We are blessed to have access to so many excellent books on parenting. From conception to empty nesting, from strong-willed toddlers to rebellious prodigals, from the joy of welcoming a child to the grief of losing one, there is a book to guide and help us. And for that, I am truly thankful.
And yet I believe that many parents fail to read the parenting book that could make the biggest difference to their lives and families. Many neglect to give their attention to the parenting book that God has set right before them. It’s the “book” that is being written in the lives of the people in their own local church.
When my children were younger, I loved to read a good book for parents. I read most of the major ones and many of the lesser-knowns. I learned how to shepherd and instruct a child’s heart, how the gospel powers our parenting, how to be purposeful and persistent parents, how to have “the talk” with our children, and on and on. I benefitted a lot from each of them. There was always something to learn and always an area of weakness to address.
Yet I could never shake this thought: I don’t actually know any of these authors. I don’t know anything more than what they have told me about themselves in their books. I don’t know how they have actually lived these things out in their homes. I don’t know how their children feel about them. I don’t know if they gained the hearts of their kids or lost them, if their techniques led to great success or total failure.
But I knew it is much harder to be hypocritical in a context in which you are seen and known. It is much harder to fake it, to have a great disparity between what you teach and how you live or between what you say is true of your family and what is actually true. The local church proves who you really are, what you really believe, and how you really live.
And so I decided it would be wise to commit to reading the “book” that I saw each Sunday, the one that was right before my eyes. Here I could see fathers who loved their children (and were loved by their children) and ask them for guidance. Here I could see parents whose children I would be proud to call my own and learn to imitate them. Here I could see the principles of Scripture really lived out. I understood that it would be foolish to spend time with a book when I could spend time with a family, to learn from a stranger when I could be mentored by a friend.
It would be foolish to spend time with a book when I could spend time with a family, to learn from a stranger when I could be mentored by a friend.Share
And my encouragement to young parents today is to do the same. Don’t neglect the “books” made up of human lives in favor of books made up of mere paper. Let the people in your life and church be the main thing and let the paperbacks be supplemental.
To that end, let me offer a few tips.
First, do not be easily impressed by people whose children are still young. Often the people who have the most obedient little children now will have the most rebellious older children then. It is easy to crush the spirits of little ones and force them to do your will. It is much harder to keep their spirits crushed as they grow older and have a greater ability to live their own lives. So seek out parents whose children are older and, ideally, grown and independent.
Second, look for people in your church whose older children are living the way you’d hope your children will someday live. Look for grown children of whom you’d say, “If this was my child, I’d be proud.” Then go to those parents and say something like this: “I want my children to someday be like your children. Can we spend some time together so you can teach me how?” If you’re feeling especially humble, you can say “If you see me parenting in a way you think is unbiblical or unwise, I would appreciate if you would speak to me about it.”
Third, be wary of people whose egos are tied closely to their children. There are many parents who are desperate to be known as good and successful parents—parents whose identity is found in their parenting. Such people can often be inadvertently hypocritical. It is better to look for people who do not obviously present themselves as authorities on parenting, but who are doing it well nonetheless.
Fourth, as you speak to exemplary parents, also speak to their exemplary children. Ask them what they believe their parents did so well. Ask them what they have learned from their mom and dad. Ask them for the ways in which they intend to imitate their parents.
Finally, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that just because older parents raised their children many years ago and in a different cultural context, their counsel is no longer valuable. You will naturally be drawn to people whose lives are similar to your own and whose children are the same age. But don’t confuse youthful confidence for experienced wisdom. Don’t think that apparent success in the early days necessarily predicts a good outcome in the later days. Job was not wrong when he observed “Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.”
The local church proves who you really are, what you really believe, and how you really live.Share

Good morning from California. I’m thrilled to be speaking over the next few days at The Master’s University and The Master’s Seminary. I look forward to meeting you (or, more likely, your kids or grandkids) in the days ahead.
Today’s Kindle deals include several good titles from Crossway.
(Yesterday on the blog: What To Do While You Wait To Die)

“Deep down, we all want the wicked to receive their due. We all have our cries for justice. Even Broadway audiences cheer the destruction of the manifest monster. Without controversy, we consign Hitler to damnation. We know great evil demands cosmic justice. Yet we have a harder time imagining ourselves, or our beloved friends and family, a the wicked, as those justly deserving what Jesus called hell.”

