Christ-Centered Sex Talks
The hope is that our children will perceive these sex talks not as a “one-and-done,” circumstantial matter, but as gospel truths spoken in a love organically connected and matured as we, by the Spirit of God, live as those who adore Jesus Christ.
Over the years, I’ve talked with children who said they had the “sex talk.” Some have spoken of it as like a pep talk while others have told me what they think with a distasteful tone of disapproval. They say, “I know I should be more careful. But everyone in my school is doing it. So what?” “Why make it a big deal if you can always use protection?” “What’s wrong with me loving someone deeply enough to have sex?”
Though we might struggle to admit it, such forward-moving questions are loaded with power. The child’s inner confidence echoes a bravado that claims a greater knowledge than the wisdom that you—parent, teacher, or leader—yearn to provide.
In a world of TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram, our voices are dim. The destabilizing winds of our culture push and pull us and our children; we feel overwhelmed, without much to hold on to. Tired of arguments and restless with debates, we sigh—we love our children and care for their future that seems, at times, so uncertain. To a degree, we’ve all been defiant to our parents, teachers, and leaders. I remember standing as such a son to my parents when I would sarcastically tell them to “go to sleep” or “talk to the walls.” I believed they had nothing to offer my selfish self.
Furthermore, our society continues to march toward an increasingly relativistic moral structure, in which making absolute judgments on topics like sex is off-limits. We live in a world that’s more affirming than discerning, defiant instead of obedient, and hungry for self-praise rather than ready for self-sacrifice.
Nevertheless, as believers, we’re called to proclaim the gospel, fighting boldly against Christ-opposing lies. For Christ Jesus is the source of all truth. In him, we can live in this world without fear and model a Christ-centered life before our children.
Christ-Increasing
Just as raising a child requires continuous engagement in their lives, how we talk to them does, too. Rather than a one-and-done sex talk (which often has peculiar and questionable timing), we need an ongoing dialogue with our children that stems from our humble allegiance to our Father in heaven whereby we decrease, and he increases (John 3:30). A Christ-increasing relationship has his love as the core, giving meaning and direction to how we nurture our children. By God’s grace, may they realize—even by the tone of our voice—the importance of listening to us as they see Jesus through our lives.
Yes, a Christ-increasing life is vital. We don’t emphasize this enough! We become preoccupied with the means to an end and forget to acknowledge what truly matters in the care of our children: Jesus Christ. We should consider our relationship with Jesus and pay close attention to how we live as believers before considering how to engage in ongoing sex talks with our children. Are we wholly dependent on the gospel for such talks? Our children will be the first to see the work of the cross manifest in our lives—or not. Whether as parents, teachers, or leaders responsible for them, our life is an inevitable witness. Our time will pass away, but their memories of us and, most importantly, our standing before the Lord, will remain. Just as we were once the ones looking up to the adults in our lives, so will they do the same.
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How “Conversion Therapy” Bans Are Akin to Apostasy Laws
Based on the text of the [proposed] ordinance, counseling teenagers by telling them what God says about sexuality is a form of punishable heresy since it violates the sacred texts (e.g., statements by the American Psychoanalytic Association) of some West Lafayette city council members.
The Story
A proposed city ordinance in Indiana highlights why bans on “conversion therapy” can be a threat to the gospel.
The Background
The city council of West Lafayette, Indiana is considering an ordinance that would make it illegal for “unlicensed” counselors to counsel minors on human sexuality in a way that conflicts with LGBT+ orthodoxy. For example, if a teenager goes to a Christian counseling center about unwanted same-sex attraction or gender dysphoria, it would be breaking the law to give them answers based on biblical sexual ethics. The penalty for violating the ban on so-called “conversion therapy” is a fine of $1,000 per day.*
The proposed ordinance defines “conversion therapy” as any practices or treatments that seek to “change an individual’s sexual orientation or gender identity, including efforts to change gender expressions or to eliminate or reduce sexual or romantic attractions or feelings toward individuals of the same gender.”
