Men Need Biblical Counseling
We must acknowledge that men throughout our culture and churches are in need of much soul care. The answer is not therapy that in addition to being atheistic in origin is contrary to the nature of men. Instead, the answer is Scripture, which was given by God through the pens of men to speak to the hearts of men. Scripture is uniquely suited to help all people address their problems, including helping men approach problems in a masculine way. Therefore, when men cannot find sufficient help in male discipleship relationships, men need biblical counseling.
Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.”
-Isaiah 35:3-4, ESV
Recently, I discussed how to approach depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety biblically. These along with anger, trauma, substance abuse, and a myriad of other issues are commonly seen in biblical counseling. I discussed the need for biblical counseling in general here, but many of these issues disproportionately affect men, and men often avoid counseling. So while all Christians can benefit from biblical counseling, this post focuses on men. We will see that the Bible (and therefore biblical counseling) is uniquely suited to help men.
The Problem
Are men really affected disproportionately? Recent statistics show that more women than men are affected by them, anxiety and depression, though men have higher rates of substance abuse. However, one fact in particular suggests that the problem may be much worse than reported. Of nearly 100,000 suicides in 2021 and 2022, almost 80,000 were men.[1] This shows that women seek help much more often than men do, thus making it appear that less men struggle with these issues. Many professionals have observed this, calling it a men’s mental health crisis. In this, they are not wrong. Our society gives men ample reasons to be depressed and anxious—enough to turn to substances and suicide. It demonizes men and glorifies women in the name of “equality”, making every woman out to be a queen and ever man a monster such that one can unironically ask questions like “are men worthy of compassion?” and “do we even need men anymore?”. It presumes guilt whenever a man is accused by a woman, urging everyone to “believe all women” regardless of evidence. It encourages women to set impossible expectations for men then leave or commit adultery when “their needs are not being met”, destroying their husbands’ lives through no-fault divorce. A family court system stacked in women’s favor then makes marriage an all-risk-no-reward proposition for men—at least from a secular perspective. This is not to disparage the institution of marriage itself. After all, I recently commented on the beauty of biblical marriage. However, no-fault divorce has eliminated any societal accountability for husband and wife to uphold their marriage vows. Without that, men have everything to lose and nothing to gain from divorce and therefore marriage. Finally, this perverted society works tirelessly from childhood to squeeze males into a feminine mold, demonizing their masculine distinctives as “toxic” such that they become effeminate, assume they are defective, or rebel and become abusive. All of this men’s sense of removes purpose, which is a very important anecdote to depression. So yes, there is a men’s mental health crisis, which should surprise no one.
If it is so bad, why aren’t men getting help? Scholars point to stigma regarding men and mental health, a general hesitation for men to talk about their emotions, and even “toxic masculinity”.[2] There is like some truth in that (except for the toxic masculinity part), but I propose a simpler explanation. Perhaps men who suffer from depression and anxiety refrain from seeking treatment because of their perception of the treatment itself. Unlike medical treatment—which men are notorious for avoiding as well—mental health treatment often involves therapy, which is the last thing most men want to do. The prospect of lying on a couch talking about your childhood with a stranger and then talking endlessly about feelings is somewhat less preferrable than undergoing a root canal. Furthermore, it is obvious enough to be cliché that men are solution-oriented. Men want to troubleshoot the problem, identify the root cause, and solve it. But due to the complexity of the issues in question, psychology and psychiatry often cannot offer such solutions. Therefore, therapy—at least in men’s minds—is reduced to “talking it out”, which seems futile. It all seems very feminine, and in a culture that is working hard to strip men of every last vestige of masculinity, can we really fault men for not wanting to go to therapy that could threaten to emasculate them even further?[3] I have no idea whether that image bears any resemblance to actual therapy, but this is a case in which perception is more important than reality. The perception alone is enough to scare most men away from therapy. If only help for men could be found coming from wise and masculine men. If only manly men from “the good old days” wrote a book to men that addressed these problems in a way that acknowledges their masculinity.
