The “End” of our Lives: Loving and Caring for Others
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It’s not uncommon to hear people suggest things like this. Marriage, family, and parenting are seen by many as distractions from what life is really about (amusement or travel or a career), or even worse, a sort of death sentence that marks the end of all our fun. For example, despite ample research showing otherwise, there’s a clear message in sitcoms and romcoms that the quickest way to become miserable and end a good sex life is to get married. Being single means being free and unencumbered, the story goes, especially for women.
In our recent conversation about the Dobbs case currently before the Supreme Court, Dr. Ryan Anderson described a similar sentiment: the claim often advanced by many in the pro-abortion movement that women “need” abortion in order to fully participate in society. Anderson observed, “If that statement is true, that is a condemnation of our society.” If we’re only fully human when we’re “free” from loving and caring for those closest to us, we have a puny vision of humanity.
So much of the American dream centers on pleasures and possessions, career paths and vacations, while seeing the dirty work of diapers, tending to a sick spouse, or making a meal for a neighbor as something between necessary and avoidable annoyances? Even Christians are tempted to imagine that in “real” Christian life and ministry, a big platform is preferable over caring for actual people.
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The Almost Forgotten Spiritual Discipline…
There is nothing mystical or magical about remembering words, but thinking about, dwelling on and actively pondering the depths of Scripture is an absolute privilege. We can best do this by knowing a passage of Scripture, off by heart, and thinking it through properly. Take Romans 5:1-5, for example, it’s very short but it is jam backed with marvellous truth. Memorising Scripture helps us against the struggles of sin and temptation because in our moments of weakness, we can turn our mind to the things of God.
‘Spiritual discipline’ I know it sounds weird, it’s a thing that seems to have fallen from the lips of many Christians today. We don’t hear the phrase much, is it because we hate the word discipline? Is it because we worry that calling something spiritual makes it sound mystical and dubious? Or is it because we are sinful human beings who do not like to think about the fact that we need to train ourselves in godliness? It could be one, all or none of those things.
However, whether we use the phrase or not, every Christian engages (or at least should engage) in spiritual disciples. Prayer, Bible reading, fellowship, worship, fasting, and the list could go on. I’ve chosen to mention these because they’re probably the most well-known and practices disciplines.
There is one more disciple that I’m sad to see is not being practiced much today; Scripture memorisation. Memorising the Bible is not just about remembering words, like we would a joke or a riddle, it’s about internalising the very Word of God.
When I studied at Bible College we had to memorise a lot of Bible verses and we were tested and graded on our memory. I remember at the time being frustrated and thinking that it was an annoying practice. But now in pastoral situations, in conversations, in sermon prep and in my prayer life those verses continue to come back to mind and are hugely beneficial. Scripture memorisation is not a pointless chore, but it is a wonderful practice that helps us meditate on the Word of the Lord day and night.
Jesus knew Scripture and used it as he was being tempted by Satan in the wilderness. We’re told to let the Word of Christ dwell in us (Colossians 3:16). We’re called to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). There are plenty more reasons, to be found in Scripture, that help us see the importance of Scripture memorisation. So, go and memorise folks!
But I can almost hear the question as I write this post “I get all that, but how does Scripture memorisation help me?” We won’t begin to explore what’s wrong with that question (overtly me-centric, self-serving) that is for a whole new blog post. But I do understand why the question is asked, so here goes…
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Parents of LGBTQ+-Identified Kids: How to Walk with Your Child
Parents may attempt to strategize about solutions and action plans based on their limited personal wisdom. If you feel you’re not ready for a small group of other parents, at least consider speaking to a trustworthy church leader who can pray for and with you and offer an outside voice of wisdom. If this is not available, consider speaking to a counselor who is (and this is essential) committed to the authority of Scripture. You need the wisdom of Christ for your ongoing situation. The Gospels, especially, can be a guide and encouragement. Jesus routinely stepped into difficult and messy situations with people. He was often misunderstood, and his motives were questioned. He was continuously challenged by those around him yet mirrored the Father’s truth and love to the hurting and wounded.
When a 14-year-old daughter adopts a non-binary identity or a 22-year-old son comes out as gay and invites you to his wedding, most parents will say they never envisioned journeying with an LGBTQ+-identified child in their family.
Though more Christian families than ever are struggling through scenarios like these, many don’t have the resources to deal with it; they feel hidden within our churches. I’ve found that most parents don’t talk to their pastors or others, instead trying to handle it on their own. And, unfortunately, not many churches are skilled at offering “permission-giving messages” from up front to inform struggling parents that church leadership cares about their situation and wants to hear from them.
