There may not be times in your marriage when you stop loving your wife, but there may be times in your marriage when you stop liking her—or when you stop acting like it, anyway. There may be times when you are easily irritated with her or times when you just can’t get along. There may be times when you feel sorry for yourself and think you deserve better than the way she’s treating you. There may be times when a kind of despondency enters into the way you think of her and the way you behave toward her.

I’d like to offer a bit of counsel for such times: When you find you don’t like your wife, make it your aim to love your wife.
Your temptation in these difficult times will be to assume that your despondent feelings are the result of something she is failing to do—a way she is neglecting to love you, serve you, or honor you. That could be the case and she may well bear a portion of the responsibility. But what you may fail to consider is that your despondent feelings are actually the result of something you are failing to do. It’s always easier to look outside than in, to look to the other than to the self.
The thing about love is that it is more likely to grow cold when you fail to give it than when you fail to receive it. The one sure way to fall out of love with your wife is to stop loving her—to stop doing deeds of love and speaking words of love and otherwise displaying a heart of love. Love is like a muscle that atrophies with disuse and that strengthens with exercise.
So when you aren’t getting along with your wife, serve your wife. When you find you are irritated with your wife, find ways to bless your wife. When you don’t really care to be around your wife, surround your wife with love and good deeds. Make it your habit to ask her, “How can I make your day better today?” or “What can I do to serve you today?” or “How can I help you today?” Make it your goal to make her day better, to make her life easier, to make her load lighter. In short, love her like Christ loves the church and serve her like Christ serves the church.
“Okay, okay,” I hear you say. “that’s all well and good, but she…” Stop right there. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what she has done or failed to do. What matters is what you intend to do. She may not reciprocate and she may not make you feel any more loved, but that’s a whole different matter because you aren’t loving her to be loved in return—you’re loving her because it’s the right thing to do, because it’s what God tells you to do, because it makes God proud. You’re loving her before God because that’s how you’ve been loved by God.
So whether you feel loved or unloved, whether your heart is warm toward your wife or cold, whether you’re finding yourself drawn toward her or pulled away, love her, serve her, bless her. And you will find that as you serve her, your love will grow. As you act in love, you will feel more love. As you work for her good, your heart will become ever more inclined toward her. Because that’s how love works.

Good morning. Grace and peace to you.

Today’s Kindle deals include several volumes of the excellent ESV Expository Commentary series.
(Yesterday on the blog: The Music Is Simply a Mockery)
Goodbye Local Church?
“The truth is that there is now a marketplace of churches. This marketplace stretches across denominations and church ‘brands’. People are quite willing to switch and travel long distances. Churches are in competition for members.” This really changes everything about our relationship to the local church.
Going to Church Is Hard but Worth It
“Sundays never fail to be tough. The plan is always to have the house clean and organized on Saturday, to do family devotionals, to set out and iron clothes for the morning, to go to bed early, and have a big happy breakfast together Sunday morning. Things never go according to plan.”
Can We Trust Luke’s History of the Early Jesus Movement?
Some have charged that Luke is not a trustworthy historian. Shane Rosenthal disagrees and explains why.
Not Brave
Julie Lowe: “I don’t know about you, but I am not brave. I dread criticism and judgment. I’d rather work behind the scenes than live in the spotlight and be open to the critique of others. The world is hostile and people can be harsh. Let someone who likes the attention rise up and be the focus. Have you ever uttered these sentiments? If so, you are not alone.”
Seeing Through Tears
Brianna expresses her faith in the Lord, even through tears.
12 Axioms for Young Missionaries
Just like the title says, here are some axioms that may prove helpful to those who are new to missions.
Flashback: Leave and Cleave Like a Strawberry
…as I think of the families I’ve known where the generations function best..they appropriately emphasize the discontinuity between the old family and the new, but appropriately emphasize the obligation each generation owes the other. They are independent, but not too distant. They are connected, but not suffocating. They’ve got room to grow but also room to spread their leaves.