The law makes an exception, though, for counseling that affirms a minor’s embrace of homosexuality or gender identity. According to the ordinance, “Conversion therapy shall not include counseling that provides assistance to a person undergoing gender transition, or counseling that provides acceptance, support, and understanding of a person or facilitates a person’s coping, social support, and identity exploration and development, including sexual-orientation-neutral interventions to prevent or address unlawful conduct or unsafe sexual practices, as long as such counseling does not seek to change an individual’s sexual orientation or gender identity.”
“Counseling,” as defined by the proposal, refers to “techniques used to help individuals learn how to solve problems and make decisions related to personal growth, vocational, family, and other interpersonal concerns.” “Unlicensed person” is defined as any person not licensed or governed by Ind. Code § 25-1-1-1 et seq. and the State of Indiana’s Professional Licensing Agency who provides counseling and/or psychotherapy. The ordinance makes no exception for pastors or other religious counselors.
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Mainline Presbyterianism & the LGBTQ Movement
As we in the PCA continue to deliberate about contentious and important matters of human sexuality – and about homosexuality in particular – we will hear the well-worn arguments, “We have the study report…We have the Bible…We have the Book of Church Order. We don’t need added clarity when we have so many resources that speak to this issue already.” What I am arguing is that we need a Book of Church Order (BCO)that speaks with “straight talk” to the issues facing us. The majority of mainline Protestants – such as our Presbyterian cousins in the PCUSA – thought they were being pastoral and accommodating when they asked for “chastity in singleness” from their LGBTQ-identifying ministers. We see that such “pastoral” accommodation did nothing to protect the Church from a compromised ministry.
“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Proverbs 16:18
For the second year in a row, the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) has sent down overtures regarding the sexuality of ministers to the presbyteries. Overture 29 presented to the 49th General Assembly passed on the floor of the Assembly and was referred to the 88 presbyteries of the PCA as Item 4. Along with a related proposal (Item 5), it has received overwhelming approval from across the spectrum of the PCA. Indeed, leaders of the Gospel Reformation Network[1] and the former leader of the National Partnership[2] have both expressed their desire to see these approved and added to the BCO.
Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on your opinion – Overture 15 presented before the 49th Assembly passed by a much narrower vote and has now failed to achieve the requisite 2/3 majority of affirmative votes from the presbyteries (as Item 1) to proceed to a final ratification vote at the 50th General Assembly in Memphis. For some reason, the unity around PCAGA49 Overture 29 splits when it comes to PCAGA49 Overture 15. Why is that? Perhaps it is due – in TE Richard D. Phillips’s supportive words – to the “straight talk” expressed in the proposal contained in the Overture. The proposal contained in PCAGA49 Overture 15 as passed by the Assembly sought to amend Chapter 7 of the Book of Church Order (BCO) by adding a new paragraph, “Men who describe themselves as homosexual, even those who describe themselves as homosexual and claim to practice celibacy by refraining from homosexual conduct, are disqualified from holding office in the Presbyterian Church in America.”
My argument for supporting such a proposal is primarily historical. Scripture calls us to be people who remember their history. By studying another denomination with a common history and once-similar polity handling this issue, I hope to show that the PCA is on dangerous ground if we do not incorporate more robust language in our BCO regarding issues of sexual sin for church officers.
Before moving forward with a crash course in the history of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) (hereafter, PCUSA) and LGBTQ[3] ordination, I would like to respond to a legitimate criticism that many will make. Some will perhaps respond to my concern as follows: “We have nothing in common with the Liberalism of the Mainline Protestant denominations.” Yes, the PCA started in 1973, ten years before the PCUSA united the northern and southern Presbyterian churches. Yes, both those churches were decidedly Liberal in theology and much more liberal socially at that time than the PCA, and the PCUSA of today is certainly far more liberal than the PCA.
