, “Church, provoke each other to love in good deeds.” This is a good provocation. The passage says:

Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Now, this is the only mention of “habit” in the ESV, and that’s the text I’ve been using. This is the only occurrence of “habit” in the New Testament and this is a negative one. This says, “Don’t do this habit.” There’s a positive encouragement then to do another habit in its place. He is saying, “Do a positive habit instead of the negative habit of not meeting together.” Let’s see what this positive habit is.

Again, we have this language of the many watching out for the some, as is the habit of some. This is the same language as the “any” in Hebrews 3:12–13. It’s just translated differently than the English, but it’s the same. There are the “any” you’re watching out for, and here we read there are “some” you’re watching out for. The many are watching out for the “some.” Again, like Hebrews 3, there’s this charge to look past your own needs and help the needs of others.

When the turbulence happens and the masks fall in the plane, you don’t just put your own mask on and go, “Well, I’m glad I can breathe.” You look around and think, “Can I help somebody else secure their mask?” They give you the instructions to first secure your own mask and then help somebody else because you don’t want to pass out while you’re helping somebody else. Put your own mask on so you don’t pass out and then help somebody with their mask. That’s what is going on in the Christian life. There are many watching out for the “some.” Look past our own noses. Look past our own needs to see the needs of others.

Consider One Another

Now it’s interesting here in the original there’s no how. In the ESV, the translation is bringing this word how. The way the construction works in the original is literally like this: “Consider one another unto the provoking of love and good works.” Here’s what I hear in that. Don’t just consider how to stir up one another but consider one another. At least the point of emphasis I want to put on it is that this is not a charge to just think generically about humanity, as if he were saying, “Here are ways to motivate humans to do good things. I can speak this to anybody in general as a human.”

Rather, he is saying to consider each other. It’s not mainly the consideration of the method or how you would do it; it’s a consideration of others. Consider one another. It’s that person that you’re concerned with, that person that you know well, that person that you love, that you might speak to them. Be the voice of God to them in a way that you wouldn’t to somebody else you know because you know them. This is a call to a depth of community, a depth of relationship that is increasingly difficult in our times. It’s to know each other with the kind of detail that you would say this word to exhort or encourage this brother or sister that you wouldn’t necessarily say to somebody else because of the context of your relationship and because of how you know this person.

The Right Words for the Right Moment

This is where I want to go back here to Ephesians 4:29. I saved Ephesians 4 because it says this so well. It is talking about the importance of our words to each other and how critical it is. Christians should be very careful with our words because we’re Christians, and because God’s careful with his words. It should be all the more when we post them online.

Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love (Ephesians 4:15–16).

This idea of speaking the truth is so important to the life and health of the body. How we talk to each other is so important in our health as a church. Then he says:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only (now here’s the positive) such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29).

There’s our concept again of the distribution, the ongoing grace in our lives that is happening through our speech to each other. That building up is happening as fits the occasion. I wanted to relate it to Hebrews 10. As fits the occasion you should consider one another. You can ask, “What’s the need right now for this brother? What’s the need right now for this sister? Is there a need for a word of encouragement? Is there a need for a word of correction? Is there a need for clarity, that would provoke them?” The language of provoking is strong here. I mean, it’s risky language because we often think of provoking as a negative thing, though if you put it in a clearly positive context, provoking can be a positive thing. Here’s the point where provoking is positive.

You’re provoking them to love and good deeds, not just using gentle, calm, comforting, smooth words, but words that would help bring about love and good deeds in the lives of others. Consider them, and provoke them to love and good deeds with your words. Note again, the power of words here.

Where the Means of Grace Convene

Then finally, we have the language of not neglecting to meet together. This is the assembly of the church, the gathering of the church. I want to say here as a church together this is our single most important habit: that we would gather. Why would I call fellowship and gathering together to worship the single most important habit? Well, in light of our means of grace, hearing God’s voice in his word, having his ear in prayer, and belonging to his body in the fellowship of the local church, this is when all three happen.

This is the conspiracy of all three. This is when we go three dimensional because in the gathering we gather together to hear from God and then we respond to him in prayer. Most good worship services are going to have this kind of rhythm between hearing from God and responding to him. We hear from him in the call to worship, we respond to him in praise. We hear from him in Scripture reading, we respond to him in prayer. We hear from him over the word, we respond to him and take the Table. There’s this back and forth between hearing him together as a body and responding to him in prayer. All that happens together where we see each other beforehand and afterwards and we provoke each other to love and good deeds. Our gathering together is I think the single most important habit for us as Christians.

That doesn’t mean you should ignore private prayer or family prayer or private time in God’s word. However, it does mean this is really important. I know this like speaking of the choir. Here we are Sunday night and you’re here. The people who aren’t here on Sunday night need to hear this, but you’re here. At least hear this for building fellowship into the habits and patterns of your life as a Christian. Like no other single habit, corporate worship combines all three essential principles of God’s ongoing supply of grace for the Christian life.

“Life and health and perseverance in the Christian faith is a community project.”

In corporate worship we hear from God in the pastor’s call of worship, in the reading of Scripture, in the faithful preaching of the gospel, in the words of institution at the Table, and in the Commission to be lights in the world. In corporate worship we respond to God in prayer, in confession, in singing, in thanksgiving, in recitation and petitions, and in taking the elements in faith. In corporate worship we do all that together.

My encouragement to you is to settle it now and make it a habit. Harness the power of habit to rescue our souls from empty excuses that keep us from spiritual riches and increasing joy.

Negligence and chronic minimizing of the importance of corporate worship and church life reveals something unhealthy and dangerous in our souls. Fellowship, as an irreplaceable means of grace in the Christian life, offers us two priceless joys among others. We receive God’s grace through the helping words of others, which is my way to try to summarize this emphasis on speaking the truth in love, exhorting one another, and encouraging one another. This focuses on the importance of our helping words depending on the situation and the person we’re speaking to. We receive God’s grace, and we give his grace to others through our own helping words and to their lives. Jesus does not call us to hold fast alone as if we didn’t need the fellows he gives, but we help each other hold fast and thrive.

Questions and Answers

Do you have any questions here at this point? Is there anything regarding what we’ve looked at so far in these last few texts, or regarding the role of fellowship in the Christian life?