I have come to believe that, as followers of Jesus, one of the worthiest endeavors we can undertake is to take the Great Commandment seriously and learn to be in relationship with our literal neighbors. —Jay Pathak & Dave Runyon

We tend to think the issues in our churches are contemporary issues that we alone have had to contend with. Yet when we read voices from ages past, we are often reminded that many issues come and go, rise and wane. This is the case with the music we sing at church. At some points the church is (rightly) focused on enabling the amateur voices in the pews and at other points (wrongly) focused on prioritizing the professional voices in the choir or band. This was of some concern at the end of the 19th century as evidenced in this little snippet from De Witt Talmage. Like him, when I hear many of today’s worship bands, “I would prefer the hearty, outbreaking song of a backwoods Methodist camp-meeting.”

In many of the churches of Christ in our day, the music is simply a mockery.
I have not a cultivated ear nor a cultivated voice, yet no man can do my singing for me. I have nothing to say against artistic music. The two or five dollars I pay to hear Miss Thursby or Miss Abbott or any of the other great queens of song is a good investment. But when the people assemble in religious convocation, and the hymn is read, and the angels of God step from their throne to catch the music on their wings, do not let us drive them away by our indifference.
I have preached in churches where vast sums of money were employed to keep up the music, and it was as exquisite as any heard on earth, but I thought at the same time, for all matters practical, I would prefer the hearty, outbreaking song of a backwoods Methodist camp-meeting.
Let one of these starveling fancy songs sung in church get up before the throne of God, how would it look standing amid the great doxologies of the redeemed? Let the finest operatic air that ever went up from the church of Christ get many hours the start, it will be caught and passed by the hosanna of the Sabbath-school children.
I know a church where the choir did all the singing, save one Christian man who, through perseverance of the saints, went right on, and afterward a committee was appointed to wait on him and ask him if he would not please to stop singing, as he bothered the choir.
As the French say, “plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.” The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I’m very grateful to Reformation Heritage Books for sponsoring the blog this week to tell you about some of their great new products. We are so blessed to have publishers like RHB who are committed to bringing us books that serve us so well.

At Westminster Books this week, you’ll find a deal on an excellent new series of books. They also have these volumes by Van Mastricht on sale.
In Your Race of Faith, Run Together
Lindsey Carlson: “As a follower of Jesus, you are a member of the body of Christ; every other Christian in the body is a fellow team member whose name is recorded on the roster and who runs alongside you in the same race of faith. You have pledged to run together with the people of God under the headship of Christ.”
The 2023 Audubon Photography Awards
I love the way these photography awards display the power and creativity of God.
He Gives To His Beloved Sleep
“Most of the time, a newborn sleeping is cause for celebration and slumber but on this particular night, fears about my son’s life plagued my mind.” This one will be a blessing to moms, and maybe some dads as well.
4 Questions to Answer Before Giving Your Child a Phone
“What’s the right age? This is a tricky question for parents. Once you hand a child a phone, chances are you’re not taking it back. So before you take the plunge, here are four questions to consider.”
Humble Words
Brianna recounts a time when humble words made all the difference in her life.
Christians Who Feel They Don’t Need Church Anymore
Forrest McPhail offers a series of truths that are meant to keep us engaged in the life of a local church despite the inevitable challenges.
Flashback: Envy Always Wins
Envy always competes. Envy demands that there is always a winner and a loser. And envy almost always suggests that I, the envious person, am the loser.

The stronger the foundation of a house, the bigger and stronger the building itself can be. And the richer and fuller the exposition of God’s grace, the more consuming the exhortations can be. —Sinclair Ferguson

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you today.