Jonathan Leeman makes some very helpful distinctions between different types of authority.

Bring your church family together with quick and easy communication between Sundays. Church Social gives members a secure place online to view a member directory and get organized with a calendar, schedules, file sharing, and more. Administrators can also track membership records, create reports, and share information. (Sponsored Link)

I quite like this term: gastronomic humility. It is a practice worth thinking about.

“My bride-to-be daughter rushed past the white lace and sequins, the high necklines and capped sleeves, reaching for a sleeveless dress. Excited women crowded around us. We had only one hour to find the perfect dress at the 50-percent-off sellout sample sale. It was wedding season in Utah. This was war.” This is a helpful look at what Mormons believe about marriage.

A lot of people have remarked on the growing normalization of polyamory. In this article Jonathon Van Maren explains why it is being normalized.

Kim Riddlebarger remembers Dr. Rod Rosenbladt, who died a few days ago.

Though our eyes fill with tears when we sink to the valleys, don’t they also fill with tears when we soar to the heights? Maybe then, just maybe, such tears will still fill our eyes when we stand before that throne, when we gain a sight of that Lamb, when we join our voices to sing of that salvation.

As I am humbled by my difficulties, so I am strengthened by God’s grace.
—Alistair Begg

A friend of mine recently went to be with the Lord after enduring a long battle with leukemia. In his final weeks, as his strength slowly faded away, he told his family that he wished he could write a book titled What To Do While You Wait To Die. There would be no time to write a book, but I did tell him I would gladly share on my blog whatever he was learning along the way.
He expressed joy in the relationships God had blessed him with. As God gave him strength, he reached out to as many of these people as he could to thank and encourage them.

[I am] thankful to those who have been mentors to me. I’m young enough that many of those mentors are still alive, so I get to honor them and encourage them and just thank them so much for God’s ministry in my life.
On the other side, the Lord has given me pleasure in brotherhood and working shoulder to shoulder with men at church, men in different ministries, and that is just a great and wonderful thing. I certainly don’t deserve it, but I love it. The Lord is so kind and so good.

So, the first thing to do while you wait to die is invest in people. A committed evangelist, my friend also called as many unbelievers as he could to tell them about Jesus one last time.
He also rejoiced at how the Lord was using his disease to challenge other people and to give them an opportunity to respond with faith and love.

I’m beyond thrilled by how so many young people have come and encouraged me and my family. Oh, what a balm for these last few days. I never expected that, but what a lovely thing. I’ve told my family often that I don’t deserve that, but I am so grateful for it and I wish it. I don’t wish this disease on my worst enemy, but I do wish these discussions for all of my family and friends. God’s people can be so glorious and so kind and so gentle. It makes my bed softer. It makes the journey sweeter. I know it’s only by His goodness and His grace.

So I suppose the second thing to do when you are waiting to die is to be grateful and to look for every evidence of God’s grace.
And then he told of his deepening understanding of what matters the most in this world. A man who had been very successful in life and business, he was well-regarded by associates and ministries alike. He led companies and served on boards. Yet he realized that everything was being stripped away and he was being left with the one thing that matters.

As I graduate to the finish line, I can see quickly all of the shiny armor I thought was on me, fall and clink away as I make steps towards that final, final round. God wants me to be, essentially, free of anything in this world. What I came with is what I’ll leave with. Pretty much the exact same things. That’s nothing but Him, nothing but His providence, nothing but His mercy and grace. What a glorious shedding that has been! I’m no longer a CEO or COO or CIO or any fancy title, no longer part of a Board of Directors, or anything. I’m just a man who has to submit to God’s good and gracious will and just be faithful to Him.
When you store up treasures in heaven, it makes it much easier to leave this world behind.

The third and final thing, then, is to submit to God’s will and to rejoice that while we may leave this world as weak and helpless as when we arrived, we leave safe in the hands of a mighty God.
It was a blessing to know my friend, a blessing to see him serve the Lord to the end, and a blessing to join with so many others to honor him at his memorial service. And it will be a blessing to see him again when the Lord calls me to follow the same path.

