Sexual chemistry is extremely powerful, with effects that have been compared to that of taking highly addictive drugs such as cocaine. It is nothing to be dealt with lightly, as can be seen from the havoc and wrecked lives left in its wake.

Most Christians enter into marriage thinking neither spouse will have an extramarital affair, but it does happen, as we sadly know. Here is some practical advice for protecting and strengthening your marriage.
Countless affairs are ignited by “chemistry.”
Extramarital affairs can start because of sexual chemistry—and Christians should never underestimate the power of this kind of chemistry. We hear stories of pastors having affairs, and we wonder how that could happen. Of course he knew better—he is a pastor! What a hypocrite! Well, most of the time, it’s likely that sexual chemistry ignited the fuse.
It is helpful to recognize the role hormones play when it comes to the feelings of sexual attraction humans experience. According to the research institute ASDN (Atomic Scale Design Network),
First attraction, first “sparks” in the air followed by falling in love are caused by combination of three neurochemicals: phenylethylamine, norepinephrine and dopamine. Later stages of long relationships are guided by another two: oxytocin and serotonin…Phenylethylamine (PEA), acts as a releasing agent of norepinephrine and dopamine. The first attraction causes us to produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying feelings associated with romantic love. Large quantities of PEA increase both physical and emotional energy and at the same time release more dopamine.
Be acutely aware of the difference between feelings of friendship and sexual chemistry.
To be clear, this kind of chemistry is not a deep, abiding feeling of friendship for someone of the opposite sex. According to psychologist Dario Nardi in his article “PEA—The Hormone of Love,” the hormones involved in feelings of sexual attraction result in infatuation and produce sensations that include giddiness, “butterflies” in the stomach, sleeplessness, and a narrow focus on a particular person.
“Chemistry” can ignite suddenly and unexpectedly. What was once a nice friendship can become sexually charged in an instant.
Sexual chemistry can be even more powerful when the illicit relationship has appealing aspects that are missing in your marriage, because you may be starved for them and not even realize it. Yet, as Nardi explains, the effects of hormones such as phenylethylamine (PEA), norepinephrine, and dopamine don’t last forever:

For better or worse, after a certain period of eighteen months to four years the body builds up a tolerance to the effects of PEA and related hormones.

Even though the feelings of attraction that are produced by hormones such as PEA are likely to diminish over time, the destructive effects of an affair remain. Sometimes a marriage can still be saved at that point—but not always.
This reduction in certain hormones may also be a significant reason why married couples tend to struggle with feeling as romantic with each other as they did when they were dating. It’s good to be aware of this, so you don’t think there is something wrong because these feelings have diminished.
Flee from inappropriate sexual chemistry.
You should never play with fire and sexual chemistry is no different in that aspect, as both can produce disastrous results. If you find you have sexual chemistry with someone who is not your spouse—or the person is married and you are single—the best thing you can do is stay away from that person as much as possible. We find a good example of this in the Bible where Joseph had to repeatedly refuse the advances of Potiphar’s wife and eventually had to flee from her presence to avoid committing sexual sin (Gen. 39).
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Puritans viewed habits in developing spiritual maturity was through aligning a believer’s will to that of God’s. Through habits, or frequent practice, the Puritans would say that a believer begins to now want what God wants by being regularly conditioned spiritually in frequent obedience to Him. God works through the repetitive obedience of believers to conform their desires to His.[18]