The Bible’s Masculinity
Such a book exists: the Bible. This may come as a surprise since the broader American church has largely feminized Christianity. The worship songs, sermons, and ministries of many churches cater so much to women that men can feel very out-of-place, leading them to believe that the Bible is not for them. Every word of Scripture is infinitely profitable for all Christians, whether male or female, but to counter the error of feminization in our churches, we need to stress the masculinity of Scripture. First, every word of Scripture was inspired by the Holy Spirit, who like the Father and Son is repeatedly portrayed in Scripture as male. He inspired men to then write those words down—not people in general, but men in particular. Moses, David, Solomon, Israelite historians, and the prophets were all men, as were the apostles, Mark, Luke, James, and Jude. And of course the Gospels record the words of Jesus, the perfect man. Even passages spoken by women, such as the songs of Miriam and Deborah, the prayer of Hannah, and the Magnificat, were recorded by men. The only passage of Scripture attributed to a woman is Proverbs 31, which was an oracle from the mother of King Lemuel. But like the others, it was relayed by a man to male writers, so it too is the words of a man recorded by men.
Much of Scripture was written to, for, and about men. Job and his friends were all men. Many of the psalms were written as battle songs for the Israelite army. Much of Proverbs is written from father to son. Many of Christ’s teachings were directed at specific men, and several of the epistles were written to specific men. It should be unsurprising then that the Bible is written in a way that appeals to masculine strength. Even in the songs of Miriam, Deborah, and Mary, one cannot help but notice the themes of conquest and strength. From Abraham to Hezekiah, the narrative of Scripture is full of the exploits of the men in war. Abraham defeated five kings to rescue Lot (Genesis 14). Joshua led the Israelites to defeat the Amalekites during the exodus (Exodus 17). Caleb claimed Hebron mainly because he would have to fight giants there (Joshua 14:6-15). Then there’s most of Judges followed by Saul and his armor bearer defeating an entire Philistine garrison by themselves (1 Samuel 14), David’s entire life and Mighty Men, and many others.
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Walking in Wisdom
Wisdom is the practical application of God’s Word to the varying contexts of life in which we find ourselves. It is knowing when to speak and when to listen; it is knowing when to confront and when to comfort; it is knowing what is best to say and the best way to say it. Note that Paul helpfully nuances this with the idea that not each person is to be approached in exactly the same way. Wisdom knows how we “ought to answer each person” in ways that are pastorally sensitive to the person with whom we are speaking.
One of the wonderful things we do in life is learning to walk. It is also one of the most awkward. Most of us have pictures or videos from when we took our first “baby steps” and made the bold leap from crawling to walking. Though awkward, learning to walk is an essential part of growing up—of moving from childish behavior into mature adulthood.
It is no surprise, therefore, that the Bible has so much to say about walking. In many ways, the language of walking is a preferred metaphor in the Bible for describing our relationship with God. In Genesis 17:1, God told Abraham to “walk before me, and be blameless.” This “walking” was not to be a one-time event but rather a lifelong process. Abraham’s life was to be characterized as walking with and before God. Other faithful saints are described the same way. Both Enoch and Noah “walked with God,” according to Genesis 5:22 and 6:9. They lived their lives coram Deo (before the face of God) in ways that pleased God and received His blessing. In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul frequently encourages Christians to “walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you” (1 Thess. 2:12). Christians are to “look carefully” how they walk (Eph. 5:15) because we walk (live our lives) before a watching world (Phil. 3:17).
In Colossians 4, the idea of walking is very important and relates to the subject of evangelism and how, practically speaking, we are to conduct ourselves in this world.
Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison—that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak.
Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. (vv. 2–6)
Paul first encourages the church to pray. Christians are to pray steadfastly, with watchfulness and thankfulness (v. 2). They are to pray that God would open “door[s] for the word,” that the Apostles (church leaders) would have fruitful opportunities to preach the gospel (v. 3). Prayer, in many ways, is the biblical foundation of all true evangelism—and the first step. It is also a wonderful means of supporting those who labor regularly in the work of evangelism. Inasmuch as church leaders ought to be doing the work of evangelism, church members ought to be praying that God would open bountiful doors of opportunity for them. As the Apostles needed and benefited from the prayers of the saints, so also do those who stand on the front lines of the evangelistic battlefield today. But what about the church members themselves? Should they also be engaged in the work of evangelism?
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Fighting my Sin of Least Resistance
If you’re struggling with sin that you feel cannot be excoriated, you have two options: Struggle alone, without the Spirit’s help, and out of the sight of others, or, bring it into the light, trust God to change you above and beyond your own weak strength, and allow others to bear fruit that will nourish your soul too.
I had just sworn—much to my wife’s surprise. What’s worse was I didn’t know why.
Growing up in South London, swearing was regular feature of my life until I’d been convinced and convicted that my careless tongue was to come under God’s reign and rule just like the rest of me. It had been years though, I had slipped up here and there, but always in the most difficult of situations.
This wasn’t one of them.
It was the middle of the day and we were having a regular conversation and suddenly, I’d sworn.
What had changed? I’d just started taking steroids.
I was at the start of a year stuck in bed, and little did I know that along with struggling to walk, or interact with people, or do any kind of meaningful tasks, I would also have to battle my old sin of least resistance all over again as the steroids stripped away my self-control.
Truth be told, there were times we laughed at the vulgar additions to my sentences, but more often than not, it was just upsetting.
I knew I ought not to, and yet, I continued in my sin.
The year dragged on as more medicine was added to an already bitter cocktail, and I had to reckon with the fact that this sin would not go away on its own. I had to come before God and trust him again that he was stronger than my sin, mightier than the medicine, and ever able to fill me with the fruit of the Spirit.
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23 ESV
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The Real Trans Identity…
Transgenderism is a philosophy that aims too low and accomplishes too little. Our identity is not in our genitals. Our salvation does not come from cutting off working organs. Our identity comes from the Lord Jesus Christ, who is transforming us into new creations!
A Pseudo-Identity
One of the most damaging aspects of sin upon the soul of fallen man is that it will lead a person on a never-ending goose chase to find their “true self” or “true identity.” Unfortunately, this quest bears about as much fruit as a group of first-year boy scouts going snipe hunting in the dark. Yet sin propels humanity onward like a hungry beast chasing the elusive carrot.
Instead of looking outside of ourselves to the one true God, who is blessed forever, sin will coax men and cajole women to search for their identity within their gender, sexual preferences, body size, wealth, status, children, careers, emotions, diseases, and virtually everything else. This is the very picture of idolatry: finding yourself defined by and controlled by the creaturely instead of the creator (Romans 1:25), which lead nowhere but hell.
Today, the most pervasive and pernicious campaign to derail human identity, in my humble opinion, is the transgender movement. Like all idolatrous movements before it, it has its own myth concerning its version of the fall, redemption, and future glory that it shamelessly puts forward to unsuspecting victims.
Instead of seeing the fall as separation from the one true God, transgender ideology sees that they have been separated from the correct set of genitals, which becomes fuel for their version of salvation. Instead of repenting, accepting who God designed them to be, turning to Christ for regeneration and hope, and then living in the Spirit for their sanctification, the transgender community promises that salvation can only come if you will surgically remove your breasts, chemically castrate your penises, take dangerous hormone therapy, and make your innies into outies. If you submit to Dr. Waldman’s madness, becoming a modern-day Frankenstein, you can have a mirage of hope. You will be promised freedom and salvation from the sin of being born in the wrong body, but that salvation is only skin deep.
Tragically, this has led to disastrous outcomes for many people, who, instead of finding heaven on the other side of a scalpel, have found only hellish depression, phantom pains, and the despair of unmet expectations leading many to commit suicide in their hopelessness. So clearly, the trans myth of salvation is just that, a myth.
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