How to Live for God with Fear of Rejection
The fear of rejection is often a fear piled on top of other fears and uncertainties. The solution is to make the fear of rejection “a small thing”. And the way to make the fear of rejection a small thing is to make the acceptance of Christ a bigger thing. And the only way that can happen is to cultivate with all zeal a relationship with Christ through all the means we have been provided as fellow heirs with him. This takes work and a frank recognition of our fears and the beliefs that undergird them.
1 Corinthians 4:3–4: [3] But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. [4] For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. (ESV)
“What if they reject me?” This fear runs like an underground stream of thought in the hearts of many of us. When we see someone who seems impervious to the blows of public opinion and/or rejection, we marvel at them in part because we can’t imagine having that ability. It’s almost as though they’re superheroes whose powers we’re not certain we’d like to have.
In speaking with some of these people, it is often the case that there is still a fear of rejection, only that it looks different for them compared to us.
The Fear of Rejection
The fear of rejection often involves friends. One of the reasons peer pressure is such a powerful force is because it leverages the fear of rejection by functionally blackmailing a person into conforming. This threat is rarely made explicitly; normally it is implicit, and that only makes the threat all the more powerful. Not only does a person being threatened feel the power of the threat as the fears arise, but the nature and origin of the power are obscured behind a shadow in their mind. The same can be said of other manifestations of the fear of rejection, such as rejection by family or coworkers.
Why, in general, is the fear of rejection so powerful? How can the apostle Paul say it is a very small thing to be judged by the Corinthians or any other human court? How can Paul be content knowing that the only judgment of him that matters is the judgment by Jesus?
Before continuing, we may need to make the case that Paul is in fact speaking to things that reflect a typical fear of rejection. In speaking of judgment, Paul is invoking language that is more legal than social. Also, Paul speaks of not judging himself, which could hardly be construed as social rejection. How can someone reject themselves?
Nevertheless, Paul is defending himself against the Corinthians, and there is a social aspect to the judgment as well as the overarching legal tones. And the rest of the letter is in a sense a plea for the Corinthians to accept Paul. Although Paul is clearly not driven by fear but rather by faith, we can see in Paul’s words above a lack of the fear of rejection.
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Bashing Babies on Boulders? Making Sense of Psalm 137
We can follow the example of those who have gone before us. This is how we can pray Psalm 137 today. We call on and plead with God to be faithful to his promises. And we know that all of God’s promises find their Yes and Amen in Jesus (2 Corinthians 1:20). The exiles by the waters of Babylon appealed to God’s Word revealed in Scripture and we do the same today. And we have so much more – we have the Word himself who has revealed the glory of the Father (John 1).
Where were you on May 2, 2011? I was at an Usher concert with a few friends. It was a great concert, and I enjoyed hearing Usher perform several hits from his newest album, Raymond v. Raymond. The concert, though, is not the reason I remember that day. I remember May 2, 2011 because of what happened after the concert. As my friends and I left the venue, we noticed a lot of people excitedly looking at their phones. We assumed they were just reliving the concert we all just experienced. Until, that is, a pick-up truck with a huge American flag in the back drove by and a man shouted from the window, “Osama’s dead! We got him!” On May 2, 2011, Osama bin Laden was killed by U.S. special forces, and people halfway around the world broke out in jubilant shouts.
What was behind that? How did the killing of a stranger thousands of miles away provoke joy and excitement in the parking lot of an Usher concert? To state it succinctly, celebration broke out in that parking lot because the death of bin Laden represented the satisfaction of a communal grief and rage that was occasioned by an act of true evil.
What about Psalm 137? How could a group of people unflinchingly state, “Blessed shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against the rock” and then have the audacity to write such a statement down? More to the point, how does a psalm that celebrates little ones dashed against rocks (Ps. 137:9) belong in the same Bible where Jesus says, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:14)? In Psalm 137, the Bible confronts our modern sensibilities and gives us significant pause. The goal of this article is not to sanitize the passage by reading it allegorically, nor is the goal to assert that this passage is an aberration from the biblical witness. Instead, a careful and faithful reading of Psalm 137 leads us to Christ and, in so doing, provides us with the means by which we can engage with evil and suffering in our world today.
