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Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church

There is much that is expected of pastors and church leaders, much for which they have often been inadequately prepared. At various points most will find themselves having to respond to situations that involve domestic abuse. This could be a woman coming to them and pleading for protection from her husband, it could be an allegation coming from a third party who observed something alarming, it could be an abuser confessing sin and seeking reconciliation. Few people know how to respond well, respond confidently, respond helpfully.

It is for exactly this reason that Jeremy Pierre and Greg Wilson have written When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church. “[We] wrote this book to help you be the kind of church leader, church member, friend, parent, sibling, or neighbor who responds wisely. We want the Church to be a new normal for those grown accustomed to abuse—a home that doesn’t hurt those inside, but instead welcomes them into the tender care of the Lord.” The book is, then, a guide for church leaders (or others) who wish to help people who are suffering under domestic abuse.
When Home Hurts is divided into three parts. In the first part, the authors explain how to understand abuse and do this by explaining the reader’s role as an agent of God’s love. Love, they say, “is the reverse of abuse because it builds others up at cost to self, rather than builds self up at cost to others. But love is not an equal opposite—it’s far more powerful because, unlike abuse, love is sourced from the eternal depths of God’s heart. You are an agent of a love much bigger than you.” They then explain the dynamics of domestic abuse and offer important considerations about terminology: “Terms like abuse, abuser, victim, and survivor each have a variety of meanings in domestic abuse literature. These terms can be helpful, but only as circumstantial identifiers, not core identities. Helpful uses of these terms are simply circumstantial descriptions of a person in relation to the abuse that occurred. Unhelpful uses are identifiers that define a person entirely by their relation to the abuse that occurred.” They describe abuse in this way: “Abuse occurs as a person in a position of greater influence uses his personal capacities to diminish the personal capacities of those under his influence in order to control them.” They then offer a framework to discern those abusive dynamics in real-world situations.
In the second part of the book they provide guidance on responding after an initial disclosure of domestic abuse. Over three chapters they tell how to care for the victim, how to confront the abuser, and how to consider the inevitable collateral damage. “To put it simply, we first care for the victim(s) and do all that we can to ensure their safety. Only after the victim’s safety is assured, and with her advice and consent, do we begin working with the person who is acting abusively. Only after those two tasks are well underway can we consider the possibility of a third. If the victim is safe and willing, is healing from the trauma of the abuse, and the abuser is no longer exhibiting abusive patterns and is responding well to ongoing accountability, then efforts at reviving or reconciling the marriage will be much more successful. You must neither get this triage out of order nor fast-track it.”
In the third and final part, the authors turn from the initial response to long-term care. They want their readers to help the person who has suffered domestic abuse to advance from being a victim to being an overcomer and to help the person who has committed domestic abuse to advance from being an abuser to being a servant. They want church leaders to lead their congregation in such a way that it responds with wisdom and compassion, that it offers true and substantial hope, help, and healing.y
A series of appendices offer counsel on a number of further issues such as false allegations; separation, divorce, and remarriage; finding trauma counselors; taking advantage of national and state domestic violence resources; and those occasions when more typical roles are reversed so that a husband finds himself a victim of his wife’s abuse.
When Home Hurts is exactly the book I had hoped it would be when I picked it up. It is a book that will do what it promises—help well-meaning but inadequately-trained Christians to respond well to very difficult situations. It will give them confidence that they can be truly helpful in truly crucial times. I suggest reading it through once outside of a given situation, then keeping it on-hand to serve its purpose at those times when you are called upon to walk alongside a victim.
“We want you to be sure that God will be with you as you enter into this situation,” say the authors. “We know it’s not easy being a pastor, church leader, family member, or friend facing such a difficult situation. But rest assured, the Lord desires that we respond wisely, and He will supply the wisdom to do so. In fact, you get the privilege of displaying the heart of God— kind, stable, self-giving—to people who’ve had the opposite displayed to them. You get to be an agent of God’s love for someone who may have forgotten what real love is—and what it looks like in the family of God.” It’s for these very reasons that I give this book my highest recommendation.

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A La Carte (October 1)

As we begin a new month, it is as good a time as any to remember that right now, at this very moment, God is on his throne.

