If you desire to serve as a pastor, you desire a noble task (1 Timothy 3:1) — literally, a good work. When God surveys the mountain range of your desire, he sees wisdom, beauty, and honor. The worldly may pity the pastor. They see anything but nobility. But not you. When you look at the real costs and inconveniences of ministry, you see glory and eternity and gain. Whether anyone ever paid you to pastor or not, you couldn’t be content to devote your short life any other way.

And yet, for some of you, you’re still not a pastor. As much as your desire to pastor may please God, it has not yet pleased him to open a door for you to actually pastor. The waiting can be as disorienting as longing to be married but struggling to find a date, or aching to have children while amassing pregnancy tests. If God loves this work, and if churches need this work, and if you want this work, why would God withhold it from you, sometimes for years?

Because God often does as much through our waiting as he does through our serving. Sometimes God makes us wait for doors to open in ministry because unwanted waiting is some of the best preparation for ministry. That means closed doors really can become spiritual gifts to those who will humbly kneel before them.

But what can we do while we wait? How do we keep ourselves from wasting the years before we enter formal ministry? How do we squeeze as much good as possible from a closed door? Over the last decade, I’ve learned at least seven practical lessons while waiting outside doors of my own.

1. Purify Your Ambition

One reason God withholds ministry from those aspiring to ministry is because the aspiration itself needs refining. That the task is noble does not necessarily mean that our desire has risen to such nobility. People seek out positions of leadership for all kinds of reasons (and sometimes, honorable motives are deeply mixed with dishonorable ones). We may want to glorify Christ and love his people, but deep down, we also want recognition, or influence, or power and authority. Our ambition needs purifying.

Sometimes this selfishness lies across the path to ministry like a fallen tree after a storm. We can’t always see our own selfishness, but God is kind to help us remove it. A season of waiting can be a season for better aspiring. In these times, it’s especially good to pray prayers like Psalm 139:23–24,

Search me, O God, and know my heart!     Try me and know my thoughts!And see if there be any grievous way in me,     and lead me in the way everlasting!

In his classic book, The Christian Ministry, Charles Bridges presses home three qualities of a godly desire to pastor. First, godly desire is a constraining desire, one that persists and intensifies over time. Waiting helps us test the strength and stamina of our desire. Second, godly desire is a considerate desire, meaning we have sufficiently counted the cost. Waiting gives us time to begin serving and to seek out the stories and counsel of those further along in ministry. Lastly, godly desire is an unselfish desire, meaning it’s not focused on self — praise, power, esteem — but on the glory of Christ and the good of his bride. Waiting proves and strengthens our readiness to deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow him.

2. Strengthen Your Character

The qualifications for eldership in 1 Timothy 3:1–7 and Titus 1:6–9 touch on various areas of a man’s life — how he speaks, how he drinks, how he spends his money, how he responds to conflict, what kind of husband and father he is — but they’re really all about who he is. The qualifications are searching for outer evidence of inner character — not perfect evidence, but real and persistent evidence.

So, God might be withholding ministry to give your character time and space to mature. Therefore, in your season of waiting, “be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election” (2 Peter 1:10).

Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:5–8)

This stage of pastoral preparation is not unlike premarital counseling. No couple can address every character flaw or potential area of conflict in three or four or five sessions with a counselor. It’s impossible. But that doesn’t mean premarital counseling is futile. Everything you can address (or at least begin to address) in premarital will have some good effect in marriage. The same is true in preparation for pastoral ministry.

So, which areas of your life and character could use more prayerful attention and consistent accountability? You cannot imagine all the future fruit your church might receive from your diligently sowing godliness now.

3. Pastor Your Home Better

When you read through the qualifications for eldership, which one feels the most daunting to you? Someone could certainly make an argument for “able to teach” (“I sweat even thinking about public speaking”), or “hospitable” (“Do you know what my house is like with small kids?”), or “well thought of by outsiders” (“You don’t know my neighbors”). I would argue for a different one though: “He must manage his own household well” (1 Timothy 3:4). In other words, we know how well a man will lead a church by how well he has led his home.

In most cases, this will be the qualification that requires the most forethought, sacrifice, and follow-through. If God has given you a wife and children, they are the first proving grounds for your qualification and preparation for church office. No man who fails here should be entrusted with the people of God. “For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:5).

And yet every man, even the most qualified, can stand to grow here. So, if God gives you a season without formal responsibility in the church, receive it as a golden opportunity to lead even better in the high and holy responsibilities you have at home. Initiate more time in the word of God. Lead your family in singing to him. Spend more time on your knees, with them and alone. Brainstorm how you might be more hospitable together and share the gospel with neighbors. Before you begin formal ministry, use the precious time and energy you have now to fortify the spiritual foundation of your home.

4. Refine Your Abilities

If God has given you gifts that others believe would be useful as a pastor, a season of waiting can be a great time to identify and nurture those gifts. You don’t have to wait until you’re preaching regularly to develop your ability to teach. You don’t have to have formal office hours for counseling to begin helping other believers through conflict and crisis. In fact, you don’t have to have a title to meet most of the needs in your church. How, then, might you use your gifts now to be a blessing to others?

Bobby Jamieson, in his excellent book for those aspiring to ministry, wisely counsels younger men, “Aim to be mistaken for an elder before you are appointed an elder” (The Path to Being a Pastor, 67). You cannot be a pastor until a church calls you to pastor, but you do not need to be a pastor to begin serving, teaching, leading, and loving like one. In fact, as Jamieson says, no man should be called to pastoral ministry who is not already doing some, if not much, of the work of pastors.

The apostle Paul urges his protégé Timothy, “Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress” (1 Timothy 4:14–15). He returns to the same point in his second letter: “Fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands” (2 Timothy 1:6). So, if others have seen abilities of teaching and counsel in you, what could you do to fan the flame of those abilities? How might you immerse yourself in ministering the word? What opportunities has God given you now, however modest, to teach and meet needs in your church?

5. Count the Cost

Many men who aspire to pastoral ministry really aspire to the more fulfilling facets of ministry — studying God’s word, helping the congregation see what’s there, watching people become liberated from sin and reconciled to one another, winning souls to Christ. Fewer aspire to the costs. Some are almost completely ignorant of the costs. And there are serious, sometimes overwhelming costs to ministry.