The Bible is a strange book. It’s okay to admit that. Psalm 137 was likely written in the 6th century BC in ancient Hebrew. The cultural and historical setting in which Psalm 137 was expressed is far removed from the United States in 2021. And yet, Christians recognize that presiding over the cultural and personal diversity that led to the Bible is a sovereign, powerful, and single Author. When we encounter passages that highlight cultural distance, our first reaction ought to be a humble curiosity.
Where does Psalm 137 fit in the story of history? The first question a humble curiosity asks is one of context. Indeed, context will provide the key to understanding Psalm 137. Where does Psalm 137 sit in history, in the literary story, and in the redemptive story of Scripture? The historical setting of the psalm is apparent in the very first verse:
By the waters of Babylon,there we sat down and wept,when we remembered Zion.
Robert Alter, a professor of Hebrew and comparative literature at the University of California, Berkeley, writes of Psalm 137 that, “This psalm was almost certainly composed shortly after the deportation of the Judahites by the Babylonians in 586 B.C.E.”[1] Psalm 137 is one of the few psalms which makes clear its own historical context. The psalmist writes of the community of exiles sitting down by the waters of Babylon to weep. The city of Babylon and the surrounding country was known at that time for its extensive system of canals. The Jewish exiles likely retreated to different places of this system in order to gather as a community and, as this psalm makes clear, give voice to their grief.
But why grief? These original Jewish singers of this psalm lived through the capture of Jerusalem, the looting and destruction of the Temple, and their forced exile to Babylon. 2 Kings 25 describes the siege of Jerusalem lasting for two years. The siege resulted in a famine so severe that it led to mothers boiling their children for food (Lam. 4:9-10). The king at that time, Zedekiah, was captured. The Babylonians killed his sons in front of him and then put his eyes out so that the last thing he ever saw was the murder of his sons. The Temple was looted and burned down, along with the palace and all the houses of Jerusalem.
Psalm 137, then, is a song of lament. It is a communal expression of grief, an opportunity for the Jewish people to gather and tell the truth of their oppression. Their lament is further occasioned, however, by a more immediate context. In the midst of their weeping, their Babylonian captors goad them on, “Sing us one of your Zion songs.” These Zion songs are scattered throughout the Psalter and scholars have identified several of them. One of them is Psalm 48, which opens with, “Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised in the city of our God! His holy mountain, beautiful in elevation, is the joy of all the earth, Mount Zion, in the far north, the city of the great King. Within her citadels God has made himself known as a fortress.”
Can you imagine the scene Psalm 137 depicts? The people of Judah are gathered along the canals of Babylon, lamenting the death and destruction visited upon them. And then, like taunting schoolboys, their captors jeer at them: “Sing us one of your songs! How about that one that says Zion is the city of the great king? The one that says God has made himself known as a fortress?” A hermeneutic of humble curiosity necessarily entails empathy, particularly since Christians are grafted into the story of Israel. The story of these Jewish exiles in the 6th century BC is our story. We weep with them.
Where does Psalm 137 fit in the literary story of Scripture? History is not the only important context we must examine. The Bible is a book written by one Author through many individual authors. Where does Psalm 137 fit within that picture? Here it is helpful to introduce the idea of a canonical reading of Scripture. In the 19th and 20th centuries, it became popular among scholars to attempt to trace the various sources of the Bible to disparate authors. Instead of recognizing the unity of Scripture, scholars sought to dissect Scripture, particularly the Old Testament. A professor of Old Testament at Yale University changed this with the introduction of the “canonical reading” of the Bible. Brevard Childs asserted that it was most helpful to approach the Bible as it is received by faith communities. In other words, rather than dissecting Scripture into many individual parts, Childs recognized the Bible as a united literary document which deserved study as such. A canonical reading of the Psalms, then, considers questions such as the arrangement of the psalms and how the book functions as a literary whole.
Scholars have generally identified five ‘books’ within the Psalms. Psalm 137 is located in Book V of the Psalter. This final section of the Psalter consists of Psalms 107-150. O. Palmer Robertson describes Book V as “the climactic praises of the consummation of the kingdom” (emphasis in original).[2] Interestingly, the Psalm itself sits within a trio of Psalms that serve as a hinge between two larger collections within the book. Psalms 120-134 are known collectively as the Songs of Ascent.
