When You Don’t Like Your Wife, Love Your Wife
There may not be times in your marriage when you stop loving your wife, but there may be times in your marriage when you stop liking her—or when you stop acting like it, anyway. There may be times when you are easily irritated with her or times when you just can’t get along. There may be times when you feel sorry for yourself and think you deserve better than the way she’s treating you. There may be times when a kind of despondency enters into the way you think of her and the way you behave toward her.
I’d like to offer a bit of counsel for such times: When you find you don’t like your wife, make it your aim to love your wife.
Your temptation in these difficult times will be to assume that your despondent feelings are the result of something she is failing to do—a way she is neglecting to love you, serve you, or honor you. That could be the case and she may well bear a portion of the responsibility. But what you may fail to consider is that your despondent feelings are actually the result of something you are failing to do. It’s always easier to look outside than in, to look to the other than to the self.
The thing about love is that it is more likely to grow cold when you fail to give it than when you fail to receive it. The one sure way to fall out of love with your wife is to stop loving her—to stop doing deeds of love and speaking words of love and otherwise displaying a heart of love. Love is like a muscle that atrophies with disuse and that strengthens with exercise.
So when you aren’t getting along with your wife, serve your wife. When you find you are irritated with your wife, find ways to bless your wife. When you don’t really care to be around your wife, surround your wife with love and good deeds. Make it your habit to ask her, “How can I make your day better today?” or “What can I do to serve you today?” or “How can I help you today?” Make it your goal to make her day better, to make her life easier, to make her load lighter. In short, love her like Christ loves the church and serve her like Christ serves the church.
“Okay, okay,” I hear you say. “that’s all well and good, but she…” Stop right there. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what she has done or failed to do. What matters is what you intend to do. She may not reciprocate and she may not make you feel any more loved, but that’s a whole different matter because you aren’t loving her to be loved in return—you’re loving her because it’s the right thing to do, because it’s what God tells you to do, because it makes God proud. You’re loving her before God because that’s how you’ve been loved by God.
So whether you feel loved or unloved, whether your heart is warm toward your wife or cold, whether you’re finding yourself drawn toward her or pulled away, love her, serve her, bless her. And you will find that as you serve her, your love will grow. As you act in love, you will feel more love. As you work for her good, your heart will become ever more inclined toward her. Because that’s how love works.
-
May This Be A True Christmas In Your Heart
It is set to be a quiet Christmas in the Challies home. Like so many other families, we had plans for today that have been interrupted by illness. And so we will spend the day—and, I’m sure, enjoy the day—with just the four of us. And as we begin, this prayer is on my lips:
On this Christmas Day, my Father, I come to you with a glad heart. Help me to observe the day fitly, with loving remembrance of the lowly birth in Bethlehem and the sorrows of him who came to bring redemption, and with grateful thanks to you for your great mercy.
May this be a true Christmas in my heart. Take away all unbelief, all bitter thought and feeling, all resentment and unforgiveness, all unholy desire and give me love—love that is patient and kind, that is not provoked, that thinks no evil, that seeks not its own. Save me from all selfishness. While I gratefully receive the Christmas blessings and enjoy them, may my heart be opened toward all the world in sympathy and kindly interest. Make my life a song, and may I go everywhere with joy on my face and on my lips.
I pray for all those to whom Christmas brings gladness, that their joy may be enriched by thoughts of your divine love. I pray for the multitudes of little children everywhere, to whom the day means so much, who have been waiting for it so long in eager expectancy, and who will be happy with their gifts and with the love that blesses them.
I pray also for those to whom the day brings little of joy—the very poor, the lonely and solitary; those far away from their homes, whose hearts will not be warmed by human love; prisoners in their prisons; sailors on the sea; and those who know not you. I pray for the sick in their homes and in the hospitals, that in their suffering they may be comforted by the remembrance of your divine compassion. I pray for the bereft and sorrowing, to whom Christmas brings painful memories, making more real their sense of loss. May they find comfort in the thought of Christ’s unfailing love.
May this glad Christmas leave my life richer and tenderer. May your divine love henceforth be more real to me. May I be sure of your divine care and guidance. May my heart be warmer toward my fellows, tenderer in its sympathy with human need and sorrow, and may I live a gentler, more kindly life, because of this day’s revealing of your wondrous love. Grant these favors through Jesus Christ. Amen.
(Drawn from J.R. Miller) -
The Tail End of our Tale
There may be no language as quirky and irregular as English, nor any language whose words can have such varied meanings and whose letters can be pronounced in such a multitude of ways. That’s the premise behind this old poem I stumbled upon in an old anthology. It it titled, rather unimaginatively, “The English Language.” It’s a good and fun one to read aloud.
A pretty deer is dear to me,A hare with downy hair:I love a hart with all my heart,But barely bear a bear.‘Tis plain that no one takes a planeTo have a pair of pears;A rake, though, often takes a rakeTo tare away the tares.All rays raise thyme, time razes all;And through the whole, hole wears.A writ, in writing “right,” may writeIt “wright,” and still be wrong—For “write” and “rite” are neither “right,”And don’t to wright belong.Beer often brings a bier to man,Coughing a coffin brings.And too much ale will make us ail,As well as other things.The person lies who says he liesWhen he is but reclining;And, when consumptive folks decline,They all decline declining.A quail don’t quail before a storm—A bough will bow before it;We cannot rein the rain at all—No earthly powers reign o’er it.The dyer dyes awhile, then dies;To dye he’s always trying,Until upon his dying-bedHe thinks no more of dyeing.A son of Mars mars many a sun;All deys must have their days.And every knight should pray each nightTo Him who weighs his ways.‘Tis meet that man should mete out meatTo feed misfortune’s son;The fair should fare on love alone,Else one cannot be won.A lass, alas! is something false;Of faults a maid is made;Her waist is but a barren waste—Though stayed, she is not staid.The springs spring forth in Spring, and shootsShoot forward one and all;Though Summer kills the flowers, it leavesThe leaves to fall in Fall.I would a story here commence,But you might find it stale;So let’s suppose that we have reachedThe tail end of our tale.
-
Free Stuff Fridays (Ligonier Ministries)
This week’s Free Stuff Friday is sponsored by Ligonier Ministries, who also sponsored the blog this week. They are giving away ten free copies of the new Student Edition of the Reformation Study Bible.
The most important relationship in life is your relationship with God. If you want to grow in your faith, you must turn to His Word. That’s where God has spoken. The Reformation Study Bible, Student Edition is built on the trusted teaching of Dr. R.C. Sproul to help you dig deeper into the Scriptures to find answers and direction for all of life. Grasp the Bible’s meaning with verse-by-verse notes from more than seventy-five pastors and Bible teachers, gain clarity with hundreds of questions and answers that address key subjects of the Christian faith, and apply the knowledge of God to daily living with many practical lessons from every book of the Bible.
With a wealth of specialized features, this resource makes an ideal Bible study companion to encourage teens and young adults to walk in the light of God’s truth and to serve Christ where they are. The Reformation Study Bible, Student Edition is available in a variety of colors and cover styles, including premium leather, leather-like, clothbound, and paperback. Ten Free Friday winners will receive a copy their choosing.
Enter Here
Again, there are ten packages to win. And all you need to do to enter the draw is to drop your name and email address in the form below.
Giveaway Rules: You may enter one time. As soon as the winners have been chosen, all names and addresses will be immediately and permanently erased. Winners will be notified by email. The giveaway closes Saturday at noon. If you are viewing this through email, click to visit my site and enter there.