Jesus says to the great crowds who seem so eager to follow him,

Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, “This man began to build and was not able to finish.” (Luke 14:27–30)

The warning applies all the more to pastors. Have you given yourself time to look beyond the appealing aspects of ministry to its darker, more discouraging sides? One way to count the cost in a season of waiting would be to spend regular time with a veteran pastor or two. Find a man willing to be vulnerable about how hard pastoring can be. Ask him to paint a wider, fuller picture of the warfare he faces than you can imagine on your own.

6. Discern the Right Door

God may have withheld some opportunities from you simply because he has a particular opportunity in mind for you. There are real spiritual dimensions to any ministry job search. Paul says to the church in Thessalonica, “We endeavored the more eagerly and with great desire to see you face to face, because we wanted to come to you . . . but Satan hindered us” (1 Thessalonians 2:17–18). Paul wanted to minister there, and that desire was a noble desire — and the church wanted him to come — and yet Satan hindered him. Ministry did not happen because evil was allowed to intervene (at least for a time). A door was closed, and God had a good reason for leaving it closed.

Elsewhere, Paul highlights other spiritual dynamics: “When I came to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ, even though a door was opened for me in the Lord, my spirit was not at rest because I did not find my brother Titus there. So I took leave of them and went on to Macedonia” (2 Corinthians 2:12–13). The door was open in Troas, and Paul wanted to be there, but he didn’t feel peace about staying there. He took Titus’s unexpected absence as a reason to leave for now and walk through a door in Macedonia instead. So, for various reasons, even some open doors may not be the right doors.

And some right doors may not immediately seem open. Look closely at how Paul talks about an opportunity he took in a different city: “I will stay in Ephesus until Pentecost, for a wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries” (1 Corinthians 16:8–9). He saw a wide-open door even though the enemies were many. While many might have interpreted intense opposition as a closed door, he saw the opposite. So, just because a particular ministry opportunity looks challenging, even very challenging, it still might be the right door.

All to say, a season of unwanted waiting may be necessary to make sure you land where God wants you. You may knock on closed door after closed door because you haven’t reached the door he has opened wide for you. So, pray with Paul that God may open to you the right “door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ” (Colossians 4:3) — and that you’d recognize it when he does.

7. Care for Souls

Lastly, and most fundamentally, the call to pastor is a call to shepherd, to live and die for the good of the sheep. When Jesus, the Good Shepherd, restores and commissions Peter after his betrayal, he charges him three times (mercifully, once for each denial) in John 21:15–17,

“Feed my lambs.”

“Tend my sheep.”

“Feed my sheep.”

This is pastoral ministry in five words: “Feed and tend my sheep.” Sheep-work is rarely thrilling, glorious, or fragrant. It’s simple. It’s repetitive. It can be messy. It’s often thankless. But if these sheep belong to Jesus, and one day will be washed clean and made like him, there’s no more important work in the world. If God has called you to ministry, you see that filthy wool and those wandering feet, and your heart strangely rises with love and devotion. You want to give yourself to the word, so that one day you might help present them to Christ.

So, spend time with the sheep. Tend the sheep. Love the sheep. Embrace a season of waiting and serving in the church with a graduate-level degree in shepherding. Do what good pastors do, and begin to make yourself at home in the pasture.

Luther Discovers the Book
When Martin Luther discovered the gospel in the Scriptures, everything changed for him and the future of the church. In this episode of Light + Truth, John Piper begins a 3-part series exploring Luther’s relationship with the Bible.

In the moments when God lifts the veil, we remember that everyday motherhood — the naps and snacks, the tears and tantrums, the triumphs and the training — all of it really is a decades-long rescue mission outside the gates of hell.

Because of that, we enter little moments with big prayers and eternal eyes. We rehearse favorite verses over our children as we scoop and snuggle them. We sing familiar choruses of praise as we change diapers, prepare meals, and perform nightly tuck-ins. We wipe glistening cheeks and gaze into little eyes, yearning for their hearts to be Christ’s and for their ways to be his ways. How could we rest under the weight of such eternal, soul-shaping work?

And that’s not to mention the lists of endless tasks that surround and beat against our minds (because children are not only souls but have bodies, minds, and emotions that require nourishment, care, and time). Children need love, homes require attention, and for every job that we complete, five more creep onto our plates.

In these ways, we relate to the Proverbs 31 woman who “rises while it is yet night” and whose “lamp does not go out” (Proverbs 31:15, 18). We’ve had days like hers. Another side of her is more elusive, though. Hidden beneath all her hard work is a deep and abiding rest. “She laughs at the time to come” (Proverbs 31:25) because she trusts the one who bears her burdens and enables her to labor and sacrifice like she does. She is a woman — a mother — who rests.

True Rest for Tired Moms

The fourth commandment — “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy” (Exodus 20:8) — came not only to working men, but to mothering women. Moms wonder, “How do I rest with so much at stake? How do I rest with so much on my plate?” Rest, we know, is not ultimately found in a place, season, or circumstance, but in a person.

Christ ended our endless toil to justify ourselves before God when he declared to the unrested, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30). Christ became the Sabbath for us. And we have entered into that rest through faith in his atoning work (Hebrews 4:3).

God rested after his creation work (Genesis 2:2–3), Christ rested after his salvation work (Hebrews 10:12), and Christ extends his rest to laboring moms who never judge that their jobs are done. “It is finished” (John 19:30) mercifully frees the hearts of weary moms who tend to trust the value of completing tasks or gospel missions over Christ’s finished work. He doesn’t need a mother’s laboring yoke to accomplish his purpose. She needs his to rest her weary heart.

Ways to Rest with a Family

Although we’re free in Christ to observe a formal Sabbath or not (Colossians 2:16–17), dads and moms who adopt intentional family discipleship rhythms may be looking for ways to make rest practical, possible, and Christ-centered for the whole family. Here are a few rhythms that have been a blessing in our home (and helped this mom find peace and rest in the midst of daily motherhood).

1. We Feast Together

In Acts 16, a Philippian jailer and his entire family hear the gospel, believe, are baptized, and together rejoice over their newfound rest in Christ (Acts 16:29–34). God’s providence found the family together through hymns sung in the darkness, an earthquake, and the ministry of Paul and Silas, so they received Jesus and rested together. Families who hear and rehearse the gospel together can experience realities like what happened in that jailer’s home.