My gratitude goes to Thomas Nelson for sponsoring the blog this week so you could learn about the new Timeless Truths Bible which is designed with the history of the Christian church in mind. “It will remind you that, as you read the Word of God, you’re a part of a sacred communion made up of believers past and present. Not only is this particular Bible beautifully designed, it has also been carefully crafted with selected features to help you in your journey through the text.”
There are, indeed, some new Kindle deals to look through today.
(Yesterday on the blog: The Deconstruction of Christianity)

“You have heard it said, ‘The Gospel is not about going to heaven when you die.’ Don’t sing about ‘flying away’ when this life is over. Don’t preach about God’s celestial shore or the mansion for His children in the air. These sermons are ‘escapist’ and Christians who listen to them become apathetic about this life, ignore injustice, or shrug their shoulders about the misery of the poor. If we keep preaching this false gospel, the Church will only care about getting to heaven, not doing God’s will on earth as it is in heaven.”

Stephen McAlpine says that we need more “repellently attractional” churches. And while his context is Australia, I think there’s lots for us to learn on this side of the globe as well.

Brad Hambrick considers the sin of partiality. “God isn’t showing partiality toward the poor to “balance the scales of history.” The harder road to faith for the affluent isn’t a punishment from God. The experience of wealth tends to create a façade of self-sufficiency that makes it less likely for some to see their need for a Savior. When it comes to being an heir to the kingdom, being poor is an advantage.”

What is the single most encouraging thing for a pastor to see among the people he serves? I’m very much inclined to agree with Steve’s take on it.

This is a fantastic telling of the friendship between John Newton and William Cowper.

If you’ve ever wondered what biblical typology is all about, this will serve as a helpful explanation.

God does not call only elders or prospective elders to be “sober-minded, self-controlled, and respectable”—He calls every Christian to pursue these traits.

Unfathomable oceans of grace are in Christ for you. Dive and dive again, you will never come to the bottom of these depths.
—Robert Murray M’Cheyne

There is nothing new and nothing particularly unusual about apostasy—about people who once professed the Christian faith coming to deny it. From the early church to the present day, we have witnessed a long and sad succession of people walking away from Christianity and often doing so with expressions of anger, animosity, and personal superiority.
Yet while apostasy is not new, the modern nomenclature is: Today it is often referred to as “deconstruction.” And the specific form it takes is new as well—people using social media to chart their rejection of the Christian faith and to join with others through shared apps, subreddits, or hashtags.

The Deconstruction of Christianity

As we witness these new forms of an old issue, it stands to reason that we should have a new book to address it. That is exactly what Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett provide in The Deconstruction of Christianity: What It Is, Why It’s Destructive, and How To Respond. This is a book that offers the “prayerful observations, thoughtful analyses, and honest conclusions of two people who have spent a significant amount of time collectively—as a team—living, studying, eating, sleeping, and breathing deconstruction.” In their research, they listened to countless stories of deconstruction, read the books and Twitter threads, watched a host of TikTok videos, and even met with some of its foremost proponents. They made certain that they understood the issue before they addressed it.
Their book falls into three parts. In the first part, the authors identify and define “deconstruction” as “a postmodern process of rethinking your faith without regarding Scripture as a standard.” They show how it grew from a fringe movement to a popular one and tell of the experiences of some of those who have been very public with their own apostasy. They also grapple with whether there can be a positive sense of the term in which a Christian deconstructs their faith by simply closely examining it and ensuring it is sound. But here they conclude the word “deconstruction” comes with too much philosophical baggage and, therefore, with too much confusion. After all,

Deconstruction is not about getting your theology right. It’s not about trying to make your views match reality. It’s about tearing down doctrines that are morally wrong to you to make them match your own internal conscience, moral compass, true authentic self, or whatever else it’s being called these days. Yet the goal for all Christians should be to align our beliefs with the Word of God, despite our own personal feelings or beliefs on the topic.

