We are blessed to have access to so many excellent books on parenting. From conception to empty nesting, from strong-willed toddlers to rebellious prodigals, from the joy of welcoming a child to the grief of losing one, there is a book to guide and help us. And for that, I am truly thankful.
And yet I believe that many parents fail to read the parenting book that could make the biggest difference to their lives and families. Many neglect to give their attention to the parenting book that God has set right before them. It’s the “book” that is being written in the lives of the people in their own local church.
When my children were younger, I loved to read a good book for parents. I read most of the major ones and many of the lesser-knowns. I learned how to shepherd and instruct a child’s heart, how the gospel powers our parenting, how to be purposeful and persistent parents, how to have “the talk” with our children, and on and on. I benefitted a lot from each of them. There was always something to learn and always an area of weakness to address.
Yet I could never shake this thought: I don’t actually know any of these authors. I don’t know anything more than what they have told me about themselves in their books. I don’t know how they have actually lived these things out in their homes. I don’t know how their children feel about them. I don’t know if they gained the hearts of their kids or lost them, if their techniques led to great success or total failure.
But I knew it is much harder to be hypocritical in a context in which you are seen and known. It is much harder to fake it, to have a great disparity between what you teach and how you live or between what you say is true of your family and what is actually true. The local church proves who you really are, what you really believe, and how you really live.
And so I decided it would be wise to commit to reading the “book” that I saw each Sunday, the one that was right before my eyes. Here I could see fathers who loved their children (and were loved by their children) and ask them for guidance. Here I could see parents whose children I would be proud to call my own and learn to imitate them. Here I could see the principles of Scripture really lived out. I understood that it would be foolish to spend time with a book when I could spend time with a family, to learn from a stranger when I could be mentored by a friend.
It would be foolish to spend time with a book when I could spend time with a family, to learn from a stranger when I could be mentored by a friend.Share
And my encouragement to young parents today is to do the same. Don’t neglect the “books” made up of human lives in favor of books made up of mere paper. Let the people in your life and church be the main thing and let the paperbacks be supplemental.
To that end, let me offer a few tips.
First, do not be easily impressed by people whose children are still young. Often the people who have the most obedient little children now will have the most rebellious older children then. It is easy to crush the spirits of little ones and force them to do your will. It is much harder to keep their spirits crushed as they grow older and have a greater ability to live their own lives. So seek out parents whose children are older and, ideally, grown and independent.
Second, look for people in your church whose older children are living the way you’d hope your children will someday live. Look for grown children of whom you’d say, “If this was my child, I’d be proud.” Then go to those parents and say something like this: “I want my children to someday be like your children. Can we spend some time together so you can teach me how?” If you’re feeling especially humble, you can say “If you see me parenting in a way you think is unbiblical or unwise, I would appreciate if you would speak to me about it.”
Third, be wary of people whose egos are tied closely to their children. There are many parents who are desperate to be known as good and successful parents—parents whose identity is found in their parenting. Such people can often be inadvertently hypocritical. It is better to look for people who do not obviously present themselves as authorities on parenting, but who are doing it well nonetheless.
Fourth, as you speak to exemplary parents, also speak to their exemplary children. Ask them what they believe their parents did so well. Ask them what they have learned from their mom and dad. Ask them for the ways in which they intend to imitate their parents.
Finally, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that just because older parents raised their children many years ago and in a different cultural context, their counsel is no longer valuable. You will naturally be drawn to people whose lives are similar to your own and whose children are the same age. But don’t confuse youthful confidence for experienced wisdom. Don’t think that apparent success in the early days necessarily predicts a good outcome in the later days. Job was not wrong when he observed “Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.”
The local church proves who you really are, what you really believe, and how you really live.Share

Christians have a complex relationship to suffering. We do not wish to experience suffering. It is not our desire, preference, or longing to go through times of pain and persecution, times of sorrow and loss. Yet we also know that God uses such experiences to accomplish significant and meaningful things within us. We know there are certain graces that bloom best in the valleys, certain fruits that ripen best in the winter, certain virtues that come to fruition most often in the shadows.

We want to be “perfect and complete, lacking in nothing,” yet James make it clear that the way to these graces does not pass around trials and tests, but through them. We want our faith to be tested and proven genuine, yet Peter tells us that we gain this confidence not when we avoid trials, but when we are grieved by them. We want to be able to offer comfort to Christians who are enduring times of sorrow, yet Paul tells us that it is precisely through receiving comfort in our pains that we become specially equipped to comfort others (James 1:4ff; 1 Peter 1:6ff; 2 Corinthians 1:4). A host of Christians will testify that they have come to know the Lord more intimately, they have come to put sin to death more earnestly, they have been equipped to serve more thoroughly, not apart from their suffering, but because of it.