What Is the “Common Good”?
You’ve probably hard the term “the common good.” Andrew Walker explains what it is and why it matters for ethics.
The Basis for Confession
Aubrynn tells how a service she attended took an unexpected but beneficial turn. “When we got to the time of confession and assurance, I was struck by something unexpected: this part of the service was ‘backwards’.”
Doctrine for Life
Human Nature in its Fourfold State. The Crook in the Lot. Notes on the Marrow of Modern Divinity. Read these riveting experiential classics in The Complete Works of Thomas Boston to learn how theology can your life. (Sponsored Link)
What Is Calvinism? A Simple Explanation of Its Terms, History & Tenets
“Calvinism is not a church or a denomination. Calvinism is not even (just) a system of doctrine. Instead, Calvinism is a broad religious tradition with certain shared views and points of emphasis. It is doctrinal, churchly, and activistic. Calvinism teaches that the glory and sovereignty of God should come first in all things. Calvinism believes that only God can lead his church—in preaching, worship, and government.”
Finding freedom from freedom
“We live in what Charles Taylor calls a ‘culture of Authenticity,’ one where the primary values are autonomy, individuality, authenticity, and freedom. Which, since some churches talk about freedom a lot, can be confusing, because I’m not sure we mean the same thing. The freedom our churches talk about is the kind where you get to choose the good, the freedom our culture talks about is the kind where you to choose what the good is.”
Biblical Hope Is a Solid Certainty
Randy Alcorn: “To many of us, ‘hope’ sounds wishful and tentative, but biblical hope means to anticipate with trust. We expect a sure thing, purchased on the cross, accomplished and promised by an all-knowing God. Scripture offers solid ground for our hope in Christ.”
When You Are Done But God Is Not
“Your oldest child heads off to college. A friend you led to Christ and have been discipling moves over 1,000 miles away. Your work contract ends and those you have seen and witnessed to daily for years fade from your life. Our time on earth often passes in cycles—family cycles, ministry cycles, and work cycles. We go from one phase to the next.” Here’s some help on God’s care for us through life changes.
Flashback: Joy Is for the Generous
Money may not be able to purchase the greatest and deepest joy, but it can still generate it. The joy is there for the taking. The joy is there for the giving. The joy is for the generous.

Behavioral compliance to rules without heart-change will be superficial and fleeting. —Tim Keller

May the Lord be with you and bless you on this fine day.

A Short Treatise on Slavery
As he has preached his way through Ephesians, Barry has had to consider what the Bible says about slavery. Here are some of his reflections.
Prowling About
Patsy draws a comparison between a prowling cat in her yard and that prowling lion who seeks to devour us.
“Learn what authentic Christian ministry looks like, feels like, and sounds like.” —Sinclair Ferguson
Scottish theologian Thomas Boston’s warm spirituality makes his Complete Works essential to any Christian’s library. Read these newly reprinted gems to enrich your walk with Christ.  (Sponsored Link)
Where Pastors Find Their Worth
Darryl has a word for pastors. “Pastors are tempted to get their identity and sense of worth from ministry success. If church goes well, and people approve of us, we feel good about ourselves. If church doesn’t go well, and people dislike us, we tend to feel like failures.”
How to Live for God Through the Fear of Failure
“What is success? And what is failure? Success may be defined as the fulfillment of a purpose or desire. We make a plan, the plan works, and we call that success. Failure as an experience is the opposite of success. We make a plan, the plan doesn’t work. We try something and it doesn’t work.”
What We Miss When We Skip the Book of Nehemiah
We know that every book of the Bible has its treasures, but can still sometimes excuse ourselves from reading some of them. This article explains what we miss when we skip over Nehemiah.
Good Advice for Living a Countercultural Life
Kevin DeYoung: “Most of us, when we think about our lives, we think about ourselves as the center of what’s going on. When you think about your life, you are the main character. You never think about your life as a supporting actor or actress in someone else’s story.”
Flashback: The Joy of Walking with God
Those who walk with God will never be left by him. God may withdraw a sense of his presence for a time to teach us to cry out for him, but he will never leave altogether or for too long.

Hell is avoidable. Praise God. —Dane Ortlund

I don’t know if there is anyone who reads my site in Bangkok, but if there is … I am going to be in the city on Wednesday, July 26. If anyone would like to meet up for lunch and to perhaps meander the tourist part of town, let me know!