In this part, they also look at self-proclaimed exvangelicals to consider the reasons they have left the faith. They identify five main reasons: A literal reading of the Bible; the belief that women are to be submissive to men; a belief in the sanctity of heterosexuality and the rejection of homosexuality; the assumption that the American way of life is best; and identification and partnership with political and social conservatism.
As they progress into the book’s second part, Childers and Barnett examine the details of deconstruction. “Every act of deconstruction contains three basic components: (1) a process of deconstruction, (2) a belief being deconstructed, and (3) a person deconstructing.” In other words, there is always a how, a what, and a who and in a series of chapters they address each, first pausing to show that deconstruction most often begins with some kind of a crisis, and often an understandable one—abuse, suffering, doubt, and so on. Yet they aptly show that such a crisis does not make deconstruction inevitable.
In the third and final part, they suggest ways to love and help people who are in that process of deconstructing their faith. They insist that it is okay to ask questions about the Christian faith and to wrestle through difficult issues. Yet they guide people in asking questions that truly look for answers rather than exits. They also offer wisdom to those who are grieved by a loved one’s potential apostasy and tell them how to stay engaged in their lives. They conclude with some personal stories and encouragements.
Some potential readers may wonder who this book is for. Though it could be a book you hand to someone who is deconstructing their faith and heading down the road of apostasy, that isn’t quite its primary purpose. Rather, it’s mostly meant for those who have heard of the phenomenon and are wondering what it’s all about or for people who have seen friends or family members waver in their Christian profession. In that way, it is a book of theology and discipleship more than it is a book of pure apologetics or evangelism.
The Deconstruction of Christianity is a timely book that has been written to address an urgent contemporary issue. If you have been wondering what deconstruction is or where it came from, if you have been grieved by those who have begun it or if you have been considering it yourself, this is exactly the book you need. It is kind and compassionate in its tone but also unwavering in its commitment to truth. It would be hard to recommend it too highly.

A new month brings new deals from Logos. You’ll want to take a good look at their free and nearly-free books, of course. You can also get 20% off on Logos Silver or above with code STUDY20.
Westminster Books has a sale on the excellent Reformed Expository Bible Studies series which is ideal for personal or small group study.
Today’s Kindle deals include a good number of options.

Nick offers a really good answer to a question I have been asked on a number of occasions. “Among the many grievous situations in which a believer may find himself or herself, having a spouse who is either unbelieving or unwilling to join a biblical church can be one of the most burdensome.”

Samuel James doesn’t hold back in this column about the Alistair Begg controversy (and I’m glad for that!). “Begg is an unquestionably conservative, Reformed pastor with decades of faithfulness. That fact has not stopped some from talking as if he is now unworthy of being heard. This is a travesty; in fact, I submit that throwing away Begg’s reputation or platform is a worse travesty than what he said.”

“The gospel of Jesus Christ brings to us an abundance of gifts. When we believe, we have new life; we have the forgiveness of our sins; we are new people, made part of the body of Christ, the church. But the blessings of the gospel keep on coming, some of which we may not realize until months or years later. In particular, the gospel gives us courage.”

Katie Polski: “As I’ve watched friends face the inevitable challenges that accompany aging or ill parents, it’s become clear that my sentiment was not unique. But what I discovered amid the challenging journey, by the grace of God, is that the burdensome call of caregiving is also one that is profoundly and incomparably beautiful.”

“It is hard to relate to a God we cannot see, hear, or touch.  And while we know that the Bible is his glorious gift of communication to us, it can often feel distant and disconnected from our everyday lives.  How can we find motivation for a relationship with God that has the Bible at the centre?” Peter answers the question for anyone, but perhaps especially for those who are wavering in their Scripture-reading.

John Piper writes to those who are concerned they may have a hard heart. (It strikes me that people who are concerned they have a hard heart are almost certainly those who do not, similar to the way those who are concerned they’ve committed the unpardonable sin have not!)

Forrest McPhail writes about surrendering rights for the sake of the gospel and does so in one specific context.

Solomon asks, “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” But Facebook prompts every user at every moment, “What’s on your mind?” 