I have a big question that comes up a lot. We live out in a rural area. A lot of rural people say, “How do I find a good church?” The necessity and the essentiality of fellowship is very clear. What about believers that are out in the middle of nowhere? Or what about those today that are in a rural area where there’s a choice between a couple of churches that are not good?

I can’t imagine making any sort of desert island recommendations to any Christian. Fellowship is such an essential part of the Christian faith that I would encourage anyone to move so that they are not alone. I think these are really important decisions to make when we’re looking for where to live. I would love it if more Christians considered fellowship when getting into the housing market. Sometimes people say, “We’re looking for a new house.” The next thing you know they say, “We put a down payment on a house and it’s 30 minutes from here. We’ll be finding a new church and we don’t know anybody out there.” I’m scratching my head going, “That is so sad.” Some people move to a new city without even asking about the church scene or the landscape, trying to find out where there might be a place to go. I think fellowship is vital enough in the Christian life to consider those things. It is something we should always consider regarding where we’re going to live to have people nearby.

Now, there’s no prescription that you need to have a church of 200, 2,000, or 20. It could be a small number. It might be a large family that is almost like your church, and that’s your fellowship. I sure would want to encourage believers to think carefully about that. As a Christian, I don’t want to take the location of my house as the given. I want to take the reality of the Christian faith as the given. If I need to change my address because I don’t have adequate fellowship, then that’s a very small decision in light of eternity. I would much rather be a healthy Christian who has relationships that would help in the faith rather than think, “Well, this was the open land I needed.”

That would be my encouragement to those situations when they come up. I wouldn’t necessarily push somebody and say, “Well, we have to solve this tonight,” or, “We have to solve it this week.” I’d want to speak in and say, “Hey, what’s the value of the body of Christ? Is it worth having where you live be secondary to that rather than that being the primary thing?” That’s a good question, it’s really relevant.

Do you find that in the churches today the fellowship itself has taken on a different look? Especially in the society that we live in right now with wokeness and other stuff where fellowship is supposed to be either having fun or just approving of one another. It seems like often now the exhorting part is being lost to being afraid to hurt feelings. If you look at Hebrews 10:24–25, the very last part of that sentence says “and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” There seems to be a pressing urgency that we relook at the way God defines fellowship and stop defining it ourselves. What are your comments on that?

Well, I can give you this illustration. We’re going through renovations at our church. The building was built in 1913. The Episcopal Church that was there died in 2013 and it sat empty for a while. We started meeting there and renting it, and we bought it in 2020. We just inherited this room called the fellowship hall. Recently as we were going through the renovation, we had to decide on the name plaques for all of the rooms in the church. We decided that we didn’t want to call it the fellowship hall. The reason we didn’t was that we felt like people just use the word fellowship all the time in very casual ways. If it’s people from work and it’s a Super Bowl party, then it’s just a party. But if Christians get together and watch the Super Bowl, that’s fellowship. There was no Bible, no prayer, no spiritual conversation. It was just Christians who happened to be having fun together, and so it’s fellowship. The word is suffering from being emptied of its meaning.

I think you can hear so far in my presentation what I think, so you’re serving me up a beach ball here. Fellowship is an electric reality in the New Testament. It’s the koinonia, the commonness, the partnership. It’s a partnership of something that needs to be done. We’re all in, we’re all making personal sacrifices to be all in collectively into the common fellowship to have this partnership to get the job done.

Let’s say you have this magic ring and you need to get it to Mordor, to Mount Doom. That would be a time to have a fellowship. Tolkien used the word right. When you think of fellowship, don’t think of a Super Bowl party with Christians. Think more like in the huddle on the field with blood and sweat. We have to advance the ball. Or you could think that we’re in Rivendell but we’re not going to stay in Rivendell. We’re going to gather together the best of men and elves and dwarves and help these hobbits take the ring to Mordor. There’s a mission. That’s a big part of the fellowship. We’re on a mission together. We’re not only watching out for each other’s lives and trying to purge each other of sin. That’s secondary. We have this mission together first and foremost by the very nature of the fellowship.

We would do well to take care with the use of our language to apply fellowship to our more missional and more intentional times of speaking truth into each other’s lives and exhorting one another. I looked at the text here for speaking the truth in love. That is just really good language in every season. In every generation, in every place, in every person there is often a bent in this toward the love without the truth or the truth without the love. We need to hear that phrase “speaking the truth in love.” We can’t do that without love, and we can’t do it without truth.

So what did you end up calling it?

We called it the chapel. Instead of the fellowship hall, we have the chapel, though I’m not condemning the use of fellowship hall.

The One Percent

I have two truths about the one percent here before we talk about the Lord’s Supper. By one percent, I’m talking about the fact that one percent of our waking hours is typically what Christians spend in corporate worship. If you have the habit of not breaking from being in corporate worship, then corporate worship is about one percent of our waking hours each week. If you take it as a little over an hour, your waking hours are a little over a hundred. That’s where I’m getting the round number. The first truth is that this is our most important hour together as a church. It really is important when the people of God gather to worship our God. That’s our most important hour. Most weeks there could be other hours in some certain circumstances.

The second truth relates to church life, and this is what I want to emphasize. Because the one hour on Sunday morning is so important, we might be prone to identify the entirety or the most of church life with the one hour. It’s the most important hour, but it’s only one percent. Being the church is not a 60-to-75-minute weekly event. We are not only the church when we gather, we are the church as we scatter into our families, into our jobs, into the other kinds of interaction we would have together in the week. This is a common error today. We assume that the main way to serve and do good in the church is to be upfront on Sunday morning.

I hope it’s not as bad here in Burnsville. Among young urbanites in Minneapolis and Saint Paul, there is the sense that you’re not a leader or you’re not serving the church if you’re not visible and upfront. We deal with this frequently in our church. It’s about being upfront on Sunday morning, whether that’s speaking or singing or reading or praying or preaching or passing plates. All the demographics and constituency groups need to have the representation. This is one hour. It’s a very important hour, but it’s one hour in the life of the church. This one hour is very important, and it’s only one hour, only one percent. What we are doing in serving each other, blessing each other, caring for each other throughout the week is so vital in church life.

Regular, meaningful engagement in the church’s most important hour of the week changes how we live as the church for the rest of the week, and how we live as the church in our 120 waking hours shapes our engagement in the one percent event. A church that genuinely, faithfully worships Jesus together each week is all the more prepared to live as the church each hour. A church that lives as the church all week enjoys the sweetest worship together on Sunday mornings. In emphasizing fellowship as a means of grace, I don’t only want to emphasize the one hour (though that’s important), but also our life together throughout the week.

