Written by Jerrold H. Lewis |
Tuesday, November 15, 2022
Being a person of character and marrying a person of character makes the hard work of life more bearable. Plus, these traits also point to a greater probability of marital success. That’s why marital happiness transcends economic strata, culture, and country.  

Looking Around
A recent study conducted on a dating site (with 7 million users) reported that American women find 80% of men “below average” when looking for a husband. Unattractive was the word actually used, but below-average works too. Granted, this study was not conducted by the European Institute for Gender Equality. But 7 million users? That’s a deep pool. If this study is accurate, it means eight out of 10 men are not “husband material” in the eyes of single American women. This also means that 100% of women compete for 20% of the male desirables. Men who “pass the bar,” so to speak. Which, in turn, means that 20% of desirable men get the opportunity to advance with the very best of the ladies. But what about the losing majority on both sides? The 80%-ers. A terrifying statistic was released, which states that by 2030, nearly 50% of middle-aged women in the USA will be husbandless career women. That’s ok if the woman desires to remain single. Single life is as praiseworthy and rewarding as married. In 1 Corinthians 7:7, Paul said, “I wish you were all as I am,” single. We don’t speak enough about the praiseworthiness of singleness. We should. Excellent benefits and blessings for the kingdom of God and man have been accomplished by single people. So this data only poses a problem for those that want to marry. Similar numbers show that many men have given up on finding a wife, or are looking for one in other countries. Think Ukraine, Russia, the Philippines, Taiwan, etc. The statistics of mail-order brides in the USA are astounding.
Some of this seismic shift has everything to do with the predictable stupidity of many young men. They refuse to grow up. Never in the history of mankind has a generation of males been so enamored with staying a child. All previous generations would gladly stand in line, to take this generation out behind the woodshed. The amount of time a young man (even if married) spends in front of a screen pretending to be someone he’s not, is astounding. These men find it hard to manage typical adult responsibilities such as chores, paying bills, keeping a job, and maintaining healthy relationships with those around them. They are at their personal “best” when they have a headset on and are yelling and laughing with their buddies in a make-believe world where they project, by fantasy, everything they are not in real life (the hero, the winner). This phenomenon has been dubbed The Peter Pan Syndrome by psychologists. Young men who refuse to grow up. The low stock value of some young men has everything to do with poor life choices and refusing to turn themselves into their best version. Sensible, intelligent, spiritual women shake their heads. Understandably. And it’s causing women to give up on countless men, or at least begin to weed out the undesirable from the chosen few. The truth is, some very good women are opting out of “settling.” Hence, 80%.
Husband Material
Psychology Today says most young men are single and feel (romantically) lonelier than ever. A real possibility of forever-singleness has settled over many hearts like a fog. It is also why so many men are busy working for “gains” in the gym. They want to somehow break into the top 20% of desirables. Or stay there. If they only knew that modern women of substance want more. Sure, there is a well-deserved component to maintaining a healthy lifestyle and personal grooming. Still, boys’ preoccupation with their looks and physique has everything to do with a warped understanding of what makes a man a man, and what a woman wants. This also explains why many young women are so discouraged! These men are shallow. There’s no mystery, no complexity, no depth. Think about it…if 100% of women compete for 20% of desirable men, then 80% of women are left with the 80% undesirables. What’s the result going to be? They will choose singleness over settling. It’s a foregone conclusion. It’s a love-starved-trapped cycle with no end in sight. These women keep picking up frogs, hoping to get a prince. But they never “kiss” one (friend zone); they never try. And these aren’t frogs anyway; they’re tadpoles.
Young men can fix this. It’s not rocket science, but it is hard. Be better. Find your best expression, and work like a dog to attain it. And maintain it. This does not mean just a career, either. More profoundly, work on those things that will make you even more valuable to a godly woman:

Spiritual depth and growth
Personal character development
Education (however formal or informal)
Steadfast commitment

Take Paul’s words in 1 Cor. 13 to heart, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” Then do it. Young men are in desperate need of growing up. Even a generation ago, every man knew these things to be true. Whether he was a Christian or not. Today, it’s a forgotten art. I guess that’s our fault as fathers. Which could be another article. The point is, invest in your whole person.
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We do not need to be paralyzed by fear of the unknown. Our sovereign Father, who created all things, upholds, directs, disposes, and governs all creatures. Our Lord’s providence covers all actions and things, from the greatest to the least, by His most wise and holy providence.

Last week, during our vacation, my family and I visited a new church. There, I met a man named Charles (I’ve changed his name for privacy). As we shared a meal after the service, Charles opened up about his recent journey into reformed theology. Our conversation eventually touched upon the profound and heartwarming topic of God’s providence.
You might be thinking, “Oh boy, another discussion about the providence of God…” But stick with me—this story is worth your time.
Charles recounted his experiences growing up in a large evangelical denomination where seeking specific guidance from God on every aspect of life was the norm. People would frequently ask questions like, “Who should I marry?”, “What job should I take?”, “What church should I attend?”, and even, “What food should I order?”
The quest for divine direction often led to paralysis in decision-making for many, as they awaited clear signs from God.
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Let us be the sort of people who prayerfully and carefully immerse ourselves day and night in God’s Word (Josh. 1:8; Ps. 1:2). Let us also be the sort of Berean-like people who receive good teaching about God’s Word “with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so” (Acts 17:11).

Only one book is absolutely essential to save us, to equip us to obey God’s will, and to glorify Him in whatever we do. Only one book gives us undiluted truth —the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Only one book serves as our ultimate and final authority in all that it affirms. That book, of course, is the Bible, God’s Holy Word. No wonder John Wesley once exclaimed, “Let me be homo unius libri”—a man of one book!
And yet the irony is that if we use only this book, we may in fact be in disobedience to it. We should count good teaching about the Bible—whether through commentaries, books, sermons, study Bibles, and so on—to be a gift from God for the good of His church (see Eph. 4:11; James 1:17). So what may look pious on the outside (“Just me and my Bible!”) can actually mask pride on the inside.
Acts 8 describes a story that might help us think through this. An Ethiopian eunuch—a God-fearing Gentile who served as treasurer to the Ethiopian queen—had made a five-month journey by chariot to Jerusalem in order to worship God. During his return trip he was puzzling out loud over the Isaiah scroll that he held in his hands. And the Holy Spirit appointed Philip to help him understand the meaning of the Bible.
Philip first asked this man if he understood the passage that he was reading (chap. 53). The Ethiopian responded, “How can I, unless someone guides me?” (v. 31). After inviting Philip to sit in his chariot, he asked him about whom this passage spoke. ‘Then Philip opened his mouth, and beginning with this Scripture he told him the good news about Jesus’ (v. 35). Soon after, the eunuch insisted they stop the chariot in order to be baptized by Philip in obedience to his new savior and king, Jesus Christ. To be sure, this is a historical narrative recounting an event. The purpose is not necessarily to guide believers today in how to read their Bibles or how to think about the teaching of God’s Word.
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