The grass at Glen Oaks Cemetery had already begun to fade from its bright summer green to its drab winter brown on the day we first visited. The November breeze blew cold upon us as we walked the rows of graves to choose the spot where we would bury our son. We eventually chose a plot near the end of a long row, beneath the shade of a young tree. A few days later we watched his coffin be lowered into the ground in that very spot. We heard the pastor, my dearest friend, say the dreaded words, “Dust to dust.” We stood together as a family, arms linked, tears flowing, hearts breaking.

And now we have come to the next November and I find myself standing in that very same spot reflecting on a year that has come and gone. I have heard some people refer to this as a “deathday,” a morbid parallel to “birthday.” I prefer to stick with the wordier and more formal “anniversary of his death.” And, indeed, today is the first anniversary of the day Nick went to heaven. A full year has passed since we received the news that he had collapsed, since we heard that he had been rushed to hospital, since the doctor called to say, “We did everything we could.” A full year has passed since Aileen and I looked each other in the eye and said, through sobs, “We can do this.” A full year has passed since a night so traumatic that most of it has disappeared from memory, or perhaps been buried in a place beyond remembering.
The last year has brought the deepest sorrows I’ve ever known. I have had to say farewell to my firstborn child, my only son, without having said a proper “goodbye.” I have witnessed the people I love most in all the world passing through their darkest valley. I have sat awake long into the night to soothe sorrows and dry tears. I have laid awake through the wee hours preaching truth to myself meant to counter waves of fear and anxiety. In the darkness of night I have awoken to the cries and sobs of hearts that have been so badly broken. I have learned to grieve, I have learned to weep, I have learned to lament.
But though the last year has been one of so many sorrows, it has also been one of so many blessings. As I look back on the most difficult of years, I also look back on the most blessed of years. As I ponder the year since my hardest day, I find my heart rising in praise to God. I find my eyes wet with tears, but my heart filled with gratitude.
I am grateful for the gift of a son. And though he was taken from me so soon, I wouldn’t trade those years for all the riches of all the worlds. Had I known I would have him for so short a time, I would still have considered it a blessing to know him, to love him, to raise him. I thank God for entrusting to me so fine a son, so godly a young man.
I am grateful for the gift of love. My family has been so well cared for this year—loved by family and friends, by neighbors and strangers, by those who know us best and those who barely know us at all. We have not for a moment been alone, not for a moment been deserted.
I am grateful for the gift of providence. God has often used “coincidences” to minister to us on our hardest days and in our most difficult moments. Chance encounters have proven to not be chance at all. God has sovereignly woven together a set of circumstances that have proven his love, his care, his presence.
I am grateful for the gift of heaven. Never has heaven been more real, more present, more precious, more close. This year has given me a whole new longing to be there—to be where Christ is, where Nick is—to be in that place where all fears are stilled, where all sorrows are soothed, where all tears are dried.
I am grateful for the gift of faith. God has given us faith to believe in his character and promises, to acknowledge his right to take as much as to give. Not one of us has turned on God. Not one of us has charged him with wrong. Not one of us has refused to bless his name. Our hearts have been shattered but, by his grace, our faith has held strong.
I am grateful for the gift of comfort. God has comforted us by his Spirit and his people, by word and by deed. Not once have we been without truths to rely on, gospel to cling to, shoulders to cry upon. God has made good on his every promise.
I am grateful for these gifts and so many others. I love God more than ever. He has proven worthy of my confidence, my affection, my deepest devotion. I honor him, I trust him, I bow the knee to him. 
A recent journey led me through the local countryside, and as I drove, I observed fields that until recently had been green and full. But now they were now stark and bare. The farmers had gathered their crops into their barns to supply them through the long winter to come. And in much that way, as I reflect on the year that was, I can see that the God of all grace had gathered great stores of goodness and mercy for us. And he then dispensed them at just the right time and in just the right ways. We have known his abundance. He has met our every need, he has spoken comfort to our every sorrow, he has ministered truth to our every fear. He has been most present when most needed. He has not left us. He has not forsaken us. He never would. He never will.
(I will take this opportunity to remind you of the Nick Challies Memorial Scholarship at Boyce College and the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary—a scholarship in Nick’s honor meant to enable others to carry out the ministry that was so important to him—to minister the Word of God in Canada. The scholarship is now receiving funds from donors and distributing them to students. We would be honored if you would consider making a donation.)
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There are a couple of new Kindle deals from yesterday and today.

