David had his Jonathan; Frodo had his Samwise. To whom can you be this kind of friend, and have them strive to be this kind of friend to you? May God help us to humble ourselves and admit our need for strong, godly, faithful male friendships.

We men are generally not as good at cultivating good friendships with other men as women are with other women. We don’t usually have a problem with watching a football game together or doing some kind of sporting activity together. Those are fun and they have their place in the cultivation of friendships. But I’m talking the kind of friendship where spiritual conversations take place, where mutual encouragement happens, and even where faithful and loving rebuke occurs.
Yet this is the very kind of friendship modeled for us in the Bible by David and Jonathan. Reading the book of 1 Samuel reveals that their hearts were knit to one another because they had mutual goals and a heart to honor God. They had significant conversations with each other, often about life and death kinds of matters. Jonathan was especially used to encourage David’s heart in the Lord when David was on the run from King Saul. When Jonathan died, David’s heart melted in grief. This rich friendship is worthy of our consideration.
Perhaps one great example of this kind of male friendship in literature is the friendship between Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee in Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy.
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The goal for us as Christian parents is to see our children receive Christ, grow in spiritual maturity, and serve God with all their hearts for the rest of their lives. While not every child of Christian parents will do that, by God’s grace many will. Parents, do not neglect the prime area of making disciples. Pray for your children. Model the gospel through your marriage relationship. Lead your children to honor God in the church context. Talk frequently with your children. And involve them in ministry with you. 

The first God-ordained institution is the home. Adam and Eve formed the first marriage, and they subsequently had children. A man and woman getting married and having children is the pattern set for Christians still today. While unregenerate people follow this same pattern, Christians are able to follow it in a more significant way. By this I mean that we have the opportunity not only to bear children, but also to disciple our children towards a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
The general mandate which we call “The Great Commission” is given for all Christians to follow. Each of us are expected to do our part in making disciples of Jesus Christ. Within that greater mandate, God gives Christian parents the mandate to bring up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4). Unbelievers cannot do this as they do not have Christ as their Savior, nor his Spirit to indwell and empower them. Christian parents are uniquely positioned to not only make, but also to mature disciples of Jesus Christ for the glory of God within the confines of their own homes. Our children are our primary—though not only—mission field.
While home-based disciple-making might be assumed to take place within a home, I am not always convinced that Christian parents are giving it the kind of attention that it demands and deserves. Christians are looking outside the family for people they can seek to win to Christ and disciple—and that is not a bad thing. However, if we do that to the neglect of our own children, that is problematic.
Christian parents are uniquely positioned, equipped, and mandated to strive to bring their children up to be God-glorifying, Spirit-controlled disciples of Jesus Christ. How can we do that?
Cultivate a God-honoring Marriage
A home consists of husband and wife before children come along. A man and wife make vows to one another that they will never make to their own children. Ephesians five and six gives more attention to the husband/wife relationship than it does the parent/child relationship. In that passage, a marriage is meant to be a visible illustration of Christ’s sacrificial love for his church, and the church’s loving and willing submission to Christ. In other words, marriage is a picture of the gospel.
One of the most powerful evangelistic tools a Christian married couple has is the example of their own marriage. Your marriage will be something that supports and points your children to the beauty of the gospel, or it will be something that paints for them an ugly picture of the gospel.
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If we want our people to grow in emotional and spiritual maturity, then what they participate in when it comes to corporate worship needs to be biblically shaped, reverential in nature, and prayerfully planned. Doing so will help God’s people form their affections and tastes towards maturity.

Many elements helped contribute to the immaturity that is evident in the American church today. The accommodation with pop culture, an infatuation with self, an overemphasis on “reaching the youth,” and the adoption of a consumeristic mindset when it comes to the local church are just a few key aspects that have led to where we are today.
These things have led to emotional immaturity, biblical illiteracy, and theological weakness, which has in turn produced an American church that is continuing to slide deeper into a shallow Christianity, at best.
What can we do?
I propose a few thoughts for consideration.
Our homes must model and teach spiritual maturity.
When it comes to spiritual discipleship to maturity, the starting place must be in the homes. I understand that not every home includes a saved mom and dad in it. However, the Bible speaks more to that kind of situation than to others. Deuteronomy 6:4–9 and Ephesians 6:4 make it plain that Christian parents are to take the lead in the discipleship responsibility for not only their own lives, but also for their children.
As Christian parents, we should work hard at communicating well with our children about life and spiritual matters. If we are not engaging them in good conversations at ages four, five, and six, it will be so much more difficult to try to engage them when they are fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen.
However, we cannot merely talk at our children about spiritual things, we must also talk with them. Ask probing questions to them; find out what they are thinking; point their thoughts to the authority of the Scripture and to the grace of God in the gospel. If all we do is “lecture” our kids, they will soon tune us out. However, if we interact with them, and they know they can ask us whatever they want, there will be open communication and growth in maturity as a result, as well as godly fruit produced throughout their teenage and young adult lives.
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Rather than reveling in and catering to childish youthfulness, Christians must value the elders of the church, giving weight to their thoughts and views. Rather than viewing church life and ministries as a consumer, Christians must contribute to the life and health of the church for the glory of God. Rather than selfish individualism, Christians need to humble themselves in service and self-denial, like Jesus Christ.

Much of modern America’s Christianity is filled with immaturity. In Ephesians 4:11–17, Paul highlights several aspects of what spiritual maturity would look like: a measure of unity, growth in Christlikeness, spiritual discernment, loving discipleship, and selfless service. Unfortunately, personal and spiritual immaturity are keeping these kinds of things from happening in many American churches, leading to instability and division within churches. What contributes to this immaturity? I suggest four things for consideration.
An Accommodation with Pop Culture
Pop culture is what dominates the landscape of America today. Kenneth Myers writes, “popular culture, especially [since 1964], has become a more dominant cultural force than ever before.”1 This was true in 1989 when he wrote this book, and it is even more so today.
While Christians cannot escape the presence of pop culture, we must guard ourselves from adapting to its value system. The value system and philosophical views of pop culture are not in alignment with those of the Scripture. Nonetheless, pop culture continues to be, not only allowed, but embraced in American churches, which contributes to its immaturity.
An Overemphasis on Reaching Youth
While pop culture has been around in some form for longer, the early decades of the twentieth century really ramped up its appeal and power, particularly in the youth of the day. The 1940s saw the term “teenager” come into vogue,2 and various youth organizations formed that targeted the youth of the day as the hope of the future of America.3)
The youth were viewed as those who could save the world from various political threats and also be the leaders in the churches. This youth movement embraced the expressions and behaviors of the pop culture of the day. This has been perpetuated ever since at rapid speed. However, when a church’s dominating emphasis is on the youth, it will lead to the neglect and marginalization of older generations, the prolonging of adolescence, and ultimately perpetuating immaturity within the church,4
Reaching the youth is important, but it should not trump the church’s need to reach people of all ages. Titus chapter two highlights a multigenerational ministry, giving emphasis on the mature and older generation.
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