As a man first tuneth his instrument, and then playeth on it: so should the holy servant of God first labour to bring his spirit, heart, and affections into a solid and settled frame for worship, and then go to work.
—David Dickson

This week Free Stuff Friday is sponsored by Thomas Nelson Bibles. They are giving away five copies of the Timeless Truths Bible.
About the Timeless Truths Bible:
The Christian faith is founded upon unchanging, timeless truth. From the days of the early church until the day of Christ’s return, all of Christianity proclaims that “Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians 2:11). This is our unchanging and unceasing confession upon which all our hope and all our joy rests.
The Timeless Truths Bible encourages you through the always timely wisdom of those who came before us. Devotional notes and commentary from trusted theologians and pastors from the second century up to the twentieth will stir your affections. The ancient creeds and confessions of the faith will grow your understanding of what we believe—and have always believed. And artwork created throughout the history of Christianity will deepen your worship of the one we call Lord.
Features include:

Devotional and theological commentary for every chapter of the Bible from notable figures throughout church history including Irenaeus, Augustine, Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon, and John Calvin
46 full-page biographies of church leaders
Text from some of the creeds and confessions of the Christian faith that have shaped our beliefs for generations, including the Apostles’ Creed, the Nicene Creed, the Athanasian Creed, and the Westminster Catechism
Full-color tip-in pages of artwork from the history of Christianity

Experience timeless wisdom for life today that is entrusted to you for tomorrow.
Enter for your chance to win one of five copies here.
Entries accepted from February 2, 2024, at 9 AM Eastern until February 9, 2024, at 11:59 PM Eastern. Open to US residents only. Visit thomasnelsonbibles.com/challies-sweepstakes to enter and read all sweepstakes rules.  

Today—the first day of a new month—is an ideal opportunity to pause for just a moment to consider: That right now, at this very second, God is reigning from his throne. All will be well.
Today’s Kindle deals include a collection of books that will be on sale until the end of the month. (I should have those listed on my site by 6:30 AM EST or so.)
(Yesterday on the blog: When God Gives Us a Platform)

“Marriage has fallen on hard times in our society. Apparently, things weren’t all that different for the original audience of Hebrews in the 1st century, but writing in the 21st, I feel like this command was given especially for us. Everywhere we turn today, marriage is, in one way or another, slammed, insulted, or otherwise maligned. A simple way for followers of Christ to swim against the cultural current is simply to obey this command to honor marriage. Here are a few ideas on how to do that.”

I really enjoyed this ESPN article about a special photographer. “The football team’s leadership group called Nash Pils, a 17-year-old junior with Down syndrome, to the gym floor. A naturally gifted photographer, Nash has become the documentarian of a small town’s sports programs, and in turn, the football team has become his champion.”

Rosia Li, a college student, has a letter to her senior pastor that is meant to help him understand her generation. “I would like to suggest a crucial role that the church can play in helping Gen Z rise above this digital domination. This relational problem requires a relational solution. Contrary to popular belief, my generation is actually incredibly eager to glean wisdom from those who have lived a little (to many more) years than us. It’s just that at times, we are just a little shy to make the first move.”

Ligon Duncan offers a few thoughts about remaining faithful in the current cultural climate.

Rob Ventura has an interview about a book that has turned into a series—the Expository Outlines and Observations Commentary. (Sponsored)

“Early on in my paralysis — and almost by accident — I unearthed an unexpected treasure. I opened the word of God and discovered a mine shaft. I dug my paralyzed fingers into a weight of incomprehensible glory, a sweetness with Jesus that made my paralysis pale in comparison. In my great joy, I went out and sold everything, trading in my resentment and self-pity to buy the ugly field nobody else would want. And I struck gold.”

Wisely, Brett McCracken warns parents that vetting their kids’ entertainment isn’t a one-and-done task.

…you always need to respect the power and deceptiveness of sin, and you always need to acknowledge your weakness and proneness to depravity. For your soul to survive and thrive in this world, you need to learn to flee.

The real you is worth letting out if the real you is dead to sin and alive in Christ Jesus.
—Kevin DeYoung

