Accurate self-knowledge is essential but not sufficient for deep and lasting change in ourselves and our counselees. As Calvin taught in the 16th century, “Nearly all the wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves.” 

Every counseling model seeks increased and more accurate self-knowledge as one of its aims. Everyone agrees that poor self-awareness and self-deception hinder personal growth. But not everyone agrees on what that self-knowledge looks like or how to attain it. Let’s look at two different models of increased self-knowledge.
Secular Theory (CBT)
Positive psychologist Christina Wilson, PhD, writes, “Self-knowledge is essential for personal growth, decision making, and accurate self-assessment. It is the opposite of ignorance and helps us make sense of our experiences. Importantly, self-knowledge is an essential tool to help in the change process. Change is hard. It requires intentionality and courage.”[1] So, if “self-knowledge is an essential tool to help in the change process,” how does one attain self-knowledge?
Author and counselor Meg Selig shares the following strategies[2]:

Listen to compliments and absorb them.
Notice your emotions.
Notice what you are thinking.
Become friends with your mistakes.
Keep a journal or take time to reflect.
Listen to other people, but make and live by your own decisions.
Talk to a therapist or counselor.
Try personality or temperament tests.
Practice assertiveness.
Surround yourself with good people who accept you and foster your growth.

While there are some helpful ideas here, it’s clear in secular counseling models that self-knowledge is attained intra-personally (from oneself) and inter-personally (with a little help from your friends), but there is no vertical dimension. The very concept of secular means worldly—there is no necessary reference to God. This is “the wisdom of the world” (1 Cor. 1:20-21), which the apostle Paul says is ultimately foolishness. Therefore, worldly self-knowledge alone is ultimately futile in the counseling process.
John Calvin
Reformer John Calvin had a very different idea about attaining self-knowledge. In chapter 1 of his Institutes of the Christian Religion, he writes,
“Nearly all the wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves…Again, it is certain that man never achieves a clear knowledge of himself unless he has first looked upon God’s face, and then descends from contemplating him to scrutinize himself.”[3]
While Calvin would agree with our modern psychologists that self-knowledge is essential for human growth and flourishing, he would disagree that self-knowledge and wisdom for living can be attained from a merely secular framework. Calvin recognizes that knowledge of self is inseparable from knowledge of God; in fact, self-knowledge is impossible apart from God since humans owe their very existence to God, and the most important characteristic of a human is that he/she is created in the image of God.
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Even when it is meant for evil, as with Joseph’s brothers; even in the midst of our sin, as with David; and even when it involves people we wouldn’t expect, such as Rahab; God is still sovereignly accomplishing His will for the redemption of His people for His glory.

A colorful coat given to a boy. An evening walk on a palace roof. A red cord hung from a prostitute’s window. These brief scenes from over three thousand years ago should have no bearing on our lives today. Yet these moments were used to bring about the most important event in human history: the cross of Calvary. You could write it off as coincidence, you could minimize the significance, or you can marvel at God’s sovereignty.
But what is sovereignty? Sovereignty is God’s right to rule over His creation and to do as He pleases (Psalm 115:3). Everyone—from the greatest world ruler to the humble farmer—reports directly to God. No one answers to themselves or operates outside of His will. The Westminster Confession of Faith says it this way, “God, from all eternity, did, by the most wise and holy counsel of his own will, freely, and unchangeably ordain whatsoever comes to pass.” (WCF, 3) God’s sovereignty is the very core of everything that has happened or will ever happen, and we are called to submit to Him as the Author, the Potter, the Creator, the King.
Though God reigns over the arch of history, He is also so intimately involved in the daily details of our lives that even seemingly random acts such as the casting of lots are governed by Him (Prov. 16:33). There is nothing that catches God off guard, nothing that causes Him to course correct, nothing that He watches helplessly. There is nothing so big or so small—no panic attack or pandemic—that occurs without His permission. He guides our steps, numbers our hairs, and ordains our days (Ps. 37:23-24, Ps. 139, Matt. 10:30).
As Christians, such careful involvement ought to greatly comfort and astound us but it often leads to anxiety or apathy instead.
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Pure is a good and helpful book that insightfully analyzes the shortcomings of the purity movement and offers a much better, much more compelling, and much more biblically-grounded vision for singleness, dating, marriage, and sex. 

Do you remember the purity movement? Or perhaps it’s better to ask this: How could you possibly forget the purity movement? Though in many ways its aims were noble—sexual purity among teens and young adults—its methods were more than a little suspect and, in the long run, often even harmful. It framed sexual purity as a method that would gain a spouse rather than as obedience that would honor God; it led people to believe that those who had lost their virginity (or who had had it taken from them) were second-class citizens; it led those had maintained their virginity to believe they should expect God to reward them with a similarly virginal spouse and, once married, a wonderful sex life. Though these messages may not have been stated explicitly, they were not far under the surface. Not surprisingly, the movement left a trail of harm in its wake—one that the church is still reckoning with.
Dean Inserra witnessed this movement as an evangelical teen and now, years later, reflects on it in Pure: Why the Bible’s Plan for Sexuality Isn’t Outdated, Irrelevant, or Oppressive. This is not an academic examination of the movement but rather a kind of “now what?” analysis. “The purity culture of my youth launched a type of prosperity gospel wearing the disguise of piety. If I remain a virgin until marriage, God will give me a future spouse who did the same. In fact, they don’t deserve me if they failed to do what I did. The aftermath of this anti-gospel thinking is a trail of human brokenness.” With this trail of brokenness as his starting place, Inserra plots a better path toward purity and a better reason to maintain the Bible’s teaching on sexuality.
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