“They have special claims upon us who gather around our table and our hearth,” pronounces Charles Spurgeon, for “God has not reversed the laws of nature, but he has sanctified them by rules of grace” (“Household Salvation”). God forms families and loves to bless the ministry that unfolds at dinner tables and in living rooms through quality time together. Our “feasting” rhythms — seeing and savoring Jesus together (Isaiah 55:1–2) — enable us to bring the word, worship, and prayer to the entire family.

Daily rhythms centered on gospel intentionality may include family devotions (and perhaps welcoming older children to join in early morning devotions), read-alouds or storytelling, modeling repentance and interceding for others, Scripture study and memorization, and worship tailored to different family styles and schedules. And through the gift of that more intentional, structured time together, the Spirit often brings the word to mind in the more spontaneous and unexpected moments of the day as we sit, walk, lie down, and rise (Deuteronomy 6:7). We “feast” to capture the heart of our journey home toward the fullness of Christ. And we feast together, as all who trust in him will one day.

2. We Play Together

When my kids commend Christ’s works to the next generation (Psalm 145:4), they may testify they experienced Jesus more when I splashed and snorted as a pretend pig in a mud pool than in my most creative or articulate presentations of the gospel.

A mom’s hands, as mine are far too often, may be busy at work but idle in play. But a mother “looks well to the ways of her household” when she understands children often know and are known through play — and “rise up and call her blessed” (Proverbs 31:27–28). Perhaps we learn more about our children’s hearts through five minutes of play than through fifty minutes of observation. It reminds us of our roles as shepherd-sheep who will stand not above our children but together with them before the King’s throne. If we want to usher them into the world to come, we need to be prepared to enter their present worlds now.

Legos, playgrounds, imaginative play, block towers, sports, and games filled with laughter invite our families into the heart of God, who delights in his people (Zephaniah 3:17) — enough to die to buy our rest. All children, including dads and moms, are freed to play because of what God has already accomplished for us. And as we play with them, our children’s humble delight in simple gifts unknowingly invites us to become like them.

3. We Rest Together

For us, “Family Fun Night” (or “Family Sabbath”) invites more excitement, joy, and special planning than most rhythms. The prophet Isaiah describes the Sabbath as a day of “delight in the Lord,” a time when God’s people “ride on the heights of the earth” (Isaiah 58:13–14). Christ invites us to consider a special rest that reminds us the best is yet to come — and this special, set-apart time will surprise families with restful joy now and a foretaste into heaven’s glorious rest to come.

Family rest fosters purposeful, distraction-free time together for everyone after another full week. In our family, we allow each family member to have a turn planning an evening with a special meal and activity (exploring parks, constructing obstacle courses, playing games, serving together, camping out, and so on). Godward elements woven into these times together remind young and old of our special place in God’s blood-bought family. Individual ownership in planning enables each family member to voice, “Rest has come for me.” And collective enjoyment enables us to proclaim, “Rest will come for us together in Christ. Let’s delight together.”

Rest Never Runs Dry

Even when life’s demands derail our attempts to cultivate rest, Christ still delivers rest. During his earthly ministry, Jesus encouraged the exhausted disciples, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while” (Mark 6:31). Weary, famished, and overrun, the disciples gladly accepted the invitation — only to find more hunger and chaos. They sought the rest Jesus offered but instead received the impossible command to feed thousands (Mark 6:32–37).

So, did they forfeit rest to feed the crowd? No, Jesus surprised them with a different kind of rest. With five loaves, two fish, and the miraculous hand of God, the disciples fed the whole crowd and had twelve full baskets of food left over (Mark 6:38–43) — one for each disciple. John Piper summarizes the message in those baskets: “When you give everything you have away, you’ll be taken care of.”

The promise of Sabbath holds out more than a break from mothering. It tethers moms to our ongoing need for grace and strength as we lay our lives down for our families. And there’s always enough. Like the woman who gave up her bread for Elijah and never ran out, a mother never exhausts the Bread of Life as she enters into his rest and labors out of it. She never runs out of Christ.

And one day soon, mothers, we will feast on the perfect, unhindered goodness of our God. We will play alongside all children of the King. We will rest, knowing our toil has ended. The unending day is coming soon. Until then, we can take heart. Rest has already arrived.

Part 1 Episode 120 When Martin Luther discovered the gospel in the Scriptures, everything changed for him and the future of the church. In this episode of Light + Truth, John Piper begins a 3-part series exploring Luther’s relationship with the Bible.

Audio Transcript

Welcome back on this new week as we pick up with our third consecutive apologetics question on the person and work of Christ. It started last week, when we asked, Even if the Christian faith is untrue — if the cross and resurrection didn’t happen — aren’t Christians still happier than non-Christians, in this life? That was APJ 1977, followed by a look at six reasons why Jesus had to leave earth after Easter. Imagine life on earth if Christ were still here with us! Well, he’s not; why not? That was last time, in APJ 1978.

That takes us to today. If the consequences of our sin against a holy God require eternal judgment, why did Christ suffer for no more than 33 years? Shouldn’t his sufferings also be eternal, if that’s what we deserve? Here are two emails: “Pastor John, hello to you. My name is Glenn from San Jose. Thank you for your ministry. As with many people, APJ has been a part of my regular routine, and it has blessed me and allows me to bless others in return. I have a question for you about Jesus that I cannot answer for myself, namely: Why did Jesus not spend eternity in hell, if this was the awesome and holy price to be paid for sin? Does the Bible tell us why?” This is basically the same question from a listener named Floris: “Pastor John, can you explain why Jesus’s payment for our sins was not eternal, as it is for sinners?”

This is an excellent question because it pushes us to take seriously the worth of the death of Jesus, and we need to do that. We don’t ponder too often the greatness of the achievement of Christ in paying the debt for millions upon millions of hell-deserving sinners, like the thief on the cross, who before he was crucified had never done one single work of faith in his life. Or like you and me, who may have known Jesus all our lives, and yet have fallen short so many thousands of times we couldn’t even begin to count them.

“The song of the slaughtered Lamb will be sung forever. It was a staggering achievement on the cross.”

Our worship, and our love for Christ, ought to burn brightly when we contemplate that one man, one God-man, could endure enough in 33 years to provide a sufficient satisfaction in the justice of God for eternal salvation for so many wicked people. This is why we will sing “the song of the Lamb” — the crucified Lamb — forever, not just “the song of the risen King” (Revelation 15:2–4). The song of the slaughtered Lamb will be sung forever and ever. It was a staggering achievement on the cross.