You Didn’t Sign Up for This
What keeps parents of LGBTQ+-identified kids hidden and silent? It may be that absent voice of help and care from the church. But it can also be a host of other things. Parents struggle with fear (what does this mean for our family?), shame (what did we do wrong?), embarrassment (what if someone finds out?), grief (our dreams for our child are over), anger (how could our child do this to our family?), and pride (what would people think about us as parents if they knew?).
How can we deal with these human—but sometimes crippling—realities that keep us from getting help?
Six Supports for Parents Journeying with LGBTQ+-Identified Kids
1. Tools for the journey
Parents have shared with me that journeying with LGBTQ+-identified kids is like being in a desert with few roadmaps telling them what to do and where to go. The challenges, heartaches, and dilemmas they face seem overwhelming and endless.
While it’s true that a parent can’t possibly know how to respond to every challenge, it’s possible to have some tools under your belt to face these situations with your child and respond redemptively.
The free Harvest USA curriculum, Shattered Dreams, New Hope: First Aid for Parents Whose Son or Daughter Has Embraced an LGBTQ+ Identity, is a great place to start. You must be grounded in the Bible to know how to respond and care for your child. Even though you may differ with your child about Scripture and its authority regarding sexuality and gender, God’s Word will be an oasis and a guide for you in this desert.
2. The companionship of others who ‘get it’
Many parents, especially early on, don’t want to bring anyone else into their situation. But when you do, it’s a freeing and comforting step.
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Bright on the Outside, Dark on the Inside: Why Salvation Is a Matter of the Heart
It’s easy to find people who are bright on the outside. The Enlightenment has been a go-to source for figures of towering intellect. What’s much harder to find are people who are bright on the inside. These are people who have had heart surgery of the highest order. The brightness they hold on the inside can then work its way to the outside.
When it comes to spiritual matters, what you see is seldom what you get. Appearances aren’t just deceiving; they can be damning. History is rife with examples of hypocrisy: those who claim to be full of light but who are, in fact, dark as dungeons. A recent example reminded me just how important it is to maintain that the inside is what matters most. Salvation is a matter of the heart, not a battle for the head. And I’ll explain why.
Enlightenment or Egoism?
I was recently reading Andrew Wilson’s excellent book Remaking the World: How 1776 Created the Post-Christian West. In his discussion of the Enlightenment and the figures who changed the world with their intellectual and scientific accomplishments, something dark drifted to the surface. The enlightened all-stars weren’t all that enlightened when it came to anthropology and a basic understanding of humanity as made in God’s image. David Hume, Voltaire, and Immanuel Kant were aggressively and barbarically racist (pp. 109–113). They referred to African Americans as having “no ingenuity,” as being a “low people,” being “barbarous,” and having “no art.” Voltaire even referred to them as a “different species.” And Kant went as far as to say “not a single one was ever found who presented anything great in art or science or any other praiseworthy quality.” Their comments are crass enough to make anyone today blush with embarrassment or churn with hatred. How could people so allegedly “enlightened” think such things? Their conduct “raises questions about how ‘enlightened’ the major Enlighteners actually were” (p. 110). There was as much vain egoism for these men as there was enlightenment. They may have had bright minds, but there was darkness in their hearts, as there is for every human.
Had Hume, Voltaire, and Kant lived in today’s world, they would have been canceled before you could snap your fingers. (Wilson notes how a University of Edinburgh building named after Hume was renamed during the George Floyd protests; similarly, a Parisian statue of Voltaire was removed in 2020.) And yet the Enlightenment, for the most part, is still viewed with respect and pride, as a watershed of human accomplishment. The Enlightenment has become a celebration of the head. But has it also become an ignorance of the heart? In gushing about the Enlightenment, are we guilty of staring only at the mind and turning a blind eye to the soul?
I think we are, and it’s not limited to the Enlightenment. We still do this today. We assume that the solution for every human evil is intellectual education, not spiritual operation (Ezek. 36:26). It’s the head that needs fixing, not the heart. In fact, suggesting that the latter is the real problem can even stir up animosity.
A Dead Heart, a Broken Head
I once remarked in an open forum that I believed a rejection of God is always, at base, a matter of the heart, not the head. The vehemence that met me because of that comment still stuns me. People lashed out in defense of their intellectual qualms with Christianity. And that lashing out actually proved my point. Why were people so angry? There were lots of reasons, I’m sure, but among them must have been the fact that I was assuming something deep inside them was the problem. And that problem couldn’t be fixed with a book or a coherent argument in favor of God’s existence. It went deeper than the head.
And while there is a close relationship throughout Scripture between the head and heart, between what we think and what we believe and worship, the emphasis for redemption begins with the heart, and then trickles up to the head (Ezek. 11:19; 36:26; Jer. 31:33; Heb. 8:10).
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