On sale this week at Westminster Books is the amazing Puritan Paperback series.
(Yesterday on the blog: 10 New and Notable Christian Books for September 2021)
On Being a Normal Horse
Daniel uses C.S. Lewis to help him reflect on normalcy. “I wonder if my issues with self-pity stem from that same thinking too much of myself. When I fail to live up to my standards for myself, I come crashing down much like Bree. But, what if, I am just a normal person? A common sinner whom God has saved by His great grace? Someone not destined to reach that greatness on the horizon, but a normal life of faith and service to God instead?”
A Biblical Case for Deaconesses
Reformation21 is sharing a pair of “iron sharpening iron” articles about female deacons. The first is from Keith Kauffman and makes the case for deaconesses. “This is not an open and shut case, and there is room here for good disagreement done with charity in the Lord. I want to examine three primary paths of argument: first, by nature of the role itself; second, by exegetical argument from 1 Timothy 3; and third, by proof of biblical example.”
One-to-One Bible study
“What’s your ideal size for a Bible study? Your answers will likely widely vary; some prefer a small group of 5 or 6 people, some a group of 10-20. Recently I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how uniquely productive it’s been to go through a Bible study in a very small group—just one other person.”
I Can’t Get Over the Privilege
Darryl explains that “over thirty years in, I can’t get over the privilege of being a pastor.”
Encouragement for Troubled Teenagers
Conrad Mbewe shares some encouragement for troubled teenagers.
Lessons Learned at a Dowry/Engagement Party
I enjoyed Tamie’s look at a recent dowry party she attended. “Dowries in Tanzania have various meanings. They are always paid by the groom to the bride’s family but people are quick to clarify to us that it is not a bride price – it is a thank you to the bride’s family for raising her and investing in her, and a symbolic compensation as they are ‘losing’ her because she will be joining the groom’s family.”
How to Help Children Build a Healthy Body Image
Here are some tips for parents on an issue that seems especially prevalent in an Instagram world. “In a society overflowing with negative messages about physical appearance and personal worth, children’s body image is an urgent issue. Children need to know God made their bodies and made them special.”
Flashback: Two Habits of Successful Parents
“Many parents are reluctant and even resistant to asking advice about their parenting. While others can see blind spots, the parents themselves remain… blind to them.”

‘Delight yourself in the Lord’ . . . is a radical call to pursue your fullest satisfaction in all that God promises to be for you in Jesus. —John Piper

Learn Why Church Membership Is Not Optional

Does church membership matter? Since God is available to us anywhere and anytime, do we really need to belong to a local church? Can’t we just worship in the privacy of our homes?

Cessmaticism: The Strange Hybrid of Contemporary Christian Worship

The more these Dionysian-dominant songs are sung, the more they tend to choke out older and classical hymnody. Unless the pastors have a strong sense of what music communicates, they will be led by the same appetitive pull that passion-centred music has on all. They will see how much the congregants enjoy such songs; they will interpret this enjoyment as “connecting meaningfully” with the music, and notice how the visceral response is absent in some of the more Apollonian classic hymns.

We began this series by making the claim that Pentecostalism has quietly (or not so quietly) colonised Protestant worship, even in those churches and groups that explicitly reject Pentecostal theology. We have described the distinctives of Pentecostal worship, not in terms of its views regarding the operation of the charismatic gifts, but in terms of its focus on intensity, spontaneity, and its distinctive “praise-and-worship” theology of worship. It now remains to make the case that these approaches are widely shared and practiced in non-charismatic, or cessationist circles.
In the first place, there is little doubt that what is prized as “intensity” in Pentecostal circles is fairly well accepted as a laudable goal in cessationist evangelical circles. The move towards intensity is seen in many a non-charismatic church’s method of singing one song after another, in rapid succession, only the occasional musician’s deejay vocals over the bridge intro. The practice of singing five, six, or more songs one after the other, apart from causing some of the elderly to just eventually sit down during the songs out of sheer pain and frustration, is closer to the “flow-like” worship of Praise and Worship theology than like a thoughtful response to God’s Word. The choice of songs also appears suspiciously like the Praise and Worship, Five-Stage theology of the charismatics. Beginning with upbeat, thanksgiving songs, reaching a crescendo of triumphalism, and then gliding down into the zone of breathy, ‘deep’ songs of intimacy just before the offering or sermon.
A second mark of the takeover of worship by charismatics is that non-charismatic evangelicals are drawn to rather uncritically embrace the music of charismatic songwriters. Of course, several of the modern hymns written by those in openly charismatic circles (such as Sovereign Grace) or “cautious-but-open” circles qualify as decent or even good hymns, having both theologically sturdy lyrics and readily likeable and singable melodies. There is little wonder that many of our churches sing them, for their lyrics are often without cliches, and their music answers to 21st-century musical sensibilities.The problem is not the contemporary nature of these songs. It does not matter if a song was written in 221, 1021, or 2021, as long as it is true, good, and beautiful. The problem is not even the charismatic commitments or associations of the songwriters. Enough beautiful hymns were written by people whose theology we do not all share, for example Charles Wesley, Nikolaus von Zinzendorf, Paul Gerhardt, or Frederick Faber.
The problem is far more that that on the spectrum of Apollonian to Dionysian sentiment, they probably lean closer to the Dionysian side, at least musically.
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Cry Macho, Shake Hollywoke: At 91, Clint Eastwood is Still the Man