However, as the history of LGBTQ ordination in the PCUSA will show, there were enough conservative and moderate believers in the PCUSA to curb LGBTQ ordination for over forty years. There even continues to be renewal movements within the PCUSA.[4] What ultimately led to the full acceptance of LGBTQ ordination in the PCUSA was a failure on the part of the denomination to add “straight talk” language regarding human sexuality to their Book of Order. Like us, as we will see, the PCUSA had Scripture and the Westminster Standards, but they decided not to change their other authoritative constitutional document, the Book of Order. Consider what has since become of them. Their history is a warning for the PCA.
Troubling Hermeneutics in the North 1970
Our history lesson begins in the United Presbyterian Church in the United States of America (The Northern Presbyterian Church; hereafter, UPCUSA), when a study report, “Sexuality and the Human Community,” was presented to the General Assembly. The “Sexuality and the Human Community” is a fascinating report. The Northern Presbyterians were more liberal than their Southern cousins (the Presbyterian Church in the United States; hereafter, PCUS). While informing the reader that they turned “repeatedly to the theological issues and questions of Biblical tradition which have informed the church’s view of human sexuality,” they also, “found ourselves relying heavily on the social and behavioral sciences. Insights from psychology and psychiatry about the workings of sex influenced us to think often with criteria of psychological health in mind” (italics mine, page 6).
The report continues on a shaky foundation as the authors wrote about their research into sociology, “We frequently found ourselves challenging the conventional wisdom of the Christian community concerning sexuality, only to find that those conventions were too often the culture-bound wisdom of part of the community: to wit, the white, Protestant, and middle-class part. But the Christian community encompasses a wide diversity of racial, ethnic, and cultural groups, and therefore a wide variety of assessments of sexuality and sexual behavior.” (pg 7).
The report continues with recommendations for ethical considerations:Difference between homosexuality as “a condition of personal existence and homosexualism as explicit homosexual behavior” (18).
The biblical condemnation of homosexuality in St. Paul, in context, shows, “It is not singled out as more heinous than other sins, but is discussed with other forms of behavior which betoken man’s refusal to accept his creatureliness” (18).
The context of St. Paul’s condemnation suggests that he objected to “the element of disregard for the neighbor more than he did to acts in themselves…Perhaps pederasty, homosexual prostitution, and similar neighbor-disregarding forms of behavior ought not to overshadow our entire response to the human condition of homosexuality” (18, these arguments have historically and linguistically been debunked even among some liberal scholars. For example, see the works of William Loader).
No one is exempt from the experience of alienation from God. Thus everyone may experience reconciliation in Christ (19).What is fascinating is that given all the above statements, the authors of the report still recommended that pastors and theologians study this subject, “so that the desire for change can be more effectively elicited and encouraged…homosexual behavior is essentially incomplete in character. It is therefore important to guard against the development of fixed homosexual patterns during childhood and adolescence…one function of such an understanding is to spare young people from thinking they are destined to homosexuality because of some developmentally normal experience” (19). This was a study committee report that was received at the General Assembly and circulated widely in the UPCUSA.
1975-1978 The Task Force to Study Homosexuality (UPCUSA)
In 1975, an openly gay man came before the Presbytery of New York City having received a call from a congregation and thus seeking ordination. The debate on the floor of the Presbytery lasted hours. The end result was that the Presbytery petitioned the General Assembly for “definitive guidance” regarding the issue of homosexuals and ordination. As one commentator who voted in favor of the man argued, “the Book of Order (i.e., the Church’s constitution) didn’t mention homosexuality because it was immaterial and irrelevant.” Several other presbyteries sent overtures asking for “definitive guidance” as well. The 1976 General Assembly formed a Task Force (study committee) to provide “definitive guidance.”
The Task Force completed its study in January of 1978. The resultant report included a minority report. The recommendation from the majority of the Task Force was to let presbyteries make their own decisions in all aspects of ordination. The minority report, supported by 5 of the Task Force’s 19 members, advised against allowing homosexuals to be ordained. The General Assembly of 1978 approved the minority statement. Below are some highlights from the official summary of the Task Force’s majority report, which is available in its entirety here:Homosexuality should be primarily viewed as affectional attraction, not as actions or behavioral patterns. Homosexuality is just the basic attraction and preference of part of the population. It is not “consciously chosen nor readily susceptible to change.”