Sin’s Eternal Cost

The question is, How is it possible? Jesus taught us that sinners like us deserve eternal punishment. “These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life” (Matthew 25:46). So, the punishment for sin is as long as life is long for the saved: forever. Paul said the same thing: “They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction” (2 Thessalonians 1:9).

So, the question Glenn is asking is, If Christ bore our punishment, why then does he not have to endure the same punishment — namely, eternal suffering? And make no mistake, those who trust in Christ are saved from eternal punishment because Christ bore our punishment for us.

Colossians 2:14: “The record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands . . . [God] set aside, nailing it to the cross” — that means through the hands of Jesus.
Galatians 3:13: “Christ . . . [became] a curse for us.”
Isaiah 53:5: “He was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities.”
1 Peter 2:24: “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree.”
Romans 8:3: “By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, [God] condemned [our] sin in the flesh.”
Mark 10:45: “The Son of Man came . . . to give his life as a ransom for many.”
1 Corinthians 6:20: “You were bought with a price.”
Acts 20:28: “[God] obtained [the church] with his own blood.”

Christ achieved this substitution for millions of believers, not by suffering eternally in hell, but by being obedient in suffering unto death, “even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8). And the question is, How does he bear eternities of punishment in the space of 33 years of life? How does his suffering suffice to cancel the punishment of millions of people who were bound to eternal punishment?

Christ’s Infinite Dignity

Now, the Bible does not say explicitly how this works. But just as we learned the demerit of sin by looking at God’s appointed penalty for it — namely, eternal punishment — so also we learn the merit, or the worth, of Christ and his suffering by looking at the achievement of it — namely, salvation for millions of hell-deserving sinners. So, the question becomes, What is it about the worth of Jesus and his suffering that makes it sufficient to remove the punishment of millions of sinners?

Let me read you the answer given by Jonathan Edwards and then say a word about it. This comes from a sermon he preached in 1729 entitled “The Sacrifice of Christ Acceptable.” Here’s what he says:

Though Christ’s sufferings were but temporal [that is, not eternal], yet they were equivalent to our eternal sufferings by reason of the infinite dignity of his person. Though it was not infinite suffering, yet it was equivalent to infinite suffering, for it was infinite expense. His blood which he spilled, his life which he laid down, was an infinite price because it was the blood of God, as it is expressly called. Acts 20:28, “The church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood.” His life was the life of that person that was the eternal Son of God, though it was the life of the human nature. Now, upon this account, the price offered was equivalent to the demerit of the sins of all mankind, [and] his sufferings equivalent to the eternal sufferings of the whole world. (Works of Jonathan Edwards, 14:452)

“We learn the merit, or the worth, of Christ and his suffering by looking at the achievement of it.”

Now, the principle behind that argument is that the greater the worth — or the dignity or the honor — of a person, the more insulting and dishonorable and shameful is the innocent suffering of that person. So, the suffering of the Son of God is a greater evil than the suffering of a sinful human. And since the worth and the honor of the Son of God is an infinite worth and an infinite honor, therefore, his suffering had an infinite worth, more than enough to be the punishment for finite human beings.

Or to say it one more way, when Christ descended from the position of “equality with God” (Philippians 2:6) to the point of forsakenness by God on the cross in agony, that depth of descent was infinitely greater than the descent of any sinful human into the sufferings of hell — indeed, all of them together.

Worship Burning Bright

So, one way of answering the question, “How does Christ’s 33-year-long suffering cover the sins of millions of people who deserve eternal suffering?” is this: Because the infinite worth of his person makes his suffering of infinite worth and sufficient for the covering of all the sins of all his people.

As I said at the beginning, our worship and our love for Christ ought to burn very brightly when we consider that one man, one God-man, could endure enough suffering to cover so many hell-deserving sins.

Pornography is not new. Archeological discoveries testify that fascination with sexual portrayals is nearly as old as humanity. Yet our times present new challenges. Technological advancements coupled with moral corrosion are increasing the accessibility and normality of pornography at a dizzying rate. This poses a tremendous threat (and opportunity) for parents. We are raising children in a more pornographic world.

Roughly three thousand years ago, a father wisely spoke to his sons about the same ultimate dangers our children face today. Pornography was not as prevalent, but sexual temptation abounded. So, Solomon spent precious time talking with his sons about the dangers and delights of sexuality. I’m convinced his wisdom is still applicable to us today as we lead our sons and daughters. What follows is not a full-scale parenting plan, but nine principles to consider as we parent in a pornified age.

1. Cultivate the conversation.

Whether you like it or not, the world is having a sexualized conversation with your children. As parents, we aim to not be like Adam, who stood by as the serpent threatened his family (Genesis 3:6). Rather, we engage our children in conversation about all topics — including sex and pornography. Throughout Proverbs, Solomon models this initiative. Right at the outset, he says, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching” (Proverbs 1:8). Solomon repeats the call no less than 25 times in the book. He has an ever-evolving conversation with his son about every arena of life.

Satan wants you to feel uncomfortable talking with your kids about intimate issues. Don’t let him deceive you. Children are hardwired to desire parental care and leadership. They are grateful when their parents lovingly engage in conversations about the blessings and dangers of life. So, wise parents set a tone in the home that encourages and rewards open, honest, ongoing dialogue.

“Wise parents set a tone in the home that encourages and rewards open, honest, ongoing dialogue.”

The more you have normal conversations with your children about sex, the easier it becomes to have serious ones. Talk about sex as you would talk about other significant life topics. When they ask questions, answer them honestly and appropriately. This eases awkwardness and builds rapport in preparation for the serious conversations you know are coming. Solomon revisited the subject with his sons four times in the first seven chapters of Proverbs. This suggests that ongoing conversations are more natural than one or two big scheduled meetings.

As your children grow, the tenor and content will develop as well. Speak with younger children about appreciating beauty, protecting private parts, God’s design for sex, and knowing the difference between good pictures and bad pictures. Introducing these topics early will pave the way for more thorough conversations in the future. Reading the Bible from cover to cover as a family will provide no shortage of opportunities to talk about sex, temptation, and God’s help to deliver.
Above all else, remember that God is a good Father who loves to give wisdom to his children when we ask (Luke 11:5–13). Solomon pled for wisdom to care for those under his leadership, and we must do the same (1 Kings 3:9; James 1:5).

