I recently had the incomparable joy of visiting the Grand Canyon. Though visit isn’t quite the right word, I suppose. You don’t just visit the Grand Canyon — you marvel at it, stand in awe of it, catch your breath before it, and find yourself transfixed and transformed by it. You come away “canyoned” by the juxtaposed emotions of feeling smaller and bigger at the same time. As a Christian, I reveled in knowing that the Creator of such beauty also happens to be the Savior of my soul.

I believe gospel-shaped humility can have similar effects. It makes us feel smaller and bigger at the same time. But only if we have a proper understanding of humility, carefully defined, delineated, displayed, and distinguished — that is, only if we move past some common confusions about humility.

Humility Confused

I’ve heard some Christians say things like, “I’m nothing. I’m just a worm.” Or, “I didn’t do a thing. I’m just an empty vessel.” I don’t think such statements reflect a healthy view of humility. The New Testament calls us saints and God’s children and goes out of its way to declare just how loved, redeemed, and blessed we are. Our new identity cannot square with “I’m nothing.”

It’s easy to get confused about humility. Consider how C.S. Lewis put these directions into the mouth of Screwtape, the senior demon in charge of training a new tempter:

Your patient has become humble; have you drawn his attention to the fact? . . . Catch him at the moment when he is really poor in spirit and smuggle into his mind the gratifying reflection, “By jove! I’m being humble,” and almost immediately pride — pride at his own humility — will appear. If he awakes to the danger and tries to smother this new form of pride, make him proud of his attempt — and so on, through as many stages as you please. But don’t try this too long, for fear you awake his sense of humor and proportion, in which case he will merely laugh at you and go to bed. (The Screwtape Letters, 69)

Humility Defined

Merriam-Webster defines humility as “freedom from pride or arrogance.” But that leaves us needing another definition — one for pride. And we need the Bible’s authority, not the dictionary’s, to help us most.

“Humility is not thinking of yourself more highly than you ought but with sober judgment, according to what God says in his word.”

I suggest this definition adapted from Romans 12:3: humility is not thinking of yourself more highly than you ought but with sober judgment, according to what God says in his word. Thus, growing in humility is a lifelong venture as you increase in knowledge of God’s word and in appreciation for God’s work through Christ.

Humility Delineated

Clear thinking about humility is on display in Andrew Murray’s classic short book Humility: The Beauty of Holiness. He starts with this insight: “There are three great motives that urge us to humility. It becomes me as a creature, as a sinner, as a saint” (10).

First, we should be humbled by the fact that we did not create ourselves or have any say in the specifics of our birth. How is it that you weren’t born in the 1300s in an obscure, poverty-stricken, disease-ridden village? Can you provide breath at any given moment? Which talents came from your blueprint, and not God’s? Consider Paul’s insightful question, “What do you have that you did not receive?” (1 Corinthians 4:7).

Second, humility befits our fallenness. We’re sinners, rebels, transgressors, and worshipers of false gods. Reflect on Paul’s recounting of our before-salvation résumé: “We ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another” (Titus 3:3).

Third, we are saved by grace, “not because of works done by us in righteousness” (Titus 3:5) “so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:9).

Humility Displayed

Humility’s central text is Philippians 2:1–11, where Jesus is lifted up as the perfect example of humility. It’s easy to zoom in on verse 5, “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,” and think, “I should be humble like Jesus was humble.” He is indeed our supreme example.

But we can follow his example only because he was also our supreme sacrifice. Don’t race past the first phrase of this chapter: “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ . . . .” It is your union with Christ that transforms you into a new creature who can “consider others better than yourself,” and “look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:1–4 NIV).

Humility Distinguished

Humility, as the Bible puts forth, must be distinguished from vague ideas apart from the specifics of the gospel. Humility is not feeling bad about oneself. Humility is not comparing ourselves to others. And humility isn’t merely the absence of boasting. (What goes on inside our heads can be disgustingly self-exalting even while we keep our mouths shut.)

“Humility shaped by the gospel shows us just how bad we are and, at the same time, just how great God’s salvation is.”

Humility shaped by the gospel shows us just how bad we are and, at the same time, just how great God’s salvation is. It chastens while it emboldens. It puts us in our place, which, amazingly, is a place of both contrition and confidence. It is a proper and complete understanding of who we are — created, fallen, redeemed, and blessed. We live out our lives in humble boldness, knowing we deserve wrath instead of grace, judgment instead of justification, separation from God instead of the indwelling of his Spirit.