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Has It Really Been Ten Years Since We Were Dodging Bullets on the Church Steps?
We have come a long way over the last decade—since that shooting incident on the old church steps on a December evening. A lot has changed. A lot has happened. A lot has stayed the same. And what has particularly remained the same is God’s covenant faithfulness to us individually and as a group of believers—pilgrims passing through this world on our way to the Celestial City.
It was a little over a decade ago, on December 4th, 2011, that we experienced first-hand what many of our parishioners know all too well—the outbreak of violence and the threat of death. It was on that date when a gunfight broke out at the intersection of Kennedy and Brawley, one of the most dangerous intersections in the South—the place where since April 2010 Pastor Frank had been conducting our weekly Bible study at 5 o’clock on Sunday evenings. The shots weren’t aimed at our little group, sitting on the steps of a derelict church building, or at Pastor Frank, standing out on the sidewalk with his whiteboard. It was obviously a drug turf war. The first round of shots was a little unsettling, but the second round resulted in all of us except Pastor Frank hitting the ground, lying flat and praying. Our brave leader stood his ground as he dialed 911. None of us was hurt, and we all praised the Lord for his protection of us.
That event, in which the Lord clearly was watching over us, was ten years ago. That doesn’t seem possible—how swiftly time flies. But, on the other hand, so much has happened since then. Sometimes, it seems like it’s all a dream . . . .
For another year after that shooting incident, we continued to meet at that same street corner, in all kinds of weather and circumstances. We enjoyed the interaction with people who would come by and who would sit for a spell on the steps—there was something exciting about being in that environment, outdoors, on the tree-lined street, with a feel of street preaching. But by late 2012, after two and a half years on that corner, it was clear that we needed to take the next step toward becoming a church plant.
In December 2012, we started weekly worship services. And we were able at long last to meet indoors, as a result of the kindness of a Muslim convenience store owner who allowed us to use a room at the back of the store. This was very awkward as there was no electricity, so we moved, in mid-2013, to the basement of a local church. From that facility we were able to increase our outreach into the community by holding two very successful coat drives in the parking lot, giving away literally hundreds of coats and blankets. At the end of that year, we moved into a very small building, basically a one-room Baptist church, from where, for the first time, we held a Vacation Bible School in a nearby park. We stayed in that building for a year and a half before moving to one side of a duplex in June 2015.
By moving to the duplex, we then had a building that we could use at any time of the day, and on any day of the week. We were no longer confined to a few hours on the Lord’s Day. And our Sunday School teachers were particularly thrilled as they had their own rooms that they could decorate, and in which they could store their teaching materials. We made use of our new flexibility by holding a “Family Fling”, similar to a VBS but including adults, organized by one of our Sunday School teachers, Miss Amy Work.
Of course, not all was a bed of roses. For instance, the occupants of the other half of the duplex turned out to be your friendly neighbourhood crooks. Indeed, on one occasion we discovered that they had broken through the shared attic wall in order to get into our side of the building so as to run an electric cable and steal electricity from us!
But despite various ongoing challenges, our being in that duplex marked a transition for our ministry. Our group started to enjoy a stability that we had not had before.
Another important development came in 2017 when Miss Amy, the Sunday school teacher of our older children, started God’s Girls Group, specifically designed to disciple two young ladies. They have been meeting at her apartment once a month, doing something fun and interesting, and Miss Amy has been showing them how to cook while introducing them to healthy foods. She also tries to impress upon them the importance of cleaning up after themselves, which seems to have been a foreign concept to them. This is followed by a study time, in which the girls have been learning what it means to live as Christians. Although one of the girls is no longer attending, the other is showing promising signs of the Spirit’s work.
There were other helps, too, including mission teams, such as those from our Columbus, Indiana, congregation, which came in 2016 and 2018 to assist us for a week.