And, indeed, as we look back at our own lives, we often see evidence of the ways God has worked in us through our hardest times. We see how it was when a loved one was taken from our side that we truly grew closer to the Lord, how it was when our wealth disappeared that we came to treasure God more fully, how it was when our bodies weakened that our reliance upon God grew. We see that God really does purify us through the fire, that he really does strengthen us in our weaknesses, that he really does sanctify us through our sorrows. Though we do not emerge from our trials unscathed, we still emerge from them better and holier and closer to him. Though we wish we did not experience such sorrows, we are thankful to have learned what we have learned and to have grown in the ways we have grown.
As I said, Christians have a complex relationship to suffering. And recently I have been pondering how I have a complex relationship to suffering. I have been pondering a kind of conflict that now exists in my heart and mind.
I want Nick back. But I don’t want my old self back. I so badly wish that my son could be part of my life again. But I would so badly hate to lose all the precious ways in which God has been real to me and true to me and present with me in my sorrows. There is so much I have learned, so many ways God has drawn close to me, so many blessings I’ve received from the Lord. And all of these came through sorrow, not apart from it. In some ways my greatest gains have flowed from my greatest loss, my greatest joys from my deepest sorrow.
But I suppose this should not come as a complete surprise, for God often works through paradox. After all, he is the God who says it is the poor rather than the rich who have the greatest wealth, that is those with the deepest hunger who are most satisfied, and that it is those who are persecuted who ought to rejoice and be glad. If in God’s kingdom the way to riches is through poverty and the way to exaltation is through humiliation, wouldn’t it stand to reason that the way to joy passes through sorrow and the way to growth passes through barrenness? Wouldn’t it stand to reason that the way to green pastures passes through dark valleys?
And so we live with this tension: to become who we want we often have to endure what we hate. To receive what we long for we often have to release what we love. To attain the most advanced graces we often need to experience the most painful sorrows.
I need to offer a word of clarity. I do not mean to say that God’s reasoning goes something like this: That guy is not growing in generosity in the way I’d like, so I am going to burn his house down to hasten the process; or that woman is not sufficiently sold out to my purposes so I’m going to take her health to force the issue. No, we need to separate the why from the what, the reason God wills things from what he may be accomplishing through them. We are far too small, far too simple, far too limited to be able to draw firm conclusions about God’s reasons—about why he has willed the difficulties in our lives. “The secret things belong to the Lord our God.” But what we can do and must do is ask, “How might God mean to use this in my life? What is God calling me to through it? How can I become a better Christian because of it?”
Sorrow does not always lead to advances in holiness, but it always can and always should, for the Spirit is present in our sorrows, ready and eager to sanctify them to his precious purposes. Through our sorrows he draws our hearts away from the fleeting pleasures of this earth to set them on the enduring pleasures of heaven. Through our sorrows he shifts our longings from things we cannot possibly keep to things we cannot possibly lose. Through our sorrows he diminishes the traits that mark citizens of the kingdom of this world and he amplifies the character that marks citizens of the kingdom of God.
We don’t wish to suffer. We shouldn’t wish to suffer. Yet we know that none of us escape this life unscathed. And when the time comes that “the path that I feared is the way he has set,” we can be certain that God is eager to sanctify our sorrows in ways that are ultimately for our benefit and for his glory, that behind the mysteries of his providence are wondrous treasures of sanctification, that whatever his reasons, he truly is working all things for good for those of us who are loved by him and called according to his purpose.

Another month has come and gone. For readers, that means that publishers have released another batch of books. I am in the happy position of receiving most of them, so sorted through the various stacks to arrive at this list of new and notables. In each case, I’ve included the editorial description so you can get a sense of what the book is all about. I hope there’s something here that stands out to you!