Corporate Habits of Grace

I’ll summarize here about corporate habits, and then I’ll give a word about the Lord’s Supper. The first one is corporate worship, which is the most important hour. Then comes covenant membership, which is a faithful and helpful application of the reality they dealt with in the New Testament to know who the particular members are and to have some kind of covenant together with each other to say, “I’ll be the church for you, and you be the church for me.” I think that’s been applicable for a long time, but especially in modern life where we can move so quickly with automobiles and planes and in modern mega cities.

The Twin Cities are far bigger than any city in the ancient world. Ephesus was the second largest city in the ancient world and it was like 40,000 people or something like that. I mean, here we are in the Twin Cities and it’s almost 10 times that big, and that was the second largest city 2,000 years ago. We’re living in a reality now of urbanization. With the massive reality of these cities and how many people are around, people can just float in and out and it is so helpful that we make commitments to each other, that pastors and elders know who our people are and who our people aren’t.

In the hard times, there are people that have pledged to say, “I’m going to be the church to you when it’s not easy.” Anybody can be the church to each other when it’s easy. We don’t make covenant promises for the times that are easy. We make them when times are hard, when we would rather not or it’s difficult. But we’re going to stay in this. We’re going to be committed to this church, these people, as we’ve committed together. We’re going to be the church to each other. Covenant membership is vital.

Then comes cultivating and keeping up relationships in which we put grace in each other’s hearts through words that fit the occasion. Ask yourself, what few friends, whether it’s in some formal structure here of church life, or relationships that you put energy into to maintain, can speak into your life? Who does speak into your life? And who else ’s life in Christ do you know well enough to speak into with a well-timed, fitting word? A word that fits the occasion is vital in our corporate habits.

Improve Your Baptism

We finish here with the Lord’s Supper and baptism, which are part of our corporate life together in the local church. First, here’s a word about baptism. We don’t usually think about baptism as a means of grace. Maybe you might think, “I guess working through the categories here baptism can be a means of grace for the one who’s being baptized.” They’re having that one-time experience where they’ve expressed faith and now they’re covenanting to have faith in Jesus and to renounce Satan in all his ways and to live in obedience. To be baptized is to stand in front of the congregation. Yes, that must be a means of grace for the person. What about the rest of us? Are the rest of us just sitting around watching the means of grace for this person? Well, yes, but not just watching.

This is an old thing that I love reminding people about. It’s called “improving your baptism.” The language of improvement here is used slightly differently. Here’s a paragraph from the Westminster Confession I found helpful. This is for the next time there’s a baptism, so that you don’t think of yourself just as a bystander. You’re not just a spectator at baptism. Think through these categories about how someone else’s baptism might be a means of grace to you as you watch by faith.

The needful and much neglected duty of improving our baptism is to be performed by us all our lifelong, especially in the time of temptation.

This is amazing. You’re being tempted and you’re saying to the devil, “I’m baptized. Get behind me, Satan. Jesus’s name is on me. They put water on me. I remember it. I have a baptism certificate. This happened. Jesus’s name is on me. You get away from me, Satan.”

Martin Luther did this, but the ironic thing is that he was baptized as an infant. He didn’t remember his baptism. This is all the better for Baptist believers because we should remember our baptism. That’s part of how these sacraments are supposed to work and how the means of grace work. They’re to be remembered. This is really good for Baptists. Thank you, Westminster. It continues:

The needful but much neglected duty of improving our baptism, is to be performed by us all our life long, especially in the time of temptation, and when we are present at the administration of it to others (it’s a chance to rehearse our identity in Christ); by serious and thankful consideration of the nature of it, and of the ends for which Christ instituted it, the privileges and benefits conferred and sealed thereby, and our solemn vow made therein . . .

Westminster is great. In baptism, you’re believing and making a solemn vow. Amen. Don’t do that to children until they believe. Remember that your whole lifelong that in your baptism the name of Jesus has been put on you.

As you see someone else being baptized, that’s a chance again to receive his grace and to rehearse his grace. There’s a similar way in the Lord’s Supper, but we are participants in that.

The Lord’s Supper

In the Lord’s Supper, I’ll read the passage and come back to these four summaries as we finish. First Corinthians 11:17–34 is our key passage on the Lord’s Supper. Let me mention that he’s talking about the gathering. This is important. They’re coming together. Paul says:

But in the following instructions I do not commend you, because when you come together it is not for the better but for the worse. For, in the first place, when you come together as a church, I hear that there are divisions among you. And I believe it in part, for there must be factions among you in order that those who are genuine among you may be recognized. When you come together, it is not the Lord’s supper that you eat. For in eating, each one goes ahead with his own meal. One goes hungry, another gets drunk. What! Do you not have houses to eat and drink in? Or do you despise the church of God and humiliate those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I commend you in this? No, I will not.

Instead of divisions and instead of despising each other and humiliating each other, this should be an act that brings together God’s people, an act of unity. We are eating together at the table. He continues in 1 Corinthians 11:23–26:

For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

This is an amazing thing to think about. We’ve talked so much about words and speech and declaring and proclaiming and exhorting and warning, and in the taking of the Table we are proclaiming his death and its significance, and we’re identifying with it in him until he comes.

Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner (maybe without faith) will be guilty concerning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body . . .

I think Paul probably intended double meaning here. I think “discerning the body” means the body of Christ crucified and the body of Christ, the church. Both of these things should be happening. We’re discerning each other. We’re coming together in unity and we’re discerning. This represents Jesus. This is a solemn moment. I’m exercising faith here in receiving Jesus’s benefits for me at the Table. He continues:

Anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died. But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world. So then, my brothers, when you come together to eat, wait for one another — if anyone is hungry, let him eat at home — so that when you come together it will not be for judgment (1 Corinthians 11:29–34).

But for what? Blessing. Come together for blessing, for strengthening, and for nurturing.

The Significance of the Table

I have four summary statements here on the Lord’s Supper. First, this is ordained by Jesus. He put it in place the night before he died. He took bread, he took the cup, and he said, “Do this in remembrance of me.” Jesus ordained this act, however frequently we come and take it in the life of the church. He wants us to be part of our fellowship. To talk about means of grace and fellowship, we should talk about the Lord’s Supper. This is part of that.