2. Encourage honesty.

Telling the truth can be terrifying for children, especially when the truth involves sexual sin and temptation. Shame, fear, and awkwardness will tempt them to retreat and hide. Wise parents tenderly lead them down paths of truth in every area of life, including conversations about pornography.

Recently, a mother from our church shared that her son was shown porn by a friend at school. She was scared and didn’t know how to respond. While it was a sad moment, we celebrated the fact that her son brought the incident to her. He didn’t always tell the truth, but that time he did. Praise God.

Regularly ask age-appropriate questions about what your children are seeing online. For example:

Have any friends or family members ever shown you inappropriate pictures?
Have you ever accidentally seen inappropriate pictures or read inappropriate stories?
Have you looked up anything you know might be wrong?

As you ask questions like these, assure them that no matter what, you’ll always love them. They may feel awkward, shameful, or fearful to tell the truth. Be patient with them and give them time to process. Open the door for them to come back to you anytime if they remember something they need to tell you.

If your children admit to looking at pornography, don’t shame them. Meet their honesty with appreciation. Thank them for being brave and talking with you. Ask if they have any questions they want to process with you. Spend time in prayer with them, asking God to protect and heal them. If your child gets caught looking at pornography and tries covering it up, remind him that people have been tempted to hide sin since the beginning (Genesis 3:7–8).

3. Guide their curiosity.

God created us to be curious. It is natural and good for children to consider their bodies, desires, and the words they hear. Parents do well to encourage curiosity and point children toward God’s beautiful design. At the same time, exploration can also be dangerous.

Satan wants to sabotage our curiosity and corrupt wholesome wonder with sinful investigation. He knows that early exposure to pornography or sexual experiences can deeply shape brain development and confuse affections. This is why we help our children “keep [their] heart with all vigilance” (Proverbs 4:23). This can happen with planned conversations, but most opportunities show up in daily life (Deuteronomy 6:6–7).

Years ago, our family passed a Victoria’s Secret store while walking through a shopping center. My children’s eyes were instinctively drawn to look at the pictures of nearly nude women hanging in the window. Without scolding them, my wife and I inquired, “Why do you think we were drawn to those pictures?” The encounter provided an opportunity to remind them that the reason we’re drawn to beauty is that God is beautiful, and we’re created to enjoy him (Psalm 27:4).

But Satan takes good things God created and twists them in a way that tempts us to look away from God. God created the women in the pictures to reflect his image and point people to him. But Satan tempted the models to misuse their beauty and tempted us to treat them like something to consume instead of someone to love.

Opportunities for instruction are endless. Parents can pray for God’s help to notice opportunities and to winsomely assure our children that curiosity is to be guided and guarded by God’s word. Curiosity that leads to celebrating God’s creative wonder is good, but sinful curiosity leads to great danger. We must teach them the difference.

4. Warn of danger.

Solomon soberly warns his son of sin’s dangers. He cautions him that following forbidden lovers will steal innocence, honor, reputation, health, livelihood, and even his very life (Proverbs 5:7–14). He who succumbs “destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor. . . . It will cost him his life” (Proverbs 6:32–33; 7:23).

So, we warn our sons and daughters. As they are being seduced by Satan, we warn them of his whispers. Do not minimize the danger of pornography: it is satanic discipleship.

“Do not minimize the danger of pornography: it is satanic discipleship.”

Satan uses pornography to awaken dark affections and hijack neurological development. Through porn, he trains us to demean others by seeing them as objects to consume rather than neighbors to love. He assures us that sexual desire is an appetite to satisfy instead of a gift to steward for the service of others. He wants to confuse our children about their own sexuality and identity. In short, pornography is poison for the soul.

Sin makes us slaves to our appetites. Solomon warns of what we call addiction when he says, “The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin” (Proverbs 5:22). Addiction dehumanizes us as we insanely overlook all reason to follow sin, just “as an ox goes to the slaughter” (Proverbs 7:22). So, with Solomon, we warn our children that revisiting sin produces patterns that feel impossible to stop.

The older a child becomes, the easier it will be to connect decisions with consequences. You may find ways to share consequences from your own life, from the lives of others around you, or from characters like David from the Scriptures. We can’t scare our children into being holy. But we must warn them of Satan’s prowling.

5. Woo with desire.

Rules and guardrails can aid our children’s battle against temptation, but no weapon is more powerful than appropriately oriented affections. Rules are intended to protect our passions by pointing them in the right direction. Solomon instructed his son to find sexual satisfaction in his wife: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. . . . Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love” (Proverbs 5:18–19). Song of Solomon is filled with blush-inducing language. Why? Because God gladly gives the gift of sex for a husband and wife’s enjoyment.

Parents are to teach their children about God’s good designs. Assure them that God is the one who created intimacy, orgasms, and romantic affection. Remind them that in marriage, God has provided a place to enjoy and explore our sexual desires. The world offers our children a mirage of cotton-candy pleasures, but God’s designs are good and satisfying.

While directing desire toward a spouse is appropriate, desire’s ultimate aim goes further. Our children may never marry. Their spouse may become sick, and intimacy may be hindered. This is why our chief aim must be to delight in God. Jesus laid this hope before us when he said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). The deepest reason we resist temptation is so we can know and enjoy God. Teach your children to seek joy in God above all other pleasures.

6. Model the way.

Protecting your children happens as much by what you do as by what you say. Parents set the tone in the home by how they engage with entertainment. As Charles Spurgeon once said, “Train up a child in the way he should go — but be sure to go that way yourself.”

My kids know that my phone doesn’t do what their mom’s does. I don’t have social media apps, and I can’t search for everything they want me to. Why? My phone is locked down to help me honor Jesus. Every child has asked me why my phone is lame, and I’ve explained that not everything on the Internet is good for us and that I try to protect myself in ways mommy doesn’t need to because her sin struggles are different. God intends our daily visible devotion to him to provoke questions from others that open doors for us to share gospel truth (Exodus 12:26; 13:14; Deuteronomy 6:20).