But the most important factor in enabling us to mature as a group was when, in March 2019, Great Lakes-Gulf Presbytery voted unanimously to constitute Atlanta Presbyterian Fellowship as a mission church of the presbytery. Our name changed to Atlanta Reformed Presbyterian Church. We could now offer church membership and start observing the sacraments. Frank accepted the call to be the organizing pastor, and the installation service was held in the duplex on May 10, 2019, with the Temporary Governing Body conducting the proceedings. We were gratified to have a large number of people in attendance, including representatives from the PCA, OPC, ARP, and the Free Church of Scotland (Continuing). With 55 people there, we were at maximum capacity.
Unfortunately, while Pastor Frank was driving the church van in order to pick up people for that service, he ran into a car that had failed to yield at a stop sign. After having to wait a long time for the police to arrive, he finally was able to arrive back at the church. The service started about an hour late, but it went well.
A few weeks later, on the way home from Bible study, Pastor Frank and I were involved in a car accident. It was a miracle that no other car was involved, and that we both received only minor injuries. However, both Frank and I had to miss church the following Sunday, and I missed the four Sundays after that as well.
Having been told by the owners of the duplex that we needed to vacate the building so that they could turn it into an Airbnb, Frank had been looking furiously to find somewhere else to rent, and, at the beginning of October 2019, we moved into a building that had originally been a broom factory. About twenty years earlier, it had been purchased by a church, but the number of elderly members was dwindling, and they had been thinking about disbanding and selling the building. So, we raised a goodly sum of money through the generosity of many people; and, in June 2020, were able to put a down payment on a mortgage provided by our Synod.
Our having our own facility—and especially one in such a strategic location—has also marked a significant transition for our congregation. We are still learning what it means to have a place we can call our own, and figuring out how to make the most use of it. But our acquisition of this property is another obvious signal of the Lord’s providential care for this ministry.
Ten years—ten years have passed since that gun battle just yards away from us. So much has happened since then. We have had people come and people go. Chris Myers and his family served for a couple of years, before moving away. Chris eventually was called as pastor of our Phoenix, Arizona, congregation. As soon as the Myers family left, Sean and Anne McPherson moved to the area from Pennsylvania and served for three years. And then, just as the McPhersons were moving back to their home state, TJ and Nancy Pattillo and their children Hannah and Sawyer started attending. TJ, an ordained Ruling Elder, is our talented ministerial intern and is also now a ministerial candidate in the RPCNA.
We’ve had others who have left us by means of death. I remember Rose, a sweet, illiterate woman, who, we believe, did come to faith in Christ; Bill, a man who was able to profess faith and be baptized; and Andrew, who professed his faith and was baptized and then was, sadly, killed in a freak accident four months later.
And I think also of those who have recently joined the congregation. One man who comes to mind in particular is a fellow who had spent many years in prison doing hard time for crimes such as grand theft auto. He had been coming to church for several years on an irregular basis. In July 2021 we heard that he had become very sick. When we first visited him in hospice, he was unable to communicate very well. About a week and a half later, he sent word through his sister that he wanted the pastor to visit him. When Frank went in the next time, he was very alert and expressed his disappointment that he had not been able to complete the membership course. Two days later, the elders were able to conduct a meeting with him via Zoom, in order to hear his profession of faith and admit him to membership. We never expected him to be able to attend a service. Well, the next thing we knew, he had checked himself out of hospice, walked to the bus stop, taken the bus and then the MARTA train to near his apartment from where his daughter picked him up. When he can, he makes it to church, and, at a wonderful time of prayer following a day of prayer and fasting back in October, he prayed wonderful prayers of gratitude and appreciation to God for having forgiven his sins and saved him.
We have come a long way over the last decade—since that shooting incident on the old church steps on a December evening. A lot has changed. A lot has happened. A lot has stayed the same. And what has particularly remained the same is God’s covenant faithfulness to us individually and as a group of believers—pilgrims passing through this world on our way to the Celestial City.
Has it really been ten years?
Penny Smith is a member of Atlanta Reformed Presbyterian Church (RPCNA) and the wife of Dr. Frank Smith, Pastor of Atlanta RPC.