Second, it’s for his gathered church. That’s what we see again and again. He says, “When you come together.” There’s nothing here about a private Lord’s Supper at a wedding, or a private time in the hospital, or a private time at the youth retreat, or a private segment of the body, or individuals. This is a coming together meal for the gathering of the church. Part of the significance of it is that we are celebrating our unity together in Jesus when we come together as a church. Different churches work this out in different ways and there’s space for that. For me, because of the strong emphasis on “when you come together,” I wouldn’t be eager for us at our church to do this anytime when not everyone’s welcome, when not everyone in the congregation could be there and be a part.

If any are excluded by certain demographics or the nature of it being at a wedding or whatever it seems like, then it doesn’t quite seem fitting to the meal. This is a unity meal for the family of God gathered together.

Third, we do this to remember him, which is very clear. It’s to remember what he has accomplished for us. This is the very important reality in the Christian life that we would regularly remember who Jesus is and what he has accomplished for us, the gospel message. This is not just something that we communicate to non-believers that tips them into the kingdom, but this is at the heart of the faith that we remember who our Savior is and what he’s accomplished for us. He initiated this rite in the life of the church that we might remember.

Then fourth, we do this to nourish our souls. This is a kind of an implication of the text where he’s talked over and over here about the judgment that comes from those eating unworthily. My question is, what happens when somebody eats worthily? What happens when they eat in faith? What happens then? I don’t think the answer is nothing; I think the answer is blessing. It’s a means of grace. There’s a nourishing of the soul. It does not happen automatically.

That’s the error of Catholicism in communion at the Table. They said that just by eating (ex opere operato), by the working of the work itself, grace is communicated to the soul. No, grace is communicated by receiving and eating in faith. There’s a strengthening, a nurturing of the soul. To eat without faith is to subject yourself to judgment and to eat with faith is like hearing the word preached with faith. It’s to soften the soul, benefit the soul, strengthen the soul, and nourish the soul.

On Worthy Receivers

Let me finish here with the statement of one of our great Baptist confessions. This is the Second London Confession from 1689. This is chapter 30, paragraph 7, and it talks positively about the Lord’s Supper as a means of grace. It has some paragraphs warning about not eating apart from faith, nor apart from self-examination. It’s saying, “Don’t drink judgment upon yourself.” Then it says, “How about worthy receivers?” By “worthy receivers” we’re not talking about being blameless in order to eat tonight. You don’t have to be blameless. You don’t have to be sinless. You would be blameless because you took your sin to Jesus like you should take your sin to Jesus.

If you confess your sins, God is faithful and just to forgive your sins and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. In that sense, you would be blameless or above reproach. You’d be a worthy eater to eat in faith.

Worthy receivers, outwardly partaking of the visible Elements in this Ordinance (the bread and the cup), do then also inwardly by faith, really and indeed, yet not carnally, and corporally, but spiritually receive, and feed upon Christ crucified & all the benefits of his death: the Body and Blood of Christ, being then not corporally, or carnally, but spiritually present to the faith of Believers, in that Ordinance, as the Elements themselves are to their outward senses.

I have one comment here about this. It says, “The elements themselves are to the outward senses.” This is part of the grace to us in Jesus ordaining the Lord’s supper because sometimes we can just get in our head with our faith. We think, “Do I believe, or don’t I believe? Jesus is not right here bodily and I’m struggling with this temptation.” Or someone might think, “I’m confused. I have friends who aren’t believing and that has a contagious effect in my life,” or whatever it might be. It’s in your head.

To have a visible representation is good for us. As surely as this is bread and tastes like bread, and as surely as you can taste this cup, Jesus is offering himself to you. He’s saying, “I’m here for your reception by faith. I offer myself to you. Take the bread, take the cup. This is me.” It’s not him really as though it changed into his body and blood. This is an offer. It represents him. He’s offering himself to you by faith at the Table.

There’s a real nourishing of our soul at the table, which gives a seriousness and a kind of joy to doing this together as the body of Christ. He is here spiritually and he means to offer himself to us at the Table as he does through the preaching of the word.

Questions and Answers

Are there any closing questions here as we finish up?

How often should we partake in the Lord’s Supper?

Good question. That’s loaded too. For me to be a guest and be at your church, you probably have your rhythms. He says, “Do this as often as you drink it.” Using the word “often,” I think my one little piece there would be more often is probably better than less often, or something like that. I don’t see any biblical injunction for a particular timeframe. It’s left up to particular communities led by duly appointed leaders in their wisdom to set the rhythms and the patterns for a life of the church. That’s part of the rhythms of our corporate life together, but “often” is a good word.

As a sinner saved by grace, when I know that I’ve sinned and I come before the Lord, and I abstain from the Table when I know that there’s sin in my life. Is that wrong? I’m praying that the Lord forgive me of my sins, but I don’t also want to bring judgment on myself because I know during this past week or whatever I have sinned.

That’s a very good question. I think a lot of folks think through that and struggle through that, though maybe they never asked the question and never have anybody speaking any counsel into it. Without pretending to have the last word on it, here’s how I take it and how I would encourage others to do it. If there’s a pattern of sin that you are refusing to renounce and you are not willing to open your hands and say, “Jesus, I’m done with that. I repent. I will get accountability,” then I would say that it’s good to abstain from the Table and not eat judgment upon yourself. However, I think in the normal process of preparing for the Table, the assumption is that you’ve sinned this afternoon. You’ve sinned many times this week.

This is a time to examine yourself and to come afresh to appropriate faith afresh to say, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. I cast myself upon your mercy. I don’t hold onto any sin here. I know I’m a sinner and I’m still someone in the midst of my own sanctification process, by your grace. I renounce my sins and I come before you and I receive your grace afresh.” I think the Table should have that function in our lives as a church and can be a very good place to come in and have that moment of re-consecration and receive the Table. It’s not because you are worthy of it, but you’re receiving it worthily because you’re receiving it how he means for sinners to receive it, which is with repentance, exercising faith in Jesus, and trusting in the work of his cross.

When a man stands before his bride and says, “I do,” his relationship with God suddenly takes on a new shape.

His relationship with her takes on a new shape, no doubt — as new as two becoming one. But so too does his relationship with God. No more will he relate to God simply as a single man. He is now a head with a body, an Adam with an Eve, a husband with a wife.