The same is true when we sit down to watch a movie. My children know that we will screen any movie before we watch it. They have seen me pass on dozens of movies I’d like to watch because they contain unhelpful content. Reviewing song lyrics, apps, shows, and everything else we consume has become second nature for our children. By God’s grace, we’re cultivating a culture at home where stumbling into sin may still happen, but it will be harder because mom and dad have tried to model practical ways to avoid sin and pursue holiness.

7. Put up protections.

The world is designed to make sinning easy and pursuing holiness hard. Intentional effort in protecting our children is essential to faithful parenting. Devices with screens should not be given to children without training, confirmation of maturity, and prayerful consideration. When the time comes, the stewardship should be soaked in Solomon’s warning, “Keep your way far from [temptation], and do not go near the door of her house” (Proverbs 5:8). But warning isn’t enough; we must also set up roadblocks to help them obey.

We currently have six layers of protection to slow the flow of smut into our home. A friend set up a DNS filter to protect our family’s Wi-Fi from explicit material. Parental controls are set on all devices. We removed the Internet browser from our Smart TV and gaming system. We installed monitoring and filtering software on all devices (we use Bark and Covenant Eyes). We use Clear Play on nearly every movie we watch. Passwords are required for all our children to download apps on their devices. These are all basic protections parents can consider using.

You may also need to set reminders to check your children’s devices and usage regularly. As your kids become more tech-savvy, ask them to help you protect their hearts from sin. Ask them to show you how they would get around protections you’ve set up and how to make them better. This conversation may take some work, but it sits near the heart of true parenting. We don’t want to only set up rules and guardrails; we want to do it together as we deepen our love for God and each other.

8. Encourage otherness.

Following Jesus will often put your children out of step with their peers. They will feel “other” in a way that will be hard for them and for you. Parents desire their children to have friends and be liked by others. But we know that some relationships can corrupt and hinder their walk with Jesus (Proverbs 1:15–16; 13:20; 1 Corinthians 15:33). At times, their “otherness” will feel oppressive and shackling. They’ll miss out on shows everyone is talking about. Sleepovers at friends’ houses will happen without them. Trends will come and go, and they won’t join in. They’ll be left off threads and overlooked on guest lists. At times, they’ll feel invisible.

Parents, help them embrace their otherness. Following Jesus on the narrow road is always costly (Matthew 7:13–14; Luke 9:23–25), and they will need your help to trust that true joy is found in loving Christ, not in being loved by the world (John 15:11). If you’re a Christian, you know how hard the struggle can be. Share how you’ve trusted Jesus in costly times. God can use the tears and late-night conversations to cultivate depth of character. They are being shaped into young men and women who will enter the world of television, the Internet, locker rooms, friendships, and the workplace with integrity formed in the crucible of otherness.

This is also a unique opportunity to help them discover the preciousness of the church. God’s people need one another to make their pilgrim journey through this dark world. Pray for your children to develop godly friendships, and search for ways your local church can help your children grow in godliness.

9. Give them Jesus.

If your children make it through high school without seeing pornography, it will be a miracle. The likeliness of them encountering pornographic images is almost a statistical certainty. I don’t say that to evoke fear, but to encourage sobriety. What should you do when your children see pornography?

Show them Jesus.

They need to see the one who gives grace to those who sin and have been sinned against. Show them the one who bled and died and rose to supply forgiveness, help, healing, and hope for what sin seeks to steal. Create an atmosphere of grace in your home that points your children to Jesus, who rose to put shame to death.

Some time ago, a mother found pornographic sites in her daughter’s search history. Her heart sank and her eyes welled with tears. This was one of her worst nightmares. After a few prayerful moments, she knocked on her daughter’s bedroom door and sat beside her. She asked questions, and her daughter admitted that she’d heard her friends talking about something sexual, and she searched it several times. She admitted that she knew it was wrong. She wanted to talk to her parents but didn’t know how.

They cried together, prayed together, talked about what she had seen, answered questions, and agreed that time off devices would be wise for the next few weeks. Together they developed a plan to talk more, pray more, and read the Bible together more often.

Though temptation still lingered, the daughter and her parents fought the battle together. She also found strength to help other friends who had similar struggles. Through the situation, they discovered ways God uses Satan’s evil for eternal good (Genesis 50:20; Romans 8:28).

My prayer is that God will help us and our children lean into Jesus, who will give us the faith to persevere in a pornographic world.

Luther Discovers the Book
When Martin Luther discovered the gospel in the Scriptures, everything changed for him and the future of the church. In this episode of Light + Truth, John Piper begins a 3-part series exploring Luther’s relationship with the Bible.

Mention something “majestic” in nature, and many of us would think of mountains.

We might call to mind some great range of mountains, or a towering waterfall, or an expansive body of water with no end in sight. Majestic features are both imposing and attractive, both impressive and beautiful, both intimidating and inviting. They have a strange pull on the human soul, drawing on us to draw near, but with reverence and care.

In our language, as in biblical terms, the word majesty captures not only bigness but also beauty, awesome power combined with pleasant admiration, both great height or size and yet potential safety. Majesty brings together both greatness and goodness, both strength and splendor (Psalm 96:6). It’s not only a fitting descriptor for mountain majesties but also for God, who is, above all, “the Majestic One” (Isaiah 10:34). Psalm 76:4 declares in praise to him, “Glorious are you,” and then adds, “more majestic than the mountains.”

How Majestic His Name

Such divine majesty pulses with an expansive, evangelistic force. God is not only majestic in fact but also in renown. His greatness, his power, his glory are not to be hidden and kept secret, but to spread through sight and word far and wide, attaching his name to such greatness and glory. His majesty is to be known, and he to be known, by name.

In a song of high praise, Psalm 148 bids both kings and commoners, young men and maidens, old and young alike to praise God’s exalted name as an extension of his majesty:

Let them praise the name of the Lord,for his name alone is exalted;his majesty is above earth and heaven. (Psalm 148:13)

“Divine majesty pulses with an expansive, evangelistic force.”

So also Micah’s famous Bethlehem prophecy speaks of a great ruler arising, from the little town, who “shall stand and shepherd his flock in the strength of the Lord, in the majesty of the name of the Lord his God. And they shall dwell secure, for now he shall be great to the ends of the earth” (Micah 5:4).

