Grieving the Loss of a Loved One
Grieving the loss of a loved one is a painful process that takes time. The hurt is unavoidable as the soul reckons with their absence. And the agony like a hurricane can seem so powerful that it will destroy us. Yet God’s Word tells us that when we are at our lowest, we call out to Him and His Word for strength (Ps. 119:28). That Word tells us that death is temporary, and Christ is victorious. In the meantime, we can cast ourselves upon Him, and He will lead us, guide us, and even give us rest (Matt. 11:28–30).
Nothing hurts as badly as the loss of a loved one. We were not created or designed to experience separation from those whom we hold dear. Death is a result of sin and is not a part of the original creation order (Rom. 5:12)—little wonder it causes so much pain when we lose someone we love. Our souls cry out to hear the voices of those we love, to feel their arms wrapped around us, to look into their eyes and get lost in their souls once again. The ache is vast, overwhelming, and often indescribable. It’s a raging storm of hurt, fear, sadness, and anger. And if we are not careful, it can overtake us. How can a believer make it through the loss of a loved one well?
First, you must recognize what you are likely to face. There have been many attempts to describe what the process of grieving is like, but I’ve found that the analogy of a storm seems especially helpful. It’s a biblical image—both literally (Jonah 2:3) and figuratively (Ps. 42:7; 88:7). When we naturally talk about being overwhelmed by grief, we often describe it as a feeling of “drowning.” Know, then, that going through the grief of a loved one is like going through a tumultuous sea. There are times when it appears that the breakers are too much, that we will never make it to that foreign shore of acceptance.
Yet this is where Paul’s exhortation to the Thessalonians is so helpful:
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. (1 Thess. 4:13–14).
Like an unsinkable lifeboat, no matter how tall the waves of grief—though they be like mountains—Christ will not let you drown. He has defeated death (1 Cor. 15:55).
-
Know Your Flock Before You Preach
Three connected tasks demand the time of a pastor-teacher: preaching/teaching; people-work; and leading/admin. A wise pastor, it was recommended, gives a third of his time to each of these tasks, each task relating to and serving the others. To preach effectively involves knowing the people to whom we are preaching. Knowing the people fuels our love for them and shapes our prayers and our preaching to them.
What does it mean to be a good teacher?
I read recently that a good teacher is not just someone who knows and communicates their subject but who genuinely cares about their students, knows their students, and seeks to make what they teach accessible and helpful to the individuals they teach.
So it is with a wise pastor. A wise pastor-teacher doesn’t see their role as simply teaching the Bible. Rather, they teach God’s living Word to the flock entrusted to their care; those with whom they share their lives and take time to get to know.
Wisdom from Proverbs
There is wisdom for shepherd-leaders in Proverbs 27:23: “Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds.”
The given reason for this instruction is future-focussed; a well-cared-for flock will provide resources needed in the future.
For pastor-teachers, the reason for knowing the condition of the flock is also future-focussed; to best prepare them for their eternal future. In eternity they will be our joy.
Writing to those with whom he had shared both God’s Word and his life, Paul wrote, “For what will be our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when He comes? Is it not you? Indeed you are our glory and joy.” (1 Thessalonians 2:19-20)
Literally, Proverbs 27:23 says “Know well the face of your flock; set your heart on the herds.”
In the Bible, to know someone’s face is to really know them, their characters, their temperament, conditions, quirks and so on. This takes time. It will be costly. It involves prioritising spending time with them. It means getting up from our desks and deliberately engaging with them.
Pastors in a former generation tended to spend their mornings in the study and the afternoons/evenings with people. Spending time with people in their homes seems to be less common now. There may be understandable reasons why that is so, but a wise pastor finds ways to “know well the face of their flock.”
Loving the flock
Spending time getting to know those entrusted to our care is an act of love.
It fuels our prayers as we prepare to preach. It shapes how we teach as we adapt and apply our teaching to their needs.
Read More
Related Posts: -
Why Technology Makes Our Lives Easier Yet More Meaningless
In the end, who cares how productive that device makes you if you aren’t productive in what matters most to God. How will we love the Lord with all our heart, soul, strength, and mind, and love our neighbors as ourselves with our faces constantly pressed against a screen? Sure, the latest technology makes our lives easier, but is it also making them more meaningless? And if it is, where do we start drawing the line?
Every device you buy makes a promise, “I’ll make your life easier.”