The apostle Peter gives us men a sense of what’s at stake. “Live with your wives in an understanding way,” he tells husbands, “so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). The prayers of a single man can certainly be hindered — say, if he lives in unrepentant sin (1 Peter 3:12). But on his wedding day, a new element enters a man’s prayer life: how he treats his wife now has a direct bearing on how God hears him (or not). For God does not listen to the prayers of an unrighteous husband.

When a man becomes a husband, then, the path of his discipleship runs through the rooms and halls of his marriage. Just as Adam could not image God faithfully while neglecting or mistreating Eve, so a husband cannot follow Jesus well without loving his wife. A bad husband may still be a good employee, a good sports coach, or even a good neighbor, but he cannot be a good Christian.

We could describe God’s calling on a husband in many ways. But one particular description has helped to capture my focus (and give me a whole lifetime of work): a good husband brings out the best in his wife.

Bring Out Her Best

This calling to bring out a wife’s best confronts us every time we say the word husband. For, in one sense of the word, to husband is to cultivate, to bring forth flowers from buds and fruit from seeds. A good husband kneels in the garden of his wife’s soul, laboring by God’s grace to draw forth latent beauty, to become a spade in the Holy Spirit’s hands, used by him to bear his wonderful fruit (Galatians 5:22–23). Like the perfect heavenly Husband, a good earthly husband nurtures his wife toward resplendence (Ephesians 5:25–27). He brings out her God-given best.

“A good husband brings out the best in his wife.”

To be sure, this husbandly calling does not mean a woman is helpless without a good man — Ruth, Abigail, Anna, Phoebe, and others testify to the contrary. Nor does the calling suggest that a husband’s godliness guarantees his wife’s — some quarrelsome women contend against good men (Proverbs 21:9). Nor does a husband’s responsibility diminish the profound effects a good woman may have on him.

Nevertheless, the point and the general pattern still stand. The beauty of a godly woman often blooms best in the soil of a godly man. As Jonathan Leeman writes, “Few things on this earth can strengthen, embolden, empower, encourage, enliven, or build up a woman like a head who is devoted to her good” (Authority, 174) — like a husband who gives himself to bringing out her best.

And how do normal, imperfect husbands like us become such men? I have been striving after two simple postures vital for godly husbands: love her and lead her.

Love Her

The first posture faces inward. Here Adam sings over Eve (Genesis 2:23), the wise son rejoices in “the wife of [his] youth” (Proverbs 5:18), the smitten lover gets lost in his beloved’s eyes (Song of Solomon 1:15), the marveling man praises his excellent bride (Proverbs 31:28–29). “Christ loved the church,” the apostle Paul tells us (Ephesians 5:25), and good husbands love to learn his ways. By the inward-facing posture, we admire all that’s lovely in a wife, and we adore her into deeper loveliness.

Love, of course, is a many-petaled rose. Consider just a few of the petals.

Enjoy Her

Such love often looks like a smile and sounds like laughter. It may joke and dance and make a man do silly things. It writes unlooked-for love notes and takes her by the arm into adventure. It does not allow children and jobs and homes and bills to silence the song once sung, but finds ways to fill ordinary days with the unashamed joy of Eden.

“Enjoy life with the wife whom you love,” the Preacher tells us (Ecclesiastes 9:9). Yes, “rejoice in the wife of your youth”; let her love make you woozy (Proverbs 5:18–19). For such joy says something wonderful and true about the great Groom: he is never bored with his bride.

“The beauty of a godly woman often blooms best in the soil of a godly man.”

Some flowers raise their heads at the sight of the sun; many a wife raises hers at the sight of a glad and admiring man. True, not every married moment can know the poetry of deep pleasure, the wine of overflowing delight. Some days, we live by the water and prose of covenant loyalty. But if our marriages never wear white robes, never anoint themselves with the oil of gladness and say, “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away” (Song of Solomon 2:13), then some of her best will lie hidden within.

Serve Her

In our Lord Jesus, affection joins hands with sacrifice. He loved the church, and so he “gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Now united with him, the church receives his daily nourishing and cherishing. He loves and serves her as his own body (Ephesians 5:29–30). And so, the pattern holds in other happy husbands. They are Jacobs who gladly serve seven years and more for their Rachel — and their love makes the labor feel light (Genesis 29:20).

A godly husband’s service will include all manner of practical duties, no doubt. Take care of the yard; plan for the family; clean up after dinner; spend regular, unhurried time with the kids while she gets away — he will lift what weights he can from her body, her task list, her time. But a Christian husband also looks deeper and asks how he can serve her spirit.

How can he nourish and cherish not just her outer self but her inner self (Ephesians 5:29)? How can he wash her heart with the cleansing water of God’s word (Ephesians 5:26)? In the end, although Jesus uses husbands, only he has the power to bring out the best in a wife. So, what rhythms of Bible reading and prayer and fellowship will a man weave into the family’s life such that she, like Mary, lingers often at the feet of her Lord (Luke 10:39)?

Honor Her

A husband who enjoys his wife and serves his wife certainly honors his wife. But a good husband’s honor also goes further. He not only embraces her and smiles upon her, helps her and speaks God’s word over her; he also lifts his voice to praise her. Like the husband in Proverbs 31, he speaks words that echo her excellence back to her (Proverbs 31:28–29).

The apostle Peter names honor as a particular husbandly privilege, and as he does, he fastens our attention to where the deepest honor is due. Honor your wives, he says, “since they are heirs with you of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). She is a queen, this wife of yours, a daughter of God and an heir of eternity. The world may miss the true beauty of this heavenly heir, “the imperishable beauty” in “the hidden person of the heart”: her “gentle and quiet spirit,” her refusal to “fear anything that is frightening” (1 Peter 3:4, 6). But such beauty need not, should not, be lost on you.

A godly husband’s praise, of course, cannot be false; he cannot flatter. But I imagine most husbands err in the opposite direction: not by praising inappropriately, but by remaining silent as our wives parade praiseworthiness before us. When the silence is broken, however, a husband’s praise often bears fruit. As he honors the grace in her — noting it, loving it, speaking it — he helps to bring forth more of it.

Lead Her

So far, we’ve considered a husband’s inward-facing posture. But a good husband, a husband who brings out his wife’s best, faces outward also. He loves her, yes, and looks often into her eyes. But he also leads her, inviting her to join him on a mission far larger than marriage.

“Whatever her gifts, the way a husband leads will either draw them out or bury them.”