Humility Pursued

Note what immediately follows Philippians 2:1–11. Verse 12 begins with “therefore” and goes on to tell us to “work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling.” We do have a part to play in pursuing humility. Consider some practical suggestions.

Bodily Prayerfulness

The position of our bodies can make a difference in our prayer lives. Kneeling while interceding, raising our arms while praising, and opening our palms while giving thanks can intensify the blessings received through prayer. And it can help us grow in humility before God. It’s hard (although not impossible!) to feel self-empowered while kneeling.

Rigorous Confession

I’ll let C.S. Lewis present this case for me. He writes in The Weight of Glory,

I find that when I think I am asking God to forgive me I am often in reality (unless I watch myself very carefully) asking him to do something quite different. I am asking him not to forgive me but to excuse me. But there is all the difference in the world between forgiving and excusing.

Forgiveness says, “Yes, you have done this thing, but I accept your apology; I will never hold it against you and everything between us two will be exactly as it was before.” But excusing says, “I see that you couldn’t help it or didn’t mean it; you weren’t really to blame.” If one was not really to blame then there is nothing to forgive. In that sense forgiveness and excusing are almost opposites. (178–79)

Humility makes a regular practice of asking God, and others, to forgive us instead of excuse us.

Regular Periods of Fasting

Simply put, fasting makes us feel physically weak. That’s a good state for trusting entirely in God’s provision for everything. Fasting can take all sorts of forms and varieties. All of them can help in growth toward humility.

Outward-Facing Intercession

Jesus told us to include “our daily bread” (the most basic unit of physical sustenance) as well as “your kingdom come” (the most expansive scope of church growth) in our prayers. Prayer guides like Operation World (both the book and the app), which inform us how to pray for gospel advance in every country, help us see our individual needs on a larger canvas and forge humility.

Others-Centered Conversation

Many so-called dialogues are really simultaneous monologues. A gospel-humbled conversationalist can allow the interchange to be unbalanced — in the direction of the other person. Asking questions to draw more out of the other person can display Philippians 2 humility in tangible, practical ways.

Bowing Low, Standing Tall

Some might say standing before the Grand Canyon should have made me feel like “nothing.” But that wasn’t my experience. To be sure, I had no doubt that the nearly two thousand square miles of a mile-deep chasm dwarfed my 5-foot, 9-inch frame. If I did not know the Creator of both the physical universe and my physical body, I would have felt like dust.

But standing before an even greater wonder — the cross, where we are “united with Christ . . . in the comfort from his love . . . with the fellowship of the Holy Spirit . . . with tenderness and compassion” (Philippians 2:1 NIV) — forges a gospel-humility that bows us low and stands us tall.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. (John 1:1–2)

Bible readers young and old have wondered why John begins his Gospel referring to Jesus as “the Word” that became flesh (John 1:1, 14). The Greek term for “word,” logos, is common enough in Greek. It appears over three hundred times in the New Testament, with different meanings in different contexts. But when understood in relation to Christ, the word has been furiously debated.

Yet Christ being the Logos is cause for more than debate; it is cause for worship. As Christians, we insist upon certain truths concerning Jesus as the Word to better appreciate the beauty of his person and work.

Divine Identity

John may have used logos in connection with the common Aramaic language he used himself. The Aramaic Targums (loose translations and expansions of the Old Testament scriptures) often refer to the “word [memra] of the Lord.” Hence, “Israel is saved by the Memra of the Lord with an everlasting salvation” (Isaiah 45:17).

Moreover, the standard Hebrew of Hosea 1:7, “I will save them by the Lord their God,” is paraphrased in the Aramaic Targum as, “I will redeem them by the word of the Lord their God.” So the “the Word” is a way of saying the Hebrew name of God (YHWH), such as in Numbers 7:89, where the Palestinian Targums say, “From there [between the cherubim] the Word spoke to him [Moses].” God spoke to Moses, but specifically the Logos spoke to Moses.

“Referring to Christ as ‘the Word’ is a virtual assertion of his divinity.”

Referring to Christ as “the Word,” then, is a virtual assertion of his divinity because of how the Aramaic Targums make use of this title. We rightly take the immediate context of John 1 as evidence for the preexistence of Christ, yet we must also see John’s designation of Christ as “the Word” as evidence for the deity of Christ, since Aramaic-speaking Jews would have understood the terminology as such in their first-century context.