Reclaiming Masculinity: Seven Biblical Principles for Being the Man God Wants You to Be by Matt Fuller. “In a world where masculinity is often associated with toxicity, what does it mean to ‘be a man’? In a straightforward and empathetic way, Matt Fuller gets beyond cultural confusion and stereotypes as he examines what the Bible says is distinctive about being a man. He outlines a positive vision of biblical masculinity and shows what that might look like in real life today. Men will be encouraged to be sacrificial when leading, to work hard and to protect and invest in others. Whatever your personality and interests—whether you would rather skin a rabbit, read a book or remodel your house—this book will give you confidence and direction to be the man God wants you to be.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
The Reformation as Renewal: Retrieving the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church by Matthew Barrett. “In the sixteenth century Rome charged the Reformers with novelty, as if they were heretics departing from the catholic (universal) church. But the Reformers believed they were more catholic than Rome. Distinguishing themselves from Radicals, the Reformers were convinced they were retrieving the faith of the church fathers and the best of the medieval Scholastics. The Reformers saw themselves as faithful stewards of the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church preserved across history, and they insisted on a restoration of true worship in their own day. By listening to the Reformers’ own voices, The Reformation as Renewal helps readers explore: The Reformation’s roots in patristic and medieval thought and its response to late medieval innovations; Key philosophical and theological differences between Scholasticism in the High Middle Ages and deviations in the Late Middle Ages; The many ways sixteenth and seventeenth century Protestant Scholastics critically appropriated Thomas Aquinas; The Reformation’s response to the charge of novelty by an appeal to the Augustinian tradition; Common caricatures that charge the Reformation with schism or assume the Reformation was the gateway to secularism; The spread of Reformation catholicity across Europe, as seen in first and second-generation leaders from Luther and Melanchthon in Wittenberg to Zwingli and Bullinger in Zurich to Bucer and Calvin in Strasbourg and Geneva to Tyndale, Cranmer, and Jewel in England, and many others; The theology of the Reformers, with special attention on their writings defending the catholicity of the Reformation.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
Clothed With Strength: Women Who Built the Church and Changed the World by Sarah Allen. “It’s easy to imagine that Christian women of the past were shrinking violets who were side-lined and excluded from making a difference in the church and in the world. The truth is that God has always raised up strong and courageous women to do his work. You might never have heard of Rebecca Protten, Hannah More, Ellen Raynard and Josephine Butler, but you’ll never forget how God used these four very different women to fight against injustice and poverty and to transform lives. These eighteenth and nineteenth century women worked in partnership with men to shape the evangelical church. Let their stories challenge you and fuel your faith today.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
Justification: An Introduction (Short Studies in Systematic Theology) by Thomas Schreiner. “When we see the fallenness of the world, it is often challenging to understand how sinners can stand before a holy God, but the gospel gives hope—justification that comes through Jesus Christ. This doctrine is essential to the gospel but has sparked countless academic and theological disagreements throughout church history, even contributing to the Protestant Reformation in the sixteenth century. In this addition to the Short Studies in Systematic Theology series, Thomas R. Schreiner examines the biblical and historical background of the doctrine of justification. Schreiner explores it throughout church history and analyzes both the Old and New Testament teachings. By examining the relationship between justification and other doctrines of salvation—such as redemption, reconciliation, adoption, and sanctification—Schreiner shows how it gives peace, assurance, and joy to sinners through Jesus and hope for life today.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
Elisabeth Elliot: A Life by Lucy S.R. Austen. “Elisabeth Elliot (1926-2015) is one of the most widely known Christians of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. After the death of her husband, Jim, and four other missionaries at the hands of Waorani tribesmen in Ecuador, Elliot famously returned to live among the same people who had killed her husband. Her legacy, however, extends far beyond these events. In the years that followed, Elliot became a prolific writer and speaker, touching the lives of countless people around the world. In this single-volume biography, Lucy S. R. Austen takes readers on an in-depth journey through the life of Elisabeth Elliot—her birth to missionary parents, her courtship and marriage to Jim Elliot, her missions work in Ecuador, and her private life and public work after she returned to the United States. Through Elliot’s example of love for God and obedience to his commands, readers will ponder what it means to follow Jesus.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
How to Read and Understand the Psalms by Fred Zaspel and Bruce Waltke. “Written over the course of 1,000 years, the book of Psalms is a collection of religious poetry voicing a wide variety of human emotions expressed in different genres–imprecatory psalms, psalms of praise, and more. It has become one of the most popular books of the Bible, but most readers have only a surface level understanding of the Psalms and how it fits into the larger historical and scriptural context. In How to Read and Understand the Psalms, Bruce K. Waltke and Fred G. Zaspel give readers tools to learn how to properly interpret and internalize the Psalms. Developed primarily from decades of lectures by Waltke, they explain the various types of psalms, Hebrew poetry, rhetorical techniques, and more. Armed with these tools, believers will discover how the 150 psalms can further fuel their knowledge and love of God.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
