Grieving the loss of a loved one is a painful process that takes time. The hurt is unavoidable as the soul reckons with their absence. And the agony like a hurricane can seem so powerful that it will destroy us. Yet God’s Word tells us that when we are at our lowest, we call out to Him and His Word for strength (Ps. 119:28). That Word tells us that death is temporary, and Christ is victorious. In the meantime, we can cast ourselves upon Him, and He will lead us, guide us, and even give us rest (Matt. 11:28–30).

Nothing hurts as badly as the loss of a loved one. We were not created or designed to experience separation from those whom we hold dear. Death is a result of sin and is not a part of the original creation order (Rom. 5:12)—little wonder it causes so much pain when we lose someone we love. Our souls cry out to hear the voices of those we love, to feel their arms wrapped around us, to look into their eyes and get lost in their souls once again. The ache is vast, overwhelming, and often indescribable. It’s a raging storm of hurt, fear, sadness, and anger. And if we are not careful, it can overtake us. How can a believer make it through the loss of a loved one well?
First, you must recognize what you are likely to face. There have been many attempts to describe what the process of grieving is like, but I’ve found that the analogy of a storm seems especially helpful. It’s a biblical image—both literally (Jonah 2:3) and figuratively (Ps. 42:7; 88:7). When we naturally talk about being overwhelmed by grief, we often describe it as a feeling of “drowning.” Know, then, that going through the grief of a loved one is like going through a tumultuous sea. There are times when it appears that the breakers are too much, that we will never make it to that foreign shore of acceptance.
Yet this is where Paul’s exhortation to the Thessalonians is so helpful:
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. (1 Thess. 4:13–14).
Like an unsinkable lifeboat, no matter how tall the waves of grief—though they be like mountains—Christ will not let you drown. He has defeated death (1 Cor. 15:55).
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In the clearest terms possible, 1 John 5:8 says that believers are kept by the power of God and the evil one does not touch them. It seems clear enough just from these scriptures that the believer, indwelt by the Holy Spirit, cannot be demon possessed. Almighty God is not going to share space in a believer’s heart with demons.

Depending on the particular Christian tradition you come from, two “explanations” for mental health issues frequently do the rounds. If you are of a Reformed persuasion, some will try and chart your mental health crisis to some underlying sin. Some will be so insistent that this must be the reason they will deny your need of medication and force you to keep digging away until they can go, ‘aha! This is the sin we must address!’ It is a deeply damaging approach.
I don’t deny that sin may well be tied up with the mental health issues. Sin is pretty much tied up with everything. But that doesn’t mean the cause of this mental health issue must be sin. That makes as much sense as me insisting that your broken leg is a result of your sin. I don’t deny that broken leg might lead you to some sinful actions to mitigate the pain (though it doesn’t have to). I don’t deny that you might have goaded someone so much that they chose to stamp on your leg and break it, so some sin was in the mix there (but the immediate cause of the break was actually the force which could have come from any morally neutral source). Nevertheless, most of us reckon broken legs happen and there is no reason to assume they’re the result of sin. Usually, they are not. The same is also true for broken minds.
The other so-called Christian explanation that does the rounds is demonic attack. Naturally, this tends to come less from Reformed quarters. But nevertheless, it does knock around. Perhaps, some aver, your mental health issues are demonic. Maybe what you need is not tablets and psychological support, but an exorcism. Or, if folks are being less dramatic, prayer and fasting. Cast out the demon and you’ll be right as rain. I want to spend the rest of my time in this one pointing out why I think this explanation is a big mistake, particularly if you are a believer.
The reason I say particularly if you are a believer is that believers have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside them. If the Holy Spirit is dwelling in you, do you really think a demon might be able to have possession of you? Can a demon really take control of you? Even if the answer does not seem immediately obvious (and it should), the scriptures are fairly clear on this.
Here is what Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:
15 What agreement does Christ have with Belial?[c] Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement does the temple of God have with idols? For we[d] are the temple of the living God, as God said:
I will dwelland walk among them,and I will be their God,and they will be my people.[e]
If we are the temple of God, and God’s Spirit dwells with us, what space is God going to make in his temple for demons? What space is the Holy Spirit, dwelling in our hearts, going to make for Satan? Scripture seems pretty clear that the answer is none!
Again, Paul in Romans 8 is clear that nothing can separate us from God’s love for us in Christ, including angels and demons:
35 Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Can affliction or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
Because of youwe are being put to death all day long;we are counted as sheep to be slaughtered.[m]
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Indeed, he says we are ‘more than conquerors through him who loved us’. Paul says in Colossians 1:13 that God ‘has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son he loves.’ 1 John 2:13 tells us that we have ‘conquered the evil one’ in Christ. He goes on in 4:4 to say the Holy Spirit is greater than Satan, who has been conquered: ‘You are from God, little children, and you have conquered them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.’ In the clearest terms possible, 1 John 5:8 says that believers are kept by the power of God and the evil one does not touch them. It seems clear enough just from these scriptures that the believer, indwelt by the Holy Spirit, cannot be demon possessed. Almighty God is not going to share space in a believer’s heart with demons.
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A day spent purposefully, a day spent in bringing glory to God by doing good to others—this is a day that will bring pleasure, even as it brings fatigue, this is a day that will bring joy, even as it brings weariness. This is a day you can close by sleeping the sleep of the just, a day you can close with God’s promise fixed in your heart.

There are different kinds of tired. There are different kinds of weary. There are different kinds of fatigue that may overwhelm the body and overcome the mind as the sun sets, as the skies grow dark, as day gives way to evening and evening gives way to night. There are different kinds of fatigue because there are different ways you may spend a day.
You may spend a day in idleness, in procrastinating your tasks, in ignoring your responsibilities. You may spend a day in indolent selfishness, in giving yourself over to laziness, slothfulness, shiftlessness. You may come to the end of a day having accomplished nothing meaningful because you have attempted nothing meaningful, having performed nothing significant because you set out to undertake nothing significant.
At the close of such a day your mind will be cloudy, your eyes drowsy, your body heavy. But your heart will be uneasy and your conscience will be troubled, for you will have squandered a day.
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