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Prayer Releases Spiritual Power
We live between these two moments in history; Jesus has already ultimately defeated Satan, sin, and death, and yet they have not yet been destroyed. During this present age, Jesus wants us to spread his righteous rule over earth (Matt 6:33) THROUGH HIS POWER. The fact that this can only be done through his power was stressed by Jesus in the words that preceded his great commission: All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me, therefore—go and make disciples of the nations. Only IN CHRIST is there power to overcome the kingdom of darkness.
Author Dave Murrow observes what anthropology has confirmed: “Warfare is still imprinted on the male psyche. Men love to watch war movies and read war novels. They play war games on computers. Polls show men always support military action more than women” (Why Men Hate Going to Church). Science just confirms the truth we are given in Genesis 2:15—that Adam is designed to shape and protect the garden. Since Adam and Eve’s sin brought Satan, sin, and destruction into the garden, all our efforts to shape our lives and culture in righteousness are opposed by this triumvirate. We must fight, in the power of Christ, for every inch of ground. Today we examine a powerful WEAPON for this fight: prayer. But viewing prayer as a weapon for fighting is probably NOT what most men think of prayer as being for. They see prayer as praise to God, confession to God, thankfulness to God, requesting God’s help for those grieving or having surgery. But rarely do we see prayer used the way Paul tells us in Eph 6”18 it is to be used: as an act of war. And when men understand this dimension of prayer, prayer moves from being a guilt-producing obligation to becoming a life-changing thrill! Could that happen in your prayer life? Yes, and that is our goal in this episode.
Behind the world and the flesh is an even deadlier enemy, one we rarely speak of and are much less ready to resist, the kingdom of darkness, which is to blame for most of the casualties around us and assaults against us. Paul said it this way, We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Paul reveals two vital implications of this reality 1) we must put on our spiritual armor—the belt of truth, etc. but secondly 2) we must PRAY. Eph 6 continues, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints (vs 18). Paul uses one of the words for prayer four times. Why is prayer such a vital part of combatting the spiritual forces of evil?
Our Prayer Power Is Only Grasped by Understanding Redemptive History
A. Because humans are made to bear God’s image, God created humans to rule over a world using their mental capacity and creativity to develop the potential of the earth and all those living on it—causing everything to flourish. God left things “undeveloped” so man could exhibit God’s image in developing earth’s potential. The law of God was written on Adam and Eve’s hearts, to guide them to shape the world righteously in a way that pleased God. For them that moral law was summed up, “You may not eat of the fruit that is in the midst of the garden.”
B. When Adam and Eve ignored their conscience and rebelled against the High King by eating the fruit, Adam’s race lost the moral ability to shape the earth in a way that was consistent with God’s righteousness. SATAN, and SIN (along with sin’s consequence DEATH) began to rule Adam and Eve’s kingdom.
C. Adam and Eve’s descendants inherited that corrupt nature. Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned (Rom 5:12). There is nothing that any human can do to free the human race from sin’s enslavement of human nature.
D. God himself would have to come, invade human nature, and become a second Adam. So, God The Son, came into the world as Jesus the Messiah to “redeem” the new humanity and new earth from the destruction, power, and presence of sin.
And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him (Col 2:13-15).
E. At the cross, Jesus, the second Adam overthrew the usurpers of Adam’s kingdom–Satan, sin, and death, restoring the throne of Adam’s kingdom to the new head of Adam’s race, namely King Jesus to spread the kingdom of God over earth from his position at the right hand of the Father. George Ladd explains,
The Kingdom of God is the redemptive reign of God dynamically active to establish his rule among men, and this Kingdom, which will appear as an apocalyptic act at the end of the age, has already come into human history in the person and mission of Jesus to overcome evil, to deliver men from its power, and to bring them into the blessings of God’s reign. The Kingdom of God involves two great moments: fulfillment within history, and consummation at the end of history. (The Presence of the Future).