Anxiety: Finding the Better Story (31-Day Devotionals for Teenagers) by Liz Edrington. “Have you ever stood in front of an ocean wave, put your hand out in front of you, and said, ‘Stop, wave!?’ That would be ridiculous! . . . But have you ever tried the same approach with your anxiety? ‘Stop, anxiety!’ It probably hasn’t worked either. Liz gets it. As a teenager, she was stressed out and trying to survive her anxiety each day. Now that she’s a mental health counselor, she wants to pass on what she’s learned to other teenagers. Just understanding what anxiety is makes a big difference, but what makes an even bigger difference is understanding what God has to say about it. With daily Scripture readings, breathing exercises, and additional mental-health resources, this little book offers you comfort and help in your anxiety. See how your anxiety fits into the big story of your life—and of the whole universe–and learn how Jesus can bring you peace.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
The Beginning and End of All Things: A Biblical Theology of Creation and New Creation by Edward Klink III. “Many Christians think of the doctrine of creation primarily as relating to the world’s origins. In The Beginning and End of All Things, Edward W. Klink III presents a more holistic understanding of creation–a story that is unfolded throughout all of Scripture and is at the core of the gospel itself. From beginning to end, the theme of creation and new creation not only directs the movement of the entire biblical story but also unifies its message. Klink explores the goodness of the physical world and how it will be perfected in the new creation of heaven and earth. Along with offering rich insights about God and his purposes for the world, a biblical theology of creation guides how we engage nature, culture, and life as embodied beings. Essential Studies in Biblical Theology (ESBT), edited by Benjamin L. Gladd, explore the central or essential themes of the Bible’s grand storyline. Taking cues from Genesis 1-3, authors trace the presence of these themes throughout the entire sweep of redemptive history. Written for students, church leaders, and laypeople, the ESBT offers an introduction to biblical theology.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
Reformed Worship by Jonty Rhodes. “Have you ever woken up on a Sunday morning and wondered if it was worth getting out of bed? Have you wondered why you should bother to attend corporate worship every week? Unfortunately, it can be easy to miss the excitement of corporate worship–but the excitement is there. Because God is all-sufficient, he commands worship for his glory but our gain! A Reformed view of worship is shaped by God’s Word and has the gospel as its context: God desires to meet with his people, and that meeting comes only in and through Christ, by the Holy Spirit. Jesus is our worship leader, and as our prophet, priest and king he teaches us what worship should look like. Writing with winsome enthusiasm, Jonty Rhodes celebrates the simplicity and freedom of Reformed worship and shows readers the joys of meeting with God in the means and manner he promises to bless.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
Sanctification as Set Apart and Growing in Christ by Margaret Elizabeth Köstenberger. “The entire biblical narrative declares the righteousness of God and the consecration of his people. In this book, Marny Köstenberger explores the topic of sanctification―being set apart by God for holiness. Surveying the Bible from beginning to end, Köstenberger shows that sanctification is grounded in the eternal holiness of God, who created humanity in his image. Now, in Christ, the Spirit sets believers apart and restores them to the original image. Sanctification often takes place in the midst of suffering and equips believers for their God-given mission.” (Buy it at Amazon or Westminster Books)
Introduction to Early Church History: The First 500 Years by Perry Edwards. “As an introduction to early church history, this book is not intended to cover any subject exhaustively. Its goal is to provide an overview of the most significant leaders of the church while adding stories of ordinary Christians who remained faithful to the Lord in the face of persecution. It will introduce readers to how the church, in its first five centuries, sought to answer the primary theological questions of the day. This book is meant to whet the appetite of those who have never read early church history and refresh the minds of those who have. For some, the reading of this book will be the beginning of a journey that will lead to a deep and abiding love for the history of God’s sovereign working in the church and in the world.” (Buy it at Amazon)
The Character of Christ: The Fruit of the Spirit in the Life of Our Saviour by Jonathan Landry Cruse. “Most experienced Christians are familiar with the fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians. Love, peace, patience, and so on are often considered both gracious marks of true Christian character and ideals to aim for. But what do they look like when lived to the fullest? This book answers this question by studying the fullness of the fruit of the Spirit in the life of Christ. In a warm and engaging style, Jonathan Landry Cruse examines these godly attributes in the Lord’s example, comparing them with our own faltering efforts at holiness, and shows that we can only bear true fruit for God by our union to the life-giving Vine. The work is God’s, not ours – and this is good news for all those who yearn for greater sanctification.” (Buy it at Amazon)