(Yesterday on the blog: The Thing About Light and Momentary)
Questions Your Church Should Ask a Missionary Candidate
“For churches, selecting which missionaries to support can be difficult. Missions committees and elder boards are often overwhelmed with requests from prospective partners. How should they sift through these opportunities and decide which ministries to prioritize?” Here’s a list of good questions to ask.
5 Reasons Why We Should Not Stop Using Male Pronouns for God
“It is right to believe that God is transcendent: God is not a man. Even little children learn in the catechism that ‘God is a Spirit and has not a body like men.’ And certainly, in Scripture God’s character and actions are sometimes described using feminine imagery (cf. Isa 49:15). But none of that means we should abandon male pronouns for God.”
Q and A with Alistair Begg
If you enjoy Q&A sessions, you might like to watch this one with Alistair Begg from the recent Basics Conference.
3 Ways to Live Humbly Online
A little bit more humility wouldn’t hurt any of us, would it?
How to Make the Case against Abortion in Less Than a Minute
With abortion back on everyone’s mind, this would be a good time to refresh yourself on how to make the case against it.
The Ordinary Christian Life in Retirement
“What is an ‘ordinary Christian life’ for a retiree? Is living an ‘ordinary’ life a good thing? Doesn’t God want us to live extraordinary lives—with exceptional experiences and accomplishments? Isn’t that what most people retire for?” Chris Cagle thinks it through.
Flashback: Each Man Before the Mob
We should be happier if a man follows a different path than we do while heeding his conscience than if he imitates us while violating it. We should affirm him in making a decision that is different from our own, as long as that decision is consistent with his conscience.

Human love was never intended to be our living water. Instead, it can be an addictive drug that is never enough. True freedom comes when you love God more than all else. —Ed Welch

There seems to be something embedded within our sinful human nature that makes us quicker to see evil than good. There is something that draws our attention more naturally to sin than to righteousness, more easily to what is ugly in other people than what is beautiful. No wonder, then, that one of the qualifications for an elder is that he must “a lover of good”, a man who takes delight in the things that delight the heart of God, a man who is not known primarily for the evils he despises but for the good he loves (Titus 1:8).

In that vein, what do you suppose comes more readily to the mind of God when he considers us—the evil we have done or the good? The evidences of remaining sin or the evidences of new grace? The ways in which we have defied his will or the ways in which we have submitted to it? I hope and expect the answer is obvious. While God sees and knows all things, surely what he most readily and eagerly sees in us is all the ways in which we are becoming like him—the godly character, the acts of love, the deeds of faith. He is a proud Father.
But I wonder about you. I wonder what is in your mind and what fills your heart when you consider Christian leaders or personalities, when you consider members of your local church, when you consider your own husband or wife or children? When it comes to other Christians in the widest circle or the narrowest, are you more likely to consider their strengths or their weaknesses, their virtues or their vices?
When someone mentions that Christian leader, do you think first about his flaws or about his graces? Is the first thing that comes to your mind the position he holds that irritates you or the deed he committed that bothers you? Or is it the way the Lord has shaped him and raised him to a position of prominence and used him there to bless others? Is it his failures, however obvious they may be, or his successes?
When someone asks you about that member of your church, could you more easily recount evidences of sinfulness in her life or evidences of grace? Is what naturally pours out of your mouth a list of proofs of the old woman or the new woman? Of what she was or what she is and will be?
When you pray for your husband, are your first words to the Lord words of praise and gratitude for the way God has been working within him and doing such good through him? Or are your first words related to his flaws and your hope that God will finally correct them? Do you more naturally see what’s wrong with him or what’s right? Do you more naturally offer the Lord praise or petition when you consider him?
When it comes to your spouse, when it comes to your children, when it comes to the members of your church, when it comes to other Christians of any kind, are you more skilled at identifying good or evil, sinfulness or virtue? Does your heart more readily identify what is lovely or what is abhorrent, what pleases God or what grieves him? Is the instinct of your tongue to praise God for the work he has done or to lament the work he has not yet done? I ask you to consider: Are you, like God, a true lover of good, a true searcher for good, and a truly committed identifier of good?