The film’s introduction to Eastwood — bent and slow — is jolting, even though he’s been aging before our eyes for six decades. But that actually works as his character, Mike Milo, starts to rediscover his self-worth to become gradually stouter and tougher. Milo only agrees to bring back the 13-year-old son of his rancher ex-boss, Polk (Dwight Yoakam), after Polk invokes the ultimate western code to both him and the audience battered by “toxic” male bashing: “You gave me your word, and that used to mean something.”

Only one man in Hollywoke today could make a movie as old-fashioned, straightforward, and ultimately uplifting as Cry Macho, and trigger half a dozen progressive landmines in 104 minutes. On the surface it’s the simple tale of a broken-down old Texas cowboy who goes to Mexico City to half-rescue, half-kidnap a rich rancher’s troubled son from his nefarious ex-wife. But deep down, it’s an elegiac cinematic poem about manhood old and young, womanhood, regret, loneliness, and second chances. Clint Eastwood corrals all those wild horses on both sides of the fence, as a marvelous director and an onscreen icon — sadly the last of the latter — while bucking the politically correct wallow of his Industry peers.
For Cry Macho is a western, despite the modern trappings of cars and phones. That is a forbidden genre to Hollywoke because men are men and women are women, hard as it has  tried to inject feminism into it with pathetic results (The Quick and the Dead, Bad Girls, Godless). And if there’s any genre Clint Eastwood is a master of, it’s the western. He’s been making them off and on for 65 years. Now he’s added a fine contemporary one to his legacy.
Cry Macho presents classic elements of the form, like the hero’s odyssey through a savage land where life is cheap and law unreliable to re-civilize a youth gone native. Modern Mexico, alas, supplies this aspect, which Eastwood unflinchingly captures. Any similarity to The Searchers is not coincidental. Some 20 years ago, Ridley Scott wanted Clint to star in a remake of the John Ford classic which Scott would direct. Tempted, Eastwood pondered six months of horse riding like he could once do in his sleep, and gave Scott a typical short answer. “Can’t do it, Ridley.” Although his Cry Macho character does ride a horse, at age 91 Eastwood wisely let his stuntman take the saddle.
Other liberal-exploding western tropes prominent in the new picture include male bonding, the man-boy tutor dynamic, hostile natives, religious respect, and the duality of women between either the carnal saloon girl or the nurturing matriarch.

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The Self-Malediction of “In Gay We Trust”

The Democratic Party has been pushing Planned Parenthood, abortion, and birth control. Big-name philanthropists are putting their money behind birth control efforts. Liberals have been pushing birth control and abortion for decades. While pro-abortion liberals are pushing the abortion and contraception wagon, Christian conservatives with their large families could dominate the culture in a generation or two if they believe and act in terms of “In God We Trust.”

You may have seen Megan Raponoe at the 2021 Met Gala celebrating “In America: A Lexicon Of Fashion” at the Metropolitan Museum of Art dressed in a red, white, and blue star-spangled suit. I take that back. You most likely did not see her. Just so you know, she was carrying a clutch purse that said: “In Gay We Trust” on the side. The blasphemous phrase is not unique to her, but it is indicative of the anti-Christian LGBTQ+ movement. Christians who support this lifestyle are equally blasphemous.
“In Gay We Trust” is a self-maledictory oath, a self-curse. A malediction is to speak (diction) a curse (mal = bad), and that’s what the LGBTQers are doing. They are cutting off their future. Some, like the former Ellen Page and now Elliot Page, are literally doing it.
The entire LGBTQ+ sexual/non-sexual alphabet soup worldview is a self-malediction. This is why the Alphabet People must recruit because they cannot reproduce if they are consistent with their homosexual and transgender principles.

Family 101: Getting Our House in Order

Family 101 is a much-needed course designed to help Christians understand covenant life. The student will learn not only about the family, but about the important role of education—both our own and that of our children. The videos, audios, and printed works found in Family 101 will provide the encouragement and the education necessary to live faithfully to both God and neighbor.