God gave Eve to Adam not just so he would sing the poetry of love over her, but so they both would sing the poetry of God’s reign over all the world (Genesis 1:28). He intended the two of them to become not only one but many, as together they multiplied God’s image through the earth. He gave them marriage for mission — a mission that cannot succeed apart from inward love, but that cannot succeed either if inward love never turns outward. And as so many husbands have discovered, some of the best in a woman appears only as she turns her heart, her mind, her soul toward need.

Toward what kind of need? The answers to that question are many. The mission of any Christian marriage will take its bearings from Jesus’s Great Commission (Matthew 28:19–20), but the possibilities beneath that banner are broad. For direction, a husband will need to look to the gifts that God has given him, and that includes his greatest earthly gift of all: his wife.

Perhaps God has made your marriage to flourish and bear fruit in the harvest field of an unreached people. Perhaps he has made your wife capable of mothering many children, of bearing and fostering and adopting till no minivan can hold you all. Perhaps she has the skills of an incredible host and neighborhood evangelist. Whatever her gifts, the way a husband leads will either draw them out or bury them, make the most of them or mute them.

In my own marriage, the needs of young children and a young church have brought out beauties in my wife that I never could have called forth on my own. And wonderfully, watching her devote her days to the needs of toddlers and saints, to the demands of a home and a fellowship, has only made me love her more.

So it often happens. A marvelous cycle begins: a man loves his wife and leads her into mission — and while on mission, he falls more in love. And over time, with much mercy along the way (for we husbands often stumble in our calling), her soul’s garden becomes more flowered and fragrant, and anyone with eyes to see gets a glimpse of that bride who will one day appear “in splendor” (Ephesians 5:27), the perfected beloved of her perfect Bridegroom.

Audio Transcript

The battle against lust. That’s the topic this week — and the topic of many weeks before, and one of the most dominant themes in the history of our podcast, as you can see in the APJ book. There’s a time to defeat lust at the root, with the cross. That’s the theme that we’re going to pick up next time. But first, there’s a time to confront patterns of lust in others. That’s today, in this heartbreaking email from a surprised wife.

“Hello, Pastor John. My husband and I are both believers, married for decades, with a great marriage and solid relationship. Or so I thought. He never gave me any reason for doubt. He’s an elder in our local church. We’ve raised four children together, all happily married and serving the Lord in different capacities. But I recently discovered on his phone that he reads erotica — fictional stories filled with explicit sexual content. It’s not visual images or videos, not porn in the traditional sense, but lurid descriptions in written prose. It was very disturbing to me. He’s a well-respected businessman of integrity, so discovering this dark secret is disturbing and discouraging. How sinful is this genre? Should I confront him with it? I love him dearly, and he has been a very dedicated and loving husband, and I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with him.”

It is seriously sinful, and you should definitely confront your husband with this. If he thinks it is insignificant and does not compromise his role as a church leader, then you should encourage him to share this with his fellow leaders, elders, and show them what he’s reading and confirm that they approve. I don’t doubt that this is a disqualifying sinful pattern. He needs to forsake this and seek forgiveness and purity of heart.

Now, I think maybe the most helpful thing I could do is to assist you in your difficult confrontation of your husband. So, what I want to do is give you — and anybody else who wants to listen in — ten questions that he should ask himself and that you can print out. (I don’t even know, Tony, whether all the people who listen to APJ realize that you have these transcribed, and then, when we post them on Desiring God, people can not only listen, but they can print them out. I’m drawing attention to that here because I think what might be helpful for this woman to do is to go to DG and print out these ten questions.)

“The heart is the primary seat of holiness, and the ear is as good a pathway of corruption as is the eye.”

And maybe you should go over them with your husband. I don’t think you should be at all ashamed that you sought out counsel about how to deal with this issue. You didn’t betray any confidences. Nobody knows but you and he what you’re dealing with. Nor do I think you should be ashamed of getting help in formulating these questions (namely, help from me). That’s what we do; that’s what we are in the ministry for. All of us are doing things to help each other. So, here are my ten questions that I think he should ask.

I would just say to all of our listeners, ask yourself these questions with regard to what you’re watching on TV, what you’re watching on videos, what you’re listening to, what kind of audiobooks you’re listening to, podcasts you’re listening to. These are really, really helpful questions for me, and I hope they will be for others.

Ten Searching Questions

Question 1: In this erotic reading, are you seeking and setting your mind on the things that are above, where Christ is?

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. (Colossians 3:1–2)

Question 2: In this erotic reading, are you setting your mind on things of the flesh or of the Spirit?

Those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. (Romans 8:5–6)

Question 3: In this erotic reading, are you thinking about what is honorable and pure and lovely and commendable?

Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Question 4: In this erotic reading, are you cultivating a heart that can see God?

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8)

Are you helping that along?

Question 5: In this erotic reading, are you mistakenly assuming that the worst temptations come through the eye, not the ear?

But the temptation that ruined the whole world in Genesis 3 came through the ear, from Satan’s voice. And so did the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. The heart is the primary seat of holiness, and the ear is as good a pathway of corruption as is the eye.

Question 6: In this erotic reading, would you mind if your fellow elders or church leaders knew what you were reading, or are you content to be a hypocrite?

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. (Matthew 23:27–28)

Question 7: In this erotic reading, do you pray with David for a pure heart?

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10)

Are you praying that as you go there?

Question 8: In this erotic reading, are you setting up a base of operations for the flesh?

Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision [literally, make no base of operations] for the flesh, to gratify its desires. (Romans 13:14)

Question 9: Is this erotic reading a sign of failing faith?

[The Holy Spirit] made no distinction between us [Jews] and [those Gentiles], having cleansed their hearts by faith. (Acts 15:9)

That’s what faith does: it purifies, it cleanses the heart. If this isn’t happening, faith is in a perilous condition.

Question 10: In this erotic reading, can Christ read it with you, or are you pushing him away and saying, in effect, that this lust is more desirable than fellowship with Christ?

God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:9)

The Christian life is fellowship — sweet, close communion with Christ. Is that fellowship sustained through your erotic reading? Is he welcome to read along, or are you pushing him away?

Courageous Confrontation

Now, my counsel is that you — I’m speaking to the wife now — pray earnestly for the courage to confront your husband and that you pray for the preparation of his heart to receive your words.