The Puritans spoke, wrote, and preached about the importance of frequent, regular, godly actions, which they termed habits, holy works, labors, duties, heavenly services, or holy efforts. They believed that habits were critical for spiritual maturity. But what did they consider “spiritual maturity,” and how do habits help to that end?
In speaking of “spiritual maturity,” the Puritans always emphasized that this could only be a discussion for those who were in the Spirit.[1] To use the example of Watson, the smoking flax must be blown up by the believer’s efforts—but notably there is a smoking flax with which to begin.[2] This spiritual maturity looks like three primary evidences in the believer’s life, according to the Puritans: (1) greater capacity for future obedience, (2) a believer’s will is conformed to God’s will, and (3) greater Christlikeness.[3] The first two will be covered here, saving the third for another post.
Greater Capacity for Future Obedience
Many of the Puritans believed that habits gave a person the capacity for greater obedience in the future. “In keeping the commandment there is this reward,” said Oliver Heywood, “that every act of obedience doth increase the ability to obey. Every step reneweth strength. Saints go from strength to strength, for the way of the Lord is strength to the upright.”[4]Heywood was stating something very striking: the frequent practice of obedience enables a believer to obey more. Thomas Cole similarly wrote,
“As all graces grow up together in the heart, in an apt disposition to actual exercise, when occasion is given to draw them forth; and as no grace in the heart grows up alone; so no duty thrives in the life alone. One duty borrows strength from another, is bounded within another. As stones in a wall do bear up one another; so a Christian is built up of many living stones, many graces, many duties.”[5]
Duties borrow strength from another. There is a compounding of sorts, according to Cole. The more one does something, the more strength and capacity it gives them to do it again. He later said, “present obedience gives understanding for the future.”[6]
David Clarkson agreed, stating that “the act strengthens that good motion and disposition which leads to it [emphasis added].”[7] Therefore, Clarkson advised to quickly act upon an inclination to a good work, since good works enable for more consistent obedience.[8] In other words, when believers act on a godly inclination, their actions strengthen the desire to do it again.
Thomas Watson also expressed a similar idea:
“There are two things that provoke appetite. Exercise: a man by walking and stirring gets a stomach to his meat. So by the exercise of holy duties the spiritual appetite is increased. ‘Exercise thyself unto Godliness’ … [emphasis added].”[9]
Watson was citing Matthew 5:6, while stating that the exercise of holy duties enables and promotes one to hunger and thirst for righteousness. And through that exercise of duty does the spiritual appetite increase.
Thomas Woodcock’s thoughts on the matter mirrored what Watson, Burroughs, and Clarkson said; he wrote, “Every step a man takes he goeth into a new horizon, and gets a further prospect into truth. Motion is promoted by motion, actions breed habits, habits fortify the powers, the new life grows stronger and fuller of spirit. The yoke of Christ is easier, smoother, and lighter, by often wearing it.”[10] Regular practice or habits, “fortify the powers.” Woodcock was saying what the other Puritans did, that habits promote the ability of greater obedience (a more consistent, godly habitual lifestyle).
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Fortunately for us, Satan lacks self-control. He can’t keep anything within reasonable proportion. He can’t be content with transing just some of the kids. He must trans all of them. He must destroy every human body on the way to devouring every precious soul. And so, eventually, all the confused speech becomes such a deafening cacophony of lies, that all the “surgical racism,” whatever that is, will be seen for what it is—total and complete evil.

“I hate this book,” said my child, removing an earbud.
“What book?” I asked.
“The Screwtape Letters,” he replied.
“Oh yeah,” said another child. “That’s the worst. Get out of my head, Dr. Lewis. You Don’t Know Me.”
Except he does though.
I wanted something light and fluffy for today, since I have so much to do and so little time to do it. But then a dear friend sent me this long rant by Andrew Sullivan, who afflicted himself by reading Judith Butler’s latest book which he describes as “decipherable” but “inelegant.” He takes this new readability as a hopeful sign, that the tide of gender confusion and insanity is perhaps turning. Butler, and that extraordinarily wicked person, Andrea Long Chu who made a case for the transing of children in New York Magazine, are not relying “on the media, the government, and the courts to impose their ideas by fiat” but are taking their arguments to the general public. This must represent some measure of desperation. The release of those WPATH files combined with the airtime de-transitioners are getting in places like the New York Times indicates that there is plenty of work to do to convince both lofty academic and humble normie to persist in doing “the work.”
I am not entirely persuaded about the hopefulness of this shift, but I was delighted to hear what is happening, in general, to the entire “community” that persistently attempts to find their essential identity in anything related to sex. In the words of Sullivan:
That’s why the Trevor Project, the massively-funded TQ+ organization, now tells troubled young gay kids that a gay man is defined as someone who has sex with biological women as well as with men. A gay man is not attracted to the same “sex” but to the same “gender” and that now includes biological women. Trevor has abolished homosexuality! It’s why woker-than-woke Grindr, formerly an app for gay men, is now full of straight dudes with profiles that say “NOT INTERESTED IN MEN just don’t bother,” “I don’t like men,” “Str8 4T”, “do not message me if you’re cis or a man,” “Fems and Them No Men,” “No gay men u will be blocked,” and “Im straight not gay.” Just another part of the straight “queer” community.
In the postmodern world where we invent reality hour by hour, depending on how we feel, being gay now includes heterosexual sex — and by far the biggest group in the “LGBTQIA+” umbrella are bisexual women in relationships with straight men. At some point, gay men will wake up and realize that they have abolished their own identity — indeed merged it into its opposite. But they have another tea dance to get to and another Instagram vacation pic to post. Most are pathetically uninformed, or programmed by tribal insecurity to follow the queering herd.
All my children, not just the two aforementioned, are binging on Lewis right now. If I made up a drinking game for every time I heard “C.S. Lewis” or “Tolkien says,” around here I would have to be locked away. Instead, I’m just folding laundry and eating cheese, and listening to them argue. No matter what I’m reading or thinking about, eventually, I’m going to end up back in Narnia or St. Anne’s. 
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