Of course, nowhere is God’s majesty accented as memorably as in the first line of Psalm 8 and its refrain in the last. This is Scripture’s signature celebration of divine majesty. Yet here, God’s majesty is not like the renown of mere human splendor, whether of ancient Egypt or Babylon or Rome, or like the renown of a Washington or Napoleon, a Lincoln or Churchill. This psalm, perhaps surprisingly, largely assumes God’s natural majesty (as we might call it), equally visible to unbelieving eyes, while accenting his peculiar majesty — the summit of his beauty requiring a miracle of his grace to see and enjoy.

Two Modes of Majesty

Psalm 8 manifestly sings of glory — God’s glory, set above the heavens (verse 1), and man’s glory, appointed by God, as one he has “crowned . . . with glory and honor” (verse 5). And so, that memorable opening line, reprised as the final note, hails the majesty of God’s name:

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Here, under the banner of God’s majesty and excellence as his glory, we find two levels, or modes. First is what we might call a natural mode: the heavens (verses 1 and 3), the moon and the stars (verse 3), and we might presume the quintessential natural majesties like mountains and waterfalls and oceans, vast physical expanses that remind us of our smallness and the awe-inspiring bigness and authority and power of the one who made such majesties.

But then, second, is what we might call a special mode of his majesty, which is the particular emphasis of Psalm 8: verse 2 mentions the mouths of babies and infants (that is, the weak) testifying to his strength in the face of foes and the enemy and avenger. Then, at the heart of the psalm, verses 3–8 marvel at his grace toward mankind. In view of such natural majesties as the heavens (“your heavens”!) and moon and stars, and mountains, “What is man that you are mindful of him?”

“Yet,” says verse 5 — this is the “yet” of grace — God has made man “a little lower than the angels and crowned him with glory and honor.” In such a majestic creation, God has made man, with humanity’s smallness and limitations, in the divine image, and given him “dominion over the works of [God’s] hands.” The beasts of the field and birds of the heavens and fish of the sea are to be subject to man, thanks to God.

So, we find here both a natural majesty and special majesty. And Psalm 8, while acknowledging the obvious majesty of God in the bigness and beauty of creation, emphasizes “the unexpectedness of God’s ways” (Derek Kidner, Psalms 1–72, 66) which further demonstrates his majesty — indeed is his majesty in full flower.

God reveals his greatness and power and glory not only through his heavens and moon and stars and mountains but also by confounding his foes with the praises of the weak. God shows himself majestic through the heavens and surpassingly so through humans — and in particular the ones we’re prone to least expect: the humble, the lowly, those who naturally seem least majestic.

Great God, Graced Man

The point of Psalm 8, then, is this: God’s grace toward man redounds to the glory of divine majesty, to the fame of God’s name, to the extension of his renown through his world. The sum of the psalm is not how great is man, but how graced is man — and how great is our God. And for the faithful, he is our God: “O Lord, our Lord.” He is majestic in his greatness, power, and glory — and exceedingly majestic in grace toward his people, so much so that he is our Lord.

Psalm 8 includes this striking dignifying of humanity, yet without leaving any doubt as to where the accent falls, thanks to the refrain. The first word, and the last word, lest we forget, is how majestic is God’s name. The primary emphasis, driven home in verse 9, is “God and his grace” (Kidner, 68).

High and Exalted, Exalting the Lowly

Behind Psalm 8, the second “song of majesty” is Psalm 145, where we also find “two modes” of divine majesty. The fourth stanza praises God’s regal highness in the more typical terms: glory and power, mighty deeds, situated in “his kingdom,” under his kingly dominion. This is the stuff of natural majesty. Then the fifth stanza unfolds this peculiar majesty for the enlightened eyes of his covenant people — the people to which God, amazingly, is kind, or literally loyal (verses 13b and 17) by his gracious covenant.

Psalm 138 also contains a parallel, at least in showing the surprising majesty of God, and the global advance of his renown, his name:

All the kings of the earth shall give you thanks, O Lord,for they have heard the words of your mouth,and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord,for great is the glory of the Lord.For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly,but the haughty he knows from afar. (Psalm 138:4–6)

“We thrill at God’s mercy for the lowly, and marvel at his justice for the wicked.”

Mark his royal highness. His greatness shines out all the more in how far he bends down to help the lowly. His majesty is on display not just in his capacity to resist and decimate strong foes, but in his merciful, gentle stooping to rescue his weak people. His majesty is unsurpassed both in its highness (above the highest heavens) and in its regard for the lowly, how far he can bend, and will bend, to rescue the needy, comfort the afflicted, provide for the poor, and exalt the humbled.

His majesty is unrivaled. His greatness, his power, his glory are unmatched. And yet, to this incomparable natural majesty he adds the very summit of his greatness: his peculiar majesty that stoops to show mercy, raise up the lowly, and rescue the humbled. He is surpassingly majestic in his person and capacities, and then, even more, in his grace and mercy. His people delight in his gentleness toward them, and in his fierceness with their foes. We thrill at his mercy for the lowly, and marvel at his justice for the wicked.

And now we know, as the psalmists could only anticipate, the personal manifestation of this surpassing and peculiar majesty. Which brings us to Isaiah’s enigmatic suffering servant.

No Majesty, Now Majestic

The great prophet foresaw one who would have “no form or majesty that we should look at him” (Isaiah 53:2). From beginning to end, the earthly life of Jesus magnified the majesty of his Father. Jesus so spoke, and so acted, that as Luke 9:43 reports, “all were astonished at the majesty of God.”

Yet, even then, in the earthly ministry of Christ, a greater and more stunning majesty remained. Luke continues, “But while they were all marveling at everything he was doing, Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Let these words sink into your ears: The Son of Man is about to be delivered into the hands of men’” (Luke 9:43–44). That is, he would accent the display of this emerging majesty with an unexpected and special majesty.

To natural eyes, Jesus had no form or majesty that we should look at him. Now he became to the eyes of faith the supremely majestic one. After the resurrection, eyes now fully opened to grace, Peter testifies of being an eyewitness to his majesty (2 Peter 1:16–17). Now the one without natural majesty, who humbled himself to the point of death, even death on a cross, has been super-exalted and seated at the right hand of Majesty.

Which might remind us of what Hebrews 2:8 comments about man in Psalm 8: “At present, we do not yet see everything in subjection to him.” But then he adds in verse 9, “But we see him,” that is, the God-man.

We see Jesus, who — by virtue of his becoming man, suffering, dying for us, rising in triumph, and ascending to sit at the right hand of Majesty — has become the first to fulfill the vision of Psalm 8, with all things under his feet. Not only is divine majesty on display through this man, but he is divine Majesty himself, shining in the peculiar glory that outstrips and surpasses our best notions of natural glory.