How a Christian Patriot Might Love His Wayward Country
Denny Burk considers how a patriot might love his country, even when it’s not always easy. “We do not choose our homeland. It is something that we are born into. Thus our acceptance of our home is not like a house that we can leave when we tire of it. It is like the love we have for our family…”
What Happens to Little Ones When They Die?
This is a good explanation of why the majority of Christians have been confident in saying that infants who die go to heaven.
Are you a “Marrow Man?”
Thomas Boston’s emphasis on God’s free offer of grace and Christ’s meritorious work pierced to the very marrow of Christian theology. Read his Complete Works to taste the vibrant Reformed spirituality that has encouraged Christians for more than 200 years. (Sponsored Link)
Learning to Forgive Family
John Piper takes on the matter of forgiving family. “This is utterly crucial. It’s a matter of life and death, and I mean eternal life and death, as we will see in just a moment. So, I take this question really seriously, and I hope this family will take the issue seriously also.”
If You Don’t Believe in Hell
“Beliefs ripple. But we make a concerted effort to ignore that. Especially within the system of Christian faith, people can be tempted to pick and choose which doctrines they are ‘okay with’ and which ones they leave behind. The problem lies in the ripples.” Pierce explains how this works with the doctrine of hell.
When Your Life Feels “Too Small”
We have probably all been told that we ought to dream big or have God-sized dreams. But “have we also been told that God-sized dreams don’t need to be ‘impressive’ by the world’s estimation? Have we also been cheered on that our daily work doesn’t have to be visible in order to be valuable? Have we heard the message that ‘ordinary’ work can be extraordinarily impactful?”
Preaching to the Imagination
“I was struck by how Jesus spoke to the woman’s imagination and how this interaction helps me as a preacher to better understand my calling to preach to the imagination effectively.” Yes! Let’s make sure we attempt to engage the imagination when we preach.
Flashback: Slogging Blogging
All I can do is keep going and trust that the long effort will be rewarded with occasional success—the success of knowing that I’ve been able to bless or encourage or equip another person.

The sinner can no more raise himself from the deadness of sin than Lazarus, who had been dead four days until Jesus came. —George Whitefield

Happy 4th of July to my American friends and family! Because this week has holidays for both Canada and the US, I am posting A La Carte only through to Friday. I’ve got some good articles queued up for next week!

As I mentioned last week, with 2023 already half over, I thought I’d put together a list of my top books from 2023 (so far). 10ofThose is offering a 40% discount on all of them. Use coupon code 40CHALLIES23.
My Journey Out of Mormonism
Zach Carter, who descended from Mormon “royalty,” tells how he came to know the true Jesus.
Should Christians Sue Each Other? (1 Corinthians 6)
The article discusses Paul’s argument in 1 Corinthians 6 that legal disputes between believers should be settled before believers rather than before non-believers.
Are you tired of celebrity pastors? 
“In an era of celebrity pastors. . . Thomas Boston is like a spiritual polestar to guide us by a better way to a better destiny. The Complete Works of Thomas Boston are a spiritual treasure trove waiting to be opened.” —Sinclair B. Ferguson, author of The Whole Christ. (Sponsored Link)
What Is New Age Spirituality?
This article from Ligonier Ministries breaks down New Age spirituality. “New Age spirituality is an umbrella term that describes a contemporary religious movement, not an organized religion. Proponents of the movement encourage striving to reach one’s full potential through an eclectic mixture of concepts and practices drawn from Eastern mysticism, Hinduism, Buddhism, metaphysics, naturalism, astrology, occultism, and science fiction.”
Jonathan Edwards Was Fired
“Jonathan Edwards was unequivocally the greatest mind of Colonial America. He was arguably one of the greatest minds America has ever produced.” He also once got unceremoniously fired. Joe Holland considers what happened and why.
When Sin Runs Deep, Our Patience Should Run Deeper Still
“The sin we see at the surface often isn’t the original sin that led to the behavior we see. Romans 1 tells us that it begins with ingratitude towards God as our Creator which then becomes a slow darkening of our minds to God’s obvious commands, presence, and existence. As we turn our faces away from God and blindfold ourselves to him, our hearts grow harder and sin births more sins.”
Living in Light of the Second Coming of Jesus
Aaron Armstrong offers some ways we can live in light of Christ’s second coming.
Flashback: A Parent’s Prayer for an Unbelieving Child
“But now I stop to pray again, and I will pray again, O Lord of life: please shine the light of Jesus in his heart, that my child may believe.”

With your pardoned sin behind you, and a successful Christ pleading above you, and a glorious heaven before you, how can you be despondent about anything? —De Witt Talmage