The religious leaders in Israel who worked overtime to have Jesus murdered pronounced a self-maledictory oath on themselves that had far-reaching implications for the nation.
When Pilate saw that he was accomplishing nothing, but rather that a riot was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd, saying, “I am innocent of this Man’s blood; see to that yourselves.” And all the people said, “His blood shall be on us and on our children!” (Matt. 27:24–25).
And within a generation, the judgment came on them and their children. A Jewish woman named Mary ate part “of her child, whom she had killed and roasted. When the Romans besieged Jerusalem in AD 70, leading to a terrible famine, hunger had supposedly led to acts of desperation.” Jesus had warned about the possibility (Mt. 24:19). Even so, God was gracious by offering a way of escape (Matt. 24:15–20; Luke 21:20–24)
A report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said the birth rate in America hit an all-time low in 2011. “The 2011 preliminary number of U.S. births was 3,953,593, 1 percent less (or 45,793 fewer) births than in 2010; the general fertility rate (63.3 per 1,000 women age 15–44 years) declined to the lowest rate ever reported for the United States,” the report stated.
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The False Gospel of Cultural Marxism—Part 1

Paul’s epistle to the Galatians was written to a specific church at a specific time and the fake gospel they were dealing with was also very specific: Judaizing. Notice, however, how Paul does not say, “this particular other gospel.” He rather says: any other gospel. This, I believe, allows us to apply his warning to any counterfeit that competes with or displaces the true Christian gospel.

Introduction
“I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel: which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ. But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed. For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:6-10)
In these verses, the Apostle Paul alerts us to the fact that there is such a thing as a false gospel. It is not another gospel as in an alternative, but a counterfeit of the real gospel that leaves people accursed. Some in the churches of Galatia were being troubled by such a counterfeit and others had already been removed by it (i.e., fallen away from Christ), so the Paul here pleads with those who had not yet fallen away to recognize the falseness of that so-called gospel and to reject it (along with those who were preaching it):
“But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, if any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed” (vv. 8-9).
Paul’s epistle to the Galatians was written to a specific church at a specific time and the fake gospel they were dealing with was also very specific: Judaizing. Notice, however, how Paul does not say, “this particular other gospel.” He rather says: any other gospel. This, I believe, allows us to apply his warning to any counterfeit that competes with or displaces the true Christian gospel.
This true gospel has been believed and confessed in nearly every nation, but for the purpose of this series of articles, we shall focus primarily upon the United States of America. Our society was originally founded and built by Christians and for Christians. Sadly, in these last days, it has adopted and established a new religion: Cultural Marxism. The purpose of these articles is to help us understand what that is, so that we can recognize it and reject it.
Defining Cultural Marxism is, admittedly, not the easiest thing to do because it is as slippery a doctrine as that subtle serpent which lied to our first parents. An added difficulty is that it involves a lot of history and philosophy. Some people like such topics and others do not, but most Christians enjoy the study of religion, so that shall be our approach: exposing Cultural Marxism as the false religion it truly is.
It has all the elements you would expect of a religion. It has a Prophet, a God, Apostles, a Promise, a doctrine of Sin, and a supposed Gospel. It also has Ministers, a form of Witnessing, and it even has Inquisitors to enforce compliance. In our next article, we will introduce the preeminent “prophet” of Cultural Marxism: Karl Marx
Christian McShaffrey is a Minister in the Orthodox Presbyterian Church and is Pastor of Five Solas Church (OPC) in Reedsburg, Wis.

Texas Supreme Court Rejects The Episcopal Church’s Motion to Keep Breakaway Diocese Property

The state’s highest court rejected a motion for Emergency Temporary Relief, allowing an earlier ruling against the mainline Protestant denomination to be implemented. As a result, The Episcopal Church has to surrender all financial accounts, property and records that it had removed from the diocesan properties that formerly were part of the denomination. “Today’s rejection is the third loss for Episcopal Church parties in the state Supreme Court and permits enforcement of the judgment to continue,” noted the Fort Worth Diocese in a statement.

The Texas Supreme Court has once again rejected an effort by The Episcopal Church to secure the property and assets of a diocese that broke away over theological differences.
For the past several years, the Episcopal Diocese of Fort Worth has been engaged in a legal battle against the Episcopal Church over the property and assets of the regional body.
In an order released Tuesday, the state’s highest court rejected a motion for Emergency Temporary Relief, allowing an earlier ruling against the mainline Protestant denomination to be implemented.
As a result, The Episcopal Church has to surrender all financial accounts, property and records that it had removed from the diocesan properties that formerly were part of the denomination.
“Today’s rejection is the third loss for Episcopal Church parties in the state Supreme Court and permits enforcement of the judgment to continue,” noted the Fort Worth Diocese in a statement.
In 2008, a majority of the Fort Worth Diocese voted to leave The Episcopal Church over the increasingly progressive theological views of the denomination, especially the ordination of the denomination’s first openly gay bishop, the Rev. Gene Robinson.
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Gi Pung Yi – First Korean Martyr

Yi was baptized in 1896, and worked with Swallen to establish a church in Wonsan. Yi’s dream and his conversion from bully to evangelist led some to nickname him “the Apostle Paul of Korea.” Yi helped to spread the gospel in Wonsan and surrounding region by distributing Bibles and gospel literature (as a colporteur or, in Korean, gwonseo). By answering questions, gathering interested people and establishing contacts, gwonseos played an important role in the institution of the Korean church.