When we turn to the highest majesty that can be conceived, we look and listen to Jesus.

Children absorb. They learn their way around the world not only from what others explicitly teach them, but also from the kind of culture or atmosphere in which they live — especially in their home. The old adage “more is caught than taught” applies. By God’s design, children soak up values without even knowing it.

For example, children don’t pick up their mother tongue because someone stands in front of them with a pronunciation flip chart. They pick up their mother tongue simply from hearing it day after day. They breathe it in without conscious awareness. And as with language, so with values. Children are constantly absorbing. Therefore, what happens within the walls of your home will have a disproportionate impact on who they become.

So, how can Christian parents create a Christlike culture in which their children can swim?

Detecting Indifference

A family’s culture is not established in five minutes. Family culture is the sum total of the parents’ relationship with God, with each other, with the children, and with the world. No aspect of life is irrelevant to this enterprise, right down to what you say and how you say it, what you do and how you do it, what you love and how you love it, what you hate and how you hate it. Family culture includes the major events in life, and it includes the seemingly little things that go almost unnoticed, like what you mutter at the stoplight.

“No family can fake a Christian culture — at least, not for long.”

No family can fake a Christian culture — at least, not for long. If parents aren’t wowed by God’s character, attributes, and wonderful deeds, their indifference won’t kindle awe in the hearts of the children. Indifference is reproducible. If the heavens aren’t declaring God’s glory to me (Psalm 19:1), I’m not likely to help my children see the glory the heavens are declaring to them.

Genuine enthusiasm for God’s glory is not empty hype. Children are wired with keen hypocrisy antennae. Flesh can masquerade as Spirit only for so long before they notice the cosmetics wearing off. So, when it comes to establishing a Christian culture, the first step is to be thoroughly entranced by the superiority of Jesus yourself. Jesus is not a pointer, but the point.

Awe Begets Awe

Beware of trying to argue anyone — including your children — into seeing the surpassing beauty of Christ. Though arguments may be necessary in establishing a culture, they are not sufficient. You can’t argue a blind man into seeing the multicolored clouds of the sunset. Therefore, allow children to witness your unsolicited and uncontrived worship — both in planned moments, like worship services, and in unplanned moments of ordinary life. Give them no doubt that family devotions and church services aren’t the only time you personally ponder the Bible and commune with God.

Has Jesus gripped you? Are you deeply impressed with Jesus? When you read Colossians 1:16–18, does awe arise?

By him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities — all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent.

The Christian culture we want to foster is more a matter of devotion than devotions. There is a great difference between explaining the importance of something and modeling its importance in your own life, interrupting lesser concerns in order to give front-burner attention to the main priorities.

Creating a Christlike Culture

I don’t know of anyone who has discovered a foolproof checklist for producing Christian kids. Checklists don’t change hearts. But transformed hearts can make good use of checklists as a sort of self-diagnostic or reminder. As you seek to foster a Christian culture in your home, the following suggestions can serve like mirrors to help you see how you’re doing. We’ll consider these suggestions in two groupings: ways and words.

WAYS

The God of means uses habits consistently practiced in a home to elevate and solidify values and identity. “Our family functions this way.” Consider the following.

Model what you expect from your children: Christian courtesy, diligence, punctuality, and scores of Christlike character qualities that blossom in parents who are filled with the Holy Spirit. Avoid giving the impression that you never fail, but own your sins and mistakes. Say out loud, “I was wrong,” and ask forgiveness of each other while keeping short accounts.

In a Christian culture, the parents joyfully sacrifice themselves and do not seek to be put on a pedestal, even while teaching their children obedience. They are able to say, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).

Gently touch. Soft and playful touches can convey affection and acceptance, and if the children stiffen or pull away, that bristling may signal a relational wound that needs healing.

Get organized. Orderliness can serve everyone in the household, whereas a cluttered dwelling and cluttered calendar can beget chaos. Start by organizing your decisions, and then branch out from there. A well-placed shelf, or some coat hooks, or a reminder list on the fridge can help strengthen teamwork in the family.

Don’t punish children when nature has already punished them. If your son crashed and skinned his knee when he was clowning around on his bike, you don’t have to add your punishment. The natural universe God established has already applied its own form of correction.

“The Christian culture we want to foster is more a matter of devotion than devotions.”

At the same time, do not fear your child. You are the parent. It can be a fearful experience for a child to discover that his parents have left him in charge of the world. Expect that if you use your God-given parental authority, you will sooner or later offend your children’s grasp at self-rule. Understand the difference between offending them (an inevitable result of godly discipline) and wounding them (an excessive or ill-timed use of discipline). Love God more than your family in order to love your family well.

WORDS

What we say is of course important, and how we say it may be even more important. Tone of voice and facial expression can be life-giving or deadly.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,     and those who love it will eat its fruits. (Proverbs 18:21)

When it comes to speaking around children, then, monitor your tone. Do you sound edgy, cranky, whiny — or cheerful, grateful, honoring? Out of the mouths of babes come things parents shouldn’t have said. Tone is so important to household culture. Don’t reward whining, or you will get lots more of it. Beware of practicing sarcasm, for it can toxify a home and the children within it.

Commend the commendable, especially when you observe it in your children’s attitude. Avoid placing more emphasis on physical looks and abilities than on Christlike character.

Say thank you a lot; say thank you to them as well as to others and to God. Keep promises and don’t break them — to your children or to your spouse.

Pray. It is an unspeakable service to your children to pray for them and with them. Talk to Jesus about them before you talk to them about Jesus, and do both regularly.

Sing. Singing has a wonderful effect on the tone of a home, not to mention the long-term benefits of memorizing godly lyrics. You can sing serendipitously, while doing the dishes or driving, and you can gather round and launch together into a song that supports the kind of culture you’re trying to build.

Could we sum it all up — words and ways — in a vision for a Christlike family culture? In all your practices and speech, live so that someday, when your children are asked if they ever knew a true Christian, they would immediately think of you.

Luther Discovers the Book
When Martin Luther discovered the gospel in the Scriptures, everything changed for him and the future of the church. In this episode of Light + Truth, John Piper begins a 3-part series exploring Luther’s relationship with the Bible.