There are many ways we may respond to the sudden onrush of some new pain or the sudden onset of some fresh sorrow. There are many options set before us when health fails and uncertainty draws near, when wealth collapses and bankruptcy looms, when a loved one is taken and we are left alone. There are many forks in the road, many paths we can choose when we face such heavy trials. Some who seemed to be living so well grow angry at God and man, then sink into bitterness. Some who seemed to be so strong in their faith grow despondent, then stop pressing on. Some who seemed to be so vibrant grow dull and disillusioned, perhaps shrugging off a God who would ask them to pass through a dark valley.
But there are others who respond to their trials in different ways, and it’s these people who have so often blessed, encouraged, and inspired me. These people have understood that God’s sovereignty is active in and through their pain and that somehow even this trial fits within his providence. They have understood that through their time of sorrow, God has given them a kind of platform, an opportunity to glorify his name. And they have willingly accepted and embraced it.
One friend was told he had a form of cancer that was usually fatal. He used every treatment and every hill and valley to proclaim his trust in Jesus to the doctors, nurses, and his friends. When told he had only a short time left to live, he made it his purpose to give his last days to calling his Christian friends to encourage them in their faith one last time and to calling his non-Christian friends to tell them about Jesus one last time. “After all,” he told me, “everyone will listen to a dying man.” His suffering gave him a platform and he used it to proclaim the glories of God.
Another friend saw his daughter suddenly struck down by a terrible and mysterious illness. Though this was a heavy blow for him and for his family, he diligently wrote dispatches from the hospital that went out to believers and unbelievers alike. In them he expressed his confusion but also his trust, his sorrow but also his faith. His time of agony was also a time of proclamation. He ministered to others even when he was suffering so deeply.
Because we are never outside the providence of God, we can have confidence that we are never outside the purpose of God.Share
Generations have benefitted from the books and poems of Amy Carmichael, most of which were written from her sickbed—her sickbed that doubled as her podium before the world. Millions have heard Joni Eareckson Tada speak and sing of the glories of God—Joni, whose entire public ministry has been carried out from a wheelchair. Both embraced their circumstances as a God-given platform. There was pain, to be certain. There was sorrow and toil. But there was also opportunity.
We grieve our losses, of course, whether that’s the loss of health, wealth, ability, or loved ones. We rightly weep and mourn. And we certainly don’t wish for those times of darkness to come upon us. But because we are never outside the providence of God, we can have confidence that we are never outside the purpose of God. We can understand that God has purpose in our pain and we can know that in even our darkest moments and hardest days, we can praise and glorify his name. We can know that his providence has given us a platform, whether it is from the heights of joy or the depths of sorrow, whether it is before many people or few. And surely it is only right that we use it to tell of his goodness and grace.

Westminster Books is offering deep discounts on a whole collection of new books that they deem especially noteworthy. There are some very good picks there.
I added some new Kindle deals yesterday and will hope to do so again today.

Jon Nielson has quite a helpful description of demons and how Christians ought to think about them.

Trevin explains how there is a huge and irreconcilable contradiction in the various transgender theories.

Stephen McAlpine wants pastors to stop “bagging out” the average church member. “With the right gospel vision, the right training and framework, the right encouragement, and the right recognition of what the average church member’s life is already like, the average church member is more than willing to be part of the mission of the church. The key is to take their lives and experiences seriously as the first step.”

Like myself, T.M. Suffield is color blind. He uses this fact to spark a moving reflection.

Patsy Kuipers writes about “the sad relief,” which she considers “an apt description of the blend of sorrow and joy known to Christians because we’re able to grieve with hope”
Alistair Begg and the Loving Thing
I’m sure by now you’ve heard about Alistair Begg’s recent comments about attending a wedding that involves a homosexual/transgendered person—comments that were made as he discussed his book The Christian Manifesto. You can find his original comment here and his more detailed explanation here. Among the blogs I follow, I have seen just a couple of responses: Anne Kennedy has some thoughts on it in Alistair Begg and the Loving Thing while Stephen Kneale takes a somewhat similar view but focuses a bit more on whether this is always an issue of biblical fidelity or whether it at times falls into the category of wisdom. I see a number of distinct issues that I may comment on in the future. Among them: The issue itself (Is it always sinful for a Christian to attend such a ceremony?); the implication of someone holding the opposite view (How do we relate to people who hold a different conviction?); and the way this whole conversation has taken place (Is there a McLuhan/Postman sense in which the medium is the message?). There is a lot to think about and I am praying the church is strengthened through it.

Many of my best memories are of events that happened one time or perhaps a few times. But my favorite of all is an event that happened day after day and year after year. 

Make Christ your music and your song; for complaining and feeling of want does often swallow up your praises. Borrow joy and comfort from the Comforter.
—Samuel Rutherford