Divine Self-Expression

In addition, logos often designates a word or the act of speaking (Acts 7:22). More specifically, logos can have in view God’s revelation, his divine self-expression (Mark 7:13).

The personification of God’s words to humanity are principally and majestically summed up in Jesus Christ, the Word who became flesh (John 1:14). The Word is with God, the Word is God, and the Word became human, revealing (unlike any other) the glory of God (John 1:1–2, 18). All things were created through the uncreated Word (John 1:3) for the Word (Colossians 1:16).

Jesus, as the Word, is the Word of life (John 1:4); he gives light to the world and overcomes the darkness. But shockingly, the Word who has life in himself (John 5:26) experiences death on the cross. Through both his death and his resurrection from the dead, “He is clothed in a robe dipped in blood, and the name by which he is called is The Word of God” (Revelation 19:13). Jesus as the Logos is not just the divine Son but the creating, saving divine Son, who reveals God and his purposes.

Logos and Creation

We are missing out on the glory of this title of Christ if we fail to go back to the beginning — an oversight John is careful to avoid, taking us back to the very beginning in his prologue. The distinction in Genesis 1 between God and his creation is clear. Moreover, the Logos is not only the Creator of all things, but the sustainer of all things as well (Hebrews 1:3). The Bible knows nothing of a God who creates and does not also at the same time powerfully sustain his creation by his providential control over all things.

God’s outward works follow a basic pattern: they are from the Father, through the Logos (Son), in the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 8:6). Genesis 1 also makes clear that God is a speaking God (“And God said . . .”). The psalmist tells us, “By the word of the Lord the heavens were made” (Psalm 33:6). When God creates, he also reveals, which is why the Son is properly called the Word of God. God does not speak to the creation unless through the Logos.

All truth comes from the Logos, for he is the sacred repository of all truth. The Logos provides the basis for God’s revelation to be communicated to humanity. Quite apart from his role as the Mediator in salvation, he is also the Mediator of all revelation, whether in creation or Scripture. The Logos creates, sustains, and speaks, communicating to all creatures some resemblance of God. He is God’s most powerful self-expression, which is precisely why John personifies the Word in order to highlight God’s ultimate self-disclosure. Apart from the Logos, we could know nothing of God.

Logos and Redemption

The Puritan Stephen Charnock speaks of the Logos as the one who makes continued declarations of God to humanity:

As the beautiful image of reason in the mind, breaking out with the discovery of itself in speech and words, is fittest to express the inward sense, thoughts, conceptions, nature, and posture of the mind, so the essential Word of God clothes himself with flesh, comes out from God to manifest to us the nature and thoughts of God. He which is the word of God is fittest to manifest the nature of God. (Works of Stephen Charnock, 4:132)

“God’s best declaration, his best words to humanity, come (fittingly) through the Logos.”

The Logos has the perfect ability to declare the revelation of God, for his “great end” is to reveal God (Matthew 11:25; John 1:18), whether to angels or men. Indeed, Charnock writes, even for the angels, when they looked upon Christ crucified, stricken by the Father, buried in the tomb, raised from the dead, and ascended into heaven to be enthroned forever as King of kings and Lord of lords, “they learned more of God and his nature, more of the depths of his wisdom, treasures of his grace, and power of his wrath, then they had done by all God’s actions in the world . . . in all those four thousand years wherein they had remained in being.”

In the Logos, all of God’s attributes are manifested and glorified. Natural theology offers sinful man a dim knowledge of God, but because of the Logos, the attributes of God “sparkle” since they have redemption in view. “Christ is the stage,” says Charnock, “wherein all the attributes of God act their parts.” God’s best declaration, his best words to humanity, come (fittingly) through the Logos.

In sum, by calling the Son the Logos, John is offering us a glimpse into not just the nature of Jesus (the divine revealer of God), but also the purpose of Jesus: he is the revealer of redemption, which ultimately comes not only through words but through actions. As the one who conquered death, he is the Logos of God, the only one in whom there is redemption. And this one in whom we have redemption — the Logos — is Yahweh himself.