You see a new phone, a new appliance, or a new app you’d like to try, and immediately you start thinking, “this will make my life so much better!”
And often the promise turns out to be true.
We purchase that new gadget or piece of software and it does make us marginally more productive, entertained, or efficient. Life is a little bit easier. But while we’re so enamored by the ways the technology makes life easier, we scarcely hear the second part of the contract.
Technology will make your life a little easier, but it will also make it a little more meaningless.
The Future is Here and it’s Disappointing
We are living in the future. At the press of a button, you can have any item you desire shipped to your home, any information you like poured directly into your brain. We have an abundance—endless entertainment options, unlimited methods to automate away tedium, and infinite access to every comfort imaginable. All thanks to our devices.
But our devices also take their pound of flesh. Do you ever look around at our world and wonder, “How can a people who have everything be so miserable?”
It’s the conundrum of our age: We have everything we thought we wanted, but somehow we’re still not happy. We have infinite content, so why aren’t we infinitely content?
Now, we could say the very obvious thing. They need, Jesus. And, yes, they do need Jesus.
But don’t you feel it too?
I know I do. And I have Jesus. But something still seems off. It’s like I’m desperately trying to get something from my devices; to scratch some mysterious itch. But the more I search, the more it eludes me.
The Life We’re Looking For
In his book, The Life We’re Looking For, Andy Crouch notes some of the unique features of the times we live in:“The defining mental activity of our time is scrolling”
“The defining illness of our time is metabolic syndrome”
“The defining emotional challenge of our time is anxiety”Crouch concludes, “So it is no wonder that the defining condition of our time is a sense of loneliness and alienation. For if human flourishing requires us to love with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength, what happens when nothing in our lives develops those capacities? With what, exactly, will we love?” (59).
It seems we’ve struck a deal with our devices that so much resembles the bargains with the tricksters from the old stories. A genie appears to grant your wish. But once you have what your flesh desired you find you’ve lost something of yourself in the exchange. We wished for peace and quiet, and what we got was loneliness.
Read More
Related Posts: -
Why Reformed Christians Are Vulnerable to Social Justice
Reformed theology is diametrically opposed to social justice ideology. But many Reformed people today are mostly just 5 point Calvinists who do not embrace our confessions or the implications of the solas.
Many young Christians didn’t learn how to understand justice from Scripture. So in college, they learned how to understand justice from culture.
And now, they think injustice is justice. And they interpret Scripture through culture, not culture through Scripture.
That’s why many professing Christians are more committed to Black Lives Matter than Biblical theology.
But our culture’s understanding of justice—or social justice ideology—hasn’t only infiltrated colleges, it’s also infiltrated churches. Professors are influencing Christians to adopt an unbiblical view of justice, and pastors are encouraging them to embrace it—especially Reformed pastors.
I’ve received hundreds of emails from people over the last couple months. And they’re almost entirely from people who feel pressured to adopt social justice ideology or critical theory from their Reformed pastors.
Social justice has become so widely accepted in mainstream Reformed circles it might be considered their sixth point of Calvinism. Some influential leaders and organizations look like they identify with social justice just as much as they identify with the five points of Calvinism and the five solas.
At this rate, social justice is probably going to be one of the major legacies and pitfalls of the Young, Restless, and Reformed movement—and it’s precisely what John MacArthur warned us about that almost a decade ago.
In 2011, John MacArthur said:
“The [Young, Restless, and Reformed] movement as it is shaping up also needs to face up to some fairly serious problems and potential pitfalls.
As the Young, Restless, and Reformed movement has taken shape, some of the best-selling books and leading figures in the movement have been completely uncritical (and in some cases openly supportive) of seeker-sensitive-style pragmatism.
And one cannot be genuinely “Reformed” and deliberately worldly at the same time. The two things are inconsistent and incompatible. To embrace the world’s fashions and values—even under the guise of being “missional”—is to make oneself God’s enemy (James 4:4). Many supposed reformations have faltered on that rock.”
John MacArthur was severely criticized for those words, but he was right.
The Young, Restless, and Reformed movement—or New Calvinism—was born as an alternative to the seeker-sensitive movement, but it’ll die as its own version of the seeker-sensitive movement.
Like the seeker-sensitive movement, the Young, Restless, and Reformed movement embraced a celebrity culture and naturally, an elitist model that sometimes prioritizes tribalism over truth, compromise over courage.
Read More