Gi Pung Yi – First Korean Martyr
He was the first Korean Protestant missionary and the first Korean martyr, often remembered as the father of the Korean Protestant church. It all began through a rock and a bout of hot temper.
A Paul-like Conversion
Gi Pung Yi was only sixteen in 1885, when the American missionary Samuel A. Moffet arrived in Pyeongyang (today in North Korea). Yi distrusted foreigners. Why did this American come to Pyeongyang?, he wondered. Used to dealing with problems through violence, he gathered some friends and went to Moffet’s house, where they kicked the gate and threw rocks. The rocks broke a window and dislodged some roof tiles, but the Moffet family stayed inside.
One month later, Yi spotted Moffet at a street market, speaking in broken Korean while holding a track. Seeing his chance of protesting this foreigner’s intrusion, Yi picked up a rock and threw it, hitting Moffet in the chin. Losing his balance, Moffet fell on the ground, bleeding. No one came to his help. Yi left the scene.
Fast-forward ten years, when Yi met another missionary, this time in Wonsan, where he had looked for refuge during the Sino-Japanese war. By then, he was a young man trying to make ends meet by painting pipes and selling them on the street.
To Yi, the missionary, William L. Swallen, looked enough like Moffet to bring back a painful memory. For years, Yi’s conscience had been bothering him and Moffet had appeared in many of his dreams.
A missionary spoke to Yi about Jesus, who didn’t pay much attention. He just wondered who was this Jesus that people considered so important. That night, however, he had a dream where Jesus told him to stop persecuting him. Frightened, the next morning he ran to the house of the missionary who had talked to him.
After hearing Yi’s confession, the missionary took him to Swallen’s house, where Yi, crying profusely, continued to unburden his heart. Swallen prayed for him, and continued to teach him about Christ. Yi was baptized in 1896, and worked with Swallen to establish a church in Wonsan. Yi’s dream and his conversion from bully to evangelist led some to nickname him “the Apostle Paul of Korea.”
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Clinging to God and Grammar

Written by Carl R. Trueman |
Friday, October 1, 2021
The battle over pronouns on social media and in public spaces, as trivial as it seems, is actually of great importance. The abandonment of reality that queer ideology demands may be marketed as nothing more than sensitivity toward the feelings of others, but in fact it is imposing a view of the relationship between language and reality that makes the latter nothing more than a function of the former. 

In times past, progressive politicians described those they despised as clinging to “God and guns.” I suspect that we are not too far from a time when they will insult those they deplore for clinging to God and grammar. That might sound an odd claim, but the days are coming rapidly to an end when it was morally acceptable to think that language, among its many functions, had a positive relation to reality. Today, dictionaries and grammars look set to become relics of a bygone age of evil oppression.
Take, for example, the trend of specifying preferred pronouns on everything from Twitter to business cards—a fascinating sign of our times. Even some Christians are participating. Whether people do it out of genuine confusion, positive commitment to queer theory, or in pre-emptive anticipation of it becoming the equivalent of Havel’s greengrocer shop sign in our brave new world, it is an action that most would have regarded as absurd even five years ago. Most (probably) still regard it as absurd today. But that old consensus is crumbling, just like every other once-unquestionable Western cultural belief. Queerness is moving rapidly from arcane, implausible theory to practical, everyday reality.
While many on the right default to accusations of cultural Marxism when confronted with such iconoclasm, I would argue that this latest trend is reminiscent of nothing so much as Friedrich Nietzsche’s haunting statement in Twilight of the Idols: “I fear we are not getting rid of God because we still believe in grammar.” This sounds odd but in the context of his argument, it makes sense. What Nietzsche is saying here is that language tricks us into thinking that it expresses reality but it does not do so; rather, it constructs concepts that it presents as real and seductively traps us into thinking of the world in particular ways.
If ever there was a philosophical position that placed the individual and his (or her or zir) will at the center of the universe, then this is it. Such radical nominalism may be nonsense but, like sex, it sells, appealing as it does to our intuitive sense of freedom and desire for autonomy. And rather like current attitudes toward sex, it makes the world’s purpose making us feel good about ourselves.
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