Audio Transcript

We address a lot of dating questions on the podcast. Those can be found in the podcast archive. Today we add another to the list. The question is from a listener named Crystal, a not-yet-married woman with a question about her current boyfriend and what it means to be unequally yoked. Here’s Crystal’s email: “Dear Pastor John, thank you for your episodes. I look forward to them every week. I would like to ask about the topic of being unequally yoked. I am in a serious relationship that is headed toward marriage with a man who became a Christian. But he seems to take Christ a lot more casually than I do. I have shared with him my desire to build a Christ-centered family and have frequently tried to point him toward Christ. He agrees. But from his actions, it doesn’t appear that Christ is truly number one in his heart.

“I’m trying my best to encourage him to have greater reverence for God without coming off as judgmental. But I always have this nagging worry. Am I still obeying Christ by continuing this relationship when my boyfriend is less spiritually vibrant? Would that make us unequally yoked? In my circles, it seems like there are few single Christian men who are spiritually mature to choose from, and I suspect I’m not the only woman facing this dilemma.”

No, I suspect you’re not. Let me rehearse what I just heard because it’s pretty bleak.

This young woman is in a relationship headed for marriage.
She is dissatisfied with how casually her boyfriend takes Christ.
She thinks his actions don’t show that Christ is number one in his heart.
She wishes he had greater reverence for God.
She sees him as not spiritually vibrant.

So, it sounds to me like she is very much aware of Paul’s admonition in 1 Corinthians 7:39 that Christians are only supposed to marry “in the Lord” — that is, marry other Christians — and she is trying to discern whether that clear line in the sand also implies that a serious Christian woman should not marry a lackadaisical Christian man.

Idleness in a Suitor

Now, my short answer from the little I know of her case is this: no, she shouldn’t. Now let me give some reasons for why I would be so blunt, and then back up with a slight qualification at the end. Let’s start with 2 Thessalonians 3:6:

Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us.

“Spend some serious time and see whether or not some changes come about to prove another kind of character.”

So there was this problem in Thessalonica that some of the church members, perhaps because they thought that the day of the Lord was so near, were not supporting themselves by work and were becoming busybodies and moochers in the church. And Paul didn’t jump to the conclusion that they were not Christians — not yet. But he said — and he called it a command “in the name of the Lord,” no less; he strengthened it — that the other Christians in the church should keep away from the idlers, a kind of holy ostracism, in the hope that this might shame them and bring them to repentance and obedience.

Now the analogy I’m drawing between the disobedience involved in laziness and idleness at Thessalonica, on the one hand, and the kind of apparent spiritual lethargy in Crystal’s boyfriend, on the other hand, is that there’s disobedience on both parts.

He takes Christ and his word casually.
Christ doesn’t seem to be number one in his heart.
He doesn’t manifest serious reverence.
He doesn’t have spiritual vitality.

Another word for that is disobedience.

He’s disobeying the command of 2 Peter 3:18 to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
He’s disobeying the command of Revelation 3:16 that we should not be lukewarm, lest Jesus spits us out of his mouth.
He’s disobeying the command of Romans 12:11: “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit.”
He’s disobeying the command to “serve the Lord with gladness” (Psalm 100:2).
He’s disobeying the command to “be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might” (Ephesians 6:10).
He’s disobeying the command to love God with all his heart and all his soul and all his strength and all his mind (Luke 10:27).

And the list could go on and on. I cannot imagine Paul saying to the young women at Thessalonica, “Now I’m calling the whole church to stand clear of Christian men who walk in idleness, but it’s okay if you fall in love with one and marry him.” You need to spend some serious time and see whether or not some changes come about to prove another kind of character.

Christ, His Church, and the Couple

Then consider what marriage actually is designed by God to be. “A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Something very profound is meant by the term one flesh. That bodily union in sexual intercourse is the physical expression of a much deeper union of heart and soul, pointing to the covenant relationship between Christ and the church.

Paul quotes that very text, Genesis 2:24, and then he says in Ephesians 5:32, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” There isn’t anything in human relationships comparable to the depth of the union of persons between a husband and a wife in covenant relation as they seek to reflect Christ and the church. It’s the profoundest of human relationships.

Therefore, a woman or a man contemplating marriage should take stock with the greatest seriousness: will I be able to pursue such a profound union of heart and mind and body with this other person?