I might just add that I don’t believe this humble, prayerful confrontation needs to be a contradiction of this wife’s heart of submission to her husband. Submission has never meant the endorsement of or the participation in a husband’s sin. In fact, the willingness to take the risk and point her husband to the Lord can be a beautiful act of submissive self-sacrifice in the service of her husband’s holiness. That’s what we’re going to pray for.

Philippians 1:6 might not be the first verse that comes to mind when we think about marriage, but perhaps we should remember it more often. From his prison cell, Paul wrote to his gospel partners in Philippi, reminding them of God’s ongoing work in their lives: “I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Perhaps you’ve seen this verse plastered on coffee mugs or heard it frequently quoted. It’s one of the Bible’s most beloved verses, and rightly so. We’re encouraged by the promise that God is not finished with us yet and won’t leave his work unfinished. But our familiarity with this verse might cause us to skim past it, feeling unaffected by the light it shines on our everyday lives, especially marriage.

Philippians 1:6 guarantees us that God saves, transforms, and completes genuine believers. While this verse is not explicitly about marriage, we can draw parallels between God’s work in us as individuals and his work in our believing spouses.

When conflict arises in marriage, or we’re dissatisfied with our husband’s spiritual growth, our default setting is not to trust that God will use even this to fulfill the good work he began in his life. Instead, we might offer not-so-subtle suggestions for ways our husband could improve his spiritual practices. For starters, he could wake up earlier to be in the word, lead the family in more regular devotions, or get involved in a men’s Bible study. Secretly, we might compare him to other, more godly husbands, wallow in discontent, and let it deepen.

But this is where Philippians 1:6 can give us renewed hope and confidence, assuring us that God is indeed at work in our spouse’s life.

Sure Confidence

Paul asserts in verse 6 that he is “sure of this.” Some translations say he is “confident of this very thing.” Paul rooted his confidence in God, resulting in a fixed expectation that God would finish what he had begun in the Philippians’ lives. Sure of this.

“A gentle and quiet spirit often speaks loudest to both believing and unbelieving husbands.”

However, as Christian wives, “confidence” might not be the first word we’d choose to describe our longing for our husband’s spiritual growth and maturity. We might choose less solid-sounding words, like “dream” or “wish,” preferring not to set ourselves up for disappointment. When he zones out on his phone more than he engages with God’s word, “concern” more accurately reflects our heart than “confidence.” When negative patterns seem to be setting in, our response might be, What can I do to fix this?

Philippians 1:6 helps us zoom out and see the bigger picture. In this short verse, Paul gives us an overview of salvation. Even though the Philippians were faithful gospel partners, he based his confidence not on their ability to complete the good work of their salvation, but on God’s. Paul saw God in their conversion (beginning the good work in their lives), then in their sanctification, (where the ongoing work of growth was taking place), and finally in their glorification (where one day the work would be complete). This is the past, present, and future progression of the Christian faith. Paul’s confidence that no Christian would be left incomplete should be ours too.

When we find ourselves being quick to criticize our husbands, we can remember this bigger picture: if he’s a true believer, God is at work in his life. So often, we try to draw conclusions based on the evidence we see right now. Yet Paul found confidence in the God who knows the beginning from the end. The one who directs all human history sovereignly orchestrates both current circumstances and future events. He is the author and finisher of our faith, so you can trust that when God truly starts his work on a man, he will bring him through all the uncomfortable middle parts to completion.

Not My DIY Project

There aren’t many things in life we’re guaranteed will get done to perfection. You might hope that your husband will finish all his projects around the house, but you might not be confident he will. However, the project of his faith, which is yet unfinished, will one day be completed because God is doing it.

How does this practically take place? Paul writes in Philippians 2:12–13, “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” There’s a mysterious cooperation between us and God as we grow in Christlikeness: by faith, we work out what God works in. But we can only work out our salvation, not our husband’s. We can encourage him and pray for him, but this truth frees us from seeing our husbands as our own DIY projects.

We know the Holy Spirit often uses wives to convict a husband of sin and lead him to salvation and greater holiness (1 Peter 3:1). But Peter encourages wives that it is their conduct, more than their comments, that wins over a man. A gentle and quiet spirit often speaks loudest to both believing and unbelieving husbands. A wife with this spirit knows she doesn’t have to voice all her concerns about her husband to her husband. Instead, she can turn to God in prayer, casting her cares on him, and patiently await the opportune time to speak an upbuilding word.

Philippians 1:6 reminds us that salvation is all a work of grace. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have honest conversations with our spouse about spiritual growth and how we can encourage one another to pursue Christlikeness. But the heart of our calling is not to fix him or point out all that’s lacking in him or carry the burden for his sanctification, but rather conduct ourselves with a quiet confidence that God will.

This Day and That Day

When can we expect this work to be done in his life? Paul says it will be complete “at the day of Jesus Christ.” The phrase “the day of Jesus Christ” refers to the final day of judgment and reward. Believers eagerly await this day when Christ will return and bring his reward with him (Revelation 22:12). Martin Luther reportedly said, “There are only two days in my calendar: this day and that Day.”

This might feel like the good news, bad news aspect of this verse. While we’re encouraged that God will complete what he started in our husbands on that day, we’d like those changes to take place as soon as possible, please. Meanwhile, however, a wonderful thing happens as we wait for that day: we’re becoming sanctified too.

As we meditate on this verse and the rest of God’s word, Paul’s settled confidence in God’s saving, sanctifying, and completing power becomes our own. Over time, we see evidence of growth in our lives as we become more dependent on God and less on ourselves. Where we were prone to criticize or worry, we learn there’s great freedom and peace in casting those cares on God. In all the uncomfortable middle parts of our lives, we see God has been at work all along, completing his good work in us.

We don’t know when that day will come, but it’s closer now than when you started reading this article. While we long for sanctification to have its full and perfect work in our husband’s life, we learn to trust God, pray faithfully, and wait confidently. We know God will bring about his perfect results in his perfect time.

Early one Sunday morning, I walked into my two-year-old daughter’s bedroom and scooped her up out of bed. She was barely awake. As I carried her over to the changing table, I whispered, “Baby girl, today we get to go to church.”

Her eyes lit up, she let out a big gasp, and she shouted, “Scottie, Elise, William, Rowan?” I responded, “Yes, you’re going to see your friends today.” “Dada, I love church!” she said. “Yeah, baby girl, me too.”