F. We live between these two moments in history; Jesus has already ultimately defeated Satan, sin, and death, and yet they have not yet been destroyed. During this present age, Jesus wants us to spread his righteous rule over earth (Matt 6:33) THROUGH HIS POWER. The fact that this can only be done through his power was stressed by Jesus in the words that preceded his great commission: All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me, therefore—go and make disciples of the nations. Only IN CHRIST is there power to overcome the kingdom of darkness. Ladd continues,
The kingdom in this age is not merely the abstract concept of God’s universal rule to which men must submit; it is rather a dynamic power at work among men…. Before the apocalyptic coming of God’s Kingdom and the final manifestation of his rule to bring in the new age, God has manifested his rule, his Kingdom to bring men in advance of the eschatological era the blessings of his redemptive reign.
G. Jesus’ defeat of Satan, sin and death at the cross, his resurrection, and then ascension bring about the outpouring of the Holy Spirit in a fuller way. On the day of Pentecost, Peter tells the crowds they are witnessing the fulfillment of Joel’s prophecy, And in the last days it shall be, God declares that I will pour out my Spirit (Acts 2:17). The primary work of the Holy Spirit reinforces the truth that Christ is establishing his kingdom of righteousness RIGHT NOW. Paul describes the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives:
Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh…. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, division, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Gal 5:16-23).
Linking These Facts of Salvation History to PRAYER
Just as God left the earth undeveloped because he wants Adam to exercise dominion over the earth to develop its potential, much of Christ’s redemptive power for the new creation is waiting for us to access.
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Further Remarks Concerning the Fitness for Office Controversy in the Presbyterian Church in America
Christ is one, and he alone is righteousness for all who believe in him, irrespective of anything in themselves and irrespective of their place in the church. But office has higher standards than membership, is available only to a select few (Jas. 3:1), and is not meant to glorify the ones who hold it but so that they may serve everyone else in humility and without partiality. (Mk. 10:42-45; 1 Tim. 5:21).
Last year I asserted that we should reconsider what terms we employ in discussing the question of fitness for office in the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA). Subsequent correspondence suggests that such an assertion merits further consideration. Of particular interest is the concept of the unthinkable in moral questions.
In such matters conscious obedience to what has been explicitly stated is, it needs but little comment, of great importance. God has revealed his moral law in the Old Testament, clearly transcribing by the hand of his prophet Moses those things that he wishes men to do or refrain from doing. But alongside of the question of intentionally obeying such explicit commands is the related matter of the unthinkable.
Consider an example. Some time ago I was working in a clinic where a boy was getting a shot. He resisted by making a scene, to which what appeared to be his grandmother responded by chiding him for his incivility. The boy responded by loudly cursing this poor woman.
When I mentioned this incident to a coworker from Michigan, he, while not approving the behavior, nonetheless asserted there were occasions in which he could conceivably curse while addressing his mother, albeit not with a disrespectful tone. That notion, like the boy’s behavior, is utterly foreign to my Southern upbringing, so much so that I am not sure what would have happened to me if I had ever done either. It was simply inconceivable that I would ever curse in the presence of a parent or grandparent, much less toward one.
Nor was this because I had the advantage of a rigorous Presbyterian upbringing (I didn’t). I knew that one does not disrespect familial authority like that even when I was, at most, vaguely familiar that Ex. 21:17 exists. This was because I was the beneficiary of a common moral sense that had been developed and propagated by my culture in the form of sundry taboos.
And central to the effectiveness of such taboos is the concept of the unthinkable: for what cannot be thought in one’s own mind cannot be discussed with others, and what cannot be discussed openly cannot be done with impunity. The creation of the taboo is a strong impediment to the commission of the behavior it ultimately seeks to defend against.
Now such taboos are not merely a result of God’s common grace (where they are beneficial), nor a result of sin (where they depart from his will, Mk. 7:1-5, 9-20; 1 Tim. 4:3-5); they are to have their place also in the church, provided of course that they are fully in accord with scripture and do not go beyond it by forbidding what God allows (Col. 2:18, 20-23; 1 Tim. 4:3) or requires (Matt. 15:3-6). See, for example, 1 Corinthians 5. A man in Corinth had married his step mother (a violation of Lev. 18:8), and Paul in his letter is aghast that such a thing had not only occurred but also been boasted over (vv. 2, 6).
It is not clear why the church was boastful about such a thing, but some think that it involved a misunderstanding of liberty in Christ.1 Whatever its precise cause, the church had stumbled by permitting what even pagans recognized as intolerably evil (v. 1).
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