Spiritual Trajectory

And the last thing I would draw attention to is this: a woman should be asking herself whether the man she is thinking about marrying is growing into the kind of maturity and character that will make him a responsible, Christlike spiritual leader in the home. Christian women are not called in marriage to lead their poor benighted husbands. The Bible says that the husband is to be the head of his wife and their family. There is a spiritual maturity, a strength of character that precedes this leadership. That’s what she should be looking for.

Now, here’s where I said at the beginning that I would give a slight qualification to my statement that Crystal should not pursue marriage with this man. The qualification is this: it is quite possible that a man who is a newer believer may not yet have the biblical foundations or teaching that will enable him to grow into the kind of mature, responsible spiritual leader for which he’s destined. That means that a woman considering marriage to such a spiritually untried man must be very discerning concerning the kind of character traits she sees emerging in him, which may signal that he is or is not on his way to the wisdom and knowledge and strength and humility required for biblical headship in his family.

And here’s the test I would encourage her to make: Is he humbly eager and growing? Or is he halfhearted and unresponsive? Or is he resistant and defensive? I can see those three possibilities: (1) humbly eager and growing, (2) half-hearted and unresponsive, or (3) resistant and defensive. Those are the three responses that I can see a young convert having as a Christian leader, like a pastor, tries to help him; or Christian books are given to him; or his Christian girlfriend points him toward biblical maturity. I think it’s possible for a spiritually wise woman to see emerging character traits of leadership and maturity and wisdom and humility and grace and strength as she watches him respond. How does he respond to all the Christian input that he should be seeking and getting?

“Don’t doubt God’s good providence in your life if you should think it wise to put the brakes on this relationship.”

If she sees eagerness and receptivity and responsiveness and growth, she may be encouraged to keep moving forward. But if she sees unresponsiveness and laziness and lack of interest, lack of zeal — or worse, resistance and defensiveness — it seems to me she would be asking for a lifetime of frustration to move forward in that situation. So, Crystal, may the Lord give you great wisdom and courage in this relationship. Don’t doubt God’s good and wise and loving providence in your life if you should think it wise to put the brakes on this relationship. God is for you as you walk in his will.

Singular Focus

That’s good: better to remain unmarried than to marry a nominal, spiritually lethargic man.

Yeah, absolutely I would say that. And if we are going to talk about that in any detail, I would spend a good bit of time exalting the virtues and possibilities of singleness, because I think not enough has been made in the church with regard to helping single people get a vision for their life while they’re single, and that singleness may last a lifetime.

I can point to two or three remarkable older single women at Bethlehem over the years whose lives were absolutely stunning in their exemplary usefulness at every level — in families, among children, in Bible studies and Bible teaching, and service and overseas. If a woman — or a man, for that matter — gets ahold of the calling that Paul really envisioned for his own singleness, I don’t think they would view the absence of marriage as the catastrophe that some believe it is. But I love marriage. I think marriage is God’s ordinary way forward for the human race — but not for everybody.

So yeah, the answer to that question in my mind is this: better to be a godly, fruitful, obedient, devoted single than a person who’s constantly regretting that my partner just doesn’t seem to get it spiritually, and they remain a kind of nominal spiritual dud all their lives.

Another thing to say is that if you’re married to such a person, you should be. People ask me, “How do you know if you’re married to the right person?” The answer is this: look at the name on the marriage certificate. That’s the answer. God doesn’t encourage divorce because one partner is a nonbeliever or a nominal believer. You learn to grow in grace with what God has given you.

Headship’s High Calling

And there’s an urgent call here too for men, single men, to be discipled and to be ready for marriage. And that’s a whole other topic.

Oh my, yeah, it is a whole other topic. I hope any young single man listening would not mainly feel beat up or discouraged, but rather say, “Okay, I’ve got a job description. If I am to think in terms of marriage long-term, the Bible says to think in terms of growing into the humble, Christlike, wise, strong, discerning, mature man that could lead a godly, mature, courageous, strong, articulate woman.” And that really is the way to think about life, I think, if they’re not devoted to singleness. The only kind of man a woman wants is a mature and godly man, and the only kind of woman a man wants is a mature and godly woman. And therefore, the man has to press on to be her head.

And I would just qualify one thing here. That may make some men think like, “Oh, I have to have a high IQ,” or “I have to have the same grades in class.” Well, that’s not true. That is not true. You can be a godly, initiative-taking, loving, burden-bearing, protecting, providing leader with a wife who’s a lot smarter than you are. Yes, you can. And we can talk about that forever.