Obviously, my daughter doesn’t fully understand why we regularly meet as a local church, but she gets the excitement. She has tasted how sweet it is when Christians gather to worship.

Why I Love Sundays

For many years, I’ve been known for saying that Sundays are my favorite day of the week. As a pastor, I’ve said this to my congregation repeatedly. Why do I love Sundays? It’s quite simple: Sunday is the day that I get to worship with my church family — my dear friends who love the God I love.

We don’t need a specific time or space to worship, of course. We can pray alone. We can read the Bible by ourselves. We can engage in various helpful spiritual disciplines in solitude.

However, there are elements of the Christian life that you simply cannot experience alone. Don Whitney puts it this way: “Christianity is not an isolationist religion. . . . There’s an element of worship in Christianity that cannot be experienced in private worship or by watching worship” (Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life, 43–44). This is why the author of Hebrews exhorts us to prioritize our gathering together (Hebrews 10:24–25).

Sunday worship gatherings have been a big deal to Christians for a very long time. They were normal for the earliest Christians (Acts 20:7; 1 Corinthians 16:2; Revelation 1:10) and were important to the second and third generations as well (Didache 14.1; First Apology of Justin Martyr 67).

I’m thankful that many contemporary Christians gather each Sunday for worship and fellowship. However, I worry that many believers lack the appropriate enthusiasm, attending church services largely out of obligation. I long for God’s people to enthusiastically anticipate the unique sweetness of gathering with God’s people week after week. I love Sundays, and here are five reasons why I think you should love Sundays too.

1. We get a taste of glory.

I love Sundays because they give me the best glimpse of the new Jerusalem.

One day, Christ will return, and we will live together in that glorious city, the new Jerusalem. When we think about this city, we might think about geography or location, about streets of gold or structures made of jasper. But that misses the main point.

The new Jerusalem is primarily a community, a people perfected by the work of Christ, enjoying his greatness and beauty together. When that day comes, all of God’s people will be permanently gathered. We will live in perfect harmony, enjoying one another and treasuring Christ together forever and ever.

The local church offers a sneak peek. Every Sunday when we gather, we’re seeing some of what the future holds. We are not yet perfected by Christ, but we are being perfected (Romans 8:29; 2 Corinthians 3:18). Each Sunday, the church is a little bit more like Jesus than we were when we gathered last week. And if our Lord permits, we will be a little bit more like him next week. Each week, I get a better picture of the glory that is to come.

“Sunday is the day that I get to worship with my church family — my dear friends who love the God I love.”

In the Old Testament, if a person wanted to be near the presence of God, he or she would go toward the tabernacle (or, later, the temple). The tabernacle was God’s dwelling place on earth. But today, God dwells with his church. Puritan writer Richard Sibbes says the church is “the tabernacle now” in this age. “Particular visible churches under particular pastors [are] where the means of salvation are set up. Particular visible churches now are God’s tabernacle” (A Breathing After God, 54).

2. We see spiritual gifts on display.

I love Sundays because they put God’s spiritual gifts on display.

God has gifted each Christian with spiritual abilities (Romans 12:6; 1 Corinthians 12:7; 1 Peter 4:10), and he means for them to build up the body. Some spiritual gifts manifest in informal settings, but others are best and most often displayed within the context of corporate worship gatherings.

When I walk into our church building and I’m greeted by Joyce, I see her gift of hospitality. As Garrett leads our music ministry, I see his gift of exhortation. As our kids participate in Sunday school, I see Jim’s gift of teaching. When the elements of our service run smoothly, I see Phil’s gift of administration. After the service, when I have a brief conversation in the foyer with a few members of our church, and they tell me about the meal train that came to them that week, I see gifts of mercy and giving on display.

Sunday is not the only day spiritual abilities are at work, but Sunday is the day when I get to see the gifts on clearest display.

3. We hear much-needed teaching.

I love Sundays because I love hearing God’s word faithfully taught by a pastor who knows and loves his congregation.

God has gifted his church with teachers to serve and bless the body of Christ (Ephesians 4:11–12). As Whitney writes, “Bible reading and preaching are central in public worship because they are the clearest, most direct, most extensive presentation of God in the meeting” (Spiritual Disciplines, 42).

Certainly, we can find good teaching in other contexts, but nothing can equal a sermon preached by your local pastor, carefully tailored for your particular congregation.

I have spoken to many pastors about how their relationships with congregants shape their sermons. Often, as a pastor prepares, the faces of his people keep coming to mind. Why? Because the pastor knows his people. He knows their stories. He knows their struggles. He knows the unique temptations they face. That knowledge of his congregation shapes the sermon he crafts for them.

Faithful teaching from a pastor who knows and loves his people is the most nourishing diet a believer can consume.

4. We experience spiritual growth.

I love Sundays because on them I experience great spiritual growth.

Spiritual growth is wrought by the Spirit of God. We cannot control it or manufacture it. However, spiritual growth happens most often — and most intensely — in those moments when we come face-to-face with the goodness and beauty of Christ. So if we intentionally put ourselves in positions and places where we are more likely to see the majesty of Jesus, then we are more likely to experience spiritual growth.

Therefore, we sing, we hear testimonies, we confess our sins, we revel in the gospel, we sit under faithful teaching, and we participate in the ordinances of baptism and the Lord’s Table. And in no context are we more likely to encounter those types of activities than when Christians gather on Sundays.

5. We remember we’re not alone.

I love Sundays because they remind me that many others believe what I believe and follow the one I follow.

Life can be hard and lonely. The cares of this world have the potential to exhaust us. And in a society that often celebrates evil and believes in lies, during the week it can feel like you’re the crazy one. But come Sunday, when I gather with believers for worship, I’m reminded I’m not alone, and I’m energized.

In the Old Testament, Elijah experienced deep discouragement and distress. He felt alone, as if he were the only person left in Israel serving God. But God assured Elijah that there were still seven thousand people who worshiped the one true God, and he was greatly encouraged (1 Kings 19:18). The same happens within us when we gather. We are greatly encouraged, refreshed, and energized.

Sunday Is Coming

This list certainly is not exhaustive. There are more good and godly reasons to enthusiastically look forward to Sunday worship gatherings.

God pours out so many beautiful blessings on those who gather faithfully with their local church. Even now, as I think about those blessings, my anticipation and excitement for Sunday is building.

Praise God, Sunday is coming!